The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@Beaglemum93 that's interesting, I haven't seen my consultant yet but I have underactive thyroid and wonder if they will recommend extra growth scans for me too?

So I have been tagged by someone welcoming me onto the TTC thread which I know was a mistake but in my pre-dating scan anxious mess I'm scared it's some sort of premonition for the news I'll get on Thursday! Argh it's going to be a long week...

Thank you @Beaglemum93 and @Dimblebimble I woke up feeling OK but it's hit me again. I don't think I can do this again 😢

Hi ladies. Sorry again for being quite over the weekend. It's been ridiculously busy and on top of being really tired I've been a mess. Had a melt down last night as everything just got too much for me and ended up having a massive cry on DH. There's just too much going on and I am anxious about this holiday tomorrow and for the next 2 weeks. Really worried I'm doing the wrong thing going so far for so long. We're spending 2 weeks in the far East, starting in Japan and then heading to South Korea for a few days before flying home. I'm normally super organised but this hol is just not planned well at all and I'm worried it'll be too hectic rather than chilled out. Plus it's a long time to be away. Will be 16w flying out and 18w flying back. I had to buy clothes last minute from Asos because hardly anything fits me so had to do a load of washing last night so they're clean for hols. Then panicked they wouldn't be dry for this afternoon (we're staying in airport hotel tonight). Working all day today. I'm stressed out. Was thinking I should've just cancelled the holiday but don't want to let DH down and also reckon I would regret it if I did. I just feel so unprepared. On top of that there is still the anxiety of something happening whilst we're out there.

This pregnancy after losses thing is so difficult. Nothing to do with the holiday but I also feel like I have no grip on sorting things out at home. I am normally so on top of everything but instead I've turned into someone totally disorganised. How does everyone do it?

I'm so sorry this is such a selfish post but I just need to offload somewhere.

Nothing will happen... Promise. You are having this baby. Go and enjoy this holiday. I travelled round Europe between 19 and 23 weeks. Had the best time. You will too. Go with the flow, your baby is safe and sound inside your warm welcoming womb.

@InDreamland I'm sorry you're having such a stressful time. I echo everything @rubyroot said but also totally sympathise with how you're feeling. It's a head fuck being pregnant after loss and that is without the incredibly long journey you've had to get to this point. I understand the feeling that this is all out of your control. You need to tell yourself that if anything were to happen (which it won't!) you will still be able to access medical services and be looked after as you would if you had any other injury abroad. Your husband will be with you and if you need to take things slowly or have quieter days then he will understand. Please try not to panic and to enjoy this trip. You won't be doing anything like this once Baby Dreamland is here! Sending huge hugs and of course we are all here if you need another rant whilst you're away xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm not sure if an underactive thyroid is considered high risk or not @strawberrye. I think it will depend on what's causing it. I have an autoimmune disorder that causes it and it's the antibodies from that that can cross the placenta and cause problems. Do you see an endocrinologist about yours? The midwife will know if you need to have extra growth scans or not. Are you consultant or midwife led? If you're consultant led it's likely you'll get extra scans.

@InDreamland sorry you're feeling so stressed about going away. Pregnancy after loss is so worrying and stressful but you're going to worry whether you're on holiday or at home so you might as well go on holiday and enjoy yourself! Like others have said you won't get the chance for a holiday like this once BabyDreamland arrives and they do have doctors over there too if need be.

Sorry in advance for the selfish post, but I have a quick question for the group. I've decided to get a private scan at 16 weeks (if we make it that long and especially through this week's test results), but I'm really anxious at the thought of not knowing what is happening between 12 and 16 weeks. I'm only 12+3 now and I know by 14 weeks I'll be a wreck, but DH doesn't want to get two private scans and I'd rather do 16 to find out the gender. So my question is, do you think I could do my 16 week midwife appointment at 14 weeks or would that be too early for the things they need to do? I am hoping the midwife might listen to the hb at 14 weeks and give me some reassurance between scans (I've had too many already!). Do you think this would work? What do they do at the 16 week appointment and do partners usually come? Thanks!

