Desperate: want this baby but close to termination for anxiety

[cheerfullysleepless]

Has anyone had any experience of really effective treatment for antenatal anxiety? I am pregnant with much wanted second child and, exactly as with first, convinced self already that have somehow harmed this poor unborn kid - last time because thought had drunk before knowing pregnant, this time was so so careful on that front so now decided that fact am 7-10 lb overweight has condemned it. Sounds ridiculous I know but am already having to talk self through fact that whilst suicide might feel like "easy" way out of having to keep on feeling like this for several months vs terminating child husband and I both want it would be an enormous betrayal of my son. I never feel anything like this when not pregnant. Am terrified that if terminate will have total breakdown, never forgive self and lose marriage and be appalling parent to son. Am terrified that if I don't, will spiral like last time and be sectioned and let down son. Advice last time was that this most likely wouldn't happen again, but it clearly is doing. I want to get better and be strong and brave and just feel clueless and without a plan. Has anyone been here? Can anyone help? Thank you so so much in advance.

[beachescocktailsandmemories]

It’s not your fault op, I have the same condition. Everything is fine and then when I get pregnant my anxiety comes out of nowhere and goes crazy. My dr said some women have an extreme reaction to pregnancy hormones. Feel free to message me if you want to talk, it’s a very lonely place inside our heads sometimes x

[cheerfullysleepless]

Thanks everyone for being so supportive. @beachescocktailsandmemories has anything worked for you?did you know it would happen in your second pregnancy? Thank you for being so so kind! X

[beachescocktailsandmemories]

The first time I got pregnant, which was planned for and wanted I was hit by the most horrific, all-consuming anxiety that sadly drove me to terminate my pregnancy. Afterwards I was absolutely devastated at what happened once the anxiety had dissipated and the realisation of what I had done hit me. I had counselling which was more focused on self forgiveness than anxiety and then when I felt better decided we would try again (we are late 30s and no family so far so we don’t have the luxury of waiting much longer and both knew we wanted to start a family)

Luckily I conceived again, despite fears I wouldn’t and irrational thoughts that karma would make it so that I had ruined my only chance etc. And now, like you I too am pregnant again, and what was at first an ecstatic, excited, overjoyed reaction, has now been replaced with anxiety again.

I thought I would cope better the second time around, knowing what to expect and knowing how the termination left me feeling. But anxiety is powerful and I think people who don’t have it, have no idea of the hold it can have on you.

I am battling in my own head over what to do now so I can genuinely say I know exactly how you feel.

I’m afraid I can’t say how to solve it- I only wish I knew, but I know my anxiety isn’t me, and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing your anxiety is a biological condition and not you xxx

[Thurlow]

Sleepless, I remember you from your first pregnancy. Even as a complete stranger I wanted to say how proud I am of you for meeting this head on and acknowledging it and doing SO well looking for help. You're doing amazingly x

[cheerfullysleepless]

You’re so brave / I am so so sorry for you and if you ever want to pm me please please do. Huge luck and courage - it may also be helpful to hear that I have spoken now with four specialists all who agree the anxiety is harmful for us but not the baby who is well protected. Studies have over emphasised the impact on baby in order to get funding etc. Good luck superwoman, and remember it does end xxxx

[reallybadidea]

@cheerfullysleepless how are things going? I hope the treatment is starting to help.

[cheerfullysleepless]

You're so kind - thank you. Am making progress - not out the woods but not terminating either :) Thank you, means a lot xxx

[reallybadidea]

I'm so pleased to hear that cheerfully. I really hope that things continue to improve for you. I'm rooting for you all