Desperate: want this baby but close to termination for anxiety

[cheerfullysleepless]

Has anyone had any experience of really effective treatment for antenatal anxiety? I am pregnant with much wanted second child and, exactly as with first, convinced self already that have somehow harmed this poor unborn kid - last time because thought had drunk before knowing pregnant, this time was so so careful on that front so now decided that fact am 7-10 lb overweight has condemned it. Sounds ridiculous I know but am already having to talk self through fact that whilst suicide might feel like "easy" way out of having to keep on feeling like this for several months vs terminating child husband and I both want it would be an enormous betrayal of my son. I never feel anything like this when not pregnant. Am terrified that if terminate will have total breakdown, never forgive self and lose marriage and be appalling parent to son. Am terrified that if I don't, will spiral like last time and be sectioned and let down son. Advice last time was that this most likely wouldn't happen again, but it clearly is doing. I want to get better and be strong and brave and just feel clueless and without a plan. Has anyone been here? Can anyone help? Thank you so so much in advance.

OP you don't have to be suicidal to talk to the Samaritans. If you are looking for someone to talk to but scared to worry your family, the Samaritans will give you an outlet to voice all your fears. This might give you some immediate relief when your anxiety levels are high and you're waiting for more concrete help.

It’s only 2 days until you see Dr Cremona. If you feel yourself getting very very anxious or suicidal before then you can call the Capio for urgent care

Spoke to Samaritans who were lovely but kept telling me they were available rather than helping. I’m so sorry, I promise I’m not taking this lightly, I want to be better and stronger.

I have mental health issues (bi-polar) and am 29 weeks pregnant so entirely understand. You need to go to GP and get referred to the peri-natal psychiatry team in your area. It’s really important you feel well as this will in itself protect baby. My experiences have been great so far. The psychiatry team are really supportive and treat you as a normal mum to be with just help and support needed. I agree with another poster medication may be an option for you but please contact your GP to help yourself and baby and get that referral 😀❤️

You poor, poor lady. I can feel the desperation in your posts.

I suffered with crippling anxiety, although mine massively ramped up post birth. Looking back, I can see how much I struggled during pregnancy too.

Like you, I had no support, no treatment. To be honest, I don't think I could make sense of what was going on. Such a dark time.

I have come through it now but it's taken three years. When you're in the depths of anxiety it can be impossible to think beyond the next five mins, never mind trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel - which sadly might be a long way away.

If you decide to terminate that is absolutely your choice and you can really only base your decision on what is happening right now. If you try to think too much about the future and the regrets that you may or may not have, it will only feed into your anxiety.

It's just such an awful situation and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Also - apologies if this doesn't help but I remember you posted a lovely update after you had your baby to try and help anyone in the same situation. Is this something you can go back to and reread when you are feeling anxious? Sorry if that's just too basic and won't work.

No one say sorry for anything, you’re all such fantastic women (and maybe men I suppose!) and I am so so grateful. Am going to try try try to carry on. Mornings always worst. Doctors told me last time this level of stress didn’t harm the baby. Going to plough on. My dh has said that he can support anything but that termination likely to take a longer toll than this illness for 8 months but obviously can’t be sure. Want want want to be strong and will try xxxx

Hi cheerfully.

I just noticed you are an entitled North Londoner too, so in case you're in Islington or Camden, I wanted to mention iCope, which is where I got my last lot of NHS CBT from. It was excellent and quick.

Hi sleepless, just want to say I remember your posts when you were pregnant first time round as I was also pregnant with my DS due a couple of months before you.
I did post (a different name) & was rooting for you to get through it & was so happy when you did! Feels like yesterday, I’d even searched your name again to see if there was any updates on how you were doing as was honestly so pleased & your story touched me. You are an AMAZING and strong woman to have got through it. You did it!

I now have another DS who is 10mo and it’s so lovely to see both my boys bond. I am too an only child. I suffer from minor pregnancy anxiety & I’m definitely relieved to never have to go though a pregnancy again so I can only imagine your internal termoil & confusion at where to go from here. Whatever you chose, you will get through this & come out stronger & I’ll be thinking of you & again rooting for you & your family xx

How are you today sleepless?

Thank you all so so much. I’m trying to stay positive and constructive for meeting with psychiatrist tomorrow and nhs coordinator tomorrow. My biggest fear is the impact this anxiety is having on the baby but also about what the reality of services might actually be. Last time in Barnet had teenage volunteers coming by the house telling me not to stress because it would harm the baby, saw a trainee psychiatrist who had not read my notes saying stress was bad for the baby according to a study she had read but maybe not where even my mum who is very deferential to authority got up and got me to walk out because more damaging, saw the lovely person I am seeing on weds every 4 weeks or so then spent fortune on people who weren’t the right people but we couldn’t find the right people and they did help a bit more than nothing. I’m scared. I’m really really scared.

Please don’t be scared. Tomorrow you are going to see one of the top psychiatrists in the country who specialises in women’s mental health and perinatal conditions. You will have access to exactly the right help. Only today to get through, take one hour at a time.

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

Hi @cheerfullysleepless

Not much to add to everyone else's messages. Just wanted to say that you are strong and to can do this! You're seeing the doctor tomorrow and they absolutely will be able to help. Take today in as small a chunks as you need to and we are all here for you if you need an outlet.