Sorry to hear you are anxious @InDreamland, but I'm sure your trip will be fine! Japan is an absolutely magical place and I'm sure you will really enjoy it once you are there. Just try to rest as much as possible and take it easy. Remember, we are not in control of these pregnancies, really nothing we do is going to change the outcome. All we can do is live as normally and healthily as possible, taking it one day at a time. It will be ok!

@VenusStarr I hope you and DH have made up now and that you are able to talk about it. My MMC happened on Valentine's Day and the one year anniversary of my mum's death and I remember it was a terrible time for me and DH. We couldn't communicate and I was so angry with him for not understanding how I was feeling. Men process these things differently - they just want to "fix" it and move on as quickly as possible. I didn't want to process it like that and I felt it was really cold and unfeeling. But in the end we both healed in different ways and were able to move forward. My heart is breaking for you that you have to go through this again and face the prospect of ttc. I know it must feel daunting and impossible and overwhelming to be back at square one. All you can do is be kind to yourself, treat yourself to everything that makes you happy, rest, and watch bad Netflix with wine and unhealthy snacks. You need to time to recover and we are all here for you if you need to talk to someone other than DH, someone who has also been there before and completely understands what you are going through. Sending you hugs and thinking of you.

@Beaglemum93 the midwife referred me for consultant led care and my first appointment is at 14 weeks. I have Hashimoto's which is autoimmune driven hypothyroidism and the midwife said the consultant would decide if I needed extra growth scans - I guess I just need to wait and see what they say.

@InDreamland I can understand why you are feeling really stressed about being away. Totally agree with the very sensible points already made that (1) going away isn't going to change what happens in this pregnancy (2) in the unlikely event that you do need medical help whilst you are away, there are doctors out there and I hear Japan has one of the best healthcare systems in the world and (3) trips like this will be hard with baby Dreamland so try to make the most of it I hope that you are able to relax somewhat and you never know it might help to pass the time! I felt really anxious about going to America between weeks 6-9 but figured that going wouldn't change the outcome and I'd regret it if I cancelled the trip. I'm not going to lie and say the holiday took away all the anxiety but it was lovely to spend some quality time with DH and time passed much quicker when we were away than when working on the daily grind. Please feel free to come and rant at any time whilst you're away, and no need to apologise, its not a selfish post but exactly what this thread is for

@sadtoday21 I think it is really variable as to whether the midwife will listen in for a heartbeat at 16 weeks, so I wonder whether 14 weeks might be too early? Have you tried Groupon for baby scans? There are a lot in my area half price, so if I get good news on Thursday at dating scan, DH and I have agreed we'll pay for 2 private scans between dating scan and anomaly scan in order to help keep the anxiety at bay.

@sadtoday21 I'm not sure if they'll do your 16 week appointment early or not, you could always ask. My midwife doesn't listen for a heartbeat at 16 weeks though so be prepared that they might not. Is there no chance you can get a second private scan? That's what I did but I understand I have a scan problem haha.

@VenusStarr thinking of you. Remember to behave selfishly & do what you need to do to get through it. Tell your husband that you need him to be there for you now & to talk about the future later. Remind him also that you are there for him. But have a huge hug from me.

Appointment booked for 8 weeks 5 days which is two weeks time a horrendous £180. However, if it’s bad news I want the nice lady who looked after me during my MMC (I ended up going private as NHS were not going to do anything until I would have been miscarrying for 2 months they didn’t even give me a pill) rather than shitty woman at local Epu where I can pay for private scans.

Meanwhile everyone, one day at a time, and so pleased that we are here for each other. I’m sorry to have been quiet I went away fishing in Scotland for a week. Hopefully the fact I caught a salmon is a good sign!

@VenusStarr I'm so so sorry you're going through this again, it's utterly shit and I wish there was more we could do to help. Completely agree with the above - be as selfish as you need to be, you need to put yourself first.

@sadtoday21 I would find out whether your midwife would be looking for a heartbeat at 16w first - I know they don't in our area, it seems to vary.

@InDreamland I hope your holiday lets you relax a bit - it sounds like a good way to take your mind off things! Japan sounds amazing, I'd love to go one day. Do you have plans for what you want to do while you're there? Take it a day at a time, don't push yourself too much and try to enjoy it.

