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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Surely all gifts from 'bump' should be from me???

48 replies

Mummy2be18 · 16/06/2018 17:14

Felt compelled to get your opinion on this...

MIL got gifts/cards for DH on first Father's Day from the 'bump' without consulting me at all. I was sooo upset and still am. It's MY bump not hers and I felt like she hadn't thought about my feelings at all. Yes she's excited as she only has boys of her own and, yes this is her first grandchild but it's our first too and now I feel my 'daddy to be' gifts aren't good enough or the lovely surprise they should be. Relationship with MIL is great btw and DH knew I would be upset as soon as she gave him the gift.

I can't have this happen again (there are other occasions coming before due date) but he doesn't want to upset her and keeps apologising on her behalf.

What should we do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BackToTheIsland · 16/06/2018 17:16

It's odd that she's done that. Why don't you just explain how you feel if you normally get on well?

NoIWontDoWhatYouSay · 16/06/2018 17:16

Let it go. She was trying to do a nice thing.

EstrellaDamn · 16/06/2018 17:17

My parents buy us Christmas cards etc on behalf of the kids. She's just trying to do a nice thing. Let it go.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 16/06/2018 17:17

I find it a bit weird she did this without mentioning it to you first?

Aria2015 · 16/06/2018 17:18

She might just be a bit over excited and she's maybe trying to make you dh feel special on Father's Day. I can see why it's annoying but my mil gets me gifts on Mother's Day 'from' lo and I actually find it quite sweet. It doesn't take away from what my dh organises at all and I'm sure it will be the same for your dh.

steppemum · 16/06/2018 17:18

gentle and nicely tell her, our baby, we want to do the stuff form our baby eg father's day and mother's day.
If your relationship is normally good, and she is a normal person, she will be embarrassed that she stepped over the mark.

If none of the above apply, you can say what you like til you are blue in the face, it won't make any difference.

if the first does apply, then make a fuss about her being a grandma, and talk about how nice it will be for the baby to have a granny. Give her a clear role that she can be happy in

EstrellaDamn · 16/06/2018 17:18

Hang on - you 'cant' have this happening again? Even though you have a good relationship with her?

You need to back off. She sounds kind and thoughtful. You sound like a bit of a self-centred pain. You're pregnant, not the first unicorn in captivity.

Sweetiepooh · 16/06/2018 17:19

If feel exactly the same as you, your bump is YOUR bump! I'm in early pregnancy and can't wait to start showing after many many years of TTC so I'm going to milk the bump thing all I can!

I'd tell her how you feel and how you want it to be your special thing. You'll only get more and more upset otherwise.

NotTheFordType · 16/06/2018 17:19

I'm lost.

Sweetiepooh · 16/06/2018 17:20

Can't believe how rude some posters can be!!

Cosmoa · 16/06/2018 17:20

Yes.. It is your bump.. But he's been her son a lot longer and she's obviously excited and just doing a nice thing. Your husband shouldn't have to ask her not to do that as it would be awkward and make you both seem ungrateful. And he shouldn't really have to apologise for her being kind. That's how I would see it anyway.

Luckyme2 · 16/06/2018 17:21

I agree with you OP. It might be different if the baby was here but when it's not even born yet I think it's a bit odd. She's clearly just a bit over excited but gifts from 'the bump' if there are to be any (I never did that) should clearly come from you in my opinion

Gem173 · 16/06/2018 17:22

I got my oh a card from bump tomorrow :) I bought it and as soon as I got it I sent it to oh Mum, just to let her know that I got one already from the baby. I didn’t think she would get one anyway but she thought it was a great idea to get at least one.

mimibunz · 16/06/2018 17:25

It sounds like she’s already appropriating your baby as her own. Why do so many grannies overstep their mark?

distantstars · 16/06/2018 17:25

Totally understand why you would be annoyed by this! And it's very weird but maybe they just didn't think about what it was they were doing.... just saw "from bump" stuff and thought "how sweet".

Someone bought my PIL mugs that says "nan" and "grandad" on them when I was pregnant with their first GC... I also thought that was weird! 😏

Chuckle65 · 16/06/2018 17:28

You sound ungrateful OP- Father's Day isn't about you, it's about your DH and I'm sure he'll appreciate what his mother has done for him (just as he'll appreciate whatever you get him). You seem a bit selfish trying making it about your feelings rather than your DH's or Mil's.
Let it go. She's excited that she's having her first grandchild. If you bring it up, you don't know how good your relationship with her will be because she won't forget it. For your whole family's sake and for the sake of keeping the peace, just forget about it

Domino211 · 16/06/2018 17:29

I think if she’s normally a nice person and you have a good relationship I would let it go. She’s clearly just over excited about the first grandchild and showing it in a bit of an odd way but the sentiment behind it is one to be grateful for!

Original poster

Mummy2be18 · 16/06/2018 18:05

Thanks all for comments so far. It's useful for me as a first time mummy to be to see how others feel about this. I didn't know if this was a 'normal' thing to happen or not...that's why I asked.

I knew there would be someone who couldn't give constructive/helpful advice and just had to have a dig. I guess that's a reflection on them more than me. I just wanted some advice from others that have gone or are going though this wonderful but sometimes stressful/emotional time...that's all. It can be a difficult balance at times!!

I actually thought this would happen just picking up on some things she'd said but it didn't stop me being emotional. I think I'll give it time and then speak to her when we are alone, ahead of other DH celebrations...just to check her plans next time.

OP posts:

EstrellaDamn · 16/06/2018 18:20

Look, I get the emotional thing. I once threw a pizza cutter at DH's head

But - why say anything? It can only hurt her feelings. There is no convention for good wishes from the bump that she's breaching. This would be you causing the difficulty in your relationship, not her.

Is that honestly the outcome you want before the baby is even here? A gran too nervous to get involved with her grandchild?

Take the long (and kind) view is all I'm saying.

Skydiving · 16/06/2018 18:23

Aaaaah overbearing Mils.
When their dil is pregnant they are so fearful of being pushed out they go ridiculously over the top.
No advice but I feel for you.

troodiedoo · 16/06/2018 18:23

It's a bit weird, but I think you are overeating. It's obviously not from the bump, but she put it to be cute, just as you are.

problembottom · 16/06/2018 18:24

I hope my MIL has done this as I haven’t got anything for DP. Not the worst offence in my book but obviously depends on context.

troodiedoo · 16/06/2018 18:24

*Overreacting!

surreygirl1987 · 16/06/2018 19:02

I think it's a tad odd but I also think you're overreacting. She's obviously excited and it's a cute idea.

mzsink · 16/06/2018 19:07

Yeah. She's going to try and take over. Nip it in the bud now.

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