Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

I have been quietly lurking for a little while as I don't want to jinx things.
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue are you feeling any better today?
@rubyroot I don't work in teaching but an outraged at you behaviour, I was of the understanding any pregnancy related time off cannot be used against you as this is something only women can be impacted by! I hope your union can give you some assistance
@Laney79 wow your poor leg, I hope it starts feeling better soon
@Mistymeow @Squiff70 @Dimblebimble @Pop1234 excellent news on the scans

I'm 6w 2days today and nearing the stage when I lost my baby back in April, so really taking each day as it comes. Suffering sore boobs and this morning woke at 3 am (thanks to the dog) and had to go find the ginger biscuits as nausea was awful., not feeling too clever today either. Luckily my son (15) had an inset day so I've taken the day off and heading to the cinema so at least I can catch up on sleep this afternoon. I'm supposed to have my booking in appt next Thursday so fingers crossed I make it to that date - I'll be 7weeks 1 day.

Does anyone have thoughts on early scans? I had one last time due to spotting and baby was there (smaller than expected and with a heartbeat) but I lost it 3 days later so not sure how reassuring it would be. Equally I would love to know if things are progressing as they should be. Not broached subject with DH as I'm burying my head in the sand at the moment and only taking a day at a time

@Kayjay2018 I wanted an early scan but never got one. I think it would have made me less anxious as at my 12 week I was a nervous wreck. Everyone was telling me you've had no pain or bleeding so it's ok but I was worried it would be a missed miscarriage. Thankfully not but earlier scans can help with anxiety.

@rubyroot I'm so sorry you were treated that way, it does sound really discriminatory and you don't need this right now! Thinking of you Xxx.

@janey15 totally related to what you said about your mum! I saw mine for the first time since breaking the news yesterday and also found some moments quite trying. She's never had a mc either, so doesn't understand at all what I've been going through with anxiety. The comment I found most annoying was about my bump and how huge it was compared to her when she was pregnant (I'm average height and lot slimmer than her and always have been, whereas she is very tall and heavier). I am proud of my bump, which is honestly still quite small and I want it to be bigger so I know baby is growing well, but I was annoyed by how she went on and on comparing us and said that my 15 week bump looked like hers at 9 months! Come on, that is so not true. After going on and on about how huge I am, she then proceeded to tell me she had "premonitions" about me having a boy and I was definitely going to have one, even though I would really like a little girl and have said so before. Don't get me wrong, I would love a little boy too as I really just want a healthy baby, but I didn't like being told with such certainty what I was having (will find out at gender scan next week when she is still here visiting). Anyway, a long way of saying I totally understand what you mean and you're not the only one feeling that way!

Amazing pictures @Squiff70 ! Totally looks like the same baby 😂

@Kayjay2018 , I have also been thinking about scans but decided that if I did have a private one it would be after 8 weeks for the same reason you mentioned - I don't think it will actually reassure me at an earlier stage. I am considering one before booking in appointment when I get that far as with my mc I ended up in hospital day before my would be booking in appointment ... just have to wait and see how I feel when I hopefully get there .

Regarding unhelpful mums - that is a big part of why I am trying to keep this pregnancy secret for a while. With my mc my mum was trying to be supportive but it all came out wrong. She's never had an mc but had an abortion (which I didn't know about until I told her about my mc!!) and kept sharing rather unsettling details about it while I was sat at home just trying to keep it together. I also found out a few weeks later that she managed to tell her effing neighbour whom I don't know and she isn't close to that I was pregnant and some very distant family members. I was quit angry at that and said it isn't her (or my dads) news to share but they kept minimising it and saying I'm being too sensitive.
I wouldn't mind sharing the news to my siblings but then parents will be very offended so best to keep it to myself for now.

Thank you all so much for your lovely supportive messages.

@InDreamland thanks I might take you up on that. Union reps sometimes seem to struggle to put their money where their mouth is and so any extra advice would be great. You are a star.

@Twitwooo that does sound very unhelpful and not exactly the same thing (even if it's the same physical procedure). I don't think that mc should be compared to abortion. It's so hard isn't it, when we want to share the news and have everyone be so happy, but people don't always react in the way that you want/expect. My sister hasn't been the least bit excited, asked nothing about the baby, and even forgot my birthday recently! You can't choose your family, unfortunately.

For all of you ladies who are a bit further along or have had previous children, can I ask a movement-related question? Just hit 15 weeks today, so starting to get really anxious to feel some movement and know that something is going on in there. When did you first feel it? How do I recognise it? I know to look out for bubbles or swooshing, but I can't feel anything! Will I know when it happens? Do I just need to wait for baby to get bigger? I guess what I am asking for is please tell me all your movement stories! Would love to read about them Xxx.

