Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@KnitKitty my friend has had three c sections in the space of four years alk through the same scar. All is fine, you'll be fine

@KnitKitty this is why I'm so against midwives pushing birth plans on ladies - they cause undue stress and unrealistic expectations.

I was induced with my first due to PE and I did it on gas and air. I did a lot of hypnobirthing classes and the thought process pushed on me was that an epidural was some cop out - I wish I'd had all of the options properly explained to me because 26hour induced labour on gas and air was hell on Earth and I won't put myself through that again to be a martyr.

At the end of the day whatever is safe for you and baby is a positive birth and although c sections are not what a lot of people envisage, there are an awful lot of pros to having one. X

Wow @Frillyfarmer that's impressive. I lasted three hours before I had pethidine which didn't touch the sides, then I was absolutely begging for an epidural. That's some mean feat. To be honest the epidural didn't work when I had the subsequent top ups.

@KnitKitty recovery is fairly quick. The only thing I worries about in the first few days was going up and down stairs and pulling stitches.
B feeding baby, picking up baby (they're so light) is all fine. I was driving in two weeks. First few days are hardest and a bit sore but as long as you have sienine at home with you for the first week you'll be g fine x

Thanks ladies.

I think the main problem is that I'm expecting an experience like my first two major surgeries. In my first one I had my ovary removed and it was all a bit traumatic. I was only 14 and shocked by my scar etc. They used staples on my scar which the skin started to heal around and it was painful to have them removed. My bladder also got bruised during the surgery so I was back and forth to A&E for a few days when I was unable to pee.
My second major surgery was to have one of my two wombs removed and I had very bad adhesions sticking it to my bowel so they did quite a lot of surgery on that too. I was under the general anesthetic for a number of hours and so the recovery was very long and painful. I was in hospital for 8 days and unable to get up and move about for quite some time. Also the grogginess of the anestheitc seemed to last for weeks; but that shouldn't be an issue this time around. Hopefully everything will be a lot easier with the c-section recovery and I'll be really pleasantly surprised.

I must be one of very few people who's pregnant after hysterectomy!
Unfortunately where the two wombs were stuck together is now a sort of lump and scar and the consultant said there's a high chance of that area bursting during labour if I have a natural birth so they don't want to risk it. I think a c-section sounds like a lot better plan than the alternative so I just need to focus on it being a good thing and plan for a good experience with it.

@rubyroot it sounds like you had quite a traumatic birth experience. I imagine by the time it came to the c-section you were just ready for them to do whatever they needed to! Brave lady.
Thanks for all the advice/reassurance.

@Frillyfarmer Oooof! 26 hours! you're a trouper!
It's not that I'm against epidurals at all... they just worry me as I don't like the idea of having a plastic tube in my spine. And the idea of losing feeling in my lower-half weirds me out. But I'm sure when it comes to it I'll feel a lot braver. Hopefully by then I'll just be ready for her to come out and excited to meet her and it'll trump the worries and fears.

@Bluebelltulip I will definitely ask midwife and consultant about things too. Best of luck today with your scan and consultant appointment.

@KnitKitty to be honest I've known I wanted a section before we even started TTC! Vaginal birth is just not an option for me with my medical anxiety. I need to feel as in control as possible otherwise it'll screw my head.

In terms of risks etc planned c section (not emergency-they often mix the data) and vaginal birth are really similar. I looked at the nice guidance and it dies a comparison chart which is great.

In terms of preparing myself, my consultant is arranging for me to see the anaesthetist early so they can explain exactly what happens on the day and so I can ask questions (for instance if at all possible I try to use ametop gel for numbing my skin prior to any needles, and I have my headphones in and my partner with me, so I want to make sure they are on board with that). I'm also getting a tour of delivery suite and theatre so I don't freak out as it's a "new place". I'm also putting together music to have in theatre as it's another one of my calming strategies.

In terms of post op I've said if I and baby are well I want out ASAP ideally in 24 hours max as simply being in hospital with make me anxious. We've made sure my fella is off for 5 weeks after bubs is born to help and I have things like a decent high back chair, next to me crib, and a Moses basket for downstairs. just stuff to minimise the amount of stair trips and bending etc in the first few days. My friend had a vag birth, and then two sections and she believes the sections were much better in terms of recovery as her first birth was pretty bad. Also researching things to help healing (spritz for bitz I'm going to ask about, also pico dressing etc)

Ultimately I'm preparing myself as much as poss for what's to come to try and minimise any probs as much as I can. Yes lots is out of our control, but even if we can only do a small amount ourselves that's important. Puts you back in the driving seat. Xxx

@KnitKitty there are fb groups too for C-section moms-they might be helpful? Xxx

Hello...just quietly sticking my nose round the door. Have been posting in the other penguin group after latest mmc in July followed by cp in August but got a surprise bfp this weekend. Am absolutely bricking it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello as I don't want to keep posting in the TTC group while I'm still in possession of a bfp...not sure I'm brave enough to consider myself actually pregnant yet but would appreciate the support of a thread where people 'get' it. Previous mmcs have been at 10/11 weeks and we've heard or seen heartbeats with both at 8 weeks so I won't feel able to relax at all until 2nd trimester if it doesn't turn out to be a cp again.

