Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

My 12 week scan is finally tomorrow. If all goes well I will then go and tell my new manager (for a job I've not even started yet, I start in a month) that I'm pregnant. Hoping scan goes well and that I have to have that difficult conversation!

Glad everything was looking good @TinyPaws & @DuvetCaterpillar!

Good luck for tomorrow @ChikiTIKI. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

@InDreamland I'm with you on the pregnancy-related nightmares. Amongst the more sinister ones, I dreamt last night that I went to have my scan in mothercare (I'm booked in for Thursday) and I had to have it in the middle of the shop without even a curtain for privacy. I wasn't impressed 😂

Thanks @Dimblebimble

I've been having loads of nightmares about my first birth recently. Just had to get up early this morning as it was constant. Hopefully this first appointment with a doctor on 14th October I will get a c section agreed and won't have to worry about being assaulted again for the next few months :/

Sorry to hear that people are suffering with bad dreams, maybe the changing weather is not helping.

Congrats for those who have had good scans too. I enjoy reading the positive notes, as I feel quite a way behind everyone else, so you give me hope I might get that far. I should have Been hitting the 30week mark with my last pregnancy and that seems miles away with this one.

I made it to 7 weeks today, which is one day further than last time, I'm taking each day as it comes, have my appt with the midwife tomorrow as I need to get booked in under an obstetrician should I get to the second trimester. I'm going to speak to her about my worries and see if they will offer a scan, if not I'll probably wait till over 8 weeks and go privately.
I finally got my last blood test result from the rheumatologist yesterday, after having blood taken 3 weeks ago and lots of chasing, they discovered Monday that they hadn't run the sticky blood blood test at all (I went private for this so it wasn't cheap!). Anyway both that and another result were negative, so I've been told I have a non active connective tissue disorder, which doesn't need medicating.

@Laney79 Thanks. Might look at the FB group. Sounds like you're planning things really well and feeling quite prepared. I should be having my surgery a couple of weeks after you I think.

@SunshineCrocodile Hello! The first few days are the hardest, the first trimester is really difficult, but hopefully this is your rainbow and everything goes smoothly this time. We're here for you. xxx

@Beaglemum93 Thank you. Yes, I can understand you not wanting to think about it too much. Hugs xxx

@Twitwooo Bahhaha! Getting pooed on is horrible, but it is humorous! Trust it to be when you've forgotten the wipes! Sods law!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue It's encouraging to hear so many advocates for c-section. Sounds like you healed really quickly too, which is good. I hope your cold is getting better xx
Sorry about your nightmare; it's just your fears working themselves out in your sleep, but they do last with you and make you feel awful.

@Bluebelltulip I'm glad the scan went well. Awww! Yawning! So precious. I hope you don't get too anxious on the run-up to the next scan. Here for hand-holding.

@rubyroot you made me laugh with your pregnancy pillow comments! Haha. Yes, breastfeeding pillow is definitely on the shopping list. Also getting one second hand from a friend, but I think having two will be nice so I don't have to take it up and down stairs.

*@Dimblebimble good luck for Thursday

@DuvetCaterpillar so glad that Miniduvet is looking healthy! I began to relax a lot more around 13-14 weeks. Enjoy it as much as you can.

@InDreamland Aww hun. It's so normal to have nightmares in pregnancy, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. Just think; you got through all the other unbearable stages of anxiety so far with the pregnancy and you've reached here, so I'm sure you're strong enough to get through this week. Create lots of distractions for yourself and try not to think about the next scan too much. Let the sonographer know how you're feeling before the scan starts. Mine talked me through the whole process and kept saying 'this is fine, that's fine, that looks perfect, that's a good measurement...' etc and I found the experience really lovely in the end (I was nervous too, but actually, as soon as I saw baby moving on screen - which was immediately, my anxiety disappeared and I was just distracted watching her squiggling around).
As for the coat situation, I can only do one button up on my warmer-weather coat, but I'm just letting belly hang out. I've already bought myself a maternity winter coat from H&M online. It was on sale at £20 down from £50, so bargain!