@sadtoday21 I had movements at 15 weeks, but only realised at 16. 5 weeks with hindsight that they were movements. Really subtle popping that could (and was at time) have been mistaken for farts. This time I've had movements really early and they are so subtle, but I guess I've had movements before and this time placenta is posterior instead of anterior. However, from conversations I've had with other people it seems even 15 weeks is really early. I think average is about 17/18. You will get them and when you do it is just the best!

Do you have another scan soon?

@sadtoday21 I can't remember exact weeks but I think I was 16-17 weeks when I deffo felt movement - before then I did have some of the popping sensations you hear mentioned but it wasn't a definitive 'wow there're a thing moving in there' feeling but rather a....'am I going to need de wind myself soon?' Feeling. Not too helpful but it is true what they say - when you get proper movements, you'll know it! I remember it feeling like there was someone brushing their fingers against the other side of my tummy, if that helps :) it tickled and freaked me out at the same time!

Thanks @rubyroot, that's really helpful! I have a midwife appointment on Tuesday to listen to the hb hopefully. I think I might also schedule a private scan in a week for 16 weeks. Just feeling anxious again and nothing much going on. How are you holding up?

@Twitwooo that's a great description, thanks! I guess it does feel a lot like gas, so it might be impossible to tell the difference? Hope you are doing ok!

@InDreamland have you felt movement yet?

@fnej01 @strawberrye how are you ladies doing? Any updates?

@Squiff70 what lovely pics! Very cute.

@janey15 that is unhelpful. Similar issue with my mother (and to a lesser extent my father and sister). None of them have experienced my unexplained infertility or mc so no idea how it feels yet my mum especially says the most annoying and hurtful comments. About my mc's I was told to get over it, move on and try again! Then the second mc when I messaged to say I was losing another one she text my DH to say she hears I am having another "threatened mc", no I am having an actual mc! I was so upset, I know when I am experiencing an actual mc - like she was downplaying it. Then when I told her about this pregnancy she told me I shouldn't be going to the gym like she was blaming my exercise for the mc's so she thinks the last 2 losses were my fault! I was so mad! Needless to say I now share as little as possible with my family about this pregnancy as I just don't feel I get the support I need and TBH I'm really disappointed in them as we used to be so close and I expected better of them.

@Kayjay2018 I had 3 scans before my 12w one because of anxiety. I can understand both sides of the argument for them though. Maybe wait until you have passed 7w before getting one? 8 weeks maybe?

@Twitwooo how on earth could she compare her abortion with a mc? I find that really distasteful, you must have had to bite your tongue hard.

@sadtoday21 I'm 18+3 and don't think I've felt movements yet, initially wondered if the popping was but I think it was just wind given the follow up. Worried of course now I've not felt anything definite yet. Today I've felt like I've had some prodding pulling sensations again like round ligament pain. Doesn't hurt though.

@rubyroot I will PM you x

Ladies do you know is it safe to get your hair dyed in early pregnancy? I'm 7+2 and have appointment tomorrow for my colour but now panicking x

@FirstTimeMama91 it's safe. But I let my grey come through as I'm super paranoid. I look a right state. I'd just bought some haurdye ready to sort my roots out and then I found out I was preggars😳

@FirstTimeMama91 I've dyed my hair three times in early pregnancy. With my first pregnancy I refused to dye it at all and looked terrible and was miserable, then had an MMC anyways that was due chromosomal issues. Don't listen to anyone who tells you its not safe - just live a normal, happy life.

@InDreamland sorry to hear you are worried about this too! 18 weeks is still early, from everything I have read. Hopefully we both start feeling some movement soon! Xxx

Morning all, just checking in - lots to catch up on! 17+1 today and feeling huge!

Thanks for asking after me-leg still bloody painful when I get up, but once I'm moving it's not as sore...going stir crazy though!

In terms of movements-I'm 24+5 today and I went for my anomaly scan at 19 and a half weeks and even then I hadn't really felt anything I could say was definitely baby moving...but it started around a week later and slowly ramped up-now very definite kicks, punches, rolls...weird but wonderful! If a little "ooof" at times!

My friend is 20 weeks and she's not felt a thing-her placenta is anterior though xxx

@Laney79 sorry to hear your foot is taking it’s sweet time to heal. Hopefully you’ll be able to do more soon!

@FirstTimeMama91 I think it’s fine to dye your hair. I personally bleached my hair before I was pregnant so I could start going grey. I now use Bleach London smokey shampoo to keep it grey while the roots grow though. The chemicals aren’t as harsh. I may dye it later on though as I’m not sure if I want to keep the grey.

