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Original poster

How the hell am I going to tell them I'm pregnant now?

153 replies

Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 01/04/2019 12:20

Have NC'd but been here for a few years.

I'm pregnant, 33 weeks, second child. First child is 2, I was really young when I had them. I live at the other end of the country from my family who I see maybe every four/five months, sometimes more and sometimes less. I was with them for Christmas and hid my pregnancy. They were just so negative with DC1 and they said how angry/disappointed they'd be if I had any more DC at this age range (I nearly died first time so they were worried about me as well). Now I'm 33 weeks and still haven't told them. It's just hit me how soon I will be having another baby and none of my family know. DH's family know and are happy but I know mine won't be, and even less so given how late I've left it. How can I even tell them now? I can't sleep worrying about it. I know I have to tell them but I just don't see how Sad

OP posts:
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OurChristmasMiracle · 02/04/2019 07:59

Just say “thought you should know I’m currently expecting DC2, due x date. I didn’t say anything sooner as you have already made it clear how toh would feel about me having another child, however this is my life and me and partner are very happy”.

Cosmogirl86 · 02/04/2019 08:05

thought you should know I’m currently expecting DC2, due x date. I didn’t say anything sooner as you have already made it clear how toh would feel about me having another child, however this is my life and me and partner are very happy”.

Exactly this. The child is coming. It's your life. They have nothing to say in this and frankly they seem harsh and negative people anyway so I would be judging their reaction on whether or not to cut contact in future

PregnantSea · 02/04/2019 08:14

You have left it very late but only because you were worried about them getting angry. I don't blame you to be honest - sounds like they've given you a really hard time.

Under the circumstances I'd just call them and be honest. Say you haven't told them yet because they have been so difficult about dc1 and you didn't need the extra stress during your pregnancy. Be clear that you are happy you are pregnant and their two choices are to be supportive and kind, or to piss off and mind their own business.

Good luck OP! Don't let them ruin this for you. Their approval would be nice but it's not essential.

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 02/04/2019 13:14

I'm such a wimpSad the mere thought of telling them gives me a panic attack but the alternative is worse Sad

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 02/04/2019 13:22

Do whatever will cause you the least stress and anxiety. And remember that, whatever they think, it is YOUR pregancy, your life, your decisions.

And be honest about why you've withheld the news until this stage - no point beating about the bush - they need to own the consequences of their negativity first time around! Whether they approve or not is beside the point - you can't go back in time and not get pregnant so they least they can do is be supportive.

Personally I'd phone and get it over with - can your DH be there with you so you can hand the phone over if it gets too much for you? And if they are really, really going to be unpleasant about it, then just don't see them for the foreseeable until they can at least pretend to be supportive!

FilledSoda · 02/04/2019 13:35

I'd be tempted to just wait and announce the birth.
You aren't seeking their approval or assistance so it really doesn't matter.
You'll resent letting this spoil your pregnancy in years to come , it seems so huge and important now but it isn't really .

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 13:38

Well you could just wait and announce the birth, and then play daft, saying what? Of course I told you? And play it down.

Or just phone and say look I'm 33 weeks pregnant, thought you should know. The worrying will be worse than the actual.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 13:40

Op, sorry just reread, Will this mean four of you in one bedroom? Have you spoken to your local authority? I am not sure but would assume that's illegal in some way.

RogersVideo · 02/04/2019 13:40

Remember you are an adult, and you haven't done anything wrong. It is your life. You had a good reason for delaying telling them: sparing yourself their negativity.

You do not need to justify yourself to them. Be strong x

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 13:41

Also how old are you now?

RogersVideo · 02/04/2019 13:41

BTW I would also be tempted to wait to tell them after the birth.

juneau · 02/04/2019 13:42

If the thought of doing it over the phone gives you a panic attack, why not write to them? That way you can draft exactly what you want to say. And yes, I would tell them straight that the reason you didn't tell them at Christmas is because you knew they'd give you a hard time and you didn't want to hear it. Just tell them straight. Don't apologise. In the end, it's your life, your baby, your choice and you're not asking them for anything. You're an adult now, so act like one. You don't have to apologise to your family for living your life your own way.

Twisique · 02/04/2019 14:23

I would chicken out and tell them via email. What can they do?

