The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@Squiff70 in my experience whilst medical consultants are obviously amazingly intelligent people, people skills / communication are generally not a strength. It sounds like he was incredibly tactless but I'm sure all he was trying to do was explain the uncertainty around the test results when you have a multiple pregnancy, so please try not to worry yourself at the moment. Your scan photos are gorgeous! x

Thank you for your reply @Avocuddles. I understand it's always much more complicated with twins but he really didn't do much to set my mind at rest at all. I've decided to ring his secretary tomorrow for clarification.

@Squiff70 I'm sure it wasn't triggered by something concerning on the scan. Sounds like he didn't communicate it very well but it's good practice whenever thinking about any investigation/test about why it is being done i.e. will it change anything, otherwise there is no point in doing the test. Whether it would help you to decide if you would have diagnostic testing with a view to terminating an affected pregnancy, or whether you wanted it would help you feel more prepared for a child with a higher risk of trisomy etc, they are both valid reasons. My midwife said something similar at my booking when discussing screening - I think they just encourage people to think about the different scenarios before having the testing so you have at least thought it through and discussed it with DH, rather than having to make those decisions completely fresh and in the emotional turmoil of having a higher risk screening result.
I think ethically and morally he would be obliged to inform you if there was anything suspicious on the scan x
DOI: I work in healthcare and have chats with patients about investigations/tests regularly

Good idea about ringing his secretary @Squiff70 it will stop you thinking something is drastically wrong. Though I agree with the other posters, I would probably need some reassurance as I think he's planted doubt in your mind which has got bigger since you been home.

Thank you @strawberrye. He did insinuate that if we wouldn't terminate then there's be no point doing the test. I don't think I'd cope with a child with trisomy or severe learning difficulties as I have severe and complex health conditions myself and am still going through medical rehabilitation as I've had to learn to walk again and am still unsteady on my feet etc. He's right though, myself and DP do need to have a serious discussion about what we would do.

But yes he would be obliged to inform you, for definite so try not to worry. X

@Squiff70 sorry you were left worrying about what he said. As he said you do need to think about what you would do with the result as it is more complicated with twins. I've always chosen not to test with the reasoning that you only get odds not definite answers and that in the worse case there is generally physical problems that are detectable on scans, whereas mild cases could show high risk but not life limiting. The fetal medicine consultants I've seen have been happy with our decision and reasoning and one said he doesn't think it's necessary to test unless other risk factors. Ultimately it's a personal decision with pros and cons for you to decide and I think he just wanted to make sure that you had thought about it.

You're right @Bluebelltulip. It's very complicated and I understand what you have said. Thank you.

@Squiff70 we never had a serious discussion about termination but when it happened we both knew what was right. My decision was a bit easier as baby was very poorly at 13 week scan, so much fluid all around body including the nuchal which meant it was not good prognosis. It was t21 but we had already decided to terminate based on scan by consultant who said I would miscarry anyway.

However, in all honesty, and I don't have any health problems, I don't think I would have continued a t21 pregnancy even if the prognosis was not so bad. I know many people choose to, but there would have been lots to consider including the effect on my already existing son.

@Squiff70 sounds like the remark has really shook you. Ultimately I guess if I were in your situation I probably wouldn't be able to relax (even with the advice from all the lovely ladies on here) until I got more information about whether everything was indeed ok on the scan, so calling the secretary tomorrow will hopefully take away that worry for you. It's so hard isn't it after loss, we are always on high alert for something going wrong. We're all here for you to express those anxieties though, and please don't apologise, not a selfish post - we are all here to give and receive support at this anxious time xx

@Squiff70 I can't really add anything to what everyone else has said. I think it's interesting that we all walk out of these appointments feeling ok then start to worry. If only we were able to call someone back to discuss it.

Has anyone got a good pregnancy app? Mine is confusing and doesn't seem to allow me to change dates etc.

@janey15 I like Pregnancy + as it has very clear '3d' images of development each week as well as numerous useful features such as recording the dates of your appointments and a baby names function where you can record your favourites. Also have the Baby Centre one but personally don't think it's as good as far less functionality.

@rubyroot I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I can't even imagine what that was like for you.

Thank you so much for your kindness and compassion @InDreamland

@janey15 thank you. I will call tomorrow and get clarification. I use Pregnancy Week by Week, by Amila. It gives you daily updates and tips which I really like.

Sorry, I don't know how I managed to tag the wrong lady there! I meant @strawberrye, thank you for your kindness and compassion, as well as that offered to all posters by @InDreamland

@InDreamland enjoy your well-deserved holidays!