@TinyPaws I'm really pleased the scan went well! I had a difficult first trimester with fatigue and sickness but my second trimester has been amazing. I've had so much energy and felt great! (Sometimes I could forget I was pregnant...)

@ChikiTIKI Hope the scan goes well today. Thinking of you.

I had a bit of a scare yesterday. I have been feeling baby moving quite a lot these last couple of weeks; especially after I get home from work and in the evening/at night. But I hadn't felt anything for a good few hours and by yesterday morning I'd worked myself up into a bit of a state. Rang the midwife and they asked me to come in so they could listen in. But everything is fine!!! Baby girl had just moved position and tucked herself in behind the placenta and was playing hide and seek with the doppler... It took the nurse ages to find her. And then she kept moving away from it just as the midwife caught something, but the heartbeat was good and strong at 150. I was so relieved. They said I'd done the right thing going in. I've been feeling her move again since then. They said if it happens again drink a large glass of cold water and have something sugary and lie on my left side and after a couple of hours or so it might help to feel her. They also reassured me while they were looking for the heartbeat that they don't usually use the doppler until baby is at least 25 weeks because it can be so hard to find the heartbeat as they're so small and can easily hide and it can cause unnecessary worry. But I'm glad they used it yesterday. The midwife was lovely. As were my colleagues... I got lots of hugs before and after my appointment.
22 weeks today! I can't believe it!

Congratulations on your scans @DuvetCaterpillar and @TinyPaws.

@rubyroot I hope things get better at work.

@ChikiTIKI good luck for your scan.

@Knitkitty glad your check was ok it's amazing how much position of baby effects what we can feel, I've been very close to going in to get movements checked then the baby seems to realise and move.

Seems like nightmares are a fairly common theme atm, I hope we all find they get better soon.

@TinyPaws glad all is looking good at the scan!

@ChikiTIKI good luck with your scan today!

@Dimblebimble that is a horrible nightmare. Reminds me of the weird ones I had leading up to my wedding. It's definitely anxiety. Hope it goes well tomorrow. I didn't know Mothercare did scans (although don't even know where my nearest Mothercare is).

@Kayjay2018 hope all goes well with the midwife and you can get that early scan. It really does help to see little bean is well in there with a HB.

@KnitKitty thanks, I do need distractions but my mind is still constantly on high alert - still knicker checking. Thanks for sharing your experience for your scan, I hope I have a nice sonographer for mine. That's an amazing deal on the coat, maybe I don't have to spend much ........ That sounds so scary yesterday but so glad she found HB and all is still okay. Can't believe how far along you are now.

Goodness I feel nauseous this morning. I'm sure it's the tube travel, the central line is so jolty. Counting down the days to next scan ...... a week today. It's strange because the past few days I thought I could feel some pops and flutters but they're so infrequent. Hoping it's the start of movements.

Good luck today @ChikiTIKI xxx

Good luck @ChikiTIKI !

Going to be another wonderful day today, parents en route to visit dd for a few hours and dear mother has already managed to argue with me about whether a McDonald's meal includes a drink or not. Another petty little argument. I wish I wouldn't let it get to me but I have this feeling in my tummy already 😢 then I get worked up even more that she has managed to make me feel like that over nothing and I feel even more resentful towards her and the feeling in my tummy grows. It makes me so feel so paranoid. Even bowel movements make me feel paranoid at moment I'm so on edge...

Scan went great today 😊 seems a lot more real now.... The cord issue has resolved itself as they expected so that's a relief. Feeling a bit emotional today! Think its the relief!

So glad everything was okay @ChikiTIKI

Thanks @KnitKitty. I am so nervous, much more than for previous scans. I am dreading bad news. I feel worse as I had my booking in appointment with the midwife today and she kept talking as though the pregnancy was going ahead (which I know she has to do, and she was sensitive about it) which makes me really nervous as I've been trying not to get my hopes up.

Feel like a bundle of nerves and want to fast forward to 10am tomorrow.

@ChikiTIKI that's great news about your scan.