StormcloakNord · 02/04/2019 14:28

Agree with @NaturalBornWoman, I absolutely wouldn't be angry at my DD as that would push her away but I would struggle to hide my disappointment if she was doing the same thing as OP.

If you're in a tiny one bed flat as it is, having another really should have been avoided. What's done is done now though, just phone them and tell them and deal with the fallout. As all things do, it'll blow over eventually.

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/04/2019 16:23

If you phone them, have it on speaker phone and tell them so, with your DH there as well. Or if that's still too daunting then email them instead.

Ohyesiam · 02/04/2019 16:29

however how can I minimise the fact I've left it this late to tell them?

You only did this because of their negativity. I think they sound nasty.

Write and tell them, that way they can be dramatic without you having to witness it. Also add that you don’t want to hear from them until they’ve got something positive to say.
Your bringing a new precious life into the world and they are acting like you’ve mirdeted someone.
What is it to them anyway unless you are expecting them to care for your kids, which you’re not.

There are worse things in the world than two kids on a one bedroom flat. They need to get a grip.

Congratulations opFlowers

sagradafamiliar · 02/04/2019 16:34

You've protected yourself as best you could, it is your family's behaviour which has led you to do this. Pregnant women don't need negativity. Nothing can be gained from it, only stress. I would send them a message or email.
Congratulations on your second baby Flowers

Cosmogirl86 · 02/04/2019 20:41

@StormcloakNord
if you're in a tiny one bed flat as it is, having another really should have been avoided.

I find this sentence really judgemental. How do you know what contraception, or none, OP used? Maybe she was avoiding! Or her feelings on termination? I'm pro choice and realise not every woman is.

And honestly, it's a one bed flat, not a dirty rat infested infested hovel! The baby can sleep in bedroom in crib beside mum and dad (as recommended by lullaby trust for six months), older child can have bed in living room. There are much much worse living arrangements out there and plenty of homeless children.

OP you can do this. You've already contacted social housing to get on waiting list, that shows you are pro active about your children's welfare.

Tell your family then move on and start enjoying final few weeks

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 06/04/2019 12:25

Still haven't done it, I don't know why I just freeze when I think about it. I'm pathetic, I know Sad

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 06/04/2019 19:03

I'm so sorry this is so hard @Whydoitorturemyselflikethis. I've really think some of the advice about writing to them (or email, this being the 21st century) is a really good shout. You may find that once you've written it down, you feel more comfortable taking to them and using what you've written as pointers. But if not, it's ok to send it. And your DH can help you read over it to check it says what you want.

You can do this.

ChaosMoon · 06/04/2019 19:05

And you're not pathetic. You're stressed and pregnant.

But it's ok, because you're going to be a wonderful, caring mummy.

AssassinatedBeauty · 06/04/2019 19:09

I would agree with writing an email. Use some of the suggestions of what to say on this thread, or write your own thoughts. But try not to apologise or explain yourself. Just tell them the facts and that you're happy about having a new baby.

And you're definitely not pathetic. It's built up into more than it needs to be because you've been worrying about it for while now.

Original poster
Whydoitorturemyselflikethis · 25/04/2019 16:47

Update

I've still not said anything Sad

I'm just a chicken but now I'm panicking as I'm possibly in early labour (have yet to be seen by mw so don't know yet) and I've still not told them. I've spoken to them but haven't been able to bring myself to tell them. What a mess. I'm having a bit of a down time just now which I'm sure isn't helping but I feel like I've ruined any change of a relationship with them. I feel like a failure.

OP posts:
CocoLoco87 · 25/04/2019 16:53

At this point, I'd probably just send them a photo of the baby when they've arrived. With a cheery message saying 'surprise! Hope you're as excited by the new arrival as we are, etc'

SecretWitch · 25/04/2019 17:09

Hi, honey. First take care of yourself and your baby. You do not need any more stress. Just wanted to let you my son decided to make his appearance at 33 weeks. He needed a little extra care for a week and then came home with us. Let’s hope your baby stays inside a little longer, though...

I did not tell my mother I was pregnant with my third child until I was 22 weeks along. My baby was wanted and I had the means to care for her and my other children. My life was a shit storm at the time and my mum was very vocal in her disapproval and disappointment. I just could not face it. I told her over the phone, whilst she was visiting my lovely aunt in California. I was 42.

I encourage you to let your family know in the least stressful way to you.

Good luck, let us know how you get on 💐💐

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