Having another child after first two children gone into long term foster care

[GemGee92]

Hi its my first time doing something like this I really would like some advice without judgement.
I have two children in long term foster care. They went 3 years ago. Im currently in a slightly better position mentally than back then and I cant stop the feeling of wanting another child. I had kids young so kids is all I know. The past 3 years have been extremely hard but my partner has been a saviour. Please could someone advise me on what to do. Im scared ill fail the assesments and mess it all up again and I cant go through with that again. Thanks

[Poisongirl81]

I am just curious how it took a Dr to notice the bruises? did you not notice?

[PipeTheFuckDown]

IME OP is likely to be massively minimising what happened, and is still likely in denial about her role in it.

To only be allowed such little contact with them is what stands out here.

I know someone who lost residency of her first two children when they were a toddler and a few weeks old. Fortunately they have a loving, stable father, but even so, SS were heavily involved for the first year to ensure he understood that his ex wife was not to be anywhere near the children. She narrowly missed prosecution for her behaviour.

She went onto have another a few years later, with some random one night stand. She had minimised, denied and flat out lied about why her other children weren’t with her. She tried lying to the midwife. Fortunately SS were involved. They threw all sorts at her to help her. The baby was removed at 8 weeks old; has been adopted and she was found guilty of abuse and neglect of a newborn.

And still, it’s someone else’s fault that her baby was taken

[onetimeposter]

True.
But having been brought up in a dv household, normality had never existed.
I am educated and able to articulate myself.i i think the difference perhaps between myself and op, is that i stopped contact that day and only through lawyers communicated with him. He emigrated so the police couldnt take it further.
Some women are very weak at saying no more to contact, they are naive and easily manipulated and dont realise the power of services. I did.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

OP. Firstly your older children would not have been permanently removed solely due to your ex partner's behaviour towards them. You would have had 26 weeks of court proceedings to evidence that you had capacity to protect your children from your partner and this wasn't the end result. ALL of the evidence from the previous court proceedings will be used to determine any future assessments.

Your username suggests that you are just 26? You have lots of time to have children in the future. My view is that you don't seem to have good insight into why your older children had to be permanently removed from your care. This will be highlighted in the social worker's assessment of your ability to care for another child. Until this changes, I don't think that you should plan to have any more children

[BakedBeans47]

Agree with lookatyourwatch. I feel so much for you OP, and can’t imagine the hole in your life. But I don’t think another baby is the answer - at least, not in the foreseeable future.

[Poppylizzyrose]

Hi I’ve read through the thread. Wondering if there’s any update on this? What are you going to do next op? X

[RossPoldarksFloozie]

Onetime

So no i didnt know, social services are not concerned neither are the schools or any other services.

I have a different opinion. Social Services SHOULD have been concerned. Child protection is EVERYONES concern. So no, actually I won't "get lost". Unlike the "lost" and abused children who are overlooked. Personally, I will listen and report every concern a child has and fight for their right to have a safe life from abuse. Not all abuse is "dark and quiet". If you agree with the OP then that's your prerogative. I don't and frankly she never protected her children given wht she posted.

[inmyfeelings]

Abuse is a dark quiet thing

Spouting this sort of thing is potentially quite dangerous .

[onetimeposter]

Why? The situation was obviously resolved.
So they were safe.
HTH
And by all means support children but your attitude is fucking disgusting.
Feelings
On the contrary understanding it goes on in secret is a part of identifying it

[RossPoldarksFloozie]

And by all means support children but your attitude is fucking disgusting.

Why? Because I report child abuse as part of my job? I'll say it again, abuse isn't always a "dark quiet thing". You're entitled to your opinion as I am mine and frankly I have no time for people who don't protect their children from any sort of abuse.

[onetimeposter]

Never said it was always dark and quiet. I said it can be.
Even when SS are involved, often they do fk all. I've known a child being severely neglected whose mum is a drug addict and has convicted sex offenders round for a smoke, be signed off by SS as not at risk. At least physical abuse is visible.

[Emchez83]

I can't believe what they have said.

[Emchez83]

My beautiful children have been gone 3yrs now. Had 6 social workers latest one is a lying dick. See them once a week. My husband says we should have another child. I'm not sure really because I just want to get my kids back home. Any advice??

[LapsedVeganAcademic]

@Emchez83 am so sorry you in this position too. You might get more help if you start your own thread on here.

[sprite25]

I don't care if I get flamed for this or if my comment gets deleted, but how anyone who calls themselves a mother can miss that they're child is being abused is beyond my comprehension. Anyone who has children taken away from them should never be allowed responsibility of another child ever again. Why should that childs life be ruined forever while the so called parents get to move on with their life?! I know the Op probably won't come back but if you feel the need to look after something try getting a pet, please don't just churn out child after child for your own selfish wants

[Emchez83]

Wow you have no idea

[sprite25]

No idea what it's like to be such an incompetent parent to not realise my own children are being abused? No I don't, gladly. It's always the one who claims to have been totally in the dark about abuse happening to their own children that seem to want all the sympathy, well it's the poor babies and children who I feel sorry for. The ones who are made to suffer pain and fear, and who are let down by their parents, the very people meant to protect them. Not only that but then they have to go into the care system while selfish people like the Op have yet more children because 'babies are all I've ever known'.

[Troubledmummy3]

Emchez my advice would be don't have more children because if what you are saying is true ss really have it in for you and will take your child as soon as it's born. If you aren't being truthful then my answer remains the same only the reasoning would be different.