@Dimblebimble I totally get what you're saying about midwife being forward looking and talking as if the pregnancy will go full term and you'll have a baby to bring home at the end of it. I was so not in that space either at my booking appointment and thankfully my midwife picked up on it and was sensitive to that (I was still like that with her last week at my second appointment). Glad yours was too and hopefully she'll offer you all the support you need to get through it. Midwives will have met many mums to be who have like us had losses and are understandably anxious about their new pregnancy. The good ones will pick up on that and offer emotional support too and know when not to push certain things. Hope all goes well for your scan tomorrow.

Afternoon all.

My friend with fertility issues has just told me they've diagnosed her latest MC as an ectopic and as such she's having surgery to remove her tube. I'm so gutted for her, this is her 4th MC and to lose a tube as well, it's just SO unfair.

What can I do? She's a few hundred miles away so calling in to indulge her is not an option but I don't know whether to send a care package or some flowers or something else.

I'm sorry if that is a trigger for anyone - please feel free to report and delete if it upsets anyone. I just thought all of us here have been in that dark place but didn't think those in early PG might find it unnecessarily anxiety inducing.

@ChikiTIKI excellent news
@Indreamland knew they weren't going to back off easily.

@Frillyfarmer don't really know about anyone else, but I create my own triggers, so nothing triggers me more than the things I make up in my head. Naturally people will also come on this thread and miscarry too, I know I did so feel free to talk openly about loss etc. That's just my opinion, I can't talk for everyone.

My friend sent me some scones, jam and clotted cream and a teabag. It was a lovely thought and did help. Although to be honest, for the price she probably paid the scones were horrendous. She lives abroad so I think it was the British idea of having a cup of tea when shit goes wrong. It was lovely even tho the scones weren't that impressive. Flowers are great, there's so many things you can order now for delivery though, it might be worth seeing what else you can send her?
It definitely helps to know that people are thinking if you, even if you're having a really shitty time x

Hi @Frillyfarmer. That is awful, your poor friend. I had an ectopic after my miscarriage and it was horrendous. It didn't rupture but I found dealing with the loss, the surgery, the fact that I had lost a part of myself and compromised my fertility, and the fact I could have died, really bloody hard. It was a real kick in the teeth and felt like something was really wrong with me. And that was after one loss, not three. I don't have any words that will make your friend feel better but I think flowers or a card just telling her you are there for her would be lovely. Even if you make clear that she can take her time and you're there when she is ready. I really appreciated gestures like that and I am sure she will too. You sound like a lovely caring friend xxx

@frillyfarmer I'm so sorry to hear about your friend - I had an ectopic in Feb and it's a horrible experience, and mine was the best version of it you could have (caught early, planned surgery etc). The one thing I found incredibly helpful was I created a WhatsApp group of my closet friends the night before my surgery, and just poured all my heart out onto it overnight, so even on the worst night of my life, I didn't feel alone, and I had somewhere to dump the thoughts. They didn't have to answer in real time, but knowing that there was a dedicated space I could get it all out, and they would come back in day time and check in and that I didn't need to put a brave face on and self-censor was incredibly healing. I met them in person later on and they sent care packages etc (they are wonderful people) but that WhatsApp group was vital in those first few awful weeks

@ChikiTIKI great news on the scan, am so happy for you!

@knitkitty @bluebelltulip and others - thanks so much for the good wishes. I'm finally daring to relax a bit now and trying to enjoy my pregnancy - it is magical when you think about it, isn't it? Am hoping for movements in the next few weeks - that would be incredible. I don't even mind waiting a bit for those movements, just as long as the nausea stops soon

@dimblebimble Best of luck for tomorrow - it's so nerve-wracking. We're all with you in spirit, and it's more likely to be good news than bad. Thinking of you

Since I've been back at work I haven't been able to keep up with the thread at all! I'm going to sit down tonight and have a read through.

I haven't had any pregnancy related nightmares yet but I used to have terrible ones when we were having fertility treatment.