@janey15 so glad your scan went well! I'm sure you can relax a little (for now..)  for apps I used pregnancy+, baby centre, what to expect and bounty 🙈

@Squiff70 lovely scan pics. I'm sure you're worried after what was said to you though. It deff sounds like a deff lack of communication skills.

I bought 2 CBDs.. I just have a bad feeling today and can't shake it 😢 last week I had heartburn and waves of nausea where as this week no heartburn and way less nausea. I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow. Just expecting the worst and hoping for the best 😢 wish I could fast forward to scan next Friday. Going to test tomorrow morning. I think I'll be 2-3 then hopefully my Sunday should see 3+

@Squiff70 it's just a but shitty of the consuktant to plant that seed and leave it there. I dunno, do you really need to be told that? I'm very much if the opinion that you cross that bridge when you come to it, not before. I don't think anyone really knows what to do until it is happening. So why do you need to be told to consider it now?
I'm sure it's been a stressful night for you and I hope you get some reassurance from the secretary tonight. I really do think had he seen anything on scan you would have been told right away though. Good luck tomorrow.

Tomorrow, not tonight! Pregnancy brain.

@FirstTimeMama91 m sorry you're feeling so anxious these early days are so so hard. Just remember that the bad feeling is not intuition, it's just a normal reaction to previous pregnancy loss. Roll on scan day.

Thanks @rubyroot the first few weeks are just a longggg waiting game. I'm 5 weeks today. Did a CBD this morning and it's 2-3 weeks so Atleast there's progression 😍 I'll wait and do another one next Tuesday and hopefully see that 3+

Oh @Squiff70 I totally understand why you are freaking out, that would get me too, but I agree with everyone else that it is probably just tactless delivery as opposed to a problem. Sorry if you have already said but did they get a nuchal fold measurement? Perhaps that is something you could ask when you call back? The scan pics are lovely! Amazing that there is two little bubs inside you!!

@FirstTimeMama91 I’m sorry you are feeling so anxious. I am not a fan of CB digitals – I never got a 3+ with my DD and it sent me slightly crazy. She is now 2 and 9 months so I can only conclude they are bullshit! It’s really early for symptoms and they do fluctuate. It’s such a horrible time in the early weeks but I like what Ruby said. This anxiety isn’t a sign something is wrong, most people are fine and the likeness is that you will be too.

@RubyRoot – you are super brave and strong xxx

@Squiff70 I'm really sorry you had to go through that, the consultant sounds like absolute rubbish! They should definitely tell you if any issues - did they write the nuchal fold measurement in your blue book? They did in mine. Try not to worry as much as possible and take it one day at a time. I am also waiting for the test results. I hope you have answers soon! Xxx

@Ginmonkey84 @fnej01any news? Today is day #3 of 4 for hoping-the-phone-doesn't ring. Waiting for the results is really hard! Anyone else want to share their nuchal measurements with me to pass the time?

How are you doing today @strawberrye? When is your next milestone?

I hope your scan goes well @rubyroot, is it next week?

I've been signed off work for 2 weeks and feel quite a sense of relief! After yesterday mornings panic that I didn't feel sick, I've had the worst 24 hours yet including waking up retching several times in the night. Even the sofa was too much so I'm bed bound. I spoke to the dr on the phone and I'm going to try the tablets she gave me regularly and see how I get on. Unfortunately they make me feel very light headed and my face goes completely white 👻 My diet so far today has been several rich tea biscuits, a few corn flakes and about a third of a bagel but I'm about to try some oven chips - wish me luck 🙈
I'm afraid I can barely read your posts as scrolling makes me feel terrible but I'll try again later xxx

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm about a week behind you and have decided I'm not going to buy any clear blue tests. I was quite stressed last time and didn't have a good feeling, this time I actually feel more relaxed. I think it's because I'm doing everything I can (just waiting for a call back from GP to see what the obstetrics team recommend). I'm trying to stay detached at the moment so that if it goes wrong the hurt won't be so bad (don't think that will last).

@janey15 good news about being signed off. Sounds like you need to be focusing on you and not work.

Can I ask when anybody organised their booking in appts? I don't want to do anything till I've gone beyond the stage I mc at. I think I have to book in by 10 weeks and want to leave as late as possible to avoid a repeat of booking in and losing my baby a week later and having to cancel scan dates etc

Awww @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that's lovely of you to say. But we are all super strong ladies on here.
@Squiff70 hope you got some reassurance

@sadtoday21 a week on Monday. What about you?

@Kayjay2018 my booking appt was 10 weeks 5, it means I couldn't get my dating scan til 13 weeks though. I'm happy with that. I wanted my appt to be after my ten week and nipt test and it was really good timing for me as my results came through literally 4 hours before my appt. So it felt like I could move on get my green pregnancy book and book the dating scan.

Ten week scan and nipt