Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Hi everyone

I've been a constant lurker in here ever since the graduates thread was created, so I've been following your journeys. It's so good to see so many of your pregnancies progressing and I've got my fingers crossed for every single one of you.

Some of you will know me from the TTC after loss thread as I have been on there over a year after 4 miscarriages ranging from 6-10 weeks. I got a BFP (seems like a while ago now) but was scared to join you all as I've always been the one who had to leave the due dates groups. This time has been slightly different as I've been under Dr Shehata on a full treatment programme, so I'm really hoping this is my rainbow. I've had regular scans from 6 weeks due to spotting and just for my own reassurance. I have attached yesterday's which was my hopefully my last EPU scan at 10 weeks 4 days and baby was measuring 11 weeks. I've got another scan Monday with Dr Shehata and I'm also having the harmony test done then too which I'm really nervous about as the last miscarriage was tested and came back as Edwards's syndrome.

Fingers crossed I'm here to stay with you all xx

Congratulations @Pop1234! I'm glad to see you're getting on so well! Good luck for Monday!

Congrats @Pop1234, great news that your little one is looking healthy at this point in time! Hope the harmony test goes ok, the anxiety of waiting for tests is awful.

I’m just over 22 weeks and I have totally “popped” over the last two weeks and now feel baby kicking/poking/somersaulting throughout the day. It’s totally surreal!! I’m on my way to the doc though as on the way to work this morning started feeling some symptoms which I think might be a UTI - constant need to pee without much coming out and some pain on my lower right side which doesn’t go away when I stop walking (like the round ligament pain usually does). Not panicking but figured I should get it checked out just in case, feel grateful that I wasn’t able to get an appointment today!!

Oops, that I *was able to get an appointment!

@Beaglemum93 thanks, I'm so relieved. I was convinced I'd overdone it on hols and should have taken it easier in the heat and had hurt Bubsy. Was so worried I'd overheated and damaged the little thing.

@janey15 thank you. You should be totally honest with your midwife so you can get all the right support. Glad the chat with your boss went well. Having a supportive manager makes such a difference, I'm so grateful my last manager and current one are both so supportive.

@Dimblebimble that is fantastic that you've been given progesterone. Fx it helps!

@TinyPaws oh goodness, glad you didn't hurt your tummy, have you been checked out anyway just to be safe? That must have been scary.

@Laney79 that's so exciting! NYE baby!

@rubyroot Hope that headache eases! Cannot be nice at all. If it's not getting better definitely get checked out. Can you insist on a same day appointment because you're pregnant?

@Pop1234 congratulations on your BFP! I'm thrilled to see you over here! Lovely news on your scan.

@coconutlatte44 that's exciting you're getting strong movements. I can't wait to get them, it might help with my anxiety.

I've booked my whooping cough and Flu vaccines in for next month and filled out the FW8 today ......... I'm still worried about jinxing! My maternity exemption card from first pregnancy is still valid until January ........ I still cannot believe that this baby will go the distance and join us in February. I'm so used to disappointment and upset in trying to have a family.

Aaagghhh @Laney79!! So exciting you have a date! And I'm also so jealous! I won't get mine until an appointment when I'm 36 weeks! They said that's because the hospital is so busy it's their policy but after meeting with that horrid consultant I have my doubts! Anyway, I think that's a great date to have picked! You little one will always be able to celebrate! I also hope your poor leg gets better soon - looks painful bless you!

@coconutlatte44 I love feeling movement! I'm ill today (worst sore throat) and currently laying down watching Baby Boy jolt and jiggle my tummy! I remember being fascinated by DD moving and still am. It's just so surreal but magical to think of a real little baby in there!

Hope you're ok @TinyPaws!

Good news on the progesterone @Dimblebimble!

Glad your work were supportive @janey15. It makes such a difference just feeling like someone in the workplace understands!

Welcome @Pop1234 and all the best for your Harmony test.

I feel like death today - got an awful sore throat and ache all over. Any tips on what else I can take apart from paracetamol?! I'm downing lemon, ginger and honey which is helping. That said I had a mad moment and sorted out two wardrobes in our spare room (basically full of crap) and got rid of five bin bags worth of stuff this morning. I am determined to organise this house before this boy arrives! Resigned myself to the fact that nothing is likely to get done in at least 18 months after he is born with a three year old as well!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I know, it still catches me off guard and I start giggling to myself! I think my husband might soon get sick of me grabbing his hand and putting it on my belly but he’s humoring me so far 😅 Sorry you’re not feeling well, the doc has said I don’t have a UTI which is great news but also means this aching is just normal pregnancy pain and that’s annoying!! Hope you feel better soon!