I'm so flipping annoyed with my MIL right now! DH was just telling her he was looking forward to telling his sister after our 12 wk scan and she said 'oh, she already knows!'. We didn't go to a wedding a couple of weeks ago because it was a 5 hour drive just for the evening do and I was still feeling terrible. She said she had to tell aunty... why we weren't going then one of the cousins congratulated my SIL on becoming an aunty. This basically means that DHs huge family all know. I just can't believe they all know and it could still all go wrong. She was completely brushing off responsibility and only apologised when DH said that he had wanted to tell his sister. 😡😡😡
Why do some people think it's ok to tell other people's news??

@janey15 sorry about your MIL... I would be annoyed too.

@ChikiTIKI congratulations on your scan, great news

Apologies in advance for the selfish post, but I am stressing out about my lack of bump and weight gain. I am 16+4 today and still don't really have a bump. I've attached a photo of me on Sunday when I thought I had the beginnings of a bump but it has gone down since then. I've also put no more than 1kg on since pre-pregnancy weight. I'm normally quite petite, size 6-8 and BMI 20 so I was expecting to put on a bit more than average and show sooner rather than later. According to this pregnancy weight gain calculator I should have put on 1.7-3.5kg by now www.calculator.net/pregnancy-weight-gain-calculator.html. I am eating fine (probably a bit more than normal) and the exercising a bit less than pre-pregnancy. Does anyone have any words of wisdom,. especially if you are at my stage/further on or have had successful pregnancy? I'm worried lack of growth and bump will be harming baby, although admittedly at last scan at 15+3 baby was measuring fine. I have my gender scan on Saturday and don't know if I'm stressing myself out more about this as a form of scanxiety. Will discuss with my midwife next week at my "16" week appointment but would appreciate your thoughts.

Congratulations on your scan @ChikTiKi.

@janey15 I would be very annoyed if MIL did that, I could possibly accept a quiet word to the aunty but not the fact that the cousins ended up telling SIL.

@strawberrye in DD1's pregnancy I didn't put any weight on until after 20 weeks and had a very small bump at 20 weeks, subsequent pregnancies however I've been showing much earlier.

@Frillyfarmer that's so sad about your friend. Rubyroot is right, I also create my own triggers and TBH we're all here for similar/same reasons and probably all Google like it's going put of fashion to stress ourselves out more. Your poor friend must be beside herself, sending flowers/chocolate/wine is a good option.

@rubyroot I feel so sorry for you having to work there with toxic people.

@janey15 your MIL was way out of order. It's not her news to tell.

@strawberrye easy to say but leas easy to do but please try not to worry. Your scan showed baby is measuring correctly and that's the important thing. There are ladies (I know one) who don't put on an ounce or even lose weight for duration of their successful pregnancies. There are always exceptions to the norm, maybe you're one of the lucky ones.

Ladies I'm so worried about Bubsy, it's been a week since heard HB on doppler with midwife and go 20w scan on Wednesday next week. So scared we'll get bad news. I hate this scanxiety. Wish I could feel movements. DH is in a better place and getting excited and more positive but we all know so much can still go wrong up until baby is born with pregnancy and we've had so much horrible stuff happen already I can't think positive.

I went for the private scan and everything looks okay so far. Heartbeat was visible and baby was wiggling around. Measuring 8 weeks 6 days so seems to have slowed down a bit (was 8 weeks last Wednesday), which is worrying me a little, but trying to put that out of my mind for now.

@janey15 that would really annoy me. It's not other people's news to share. I don't think a lot of people understand the pressure it adds when lots of people know. I got annoyed that MIL told her sister about our miscarriages when we've deliberately only told immediate family and close friends. It's not some piece of gossip for when the conversation gets dry 😕

@InDreamland if you contacted your midwife might she let you go in to listen again to ease your anxiety?

I'm in quite a positive mindset at the moment and just hoping everything is as it should be - my next scan is in three weeks and I've allowed myself the option of booking another private scan in the meantime if I feel I need to!

I found a website called not another bunch of flowers and I've ordered a personalised gift box full of gin, chocolate, magazines, socks, beauty bits. I spent ages picking bits and hope it sends her some comfort.