Hope it's ok if my anxiety and I lurk around this thread for now. Xx

Sorry you're having so much anxiety about the c section @KnitKitty. Your previous surgeries sound awful. This is a much more routine surgery so hopefully recovery will be smoother.

I haven't even allowed myself to really think about the birth because I'm so worried he won't make it...

Tentative congratulations @SunshineCrocodile, I'm so sorry about your previous losses. It's so difficult after what we've been through but we're all here if you need to talk to someone. I have my fingers crossed you'll be here for a long and healthy nine months.

A bit of a humorous one today ...

Yesterday was a horrible day which ended up with me shouting at me dad as he ignored my request regarding my DD once again, leaving me upset and worried about feeling stress in my tummy and feeling generally crap about my family and my inability to stay calm around my parents.

Today I vowed to try and make it an extra chilled out day and take deep breathes. Went to pick up DD from preschool, sat on a bench with her eating snacks. I look through her bag and notice that for the first time ever I had forgotten the wipes! Just as I inform her that I can't wipe her hands today as we have no wipes with us, I feel something dropping on my head. A HUGE PIGEON POOPED ON ME! Managed to get my hair, back of the neck and my back a bit. Totally disgusting. And I had no wipes of course. Rushed DD home while gagging every now and then because I could smell it in my hair while she loudly announces 'MY MUMMY GOT PIGEON POO ON HER HEAD!'. couldn't help but laugh 😂

Hi all. Having trouble keeping up with everyone so please don't think I'm being rude if I don't reply!

Great scan @Beaglemum93! Sorry to hear about your sister xxx

I hope your legs are healing @Laney79!

Sorry you had such a bad private scan experience @strawberrye. I have had nothing but good experiences with mine, even when one revealed that my baby had died, so hopefully it was just a one-off for you.

To those worrying about movements, with DD I didn’t feel any movement until around 21 weeks and my placenta was behind! This time it was much earlier and I have an anterior placenta. Maybe this time I just know what I am looking for as it is quite subtle when it starts. Soon there will be no mistaking them, like someone said, they can be quite “ooof!” at times!

Hope your scan and appointment goes well today @Bluebelltulip xxx

@KnitKitty I am also having an elective c-section. As @rubyroot mentioned my c-section for DD was the best bit of a hideous three day induction (although I quite enjoyed diamorphine!). I also begged for an epidural when I was given the induction drip and it was fine (worst part being that it kept wearing off too quickly!) The actual operation was a good experience (after the induction!) and I healed pretty quickly - was up and walking the next day, out after two nights (my section was done at 7pm on the first night) and pushing DD’s pram round the block four days later. I do remember needing lots of pillows to sit upright in bed and I would also advise getting a breastfeeding pillow (section or not those things are great in the early cluster feeding days!) and having all your essentials within reach. Get some big knickers, comfy clothes and a flask/basket of snacks. I would also suggest peppermint tea as remember the trapped wind/constipation was awful and one of the worst parts for me!

I am a bit worried about stairs this time round as when I had DD I lived in a flat. However, the thing I am most worried about is breastfeeding as this is something I feel really strongly about and it is important to me to do again. However, reading would suggest that whilst labour triggers oxytocin, milk production is actually triggered when the placenta comes away which generates a rise in prolactin. All the advice is to put baby to the breast as soon as possible after c-section and like usual breastfeeding advice; feed, feed, feed to stimulate production! So I am keeping positive and hope that my elective won't interfere with feeding.

Had my GTT this morning and now feel really tired and a bit out of it after not being able to eat for hours. Also not helped by the fact that I am still full of cold! They said I would get a call in a few days if I had gestational diabetes, putting this out of my mind and have happily had two slices of cake since being at work!!

Welcome @SunshineCrocodile.

@Twitwoo oh no that's very unfortunate.

Scan went well today, got to see some yawns which was cute, back in 3 weeks which will be the same gestation that DD2 was diagnosed so that's both a good and bad thing.

Welcome @SunshineCrocodile and congratulations! I think when pregnant after loss it's not unusual to feel like it's going to be snatched away at any moment, particularly in the early days after BFP.

