Gender disappointment

[HanB7]

I know this is going to sound awful but would really appreciate other people’s opinions. I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. My partner and I weren’t trying but knew I couldn’t get pregnant. We decided to see a fertility specialist where I was told I didn’t ovulate. I was put on tablets which she said could take between a year-2years to work. Great lots of time to move and sort out any money problems. I became pregnant on the first go. I felt shocked but extremely lucky. My partner already has a 7yo Daughter and was adamant he didn’t want a boy. It never bothered me But after his constant talking of wanting a girl it made me want one. I felt like I was having a girl. Looked at nothing but girls clothes and names. So when I was told yesterday that it was a boy I felt devastated. I was sure it was a girl so being told it wasn’t felt as if someone had taking a baby from me that I didn’t even have. I felt like I had let my partner down as he told me
He was disappointed and wanted nothing to do with naming the baby buying clothes etc. I assured him
He would love it and his disappointment would soon fade which he agreed with. I felt selfish for being upset as so many people can’t have children and would do anything hing for any baby. He’s healthy and a little wriggler. I look at boys clothes and names and become instantly saddened by all the girl things i’ll Never have. I don’t know what to do with a boy and can find no names I even slightly like. I’m worried I won’t be a good mum because of how I feel even with people telling me as soon as he arrives all of those feelings will disappear which I do believe. Has anyone else gone through this and how did it feel after he/she was born? Would really appreciate any advice.

OP, my first was a boy and he was so easy compared to my daughter! Congratulations and best wishes for you and your little boy.

You should never have got pregnant with a man who only wanted one of the two sexes you had a roughly equal chance of getting.
I had a slight preference for a girl with my second pg, to have the much-lauded “one of each”. Three miscarriages later I was just desperate for a baby. I would have thought with your medical history you would feel the same OP - please don’t let your dh taint your pg or how much you’re looking forward to meeting your little boy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! I have noticed though whenever there are threads about gender disappointment it's always from people who wanted a girl but are having a boy. I have a son and he is just brilliant. I will admit that I thought I wanted a girl when I was pregnant, but as soon as he was born I couldn't imagine having a different child, he is the total light of our lives. I hope your partner comes to his senses soon, you don't want to look back on your pregnancy with any negative feelings or regret because of your partner's behaviour.

I'm afraid I'll be disappointed. We have a Dd (5) and are pregnant with number 2 and I really don't want a boy!

I've got so much girls stuff saved I'd have the buy all new again plus I just don't want one. I love having a daughter and the idea of having two girls is just picture perfect.

Why did you get pregnant when there’s a 50% chance you’re going to be disappointed, Thesnobbymiddleclassone? Seems nonsensical to me.

I feel sorry for the potential boys you’ll have especially to last poster

Although fortunately you’ll love your child even if it is a boy. Luckily for them

Wtf is wrong with ‘mothers’ who do this? Do you realise how utterly awful you sound? Vile and you don’t deserve a son anyway.

I understand what you're going through, I have two DDs and when I fell pregnant for a third time I was so excited and sure I would be blessed with a third little princess... I'm such a girly girl, I'm good at little girls, it's familiar to me and I have a delicate personality, I love all things related to little girls pink, dolly's, princesses, dress up, tea parties... me and my daughters paint our nails, do our hair, and I can't wait for them to grow into strong and independent young ladies! I was banking on another DD to add to this. I found out I was expecting a DS and I can't lie, I sulked for a few days, I cried, I couldn't talk to my partner as this is his first child and didn't want him to read into it too much as I'm so happy and I do love this baby no matter what, plus I think he is excited to not be so heavily outnumbered. I'm 36 weeks now and thrilled about it, for me it was more panic, boys are messy and smelly and noisy and boisterous, and that's unfamiliar ground for me, I don't know what to do with a boy and I felt overwhelmed and thrown out of my depth 😳 but my youngest DD is showing signs of being a tomboy anyway... she is a little bruiser! I'm looking forward to my first son and now couldn't be happier I have a little prince 💖 I'm sure you will feel fine in a few weeks just let your head come around xxx

He does know that HE is a male too doesn’t he? Why does no one ever want boys? My little boy is my absolute world. He rocks and I’m so lucky to be expecting another baby boy in a few weeks. Your partner sounds a disgrace and you really are lucky to have a baby. They’re so much more than boys/girls!

I have boys and I am SO happy.

You will love him no matter what, your partner sounds like a dick.

Do you think part of the upset OP is that it was a struggle on conceive? If you had no fertility issues do you think you would focus on the sex of your first born so much? Or would you just think “maybe our next will be x”

Either way your feelings are valid, you are allowed a preference - just be sure in knowing that when they arrive we are as in love and obsessed with them whether they are a boy or a girl.

I have one of each.

I have no idea why there seems to always be a preference for girls - WHY??!

