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Original poster

How the hell am I going to tell them I'm pregnant now?

153 replies

Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 01/04/2019 12:20

Have NC'd but been here for a few years.

I'm pregnant, 33 weeks, second child. First child is 2, I was really young when I had them. I live at the other end of the country from my family who I see maybe every four/five months, sometimes more and sometimes less. I was with them for Christmas and hid my pregnancy. They were just so negative with DC1 and they said how angry/disappointed they'd be if I had any more DC at this age range (I nearly died first time so they were worried about me as well). Now I'm 33 weeks and still haven't told them. It's just hit me how soon I will be having another baby and none of my family know. DH's family know and are happy but I know mine won't be, and even less so given how late I've left it. How can I even tell them now? I can't sleep worrying about it. I know I have to tell them but I just don't see how Sad

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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kkl1 · 14/05/2019 16:31

This is your life your body and your family if your parents don't won't to no that's their lost all you need to worry about is making sure your happy and the baby is happy to

purpleboy · 14/05/2019 16:33

What you say is entirely up to you but. Just remember you reason you didn't tell them in the first place.

Helsvamp · 14/05/2019 17:11

How can you not tell them I can't keep a secret lol

Csleeptime · 15/05/2019 07:28

Did you manage OP?

ThinkWittyThoughts · 15/05/2019 11:50

Oh OP I just want to give you a cuddle. You poor thing. This must be so exceptionally stressful for you.

You can't change the fact you kept it from them. Frankly in their shoes they should take a bloody long hard look in the mirror for their behaviour.

It also sounds like you're struggling with the dynamics - in fact you sound like you're caught up in FOG with no sense of where to turn or what to do.

You are in your twenties. Married. With a child already. You are an adult - they don't get to make decisions for you any more.

If you haven't already told them, maybe just write out a few sentences to prepare yourself in advance. Don't apologise. Maybe ask your husband to either be in the room with you or maybe make the call on speakerphone (and tell them that).

Best of luck & congratulations on your second baby Thanks

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 16/05/2019 17:32

Telling them tonight, trying to think of the right words but they're not coming to me Sad

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 16/05/2019 17:39

Try to take some of the really good advice you've been given here. It will be ok Thanks

IStillMissBlockbuster · 16/05/2019 17:41

Why not write some down? Just to help yourself out if you dry up. And rip the plaster off, don’t start with pleasantries and how are yous, if you do that, you’ll chicken out. And I wouldn’t hang around for their response really, just let them know in a bright and breezy manner (you’ve nothing to be ashamed of after all), wish them well and say you’ll speak later. Best of luck.

candycane222 · 16/05/2019 17:49

Don't let them be nasty to you, they have no business being nasty o calling you a 'disappointment' - how dare they. You are letting their negativity make you unhappy, please don't let that happen. You really have a perfect right to being treated kindly by your own family, and to hanging up and refusing to listen if they a re unkind.

You ahven't done anything wrong - they have.

Cosmogirl86 · 16/05/2019 17:56

Keep us update OP
Just tell them the facts and move on

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 16/05/2019 17:57

You're all so lovely, thank you so much ❤️

But I know how easy it is to say these things but imagine it was you- how would you react?

OP posts:
SaveKevin · 16/05/2019 17:57

Oh love.
I had something similar.
Don’t apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong. They’ve been the ones who should apologise.

I’d text them or write a letter;
After what you said at Christmas I didn’t know how to tell you I am pregnant, the baby is due any time. We are ever so excited to have a sibling for x, babies are a blessing to any family and I look forward to introducing you to them when they arrive.

Or just have the baby and send a picture of you all smiling with baby along with “surprise”.

whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 16/05/2019 18:02

Honestly? It's your health at stake and if you saw beyond the risk and were happy about the baby, I would congratulate you and be genuinely happy.

Although, they should be left in no uncertainty about the undue stress their attitudes have caused throughout your pregnancy!

Best of luck OP Flowers

pallisers · 16/05/2019 18:04

Say something like

Hi Mum

I have some news for you which you will probably find a bit shocking. I am pregnant and quite far along - almost at my due date actually. There never seemed the right time to tell you so I'm afraid I left it rather late. We are all very happy with this news and I can't wait for you to see our new baby in couple of weeks

then pause for the reaction. If it is bad about you not telling them say "I can't say really why I didn't tell you sooner - probably because your reaction to my last pregnancy was so catastrophic but its done now so no point in worrying about" - keep repeating the last bit "its done now etc" until you can say "I have to go now"

If they start going on about what an awful decision it is etc just say "the decision to have another baby isn't something I want to discuss. We are very happy". repeat a few times and then say "I have to go now"

write it out beforehand and read it out on the phone. Don't apologise. while its not ideal you didn't tell them I can completely understand why you didn't.

SaveKevin · 16/05/2019 18:20

I’d be utterly gutted you didn’t tell me sooner, but I hope I’d recognise why.

Whisky2014 · 16/05/2019 18:27

Id just be like "I've got some happy news...baby no 2 is almost here!" And if they ask why you waited so long i'd just say was worried about reaction but hope you can just be happy for us. If they do kick off, hang up!

OhShitItsAMouse · 17/05/2019 17:11

How did it go OP?

Cosmogirl86 · 18/05/2019 12:53

I really hope you are ok OP

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 20/05/2019 07:24

Hi all,

It all happened very quickly- 3 hours and he was here. I've still not told them, not looking forward to that but it has to be done, no idea how though.

OP posts:
IVEgottheDECAF · 20/05/2019 07:28

Congratulation op!

Please dont let this ruin your first happy days

Send them a photo with "surprise!"

I recently had to announce we were expecting our fifth and this is how we did it because i couldnt be doing with THE FACES!

IStillMissBlockbuster · 20/05/2019 07:29

Congratulations!

crosspelican · 20/05/2019 07:29

Congratulations!

Parvuli · 20/05/2019 07:36

You might as well wait now and just surprise them with an invite to his first birthday party 😁

sackrifice · 20/05/2019 07:37

Congratulations.

Let social media tell them.

When they say 'why didn't you tell us' say 'you were so hostile about my first child I really couldn't be arsed to go through it all again with you.'

Puffkin · 20/05/2019 07:38

Congratulations! Call them and say “you have a new grandson, I gave birth on x date.” When they complain that you kept it a secret say “can you blame me after last time?” If they argue or become abusive just say “I’m ending the call, we can discuss this when you’ve calmed down.”
Don’t let them ruin these early days and weeks, you have nothing to be sorry for, their previous behaviour has caused this situation not yours.

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