How the hell am I going to tell them I'm pregnant now?

[Whydoitorturemyselflikethis]

Have NC'd but been here for a few years.

I'm pregnant, 33 weeks, second child. First child is 2, I was really young when I had them. I live at the other end of the country from my family who I see maybe every four/five months, sometimes more and sometimes less. I was with them for Christmas and hid my pregnancy. They were just so negative with DC1 and they said how angry/disappointed they'd be if I had any more DC at this age range (I nearly died first time so they were worried about me as well). Now I'm 33 weeks and still haven't told them. It's just hit me how soon I will be having another baby and none of my family know. DH's family know and are happy but I know mine won't be, and even less so given how late I've left it. How can I even tell them now? I can't sleep worrying about it. I know I have to tell them but I just don't see how

Hope you manage to tell them today OP. Can you phrase it as concern for them ie. 'I didn't tell you earlier because I know you were really worried for me during my last pregnancy and I didn't want to cause you any undue stress - I'm happy to say everything has been fine and we are so excited for DC2 to arrive'.
I'm sure the anxiety over telling them will be worse than the reality of getting it over and done with.

Why don't your family like your husband, has he treated you badly?

Oh and good luck today!

Are you genuinely scared of telling your family OP? If so then don’t. Cut them off.

If you haven't seen them since Christmas, you haven't asked anything if them and are supporting yourself then they should not be making you feel this way. I think you should just tell them. Call, text or whatever you'd prefer but just put it out there and see where it goes. Be honest and say you'd been worried about how they'd take it. I know it's hard when it comes to people you care about but as a mother you've got to realise it isn't right to feel so anxious about sharing this sort of news with your family. As an adult and someone else's mother/role model I would urge you to see sense and have a more straight talking, no nonsence approach to this, by all means if they are upset by this then apologise for that but not for anything else. You've not done anything wrong. You are not a child. I'd be horrified if my kids were this scared to tell me something so important, I'd be the one apologising. You owe it to your children to be the grown up here and face up to it by being honest. Good luck and I hope they surprise you. Telling them will eliviate the anxiety for you I'm sure, the unknown is always worse so dont wait too long now xx

Good luck why, you deserve to look back on your pregnancy with happy memories, whether that means biting the bullet and telling them so you can lift the weight off your shoulders, or going NC and not telling them at all, I hope you can draw a line under the anxiety they have caused you.

@Whydoitorturemyselflikethis Any update OP?

So it was a false alarm the other day.

I'm thinking of doing it tomorrow, I'm just trying to figure out what to say I'm thinking of the apologetic route but the words aren't coming to me so overwhelmed with it- really wish I'd done it before now

I think the response you’ve built up in your mind is entirely more negative than the one you will get in real life. Even if they don’t see it the same way as you, people get over it.

Just text them right now and say 'I am pregnant and due in a few weeks. Sorry I didn't tell you before but it really hurt me how negative everyone was the first time around. I hope you can be happy for me.'

I wouldn't apologise. Keep it simple, factual, move on and enjoy your bubba

Just rock up with the baby next time you see them and be all "are you fucking joking I told you at Christmas".

Honestly at this stage it really doesn't matter. They're going to be disappointed? We'll boohoo you're disappointed they don't support your life choices.

You've not got anything to apologise for. Just tell them the facts and don't pander to them

Why do you need to tell them at all? They don't deserve to know after obviously putting the fear of god into you with their reaction to your last pregnancy!

Are they loving interested grandparents to your DC1? They don't seem to play much of a part in your life, they don't approve of it either.

I'd not bother contacting them and let them find out from Facebook. Please relax and enjoy your last few days of pregnancy .

Do you know why they don't like DH?

@ineedaholidaynow a few reasons, I suppose they think DH ruined my life by 'getting me pregnant' iyswim (not that they don't love DC1, they just thought it was calculated on his end and they see it as all him, not the fact that I was also involved).

And DH has stuck up for himself- they didn't like that either.

I wouldn’t apologise. I would tell them that you’re pregnant and due any day but you’ve not told them any sooner because of their reaction. If the have a go pass the phone over to your dh or hang up. You have nothing to apologise for.

You're the mother of 2 now, you are a grown woman and it sounds like you don't rely on your parents, you stand in your own two feet. So there is nothing to apologise for, this doesn't impact them in negative way, they should be excited to have another grandchild.

Now is a good time to start being more assertive and act like the good mother you are. You chose to have a baby, it's exciting, be happy. Stress isn't good for anyone and there is no need for any here. Get it done so you can enjoy the little time before you're exhausted again and try to relax!

Remember you don't need their approval, act like the adult you are. You are simply giving them information. If they are not happy for you, tell them to contact you again when they can be as you are and you won't be brought down.

I think all pp are right, but it might help to think of it as setting an example for your DCs - you don't want them to grow up cowed by other people's opinions, do you. You want them to be free to make their own decisions and live their own lives, wherever that takes them.

Chanel that and tell your family that you are nearly due, that you hadn't told them before because of their negative reactions last time and you wanted to enjoy your pregnancy, that you sincerely hope they are happy for you all this time, but that you don't want to hear it if they cannot be joyful for you at a joyful time. Then put the phone down if they are negative. If they want to engage they can be happy for you. If they can't be happy for you then they can not engage. I know it doesn't feel simple when you're standing where you are now, but it can be.

Text them.

I'm having a baby, due soon. Will send a picture when baby is here.

If you don't get a reply, don't send them the picture

I've decided I'm going to do it today. At this stage, it could happen anytime and I'd rather tell them before than after. No idea what to say though. Feel so sick.

Good luck for today. Just tell them the truth behind it all.

I still feel like I'm going to do it today which is different to before but I still don't know what to say- so tempted to go down the really apologetic route because I AM regretful of how I've left it.

No, don't apologise! Please don't. It's because if their actions and responses that you've kept quiet.
Just say "I've got some news, baby number 2 is due imminently! Little x will have a baby sister/brother" etc. And hope that they congratulated you. If they dont just say you hoped they were past this attirude as they can see youre bringing your firstborn up well and it's what you and your partner wanted. If they can't support it then that's a shame to them.

Just say that and leave it up to them. Remember, this is your 2nd child, you're an adult, you have to make a Alice for yourself :)