Is it just inbuilt stereotyping that girls will do girly stuff with their girly mum?! Surely people aren’t that shallow.

BABIES are amazingly individual!

I think I want a girl because my family
Is all girls and it's what I'm used to. I only have sisters and all of my cousins are girls. We just seem to have girls everywhere.

@HanB7 I have a similar feeling to you. I have always seen myself being a mum to a girl. Don't know why just always have. I also feel like I wouldn't be able to bond with a boy as well which I'm sure is madness and I will have that connection with him being his mother and for the fact I've wanted this baby for so long. My OH has a 12 year old boy already and is convinced this one is a boy too, I hope it's a girl deep down but I'm sure your the same reality is as long as they are healthy it's not really a problem. This is the only child I will have so I do wish I get my girl especially with Oh already having a boy but what will be will be. I don't find out until 5th October (if baby is behaving and stays still) - it was a massive wriggler at the 12 week scan kept rolling over lol and then at the MW app with the dopler as soon as it realised we were listening it was all over my belly 😂. Good luck! I'm absolutely sure your OH will come around he will love him regardless and is probably just worried the connection won't be as strong as with his daughter xx

I feel sorry for all these poor boys who have disappointed their parents before they’ve even been born.

It seems best not to think in advance of having a child what sex you would prefer. By all means daydream about the type of car you want, this year’s Boden coat or any other decision you get an actual say in - don’t build up a picture of you as a mother of a girl given a) you have no control over sex selection and b) you may not get to be a mother at all.

A friend of mine recently had a brain damaged child. she would have loved to have a healthy baby. How bloody ungrateful and why have a baby with a man like that?????

I currently have 2 boys ( who as an original poster said are not smelly and messy!!) and love them to bits- I’m currently pregnant with my third and I honestly don’t mind what the gender is- in this day and age I’m just so honoured that I’m able to get pregnant without IVF or any issues- something I am totally grateful for.
I don’t believe gender disappointment is an actual mental issue as such- I believe a lot of it is that we live in a world where people can get /often get anything they want and get annoyed when they don’t- and expecting something like having a girl is an expectation on their part- and then to feel disappointment when it’s a boys is just really sad. Having a baby is such a precious thing many people never get the chance to do- and having a girl or a boy should not make any difference.
It doesn’t make me mad posts like these- more really sad- sad on the behalf of all those people who would give anything for just 1 baby, whatever gender.
I do think you need to get your partner involved now you know it’s a boy- boys are fab (as are girls) but your child is an individual and that is what should be celebrated!!

Aww he’s your little boy. He’s just as exciting and loveable and beautiful as a little girl would have been.
Sod your partner and his preference for having girls. Your boy will be amazing and if your partner can’t see that because he wants all daughters then 🖕🏼to him!

This is a really interesting thread as I'm used to women wanting girl babies and men wanting boy babies but this is the first time I've read a thread about a man being gutted about having a boy!
Firsrly, gender disappointment is a real thing and very common and feelings can't always be controlled, so the posters of the nasty comments need to educate themselves.
Secondly, I do think that however disappointed your husband was, he should not have been so horrible about the news - Like saying he wanted nothing to do with naming him etc. He can't help feeling disappointed but he can help his reaction! Poor kid.
I wanted a girl and my husband wanted a boy... we're having a boy and initially I was a little disappointed but seeing how excited my husband was more than made up for it. Maybe it will work the other way round for you?

Oh also - what helped me get excited at first was looking at adorable boys' clothes (avoiding the baby girl's section!) And looking at adorable baby boy photos on Pinterest in cute little outfits!

Honestly some of you should just get a doll to dress up. It’s not a child you want to bring into the world is an accessory.

Jesus Christ, I’m reading some of the rude comments on here....did your parents never teach you, if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say it?! Evidently not! How about a little support for the other person? Yes, voicing your opinion is fine - this is what she wanted. But to be deliberately rude when this woman clearly feels guilty is just so insensitive! Im pretty sure she knew there was a bloody 50/50 chance! So many rude people in here - this is what is wrong with the world! Ignorance and judgemental behaviour.

Try not to feel too bad about how you are feeling OP! Nobody can ever tell you what is normal to feel and what is not. Nobody lives inside your body. Do not let them make you feel anymore guilty than you do. You sound like a good person to me. Im sure you will love that baby unconditionally. Time is a healer, and when the baby arrives you won’t even be able to imagine a girl! You will be filled with so much love!

Time is a healer, She’s found out her child is a boy, not been told she has a terminal illness! Get some bloody perspective like the Op should. Yes people have been rude, frankly because of the awful things they have read about mothers’ disappointment in having boys, and it’s always boys not girls you read this about, it makes me feel ill.

Judgy judgy judgy, here we go again. Very glad I’m not friends with you darling. You’d get a slap in the face from me with that mouth!