I've got a scan tomorrow morning which I'm quite anxious about after the last one being quite behind what I was expecting. Then booking appointment with the midwife on weds. DS has been ill over the weekend so I'm extra tired and negative which isn't helping!

@VenusStarr my heart breaks for you, these first initial weeks are so so hard. A complete rollercoaster of emotions. Please be gentle on yourself and take time to recover. Will be thinking of you.

@InDreamland I really hope your feeling a little less anxious today and your now on your way to such a wonderful adventure. Please keep us updated it’s one place I would love to travel too. Have a wonderful time with your DH.

@sadtoday21 going by yesterday’s scan I’m maybe a couple of days behind you? I’m 12 weeks today so due date of 16th March. Anxiously awaiting my results....... should hear by Friday at the latest. It’s really scary I had nightmares about it last night that I had a really high risk result. But baby looked great on the scan but it’s one of those things you just never know. When do your results come through? X

Thanks @Navy123 @strawberrye @Beaglemum93!! I really appreciate your advice. I guess I should just get through this week as best as possible and then maybe call the midwife next week and ask what to do. I looked up private scans in my area and it looks like it would be around 60 pounds each time (so 120 total). If I can wait longer there is a 40 pound scan at 18 thats "just gender," but it kind of defeats the purpose since my anatomy scan is 19+3 anyway. It seems like a lot of money to me, but I'm on a student budget! And also I might just break down and beg DH to do it. Thanks also for the groupon tip, no luck though in my area! I guess I could ring EPAU, but I don't want to waste NHS resources either. Not sure what to do yet, but I need to get through this week first!

@Ginmonkey84 glad your scan went well yesterday, I was thinking of you! I thought you were a few days ahead of me, since you got your BFP first, but my EDD is 13 March. I guess its always changing! Also anxiously awaiting the results and having nightmares, just like you. I should also hear by Thursday at the latest if its bad news, so just about the same time as you. Praying that my phone doesn't ring!! This is so hard...thinking of you and @fnej01 this week in particular! Is anyone else getting results this week?

Oh I forgot to ask @Ginmonkey84 what was your NT fold measurement? Mine was 1.5 mm.

Hello ladies, this is definitely tmi - sorry!
I'm having a bit of a panic about my scan tomorrow and the main thing I'm worrying about is that I have been getting less discharge over the last few days and today there's virtually none. I've had loads since before my bfp. I'm just worried something has gone wrong and my hormones are dropping. I'm not sure my boobs are as sore although I'm still feeling horribly sick.
Has this happened to anyone here and been nothing to worry about?

@sadtoday21 oh I don’t know. I’m not sure she measured it!? Just said no abnormalities noted. This is all my report said.

@sadtoday21 I don't think the midwife will change your appointment. Remember the risk of miscarriage is so very low. Currently 0.04% you really are past the danger zone. I think you should try and be strong and wait til 16 weeks. It can become a bit of an obsession if you don't control it and logically you could have a scan at 16 weeks and something could happen 16 weeks and 1 day. Start to trust in your body and trust in yourself. X

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry you're going through this. The way you're feeling is completely understandable. You will get through it somehow and one day you'll feel better xxx

@InDreamland I always find leaving for a holiday so stressful so I can imagine you're feeling even worse. You'll probably be able to relax when you get there and enjoy the break. You won't have to worry about keeping on top of things at home and will probably come back feeling refreshed and a bit more able to cope with everything xxx

I've just spoken to my new headteacher and she was so nice it made me cry. She told me to get signed off and look after myself. Certainly not what I've been used to in recent years at work so it's a massive weight off my mind. I've just got tomorrow to worry about now

Thanks @rubyroot, I know you are right, but its hard to trust in my body after I feel it has let me down so much in the past! Are you sure those statistics are right? I thought the risk was still something like 1%. Anyway, the chance of me having an MMC that was a partial molar before was only 0.5%, so I really can't bring myself to find comfort in these numbers! It really is a problem though that I still can't relax and feel the need to scan every two weeks. I wonder if I told the midwife this, whether she would be more willing to help somehow?

