The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@Avocuddles wow, that's a lot to keep on top of. but so worth it. My risk (apart from the usual ones associated with being 38) is risk of congenital heart block in the baby, if not detected it can be fatal and changes can happen within days. I think they do weekly scans or ecg type things on the baby as if it does happen (1-2% risk) they can treat it with steroids via my blood and reverse issues. Hopefully the aps one will be negative too.

Luckily I have an appt 4th October via the nhs with gynaecology in the hospital nearest my work so I'll go to that whether still PG or not.

Well all was ok at the scan! I was genuinely surprised, I was so sure it would be bad news!
The measurements are still a bit behind and said 7w 3d on screen then 7w 1d when she put it through the computer. She said it was all fine for my dates but I know it's still going to play on my mind. The nurse was so pleased for us and said she hopes not to see us again at the fertility clinic. She did offer us another reassurance scan but DH isn't keen because my hospital anxiety is so bad but they said we could call if we're worried.
I shouldn't have worried about nausea, it was touch and go on the way home in the car and now I'm lying next to the bucket 🤢

Welcome @Kayjay2018 This is such a supportive group!

Hi everyone. Sorry just popping in with a quick question as I'm at work and don't have time to catch up until later

Midwife rang me today but I was in a meeting so she left a voicemail. She just said that we'd need to book me in for a booking in appointment end of September (I'm 6 weeks this Thurs/Fri so I'd be about 9 weeks) and to take some baby asprin in the meantime. She said call her back later if I'm free and want to discuss anything.

I assumed as I'm on the waitlist for recurrent miscarriage investigations that they'd maybe do an early scan or something or maybe do any of the rm investigations that can be done whilst I'm pregnant. Do you think I should call back and press for this, or is this not the norm?

Also, what is baby asprin? My dh was in Tesco when I called him earlier and he found some 75mg ones, are those the right ones? Or do they have to be called baby asprin?

Sorry for the selfish post, will catch up properly tonight!

I'm on holiday this week and not been keeping up sorry. I hope everyone is ok. I pushed things to far yesterday so having a rest day today.

@Dimblebimble yes baby aspirin in 75mg.

Ladies I’m feeling a little anxious hopefully someone can alleviate it a bit for me. I’ve just received a phone call from my NIPT team who said the laboratory have asked if my pregnancy is IVF or Natural. It’s put the fear of god into me that something is wrong. Has anyone else been asked this?

@Ginmonkey84 are you doing the testing on the NHS or private? I think that might make a difference. Otherwise, I doubt it means anything bad, just something they ask routinely maybe if its private.

Great news @__ janey15! Please don’t worry about two days difference, its really a case of mm at this stage and I bet you will catch up at your next scan. Sorry the nausea has returned but take it as a good sign!

I think as you are on the wait list and given that you have been advised to take aspirin, I would ask if you can have an early scan @Dimblebimble, but I am not sure what investigations they do so can’t help you there.

Hope you’re having a lovely holiday @Bluebelltulip!

@Ginmonkey84 are you having the NIPT test done privately? Mine asked me this before they took the bloods and did the scan, it was on the paperwork so maybe is just a standard question and one that they’ve missed?

I wonder if one of the reasons the midwives don't check heartbeat is so they're not held liable.

I had to tell my manager and another manager at work today about my pregnancy and the scare I had at the weekend :( I was supposed to be sitting with someone to give them training and they were clearly very unwell, awful cold, couldn't talk properly or eat. Should have been sent home in my opinion. I had to say sorry I can't take the risk. One of the managers really wanted me to do it and in the end the only way to get out of the situation was to admit I am pregnant.

@rubyroot when I asked my MW during my last pregnancy she said they don't do it at my trust as only the larger equipment should be used in our hospital - as they're mobile community midwives between local surgeries they don't have high standard portable equipment available to them. The Dopplers they used to use we're unreliable and created too much unnecessary anxiety when they couldn't find HB.

Great news @janey15!

Sorry you had to tell work early @ChikiTIKI. At least they can support you now they know.

