Dd (16) is pregnant and not sure who father is

[Papergirl1968]

Dd, nearly 17, has told me today she’s pregnant. She’s done a test that says 1-2 weeks which she’s been told means 3-4 weeks. She split up with her old boyfriend and at the same time started a new relationship about 17/18th July.
The week of 7-14 July we were on holiday and she appeared to have her period then. She was certainly bleeding as I had to wash the sheet. I later discovered she’d had her implant out just before we went away so maybe that made her bleed?
New boyfriend’s family think it is old boyfriend’s baby. Old boyfriend thinks it can’t be his as she had her period while away with us and they didn’t have sex after that as she more or less went straight off with the new lad.
She’s been living away from home for a few months, 100 or so miles away actually.
I haven’t a clue what will happen but she wants to keep it and I have said I’ll stand by her. I’d prefer her to come home actually even though we don’t get on a lot of the time. The new boyfriend's Ex girlfriend is also pregnant to complicate matters.
I guess a scan might help date the pregnancy but there’s no definite way to find out who the father until a dna test after the baby is born?

She came off the implant because she wanted to get pregnant. Heavy periods or not.
I’m glad the social worker is involved, there’s a long road ahead.

My only fear is the housing people turning her down because she has a home with you, just for her to return to you and DD2 and make your lives a living hell in bid to be officially ‘kicked out’ and homeless to begin the process.
OP make sure you can get any support where you can as well.

Hang on. Why will social services be “very likely to take her child.”
On what basis?
You can’t throw that kind of statement around in absolutely nothing apart from the OP describing the DD as stressed, stroppy and pregnant.
Of course the SW is worried, she is far from home, young and impressionable. That alone is absolutely not enough to “very likely take her child” but make her very likely to get the support to keep and raise her child well.
I have worked closely in this area and going by the info the OP has given SS wouldn’t whip her child away from her as simply as you are making it sound .

I think it might well end in tragedy if she was allowed to raise the baby.
She’s my daughter and I love her but she’s very damaged.
She has a terrible temper - she’s attacked me countless times - tried to strangle me, kicked me, threatened to kill me, and several times been very unkind to our beloved cat.
She can be good with children but that’s with friend’s children, playing with them for an hour. Day in, day out, getting no sleep is different. Unless she changes dramatically, I could see her losing her temper with a crying baby and shaking it or something. She’s also got borderline learning difficulties and not much common sense. I can see her leaving the baby alone in the bath or on a changing table, for example. She had a puppy after moving out that got run over and killed three weeks later because she didn’t put him on a lead.
She’s on a child protection plan due to her own risky behaviour and children’s services indicated today it was likely the baby would be on one too.

Ok, kinda drip feeding there.

I’m out.

That’s fine, Penis, but I did say earlier she was adopted, had challenging behaviour, could be aggressive etc.
I provided more info in request to your question.

In all this I feel very sorry for the baby. I never usually advocate termination, in fact never (due to lack of experience in these situations rather than judgement iyswim), but this poor baby has got little chance of a good life unless adopted from birth. Then there's all the angst that goes with finding out you are adopted and everything that goes with finding out who your birth parents were. What a bloody big mess and a bloody big drip feed just now. I hope someone puts this baby first.

I was trying to walk a fine line between giving enough information to get some advice and not breaching dd’s privacy. As it is, anyone who knows us will recognise us from this.
It is a bloody mess but I can assure you, Perverse, I will fight for what’s best for the baby, and if that means raising it, then I will.

Oh op, what an incredibly difficult situation. She does sound totally unable to be a parent at this stage in her life. She is little more than a child, with no maturity or reason. It is all so sad. I really feel for you in all this, do you have support around you ?

I also think SS would be mad to leave a baby in her care. So sorry op.

Papergirl post as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. You don’t owe any posters your/DD’s story.

There’s no drip feeding, OP very clearly mentioned all of this in her posts days ago. Just because you couldn’t be arsed reading them properly doesn’t mean you can moan about her “drip feeding” when she spells out in detail what was bleedin obvious.

I also don't see how the OP has been drip feeding?

I don't mean to be rude OP but your daughter sounds like a really nasty piece of work. I assume you adopted her as a baby or young child and have presumably given her a supportive and loving upbringing? Yet she physically attacks you, your other daughter and your cat?

I'm not sure I could maintain any relationship with her to be honest. Do you want to be saddled with her baby, when she realises she can't cope?

The OP hasn’t been dripfeeding - which is why it was obvious that she is at real risk of having her child removed.

She’s not a ‘nasty piece of work’ - she’s a damaged, very vulnerable young girl currently without the skills/self regulation to safely care for a child independently.

OP you sound amazing.

As a side note have you joined the NATP or requested to join their fb page? I was recommended it on here and it's been an amazing life line. They give great advice for children who have experienced developmental trauma/neglect/abuse in their early years which going on to cause ongoing behavioural issues. Most of the members are adoptive parents or foster carers and the support and advice is second to none. I'd highly recommend it.

You can declare her "homeless at home" at least in my borough. This is where you write a letter saying it's hopeless and you want her out of your home due to her making your's and your other daughter's life a misery. She then gets the same amount of housing points as if she were homeless. I did it with DS1 as he was driving me and DS2 round the bend and it was accepted as "homeless" despite the fact that he lived in my home the whole time.

I also think calling someone a nasty piece of work when they clearly are a vulnerable and damaged person is ignorant. The treatment she has obviously received as a young child has changed how her brain works, She will be unable to regulate her behaviour and emotions, She will want to control everything, push people away whilst constantly demanding their attention. Nothing will be fair, every problem that artists is always someone's fault. They act like they don't care about anything unless it benefits them......they often come across as a spoilt brat but this couldn't be further from the truth.
Living in a house with someone like this can be HELL! I take my hat off to the op. she sounds very grounded abd level headed!

She was seven, nearly eight, Gojira which is very old to be adopted.
I have support thanks, SirVix - Family, good friends, social workers, Camhs etc.

I didn’t know about NATP, thanks, Kiss - will look into that, and see if homeless at home is a thing around here, Violets.
, Gojira, I have struggled with her for years and yes, she can in all honesty be a nasty piece of work. She’s reduced me to tears many, many times. It’s only recently after a lot of input from Camhs that I now try not to take it personally. Her past is an explanation for her behaviour but I won’t let her use it as an excuse.

Presumably with a big dose of attachment disorder to throw into the mix. Very difficult indeed.

I hope things settle OP.

OP - Shelter says:

If you’re aged 16 or 17 the social services department at your council can help you.

Social services should find you a temporary place to stay while they work out what help you need. They'll check to see if you can return home but can’t force you to go back if you don’t feel safe there.

They can give you support and find you somewhere to stay if:

you can't return home and have nowhere else to live

you’re staying with friends or another family and have been asked to leave

your home is unsafe for you (for example, because you're at risk of violence or abuse)

Contact your council and ask to speak to a duty social worker. Find contact details for your local council on GOV.UK.

Therefore - you just write a letter saying that you want her to leave by x date and give it to SS. Obviously you just wait and she stays in your home but she isn't subject to the same wait that the housing department would put her through.