Tentative congrats @SunshineCrocodile really hope this one sticks for you. Totally understand your fears moving from ttc to pregnancy board.

@KnitKitty second what @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue says about the b feeding pillow. I used my pregnancy pillow instead, the great big u shaped ones that go the length of your body. Really helped for getting in comfy position for breastfeeding. I could wrap it behind me to prop up my back too. Also recommend one for pregnancy too. I loved mine. In fact, once you have one if those yoh don't need a partner in bed anymore 😂

@Mistymeow ah, I see. We might look into that if we get that far along. I read you can have it earlier than the nhs tests which is appealing.

I booked a private scan for this Thursday. I decided I couldn't wait and needed to know whether the baby has passed the 8 week mark. It should be measuring almost 9 weeks by then.

Welcome @SunshineCrocodile!

Just dropping by to say hi everyone, and glad to see so many of you doing so well! Welcome to Crocodile and any other new joiners - the thread moves along so quickly I struggle to keep track, but I'm rooting for you all individually all the same!

Good news here - seem to have made it to 13w+6 without incident (if you don't count the nausea - novelty of that has definitely worn off). We had our 12 week scan two weeks ago, and all is well with MiniDuvet, which is great news and a huge relief - starting to actually enjoy this now, especially as we feel more comfortable telling a wider range of people now.

@rubyroot Sorry work are giving you such a hard time - how did your meeting go today?

@DuvetCaterpillar was wondering how you were. I'm 14.2 today and although I'm so aware stuff could go wrong I feel a bit better after nipt and 13 week scan also. .

Upshot of meeting today was if I lick my hods bum and my depts bum as well as improve a small and trivial aspect of my teaching I should pass the 6 weeks extension.

So looks like that's what I'll do. Thanks @InDreamland for all your help yesterday.

Morning ladies.

Not been posting on this thread since Saturday as been so busy and so much to keep up with. Lovely to see it moving fast though.

Welcome to the new members. Wishing you a happy and healthy 40w.

@rubyroot fx that they see sense and all is well in 6 weeks time although I'm very disappointed they didn't just confirm you in post yesterday.

@KnitKitty good to hear things are still going well with you. Can't believe how far along you are now.

@Dimblebimble lovely to hear from you and that pregnancy is progressing well.

All that chat about c-secs is interesting. If I get to the 3rd trimester I'll start getting advice and information I think about the various scenarios and prepare myself as much as one can.

19w today and had a nightmare last night that went for 20w scan and was told baby only measured 7w. Needless to say woke up in state of panic and was bit tearful this morning. I'm so anxious. I know I heard HB with midwife last week but I'm so worried something bad will be picked up next week at my anomaly scan and it'll be all over. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 7 days.

Put trench coat on this morning as weather has turned ..........cannot do it up around waist/belly! Gonna have same prob with my parka/winter coat! Anyone else got same prob?

Another one here having crazy paranoid dreams so you have my sympathy @InDreamland. Last night I dreamt I had the baby and he was in the hospital cot next to my bed. Woke up and the baby had gone! I was screaming at the nurses, asking where my baby was and no one knew. Then I woke up. Been up since half 4 and still feel shaken when I think about it. My anxiety ridden self is asking if its a sign of bad things to happen?

@InDreamland I have a great parka from Vertbaudet which I got last pregnancy. It is a maternity coat but then doubles up as a post-pregnancy coat you can babywear a sling underneath! I got it in a sale as they are quite expensive but might be worth a look to see if they still do them.

https://www.vertbaudet.co.uk/maternity/coats-jackets.htm?intnavid=hnewwmaternitycoats-jackets

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that sounds like a horrific nightmare. Anxiety central here today I think. Did you get similar with your first pregnancy? Wondering how much of the nightmares are down to the journeys and experiences we've had with loss (and for me the 5 years of unexplained infertility).

Thanks for the link. I'll check it out. Also wondering whether I can get some sort of panel/extender with a zip for my current parka as I love that coat (only bought it last winter).

@InDreamland I used a panel like you're describing for my last pregnancy - it was great because it fitted in all my coats so gave me lots of options, and works over a sling later on too. Mine was by a company called zipusin I think - don't know if they are still going but worth a look!

Thanks @Navy123. I'll definitely look into that as then I can wear my coat and not have to buy a new one. Guess it'll also work over a baby carrier thing if I decide to use one of those - due in February if this one survives. I might wait until I reach 24 weeks .......5 weeks to go though.

That's good news @rubyroot, sounds like they've backed off now they've realised you've got union representation and know the law.

Had a scan at RMC today at 10+2, all good and baby measuring to dates, I could see it's little arms and legs! Really struggling with fatigue, someone tell me it'll get easier at some point!