@rubyroot I was the same with my first pregnancy we lost. I looked a right state with a good couple of inches of grey. It’s really hard to keep on top of. Even though it’s probably safe it’s still a worry. I guess my thinking first time was if something goes wrong at least I won’t blame myself for dying my hair.

I’m sorry @janey15 @InDreamland @Twitwooo about your troubles with your Mums. I don’t have the best relationship with my mum either. She’s only just bothered to see me after knowing for 6 weeks I’m pregnant. Didn’t even have a phone call before that.

@sadtoday21 I hope you’re hanging in there ok before you can have the private scan. Hopefully seeing the Midwife will help.

So ladies, I went for another reassurance scan today. Baby was 10 plus 5 which was spot on. We saw legs kicking and arms waving. Really in love now. Dating scan is two weeks away and then the EPAU with see us at 15 weeks before discharging us. We’re so relieved! Xx

Congrats @Catconfusion, that sounds like a lovely way to celebrate! Really happy that all was well today.

I was doing ok last week and now starting to get v. anxious again. I know I shouldn't have, but read a post on MN that really disturbed me regarding late mc. I know this sounds weird, but hearing the hb doesn't really reassure me that everything is ok. Is that strange? I'm just not sure that its a sign of healthy development overall and worried about whether the baby is growing well. I'm going to once again beg my midwife for a scan on Tuesday and if that doesn't work, definitely go private by the end of the week.

Hi Ladies, I need to do a proper reply later but just a quick question/request for reassurance while I'm waiting in the car for DH!
We've just been for a private scan and all looked good, heart beat was still there and baby was moving around or 'squiggling' as my DH said - all good so why can't I stop worrying??? I'm 10+2 but baby is now measuring 9wks 4 days which is one more day behind than last time. Our first scan was 3 days behind, the second was 4 days behind and now it's 5 days behind.
This was my first external scan and she did struggle to get a clear picture as my uterus is in a weird position - no surprises there - I've had probably 30+ scans at the fertility clinic and they always struggle. She said baby was at an angle and we were looking at the head so the rest was tucked away a bit.
DH says I need to relax a bit now but I'm still not sure!
What do you think?

@janey15 I think I was told early scans can be 6 days out, this and all the circumstances you mentioned could easily be why, it's why you don't get dated until the 12 week scan. Dating on size also relies on averages so there will be natural variation.

Thank you @Bluebelltulip Rationally I know it is probably nothing to worry about but I can't help it. She said my uterus should have moved by my 12 week scan so they get a better picture otherwise they would rebook it. I can't really visualise that but fingers crossed 🤞

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm afraid I've not dyed my hair in years (like almost 20 years now) and way before I got pregnant for the first time so can't help, sorry.

@sadtoday21 I wish I felt something but sounds like from what Laney79 says it could be a week or two yet before we feel anything.

@Laney79 you poor thing, hope that leg gets better before the weekend is up. Must be so annoying!

@Catconfusion lovely scan, glad all seems well with your little bean.

@janey15 it will be worrying for you but I've read so many posts on mumsnet about people measuring a week behind and by the 12week scan it's all caught up. I won't say don't worry because you will anyway but maybe try find something to distract you. When is your 12 week scan booked for?

Thanks @InDreamland. We're feeling really pleased and excited now. Could be dangerous if something goes wrong as we're getting so attached. Hopefully all will be well! xx

@Sadtoday21 Thank you, we're really pleased. I think it's such a shame you've not been offered another scan. Do you think you could have more luck with the GP? I've heard they have more power with ordering scans. I think your anxiety is a good enough reason to go for a scan. I can understand why someone else's experience is triggering if they were a similar amount of weeks as you. Just remember it's still highly unlikely to lose a pregnancy this far along. It's not unheard of but its still not likely to happen to you. They can tell a lot about the health of the pregnancy at the 12 week scan. I know it won't stop you worrying and probably the only reassurance will be another scan. I hope you feel better soon. I'll be thinking of you this week and I hope they refer you. xx

Thanks @Catconfusion, that's really sweet of you! I know I shouldn't be reading about those things, but sometimes people just mention losses at X number of weeks and its the same as you are now and it makes you feel a bit crazy! I was just starting to relax after the 12 week scan and now all worked up again :/. Might be a good idea for me to stay off MN for a little while, if I can work up the willpower! I really admire how strong and calm you are staying through all of this.

How are you doing? Hope your nausea is getting better now and the next two weeks until your dating scan go by quickly. Xxx