How the hell am I going to tell them I'm pregnant now?

[Whydoitorturemyselflikethis]

Have NC'd but been here for a few years.

I'm pregnant, 33 weeks, second child. First child is 2, I was really young when I had them. I live at the other end of the country from my family who I see maybe every four/five months, sometimes more and sometimes less. I was with them for Christmas and hid my pregnancy. They were just so negative with DC1 and they said how angry/disappointed they'd be if I had any more DC at this age range (I nearly died first time so they were worried about me as well). Now I'm 33 weeks and still haven't told them. It's just hit me how soon I will be having another baby and none of my family know. DH's family know and are happy but I know mine won't be, and even less so given how late I've left it. How can I even tell them now? I can't sleep worrying about it. I know I have to tell them but I just don't see how

Just text them and explain that you are worried about telling them and built it up and you wish you'd been honest. Say you are in hospital and feeling anxious and hope they can support you. End of. Just be honest. Get it done. You will feel better for it.

I really love CocoLoco88’s idea!

Update:

Still not told them. 38+2. I genuinely feel like the worst person in the entire world knowing what this'll cause when it comes out. DH says he'll tell them tomorrow if I don't (they don't like him at the best of times so that'll probably be worse than me doing it). So I guess I have to do it tomorrow. I don't know how/what I'll say but the thought (was trying to make myself do it tonight) made me vomit. I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like a broken person. And a terrible one at that. God, what a mess I've made.

Your 2yo will have a sibling close in age.

You could have your dh phone them up after you have the baby. You don’t actually have anything to lose, they have been cruel to you anyway. And look, you say you’re young, but you have a husband and a 2yo so you aren’t 12 or 14 or something. Don’t worry. You’ll have 2 lovely kids.

Why is your dh making ultimatums now? He’s had 8 months to tell your parents and not done so, he shouldn’t be putting pressure on you at this late stage.
In your shoes I would wait till the baby is here and then tell them about their new grandchild. Either way, they are going to have a new grandchild, you are going to have to tell them at some point, and once it’s told you can deal with the fallout.

Most probably going to be flamed for this but can't you give birth and pretend to them that you had no idea you was pregnant? Or if they're that nasty to you can you go no contact?
Don't stress and look after yourself xx

I suppose DH is saying it because he can see the anxiety it's giving me. Constantly checking my phone in case someone's put it on Facebook, not sleeping at night/waking up at 4/5am in sweat over it. He's worried and thinks this would fix it.

No, I'm not a teen, early 20's.

Oh OP I feel for you!
Just remember as soon as anything negative (if anything) is said then you have the power to hang up the phone and silence their calls.
You do not need or deserve negativity. If they ask why you are only telling them now, be honest, say you were worried as past says they are not will be negative. Point blank say that you have no room for it in your life and will hang up at the first instance of anything but positive wishes!

I know that is easier said than done

@loveheart27 I can't because all of DH's family/my friends know and they aren't going to play along. As soon as it happens I know 100% it'll all be on Facebook (not via me or DH) and my family all have them on fb so it's not like it's avoidable. Going NC would be last resort but DH thinks it'll happen from their end.

** if I don't tell them before I mean he thinks they will.

I'd write down exactly what you want to say, word for word, keep it short and basically read it through to them. Include at the end that you don't want any negativity or criticism, as it's pointless at this stage.

Writing it down means you can practice it, and you don't have to worry about what you're going to say in the moment.

You're not broken or terrible, and there is nothing wrong with you. It's totally understandable in your situation, and we have all got into a situation at some point where we've let something go very late. The longer you know you've left it too long the more it seems like an impossible hurdle. That's all totally normal. But, invariably, the relief at having got it put into the open is better than the sinking feeling of having it hanging over you all the time.

Look, you are an adult. It's your choice to have children..
Your family don't dictate what you do and if they dare say they are disappointed you just say it's up to them if they want to be disappointed rather than celebrate the new grandchild. Time to put big girl pants on.

@Iputthescrewinthetuna thank you for your kind words. I know I can hang up but it's something I've never done, even when they've been really nasty. I don't know why, my hand just can't do it normally but this may be a time I have to.

@Whisky2014 I know what you're saying is 100% right and that my reaction suggests a lack of maturity, I really do see that, however it's been such a complicated relationship and a lot of resentment on their end. Also a lot of feeling like I'm a failure to them (and have been told so before).

It sounds daft, but you could try practising hanging up! Write down a phrase to say if they're being unpleasant, maybe "negativity isn't helpful at this point in time, I'm going to go now" and practice saying it.

If they don’t see you for months on end they can’t really have that much to say about it. Don’t be so ashamed, it is a blessing to have a second child. Hold your head up and tell them tonight. You can do it.

I would likely start a Facebook group chat. Add them all in. Tell them that you're 38 weeks pregnant, you don't want their critism or negativity, you know it's not ideal just now but this is your choice and nothing to do with them. Then remove yourself from the group.

It sounds like you have a supportive dh, a lovely son, nice in-laws, and not very much to do with your family anyway, what's the worst that can happen?

Focus in the good things you have, cut out the negative, and focus on yourself and your impending birth.

Good luck op

Why don't your family like your dh?

Tell them ASAP. Even a text is better than nothing. If you speak to them often it's a strange one to keep a secret.

Hey family member.. just wanted to let you in on some exciting news! Our family will be growing with the next couple of weeks and we have managed to keep it a surprise right until the end!!

I think you need to stop seeing them as some kind of super power in your life that you need to impress or follow in the footsteps of. This is your life, you're own wee family. In the grand scheme of things, what's the worst that can happen?

Send a text. If they are so negative towards you what have you to lose? Would it be the end of the world if your were NC with them? What is it about your Dh that they don't like? Is he good to you, does he treat you well? If they are annoyed simply tell them that their previous reaction to pregnancy put you right off telling them about this one, so it's their own fault.

Gosh- you haven’t caused a mess or anything. Their reaction sounds like it would be the same either you told them today or nine months ago. This is just one thing you need to get over and do. I know myself that sometimes I get a block about doing the simplest thing and the longer I go without doing it the bigger the issue in my head.

Just send a text. “I haven’t felt able to tell you this as I know you will be disappointed in me. I am pregnant due x. DH, DC1 and are are very excited. We will let you know when DC2 arrives.”

Then when you have sent it move on. The issue isn’t telling or not telling your parents, but that they have been unsupportive and that isn’t going to change whatever you do. It’s outwith your control.

Congratulations! Hope you enjoy the baby.

I'd call them , say that you're pregnant and happy about it, then say nothing, absolute silence, let them rant and still say nothing. If they say negative things, just say I'm sorry you feel like that and then stay silent again. Don't argue and don't try and justify yourself. You can do this.

Get some courage and tell them. Take that weight off your shoulders. You don't need that stress when you're going into labour.
Good luck

how can I minimise the fact I've left it this late to tell them?

Don't minimise it. Tell them it's because they've been so negative about it in the past. If they start getting abusive, just put the phone down.