Hahaha @coconutlatte44, I do the same to my DH! And he never seems to be as fascinated as me! Infuriating in a way, I could watch it for hours! Great news it's not a UTI xxx

@TinyPaws that must have been scary! Glad you're ok.

@ChikiTIKI My mum and MIL are very know-all when it comes to telling us what we need to do etc. Except my mum wasn't the best mother by her own admission and I would never follow my MILs advice because I've seen her with our nieces and nephew!

@Laney79 that's so exciting you've got s date now!

@Pop1234 congratulations and welcome to the thread! I'm still too cautious to join the April group!

@coconutlatte44 that's great that your bump has popped! I really can't wait for that myself!

@InDreamland I know 🙈 I didn't realise I was doing it until afterwards. I'll happily tell anyone about my anxiety but I always end up putting a brave face on and saying it's not that bad!

I had a great morning at school although I've got a lot of things to sort out and I had to have a sleep when I got home this afternoon! I've also told someone else at work as she'll cover me if I'm off again and she was so lovely and bought me flowers!
I've booked a private scan on Saturday and know I'll be really anxious by the time we get there but I know if I wait until my 12 week scan I'll be terrified after a 5 week gap! I'm a bit worried about the full bladder but as I always need a wee when I'm nervous!

@Dimblebimble I'm so glad they took you seriously and prescribed progesterone. I hope it helps :)

@janey15 It sounds like your workplace are being very supportive of you and your pregnancy. I hope it continues!

@rubyroot I keep getting headaches too. My DP thinks it's the aspirin but who knows?

@laney79 that looks so sore - please look after yoursef Wow, New Year's Eve due date - that's very exciting! New year, new baby, new start.

Welcome back @InDreamland, I'm glad you had a good break on holiday!

@Pop1234 Hi, welcome and congratulations!!

So glad you're feeling movements now @coconutlatte44. How did you get on at the doctor's?

@TinyPaws I really hope you're okay.

I had my dating scan today at 13+4. Both babies are doing fine - twin one posed perfectly for the NT test but the other kept us waiting for over an hour whilst s/he had to get into the right position. It was the wriggliest baby ever - hopefully not a sign of things to come otherwise I'm going to feel like a washing machine in a few weeks. They even had be doing jiggles, shakes and squats to get baby 2 moving

The NT tests I think were okay - 1.9mm and 1.6mm respectively. I had a blood test and have another anxious wait for those results too.

I had my harmony bloods taken and had a scan. My word baby is so big compared to the little bean I met 3 weeks ago. I’m so overwhelmed. He was stretching his little legs out, bouncing around and I reckon picking his nose in this shot! I saw DH wipe away a few tears. Measuring ahead at 11w2d not 10w4d- @rubyroot you were so right, my dates were the correct ones! I did feel reassured as she said everything is measuring normally, strong heartbeat and active baby. Still anxious about the next step but happy for now :)
@Pop1234 yay! Lovely to see your poppet. So pleased to see you join. Onto the next scan :)
@Squiff70 great news, sounds like the twins are doing well. Hope you’re feeling ok. The measurements sound reassuring.
@Laney79 that’s exciting you have a date. I hope your medical anxiety is ok at the moment. Get well soon, legs.
@Dimblebimble so pleased all is well, such a big relief! That’s good about the progesterone but just to let you know I had a one off brown cm panic because they can irritate the cervix (if inserted that way!).
@janey15 great to hear you’re back at school and feel more supported. I know when I started back working I felt much better because I didn’t have time to worry.
@TinyPaws hope your knees are recovering. That must have been a fright. Take care.

Thanks for the baby on board badge suggestions! Like @InDreamland I’m on the start of the line but on the way back it gets busy. So I’m going to wear the badge from tomorrow. Good shout @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue about asking generally if someone feels able to stand. I actually threw up on the bus today and spent the whole day vaguely smelling of coffee puke. No more coffee for me. Actually I better change...!

Hi @Pop1234 congratulations and good luck for your scan Monday, I'm having my next scan Monday too.

@coconutlatte44 glad it's not a UTI but sorry you are feeling sore.

@janey15 I seem to do that too, I don't necessarily mean to but I automatically say I'm ok to HCP's, being conscious of it this pregnancy though and my DH is encouraging me to be open about things too.

@InDreamland I've not done a new exemption yet either, mine is valid until next march.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue hope you are feeling better soon.

@Squiff70 congratulations on your scan.

@Mistymeow excellent news and I'm sure you're harmony will be fine. There's so much they can see on the scan before the test. We Mommas are always right on our dates

So today I was handed a letter at work three days after they had the official evidence I was pregnant. It says I haven't passed probation period which was two weeks ago and cites my absence at beginning of last year (due to medical termination) problems with my questioning skills and not fulling school values. There are three outcomes, passing probation, extending probation or dismissal. Yes, I'm also a teacher, for my pains.