Thanks for the replies and advice @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @Bluebelltulip. I went to my car to phone the midwife back as soon as my scheduled meetings finished at 2.30 but despite saying to ring me back any time after 2pm in the voicemail she had already left for the day. Apparently she had forgotten she had the afternoon off 🧐 So now I have to wait until next Tuesday anyway. The receptionist was really rude and unhelpful too. She offered me an appointment on Thursday but I'm away in another part of the country on a course. She kept saying the midwife might be able to try and ring during the lunch break (no guarantee what time) but I said I can't guarantee I'd be able to take the call because I don't want to talk about something so personal in front of professional colleagues, and there may be nowhere private for me to go, especially when I don't know what time to expect the call, and she acted as if I was being ridiculous. Maybe I am 🤷‍♀️

I feel so frustrated and angry with the entire medical system and really pessimistic about the whole pregnancy 😢 Not the actual doctors, midwives and nurses, who are great when you actually get to see them, but the difficulty in getting an appointment, their tendency to loose things (e.g. my blood samples, my place on the waiting list) and generally not communicate with one another (last time the midwife left me a shorty voicemail about missing my booking appointment when I had already mc'd a couple of days before but she hadn't checked the system for updates).

Sorry to be a downer, I just needed to vent. Feeling really down, probs not helped by my hormones and the fact that I'm away from home for the next 5 days and paranoid about miscarrying while I'm away 🙁

CONGRATS on scan @janey15 what are your dates?

My early scan was inaccurate and I came on here and said so, that their dates were wrong.

Caused no end of issues as although my 8 week private scan was measuring what I should be, she refused to change date and kept NHS one and then company were refusing to do nipt when I wanted. I stuck to my guns and lo and behold I was 10 weeks 2 when I had my nipt which was well within the 10 week mark required for a sample. The consuktant said yep you were right, I knew I was!

@ChikiTIKI sorry you had to tell them early, but at least now they can be supportive 🤞

@janey15 @TinyPaws so glad everything was okay at your scans 😊

Enjoy your trip @InDreamland! Hope you're able to relax and enjoy it

@Dimblebimble sorry you've had such negative experiences of the medical system. I had a similar experience to you when I was called and given a telling off for not attending an nhs scan which I had cancelled immediately after I had miscarried. Unfortunately it seems that systems don't always talk to each other and these kind of things happen all time which is appalling when the people in question are feeling at their lowest.
I'm on baby aspirin too - have you been given any specific instructions for taking it? My consultant mumbled about it being more effective in the evening but not certain if that's supposed to be with a meal, at bedtime or something else?

@janey15 great news re the scan!!!! I'm feeling petrified at the thought of what I might find out at my scan tomorrow. Still feeling under the weather which isn't helping, but DH is being great and picking up more than usual around the house / making me plenty of drinks when I'm shattered after work.

@InDreamland have an amazing holiday, looking forward to hearing about the highlights once you're back!

@ChikiTIKI sorry to didn't get to tell work in the way that you planned but glad that they now understand and will hopefully be more sympathetic going forward. Pregnant or not I wouldn't want to be having to deal with the clearly sick colleague!

@Avocuddles my consultant said to take it just before bed.

@Avocuddles & @Dimblebimble I had a similar experience at the epu when I miscarried. Someone rang me to say they couldn't scan me that day as there was no sonographer in then on the day my dh called them to say I was bleeding and they said 'but you've missed your appointment' that obviously hadn't been cancelled at all. It's just unnecessarily stressful at a time like that.

@Avocuddles my dh is doing almost everything at the moment while I lounge on the sofa and request drinks and snacks - I'm feeling rather guilty!
Good luck tomorrow! I got myself in such a state 

@rubyroot My LMP was 11th July but I don't think I ovulated until the 27th so I'm guessing 7+1 or +3 is actually more accurate than 7+6 by my LMP alone? All the online calculators give different dates! It's just the uncertainty I suppose - I want a guarantee that I will have a baby next April!

@Dimblebimble It's so frustrating when things go like that and there's nothing you can do about it. I hate taking medical phone calls at work because there is nowhere private to go. Could you ring them on Thursday if you find a quiet place? It's the waiting that's so tough.

@ChikiTIKI That's a shame you felt forced to tell them earlier than you wanted. I've had to tell my boss as I'm getting signed off!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I think the dates are probably fairly accurate as I think I ovulated later but I guess I'm just so alert for any negative sign 

@Ginmonkey84 Is it worth ringing them back and asking why they need to know as you're worried? They probably don't realise how worried you are even though we know it's perfectly reasonable!

I've spent the rest of the day flat out on the sofa. Nausea has returned in full force and now I've got a headache 🤕 I've asked for my dr to ring me tomorrow as it's just such an ordeal going out at the moment but it feels a bit self indulgent- I hope she doesn't mind!

@janey15 my LMP was 11th July too! Based on opks I didn't ovulate until 31st July so 7 weeks tomorrow, though my booking appointment on Thursday is based on the assumption of being 8 weeks. Were you ovulation testing? Regardless of which date is accurate it still adds up to an April baby  How long are you being signed off for?

