Pregnancy 12 week + post IVF/infertility - general chat and support

[Janefx40]

I thought I would start a thread for those of us pregnant post IVF/infertility. There are lots of pregnancy clubs on Mumsnet but it feels like a slightly different experience having got here the hard way!

I've put 12 weeks + because there is another group for women who have just got their BFPs. That is such an anxious time and definitely needs support.

But I thought this group might pick us up a little further along - over the first panic but still learning about the experience.

Not being exclusive tho - if you think this is the group for you, come along in...

So come and join us if you would like to xxx

Orange gives me heartburn, chocolate, oh basically everything 😂 the weight gain last time I checked I’d put on about a stone and a half by the time he’s here I think it’ll be at least 2 stone I think I’ve been quite lucky with it but I have been really active times when I’ve hardly been able to keep my eyes open I’ve dragged myself the gym for half an hour. I just can’t sit still 😂

I'm gymming too @Liverpool19 but only 15+2! Hoping to keep it up during second trimester although I imagine it will be ridiculously tough later! Did you do yoga too?

Liverpool I put on about 10/11 kg, which is not a lot really, but it feels soo heavy on me. Not used to it 🤦🏻‍♀️

@cannonball8726 yay! Hello!! I'm slightly behind you guys 🙂 x I'll join back after 12 weeks 😬

cannonball no I didn’t do yoga I’m not a yoga person it’s too slow 😂 I kept my classes up. Insanity, bums and tums but stopped spinning. Then when I got to about 25 weeks I stopped the classes and just done the normal gym and weights. I only stopped because I’m really anaemic and was just too tired to go and had zero energy. It’s good to keep going though as you feel so much better. Well I did! X

@beanhunter I've been here since 12 weeks, there is such a range of dates I really like it and find it more helpful here than the date boards.

I'm so impressed with people keeping up at the gym. I felt so awful with the hormones for egg collection that my weight gain and lack of exercise started there. Think I gained about 6kg before my bfp!! Pretty sure I'm up about 15 kilos now and still have a long way to go. I'm doing pilates, yoga and a bit of gym stuff but not much. I used to be really flexible but with the bump and reflux I can barely bend at all!!

Same here, I was at least 1stone up after egg collection. Then I had ectopic and had second round of meds... probably another half stone... then I got my BFP and I decided that I don’t want to know my weight any longer, as that would cause so much unnecessary stress. So, I don’t know my weight since my 12 week check. So, I am signed up with Weight Watchers and bought comfy slip on walking trainers, and will start getting my body under control over the next month or so. I don’t agree with drastic exercise straight after the birth but I miss being in control of my own body.

I am a whale 😂😂. I have put on 33lbs and am just over 36 weeks. I am also going to sign up to Weight Watchers or Slimming World or something but last time around the weight did drop off, it was more the toning and sag that took a while. I think the stress of IVF/ICSI also didn’t help to me being heavier before BFP. But plenty of time to sort all that out - for now the priority is our babies shesaysdiggingintoaboxofmintmatchmakers

Yeah I gained weight because of IVF as well. Totally abstained from the gym during second half of stims and during 2ww... then went to gym after BFP but my fitness had dropped massively. I stopped spinning during IVF and haven't gone back to it. Carried on cardio and weights in first trimester but intensity much reduced. I'm a Pilates girl but stopped at some point in first trimester. Never had the patience for yoga but thinking I'll start a pregnancy yoga class and try to keep it consistent until it's too much. I've gained 3.5kg since before IVF which isn't tons (and I'm not bothered about it). I want to try and stay active if I can as it helps with my mental health! I just feel better for exercising so will try to keep it up to some extent until I feel too tired to be able to!

Generally if I'm being annoying and cranky, my husband sends me to the gym as I'm miraculously better when I get home 😂

@HJ82 join us on the BFP after IVF thread on the infertility boards :)

@swimchick1980 lol mint matchmakers! And why not! after all I said... just had half large Dominos pizza.... 😂😂😂😂
PS weight watcher worked for me to lose weight for IVF. And it’s so easy with them! Wait till Christmas and all weight programs will be offering sign up deals!

Haha I had a big portion of fish and chips for dinner last night and told myself that the fish is good for me 😂

@cannonball8726 fish and chips - totally is good for you!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

@canonball8726 fish and chips is definitely good for you! @fox23 that's better willpower than me, I managed a whole large from dominos and had really awful reflux!! 😂 Lots of take aways at the moment as no kitchen for a couple of weeks.

@emalady just had another two slices 🤭🤭🤭 and my little daughter is annoyed that pizz

*that pizza is taking up precious space...

Hello ladies. Everyone is super chatty today. Am definitely on board with eating a full large dominoes! And I've also been eating loads of grapes. Just been fancying them but maybe it is my body trying to fix the reflux.

@HJ82 congrats on your pregnancy and welcome. You are more than welcome to stick around. It's just that in those early weeks the stresses can be slightly different and you may find more people to relate to in the other group. But definitely stay here too. We would love to have you.

