Dd (16) is pregnant and not sure who father is

[Papergirl1968]

Dd, nearly 17, has told me today she’s pregnant. She’s done a test that says 1-2 weeks which she’s been told means 3-4 weeks. She split up with her old boyfriend and at the same time started a new relationship about 17/18th July.
The week of 7-14 July we were on holiday and she appeared to have her period then. She was certainly bleeding as I had to wash the sheet. I later discovered she’d had her implant out just before we went away so maybe that made her bleed?
New boyfriend’s family think it is old boyfriend’s baby. Old boyfriend thinks it can’t be his as she had her period while away with us and they didn’t have sex after that as she more or less went straight off with the new lad.
She’s been living away from home for a few months, 100 or so miles away actually.
I haven’t a clue what will happen but she wants to keep it and I have said I’ll stand by her. I’d prefer her to come home actually even though we don’t get on a lot of the time. The new boyfriend's Ex girlfriend is also pregnant to complicate matters.
I guess a scan might help date the pregnancy but there’s no definite way to find out who the father until a dna test after the baby is born?

Dates at scan might be more indicative but definitely sounds like a DNA test might be warranted after baby born.
Sorry it must be a stressful time but good on you for supporting your DD

Poor girl, what a mess. I think you can have an amnio DNA but not sure. However, I doubt either boy will stick around so she can get the CSA to test after the baby is born can't she?

I would hate to continue a pregnancy under those circumstances.

1-2 weeks is time since conception, so that puts conception around 20th July at the earliest, assuming this is a viable and ongoing pregnancy.

It's not proof positive but that's strongly suggestive that it's the new boyfriend. I'd be more worried though about the fact that drama seems to be coming out of everyone's ears already - new bf's family apparently don't believe her, new bf has two girls/women pregnant by him. If your daughter wants to keep it, that's certainly up to her but I'd be pretty concerned about her, not yet 17, pregnant in a very unstable and messy situation and away from home. It doesn't sound like she's going to be getting any help off new bf or his family so I'd want her home asap.

No one will do an amnio on a foetus just for a paternity test because it carries a miscarriage risk. There are some blood tests you can do antenatally, such as NIPT/Harmony that might, but again, they aren't performed for purposes of determining paternity and are often available only privately at considerable cost.

There's not much you can do other than be there for her if she is definitely going to have the baby. Horrible situation for her to find herself in. Presumably neither lad wore a condom? The only definitive way to know is a dna test (think you can have one done before the birth but possibly costly and has a chance of causing miscarriage).

Timing wise my bets would be on the new boyfriend. What a mess though.

The 1-2 weeks means the time since conception. Although this isn’t completely accurate, if she hasn’t had sex with old bf since before the holiday on 7th July then it is highly likely that new bf is the dad. If old bf was the dad then it would be at least 4 weeks since conception by now. Hope that makes sense!

I think you can now get DNA test done before the birth. Maybe worth investigating

The margin of error on a scan is + or - 7 days so it can't be used to presume paternity if a woman has sex with two different men during her fertile period. Thay isn't quite the situation here though. A DNA test when baby is born is probably a good idea for 100% confirmation but given the dates and the fact that she had a bleed while you were away I'd presume new bf until proven otherwise.

I think there are probably a lot of other more important questions though because she's almost certainly going to be raising this baby alone/ with your support rather than with either man:

• how's she supporting herself at present?
• how old are old and new BFs?
• is she in education or training?

Scary situation!

Why does she live 100 miles away?

She still needs parental input on a daily basis surely?

Yes, I would say it's 90% likely that it's new boyfriend's. If she had a period around the 7th July and then had sex 2 weeks after that, approx 21st July, we are now almost 2 weeks on so I would expect a Clearblue to say 1-2 weeks (3-4 weeks since last period which is how a midwife would date). When I found out, I conceived around the 21st February and tested positive on 26th March with a Clearblue saying 3+ weeks.

Of course new boyfriend say it's old boyfriend's if he's already got someone else pregnant! They won't want it to be his "problem".

Old boyfriend is 19, new 16.
She’s adopted and has very challenging behaviour. She ran off with old boyfriend, was brought home but kept running off again, and so it was decided to leave her there. Social services are involved but don’t know about the baby - she’s only found out yesterday or today, I think.
She dropped out of college but was planning to go to a new College in September.
I think she’s best off coming home or at least moving back to this area for family support. She has a nasty temper and I’d be worried about her having sole care of a baby, quite honestly.

*new boyfriend's family

Poor girl. Can she come home? She needs someone to take her to the gum clinic.

I think the family of the new bf are being unfair but it’s awful to think he’s probably got two girls pregnant.

Cross post. Bless her. I hope you manage to help her. She must be really scared.

1 day at a time situation if ever there was.

New boyfriend sounds like quite a delight at 16 eh?
You should be encouraging her to think about a termination, she does not sound remotely ready to have a child.

What an awful situation. If I were you I’d be hoping she changes her mind and decides to get an abortion. Will she listen to you at all? I know that you mustn’t ‘tell’ her to get an abortion as it has to be her decision but I’d be doing what I could to help her make a sensible decision.

First, you need to have a face to face talk with her. Lay out everything she will need in place to parent a newborn especially as she says she wants to keep it.
Second, her social worker needs to know. Due to her emotional issues she may well be able to get extra help put in place to enable her to keep the baby, and she needs to hear from the people in the know exactly what could happen and does happen if SS are not happy with her efforts.
Good luck.

It does sound far more likely to be the new boyfriend. Yes having the implant removed would trigger a withdrawal bleed. She would then have ovulated the week after so somewhere around the 21st - 27th. That tallies with the test result.
He is having a baby with another girl ? Bloody hell, has no one told him to use a ruddy condom ?
Will she want to keep the baby? Because two virtually-children having a baby is very far from ideal, obviously . What are the boy’s family like ?

Given the background I think it would be good if she comes home if possible.

Looking to the future, (sorry to be down about this but I think it’s useful to explore worst case scenarios) if she doesn’t manage to look after the baby, would you take it on?

Is there much support for young parents in your area? I know most places services have been cut.

for both of you. Adoption isn’t as easy as it sounds sometimes.

To be honest I’d concentrate on how she will manage a baby and associated practical details and ignore the question of whose is it for now. She’s pregnant, in some ways who is the father isn’t that relevant.

Good luck with it all.

New boyfriend sounds most likely. He sounds.....fertile.

Sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like you’re being brilliantly supportive.

Social services will need to know, but it makes very little difference if she doesn’t tell them for a few days while she gets her head around it all.

I'd be prepared for the dad not to be on the scene and you taking on some sort of parental responsibility for the poor baby.
Sorry but they all sound awful.

If she's adopted, consider that motivation for wanting to keep it could be that it's something that 'belongs' to her/call her own; the start of a biological family that she's not had

The fact a 16 yr old boy has 2 girls pregnant doesn't sound like it's going to bode well - emotionally or financially

for you both