Thanks @Bluebelltulip - I'll ask my consultant next time I'm in for clarity, I've been taking mine with dinner but if bedtime is supposed to be more effective then I'll switch!

@avocuddles sorry that happened to you, it sounds like we had a similar experience. I think thats what frustrates me most - I know that none of them intend to be insensitive, the system just seems completely ineffective and, like you say, it feels like they're not communicating with one another.

All she said in the voicemail was that unless I have any medical reason not to, she'd suggest taking 75mg of baby asprin daily. She didn't mention when to take it but if I see her next week I'll ask her. I'm a little nervous about taking it without talking to a doctor, but I guess she knows what she's talking about.

@janey that must have been so frustrating! If it was in work I do have my own office so I could have had a quiet phone call or could go to my car and call, but because they don't give you a specific time it's hard to arrange and for some reason they won't let you phone the midwife she has to phone you. It's. A bizarre system.

I'll be almost 7 weeks at the appointment next Tuesday so if she does refer us for an early scan (have a feeling it's going to be a no) there's still time. 🤞

@Avocuddles were so close together! I was using that ridiculously expensive Ava bracelet to track ovulation but it was only the second month I'd used it and when I put my temps into fertility friend it said I'd ovulated between day 6 and day 18  So I'm basically not sure how accurate it was? Both scans have given an EDD of 20th April which is my dh's birthday!

@Dimblebimble they definitely don't communicate between departments. The epu gave us a scan report to take 30 seconds round the corner to the fertility clinic...

I'm trying to summon the energy to clear up the kitchen but feeling really sick with a headache this evening. Oh the joys of early pregnancy!

@janey15 in that case you don't have to sweat about the differences in dates. The early scans are so inaccurate. All of mine have measured less in the early stages, but my dates have always been right. Your dates may still be correct. You'll see in the later scans.

@TinyPaws sorry I missed your update, what lovely news! I’m sure they will keep an eye on the haematoma but sounds like it’s not causing baby any issues.
@janey15 great news! I was the same, worrying about being 3 days out. But the midwife pointed out that it’s literally 1mm and they also have growth spurts at different points. More worrying if it’s a week+
@KnitKitty good to hear from you- let us know how the scan goes! We are also thinking about moving house, it would be good to have a bigger place before baby arrives.
@sadtoday21 agree with the others about the doppler, I don’t hear good things about them and it would be awful if it increased your anxiety. Focus on alleviating it and not putting yourself in situations that could make you feel worse. Hang on in there :)
@Dimblebimble sorry you’ve had a tough time. Not what you need right now. I would see if your GP can refer you for an earlier scan as the midwife is difficult to get hold of (my epu is almost always on answer phone). Under my rmc you have scans at 7 and 9 for reassurance so you should be offered similar. In the same call you could also ask your GP about those rmc blood tests and if there are any you should have. Also they usually put you on progesterone pessaries so I would mention that too.

Hope everyone is doing well. Good luck to those having scans soon. I have my booking appointment tomorrow, my third one and no baby yet so hoping I won’t need another one.

Ladies, I am readying and watching. Please forgive me but I need to make a selfish post.

Today we've been to see the obstetric consultant who specialises in high risk and twin/multiple pregnancies. He did a scan and both babies look as well as they can do at this stage, so he said. According to my LMP I'm 10+5 but he dated the scan at 11+2.

After the can we were asked to wait in a waiting room for a report and next appointment. He came back to us and said "Have you thought about whether you want the testing for Down's, Edwards and Patau's?". I said we'd discussed it and both wanted the test. He said "you need to think very seriously about what you would do if one or both babies came back as high risk. Would you terminate or reduce the pregnancy to a singleton, even though we might not be able to tell which baby is high risk?". He looked at our shocked faces and said "you need to have a very serious think about what you would do".

Since I got home it has occurred to me that he may have found something of concern on the scan and not told us so I am feeling sick with terror. DP and I haven't had time to discuss it because he's on a night shift tonight so he's at work, and will be for the next three nights.

Again, sorry for the selfish post. I'll catch up with you all soon and I'm thrilled to see a few more ladies have had their BFPs!

@Squiff70 God sounds a bit off. To be honest I think some consultants lack the skills. If he saw something on the scan then surely he'd be obliged to tell you. Dis you get a nuchal translucency measurement

@rubyroot I know what you mean. He was quite friendly but rather direct through the whole process.

I didn't have the NT test today no, they don't usually do that until 12 weeks. Mine is booked for the 19th September but by then according to today's measurements I'll be 13+4.