My friend gave me one of those S shaped pregnancy pillows but I haven't used it recently. It's massive and a bit unwieldy. OH calls it the Sea Monster. Putting something through my legs was making my cramps worse so have switched over to a regular super squishy pillow

@Aliona19 thank you. I'm fine. A few niggles like everyone but generally ok x

Hi ladies - I’m currently 32 weeks and been lurking on this thread since the original one started in the IF forum (but have been too scared to join!). Glad to hear everyone is doing well 😊.

This sounds so ridiculous written down, but I just wondered if anyone else has struggled with people continually bringing up your infertility even now you’re pregnant? And the realisation that people you barely know have heard gossip about your private business and see fit to mention it when they see you?

We’ve had a 6 year journey to getting pregnant, with 5 rounds of ivf. We’ve been lucky to have lots of support from close friends and family, so I don’t mean them. We haven’t kept our issues secret but we haven’t shouted it from the rooftops, and I would hope that the people we have told have been discreet about it.

My issue has been when we’ve seen people we barely know (eg parents of friends, friends of friends) since we’ve become pregnant, we’ve had lots of head tilty ‘congratulations, we know you’ve had SUCH a TERRIBLE TIME so you must be OVER THE MOOOOON’ type comments.

I know they’re being nice and I should thank my lucky stars they’ve got something to congratulate us for - but it comes out of nowhere and really puts me on the back foot, and just takes me back to feeling like that sad childless couple that everyone feels sorry for 😔. One of my biggest issues with infertility was the knowledge that people were gossiping about us, and it’s really upsetting to basically having it confirmed regularly by people reminding us that we’ve had a battle to get here. Why can’t they just say ‘congrats, lovely news’?

The other sad thing is knowing that some of our friends have obviously been discussing our business with their other friends and family - I went to a friends DD’s christening a couple of months ago and had people I’d never even met telling how happy they were for me as they knew we’d had a tough time 😑.

Sorry for the marathon post - I k ow I need to pull my socks up and be grateful, but this has been prompted by bumping into my friends FIL in our local takeaway earlier tonight. He congratulated me on my (considerable bump) and then loudly said ‘is there just the one in there, then? This is the one you really struggled for isn’t it?’’ With all his friends listening on.

I went and sat in the car and cried ☹️.

@MindatWork oh, I’m so sorry to hear your struggles and I’m very very happy you have joined us.
I can’t say I have had similar issues because nobody knew about IVF, even parents or my stepdaughter. Only when I got pregnant we told selected few.
However it’s worth mentioning that me and my DH are not social butterflies... we work stupid hours and don’t have close friends.
But you are strong and you got through so much to be where you are now! Chin up, who cares. You will have a baby!!!! We are here! 💕

Ah thank you Fox - I think because we’ve had such a long journey to get here I’m struggling with identifying with motherhood or anything to do with being part of that special club. We’d taken a break from ivf and we’re pretty much coming to terms with having a different life to the one we imagined - after 6 years it’s quite difficult to let go of that identity, so I think Injusy want to be treated like a normal pregnant woman!

It’s didficult to keep something like this secret for so long, and we did actually feel better when we started being more open about it - I guess the price you pay is that more people than you intended end up hearing about it though!

Thank you for being so lovely 💕💕💕

Gah so many typos 🙀

@mindatwork that must be awful. It's possible people are making assumptions but it's really difficult to know that some people probably have been talking about you. Especially if it's a small area and you bump into people. I could say all sorts about staying positive and being wonderful you have good news but mainly I just wanted to express sympathy and that I completely get where you are coming from.

@MindatWork me and my DH have been together for 15 years, and trying... well, almost 15. Many people over the years were “when will you have kids etc etc” and I was never shy in replying- if it will happen it will happen. Only 2 years ago we decided that now or never is the time. Of course, nobody knew what we decided so it went unnoticed. Until I was hospitalised with ectopic... it was hard to hide, but we managed and tried again as soon as we could. To be honest my DH is very open about IVF over the past few months, unlike me, but same as you- I have not convinced myself I’m pregnant, I feel like I’m a fraud, and every time I walk past mirror I stop in shock..., yes, and I only have - 1week and 6days to go!!!!
Besides annoying people, how do you feel? What are your main discomforts?

mindatwork I have 4 close friends who I told we were trying and struggling, as the 4 of them all got pregnant at the same time. That’s when I decided to go the doctors as we had all came off the pill round about the same time and it was only me who hadn’t got pregnant, them 4 were the only ones who knew what was happening. I told my mum, mother in law and about 3 other people it would be IVF after we had everything confirmed I asked people not to tell anyone as 1 it adds stress and 2 it’s no buinsess of anyone’s. Fast forward to my mother in law ringing me one day to say she had told her friends in work and they had advice for me 😳😳. She then decided to ask every week if we had started treatment and when would it be. So I told her we aren’t telling anyone and the more she asks the less I will tell her. We told everyone I was pregnant when I was 13+3 and she was annoyed that I kept the secret for so long.
We had a gender scan and she was upset that I didn’t take her, not sure why I would. Again my 20 week scan she wanted to come, even though my hospital allows you and 1 person in the room. So I told her why would I take her and not my mum. All in all she has interfered none stop and still brings up the IVF now even though I’ve asked many times for her to stop telling people.
It’s not that I’m embarrassed by it, it’s that it’s so private why would I want the whole world to know!!

So yes I get what you are saying!
X