I do need to find some way of dealing with the obsession of it all, anyone have any tips? I've heard meditation helps a bit, but I just can't stop counting the days/weeks until my next scan.

@Ginmonkey84 are you having the combined test or the NIPT? Combined is bloods + NT measurement, so she would have definitely done it if you had that one (on the NHS). Otherwise, I think its just bloods. 5 pm now, so looks like one day down. Hope this week goes quickly for both of us Xxx.

@janey15 I'm sorry you're feeling anxious too, it seems to be a trend on here! I don't specifically know the answer to your question, but I haven't had much discharge at all in this pregnancy. I don't think discharge is really a sign of anything and it could be that now you are farther along it will just naturally reduce. How many weeks are you now?

@sadtoday21 they're worse case scenario, stats from Tommy's from research on women who have experienced recurrent miscarriage. Look at it this way the fact you've experienced something so unlikely means that you're even less likely yk experience such a rare thing.

The scan will only give you temp relief, you can do it. You can make it to 16 weeks

Oh and BTW 1.4 is a great measurement so rest easy on that one.

Congratulations on the positive scans xx
Anxiety after miscarriage appears inevitable! I promise it gets easier when you can feel baby move all the time.
As far as those suffering with sickness, if it is affecting your everyday life then it is not normal ms. I joined the HG society page when pregnant with DS3. I had to take a month off of work. I could only stomach Ice cubes through a cloth. Noise, light, screens, the smell of my own skin (!) all made me ill. I was in bed for 24 days and needed carrying to the toilet. Probably one of the darkest time of my life all the way from 7-20 weeks. I felt depressed and like I couldn’t do it. Bad MS was a million times worse than labour, stitches, sleepless nights, cracked Nipples etc. If you are suffering get some help.
If DH is not understanding look at the HG website, there are some things he could read on there. The only thing I found helped me (after trying 5 different meds) was bed rest and eating in the rare 2 minutes a day I could sit up. I lived off of snickers for a month!! It just effects some people so badly.
Thus pregnancy was bad from 7-26 weeks but not as bad as the last one. Each pregnancy is different!
By the way I was diagnosed with hyperemisis gravardium with minimal vomiting.

@strawberrye good luck for your scan. There is absolutely no such thing as jinxing! What happens when I type in @ the first person to come up is the user who created the post. On the ttc thread it’s you, so the poster must have tapped your name by mistake. So no thinking that it’s a premonition! It’s so called “smart” phones :) Hope it goes well, let us know.
@InDreamland agree with the others- go and enjoy that holiday, you deserve it! Do talk to your midwife when you return if the anxiety gets really bad.
@sadtoday21 I agree with rubyroot and try to hold out if you can. See if instead you could focus on alleviating your anxiety through other means- meditation, distraction, yoga- anything that helps. Definitely raise it with your midwife if the anxiety gets really bad. Take care of yourself x
@janey15 I don’t specifically know because I’m on the pessaries so I can’t see my cm, but I believe it’s normal for cm to fluctuate and change throughout the pregnancy as the hormones change. It’s good you have a scan to help ease the worry- I also worry about every slight change. It’s normal to feel like that after loss. I’ll be thinking of you during your scan.

@VenusStarr Sorry things are so hard. My partner was the same during my MMC, kept suggesting baby was "just slow" and "developing at own pace" when there was no heartbeat and no growth for almost 3 weeks. It was really tough.

I had my RMC scan today at 7+1, heartbeat still present and baby now measuring 7+0. There is still what looks like a small haematoma below the baby. They were able to see everything transabdominally for the first time! We have another scan at the fertility clinic at 8+1 (our IVF package includes 2 scans) then RMC have said they will scan me again before 12 weeks if I want. I've also been advised I need to get my GP to refer me in to regular NHS maternity services now. I also had bloods done for thyroid function, results should be available tomorrow.

@Melpops36 gosh that sounds so debilitating, you’ve been through a lot. I didn’t realise it could be that bad, I thought it would just be vomiting all the time but that sounds horrendous. Hope you’re doing well now.