@Catconfusion I've also felt bullied over the last year. It sucks doesn't it?!

@rubyroot that's awful! Find me a teacher who has nothing they need to work on?! And I would be very very angry that they used an absence for that reason against me! What are you going to do about it? I hope you're ok xxx

Union and meeting citing the fact my probation date has well gone- therefore the fact they've not said anything and employed me from Sept means that surely it was inferred I had passed. Also pregnancy discrimination. Think teaching is just toxic at the mo- perhaps you work on one if the last few good places?

Oh my goodness @rubyroot that’s awful. How dare they use your absence against you. I would definitely wonder if it’s pregnancy discrimination. I’m sorry you’ve felt bullied. It’s a real problem in many schools and shouldn’t be tolerated. My case wasn’t even investigated even though I told them I wanted something to be done. I just got told I was too sensitive. If it was a child behaving like that it wouldn’t be allowed.

Is there someone you get on at school who’s an ally and you can talk to? I found it helpful to go and have lunch with another teacher friend and vent. She was extremely supportive.

It’s so hard but try not to get too stressed. Those meetings with the management team and union reps are really hard. If you feel yourself getting upset remove yourself and take a break. They have to understand you’re pregnant and it’s irresponsible to cause you emotional stress.

Remember you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s the system that’s broken. You’ve done your best by the kids and the time off you had was completely justified.

Keep us posted and I really hope it gets sorted out! Xx

@rubyroot I am furious on your behalf! Are you in a union? I think you have a strong case for pregnancy related discrimination given the timings and the fact your previous absence was cited.

Thanks @TinyPaws yes I'm in a union. @Catconfusion @janey15 thanks for your support, feel like I need some right now even if its esupport 😂 woke up at five and came in to. Work early in the end, couldn't sleep and ended up crying and then started worrying and feeling guilty for the possible stress I'm putting on baby. I need him to be comfortable right now!

@rubyroot ooh that's not on! I'm angry on your behalf too! Have a nose here: pregnantthenscrewed.com they offer a helpline and free legal advice.

I know it won't help with the way you feel about the way they've treated you, but may help come up with a plan of how to handle it. Hugs x

@rubyroot it’s impossible for this not to stressful and they should be ashamed of themselves. All you can do is stay as calm as you can. Is there any way your partner could support you if you did need to leave? With the bullying and now this it doesn’t seem a very nice place to work. That aside if you feel you can fight it and you have a good union rep I would. They can’t sack you with it being so close to announcing your pregnancy and it not look suspicious. I can’t imagine they’d get away with it. I do wonder if they will extend the probationary period. Any concerns should have been shared with you in writing before the summer if that was the case. Do you have a performance management record? If nothing was said after lesson observations etc then they can’t just pull it out of the bag now. Any targets for this term should have been set before you started.

For the meantime all you can do is keep your head down and try not to worry. Remember this will pass and either way it will be ok. I just hope your union rep can sort it out for you. I’ll be thinking of you and have everything crossed this stress is over soon. You deserve to be celebrating your amazing scan news without this pressure! Xx

@Laney79 how's your leg today?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope you're feeling better today.

@Bluebelltulip glad I'm not the only one who has taken time to get another exemption cert. I'm so scared of jinxing this one and everything I do remotely related to this pregnancy I think is going to trigger the worst.

@Squiff70 thank you. Great news on the scan!

@Mistymeow I hope the badge helps. I find about 80% of the time it helps. I hate asking but will try using that line and see if it works.

@rubyroot I am absolutely livid! PM me if you wanna chat offline about this. I know you have TU support but some reps are better than others. This is my line of work and so more than happy to help if I can (I love ripping a case apart - anyone who has done casework with me knows it) ....... goes without saying really that you do not need this stress and anxiety on top of pregnancy.

Just a couple of scan pics from yesterday (13+4) - not the same baby, honest!

It's starting to get very real now. Scary.

Unhelpful comment of the day from my mum!
Mum: are you still anxious?
Me: yes
Mum: well that's the way it's going to be from now on - welcome to parenthood!

I can't help but find her attitude so flipping annoying! She always acts like she knows what I'm going through yet she never had a miscarriage and only Ttc for a year. Of course I'm going to continue to be anxious but I'll take worrying about my child over worrying if I'll ever have a child any day

Does anyone else find their mum/parents really difficult while pregnant? She just seems so smug all the time like she's amused that I'm so anxious while she knows better. We don't have a great relationship as you can probably tell and I really resent the fact that she's oblivious to how awful she was to me as a child.

Sorry for the rant! I think I might need some more counselling!!