Anxiety is such a horrible illness and I know it can trick you into feeling like you're being silly or burdening people, but you are absolutely not. Everyone wants to support you and help you through this.

Take care

Oh cheerfully I really feel for you. You are not alone! I have had anxiety in both my pregnancies, although no where near to the extent you describe. It’s horrible, you feel so trapped. In 1st pg I was obsessed that I had every type of health complication going, then after the birth I was convinced I was going to die and leave her motherless. It did pass fairly quickly. My gp prescribed some ‘reading’ when I went in obsessing that I had gestational diabetes. I thought at first it was ridiculous but the books actually helped. Even taking that half hour out to read about how in theory to control it seemed to help even if I didn’t consciously put it into practice. This time around with my 2nd I’m obsessing that my unborn son will have a mental health condition, and it will ruin our family life and ruin my daughters life and it’s a big mistake expanding our family. I still have a rational part of my brain that is in control (most of the time) that can see it’s ridiculous. I also know that I want this baby but occasionally the anxiety will bubble up and take over. For me it’s under control though. It’s good that you can recognise it for what it is and are seeking help from the mental health team. I hope they are of help. It sounds like this is something that passes once baby is actually born?

Yeah typically it does I think and I really hope it does for you because it largely went when son was born and all went within 6 weeks. Also terrified baby will have very difficult condition of some kind like you and impact on family life but obsessed with one I will have “caused” so weirdly focussed on mental health too but absolutely relaxed and would not terminate for way Down syndrome which know might worry others. It’s not rational but it feels very real! Thanks for all being so brilliant! X

Couldn't read and run. Huge enormous hugs to you - former midwife over here. Where in London are you based? Some hospitals have fantastic perinatal support, and you don't have to live in the borough to access them - would be happy to signpost to those I know of professionally. Also, you can self refer to IAPT for CBT/counselling in your area, and being pregnant would make you a priority. I got an appointment speedily quickly and I wasn't pregnant just struggling with anxiety.

You mentioned you don't want to take antidepressants - however, they have been shown to be safe, and can & are prescribed for pregnant/breastfeeding women based on that safety. However, it's not right for everyone and that's okay. But evidence shows us they're safe, and that's reassuring if you do go down that route.

If you decide to continue the pregnancy, you absolutely can get through this. There is support out there, but often its hard to find (annoyingly). And if you decide not to continue the pregnancy, that's your choice too, and it's okay, but please don't make that decision lightly.

Antenatal depression/anxiety is a very real and frightening thing. Some good support groups mentioned at the bottom of this page www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/perinatal-anxiety/#.WxVnWe4vxhE

Loads of love to you xxxx

Also, you can ask your GP or midwife to refer you to the specialist team, the support they can provide is intensive and uniquely tailored to you. Sorry if this is the team you're already aware of, I can't see every post [daft laptop] www.beh-mht.nhs.uk/mental-health-service/mh-services/specialist-perinatal-services.htm

sleepless I remember you from before and my God I was so happy when you updated with your beautiful wee gumsy boy!

I am a long term anxiety sufferer (it comes and goes) and it is the biggest fucking beast of an illness. To put it simply, it's not fair. Being 'in' the thoughts and not being able to step outside them, I know what that's like. It is not fucking fair. It sounds like you're really going to see the right person to help you and that's awesome.

There is a wee book that I always turn to when my anxiety is at its worst, it's called Self Help for Your Nerves and it's by Dr Claire Weekes. It's about a fiver on Amazon and it's quite radical in the way it encourages you to 'get comfortable' with your anxiety and accept its presence (impossible as that sounds). It's a very comforting read, and I thought it might be of use, from one anxious mama to another.

I had a terrible pregnancy and was super stressed / depressed through 99% of it. My baby is coming up for one and he’s super super chilled and happy. It’s really not helpful when people tell you not to worry isn’t it!

Hoping it all goes well for you tomorrow xx

Thank you all so so much - esp with links and personal stories, you’re all fab beyond words. Seeing uclh perinatal team weds and psychiatrist tomorrow - all go! Dh booked time off to come with me tomorrow, really want them to put me in frame of mind where can be confident can access the right support to not just want to disappear for next eight months... know won’t be a silver bullet or anything just want to get a sense that can be helped. Thank you all So so so much xxxxxx

@JellyBaby666 - do you mind my asking what the impact of stress on the baby is? Am around 6 weeks today I think and been waking at three or four each morning and regularly breaking down - this stress hormone level and general crapness could now be affecting the little one couldn’t it? Am sure Tommy’s have said so and other studies, please don’t just be nice to me but be honest? Thank you xxx

Also - sorry know everyone probably going to be at work but on the off chance anyone sees this! Want to check am saying and asking the psychiatrist the right things. So think my points are:

1. I planned for and want to keep this baby.
2. I am terrified of how I feel and the feelings’ impact on the baby, my son and my relationships but also me: what can I do to manage this? What should my realistic expectation be for he next eight months based on last time and support now available?

Is that it?

Yes I think that’s a great place to start. She will take a comprehensive history and ask lots of questions too.
What time are you seeing her?

Thank you. 4pm and dh is coming though not allowed to stay in for whole session. Do want him there for as much as possible so I don’t leave anything out or forget anything she says. Thank you all so so much for your support xxxxx