Surely all gifts from 'bump' should be from me???

[Mummy2be18]

Felt compelled to get your opinion on this...

MIL got gifts/cards for DH on first Father's Day from the 'bump' without consulting me at all. I was sooo upset and still am. It's MY bump not hers and I felt like she hadn't thought about my feelings at all. Yes she's excited as she only has boys of her own and, yes this is her first grandchild but it's our first too and now I feel my 'daddy to be' gifts aren't good enough or the lovely surprise they should be. Relationship with MIL is great btw and DH knew I would be upset as soon as she gave him the gift.

I can't have this happen again (there are other occasions coming before due date) but he doesn't want to upset her and keeps apologising on her behalf.

What should we do?

it wouldn't upset me, i think MIL is noting that father's day now includes her son too, she is excited about the new arrival. It doesn't take anything away from your present try not to see it as a competition.

I would try to let it go. If she does become overbearing at some stage I agree with others nip it in the bud, to me this isn't a sign of that though.

I'd be exactly the same as you but then I do have a voice in my head saying she's only being nice. Definitely mention it though.

So yeah YANBU - and congratulations xxx

I'd find that annoying. If I was you I'd bring up the subject of the upcoming other occasions and say something along the line of 'what you getting dh? don't worry about getting something from the bump I've got that covered (and then go into detail about it to ensure the conversation doesn't stick at that point) haha x

Honestly. Just let it go. Pick your battles in life. This isn't one of them.

I think you are completely over-reacting. It would be needlessly hurtful to raise thise with your MIL. You sound extremely controlling. It's a lovely, sweet thing she's done. Don't just shit on her.

This wouldn't bother me unless my
MIL was irritating me more broadly by overstepping the boundaries. I just don't get precious about stuff like this though.

However, I do feel a bit sorry for your husband that he had to worry about you being upset rather than just getting to enjoy the moment. It seems a pity for him that he's having to worry about keeping you and his mum happy. Seems like Father's Day isn't really about him at all.............

I don’t think op,is over-reacting or controlling. If anything, the mil is being controlling, by buying the gifts.

It’s not mil’s baby, but ops. It’s not mil’s place to buy stuff from the baby.

Definantly some gentle words need to be said to mil, about how you appreciate her gesture (even if you don’t,), but going forward, you will be responsible for any presents etc from baby.

Oh I get you completely. I think "from the bump" cards and gifts are cringe anyway, and downright weird coming from someone else! However, having been in this position myself I think you need to just let it go. It's not worth hurting her feelings over if you normally get on well.

I wouldn't have liked that either. It is your bump/baby/body! Tell her gently you wanted to do all those firsts together.

I think your MIL is just excited. She is trying to be kind and thoughtful and let you know that she is excited for the arrival of her first grandchild. I think you will upset her greatly if you say anything and make her worried about being involved in the future.

I think the thing you have to watch out for is dh not wanting to say anything to upset his mother. I hope that she doesn't overstep boundaries when your baby is here but if she does then you need dh on your side. Your feelings count too.

I get what you mean OP but guessing from what you've said about your relationship with her she would be mortified if she found out it upset you. Remember that (this sounds patronising but I was in your shoes not v long ago with similar situations) you are more hormonal right now and some things that seem a big deal really won't later. It's done now anyway, so I think just leave it be and enjoy your pregnancy x

I can see why you are upset.. but really what shes done is just a bit weird. She isnt actually carrying the child you are... and she can send as many cards 'from the bump' as she wants but they wont actually be from the bump will they because the bump is inside you...
So id just ignore it and send cards from your baby yourself.
Yours will always be the ones which are actually from the bump.

P. S. I would have thought it bizarre if my mum or mil did this. I think you will need to have a chat to nip this in the bud - you will be buying /making presents with your baby for dhs Christmas presents etc No-one else. She had her chance at being a mum. Doing things like presents from the baby or giving Christmas stockings for the baby are wonderful jobs for parents

I personally would find it incredibly weird. I also would feel that she was overstepping the mark but get why she may do it, doesn't mean I would agree with the action though.

That said I've not got DH anything for tomorrow. Don't want to jinx it ........ I'm so scared about miscarriage.

I find it very odd. I would not want a Mother's Day card from anyone before my baby was born, my first Mother's Day after my baby was born was the special one.

I considered buying my DB a nice bottle of wine earlier, to celebrate his first Father's Day. I didn't get round to it but it wouldn't have occurred to me that SIL might have been annoyed by it.

It didn't matter to me who wrote in or made a card from my child once they were here, as long as they were included (scribble, handprint etc). The card is from the child, not from the person helping.

[[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201608/why-be-wary-when-narcissist-gets-generous A Narcissist's Gift to You is Really a Gift to Herself

Giving back to others is not something that narcissists do for the intrinsic pleasure of being altruistic, or from simple kindness. Recently published findings indicate that narcissists give “gifts” that represent an investment in their own desires—not from the desire to please others. When Hyun, Park, and Park (2016) measured the gift-giving motivations of individuals with high self-esteem compared to those with high levels of narcissism, they found that narcissists give gifts that ideally keep the recipient’s devotion or allegiance to them going strong. Specifically, narcissists give gifts with an eye to maintaining a relationship with the giver and to maintaining control in that relationship.]]

I find 3rd party gifts wierd anyway. It’s a foetus, how the fuck has it managed to get down the shop and buy gifts? Where does it keep it’s money?

Now i have a mental image of a load of change dropping out of a vagina onto the counter in mothercare.

She’s bought your dh presents to celebrate him almost being a father. You have bought gifts for the same reason. The bump has had nothing to do with it.

I’d pull a guilt trip and tell her you’re superstitious so don’t want to celebrate fathers day or whatever until the baby is here safely.

Should I have got DP a Father's Day card from my bump?

It’s pissibly a bit thoughtless of her, but her baby is having a baby so she is understandably excited!

Now i have a mental image of a load of change dropping out of a vagina onto the counter in mothercare

Ahaha.