Desperate: want this baby but close to termination for anxiety

[cheerfullysleepless]

Has anyone had any experience of really effective treatment for antenatal anxiety? I am pregnant with much wanted second child and, exactly as with first, convinced self already that have somehow harmed this poor unborn kid - last time because thought had drunk before knowing pregnant, this time was so so careful on that front so now decided that fact am 7-10 lb overweight has condemned it. Sounds ridiculous I know but am already having to talk self through fact that whilst suicide might feel like "easy" way out of having to keep on feeling like this for several months vs terminating child husband and I both want it would be an enormous betrayal of my son. I never feel anything like this when not pregnant. Am terrified that if terminate will have total breakdown, never forgive self and lose marriage and be appalling parent to son. Am terrified that if I don't, will spiral like last time and be sectioned and let down son. Advice last time was that this most likely wouldn't happen again, but it clearly is doing. I want to get better and be strong and brave and just feel clueless and without a plan. Has anyone been here? Can anyone help? Thank you so so much in advance.

[reallybadidea]

I'm so pleased to hear that cheerfully. I really hope that things continue to improve for you. I'm rooting for you all

[cheerfullysleepless]

You're so kind - thank you. Am making progress - not out the woods but not terminating either :) Thank you, means a lot xxx

[reallybadidea]

@cheerfullysleepless how are things going? I hope the treatment is starting to help.

[cheerfullysleepless]

You’re so brave / I am so so sorry for you and if you ever want to pm me please please do. Huge luck and courage - it may also be helpful to hear that I have spoken now with four specialists all who agree the anxiety is harmful for us but not the baby who is well protected. Studies have over emphasised the impact on baby in order to get funding etc. Good luck superwoman, and remember it does end xxxx

[Thurlow]

Sleepless, I remember you from your first pregnancy. Even as a complete stranger I wanted to say how proud I am of you for meeting this head on and acknowledging it and doing SO well looking for help. You're doing amazingly x

[beachescocktailsandmemories]

The first time I got pregnant, which was planned for and wanted I was hit by the most horrific, all-consuming anxiety that sadly drove me to terminate my pregnancy. Afterwards I was absolutely devastated at what happened once the anxiety had dissipated and the realisation of what I had done hit me. I had counselling which was more focused on self forgiveness than anxiety and then when I felt better decided we would try again (we are late 30s and no family so far so we don’t have the luxury of waiting much longer and both knew we wanted to start a family)

Luckily I conceived again, despite fears I wouldn’t and irrational thoughts that karma would make it so that I had ruined my only chance etc. And now, like you I too am pregnant again, and what was at first an ecstatic, excited, overjoyed reaction, has now been replaced with anxiety again.

I thought I would cope better the second time around, knowing what to expect and knowing how the termination left me feeling. But anxiety is powerful and I think people who don’t have it, have no idea of the hold it can have on you.

I am battling in my own head over what to do now so I can genuinely say I know exactly how you feel.

I’m afraid I can’t say how to solve it- I only wish I knew, but I know my anxiety isn’t me, and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing your anxiety is a biological condition and not you xxx

[cheerfullysleepless]

Thanks everyone for being so supportive. @beachescocktailsandmemories has anything worked for you?did you know it would happen in your second pregnancy? Thank you for being so so kind! X

[beachescocktailsandmemories]

It’s not your fault op, I have the same condition. Everything is fine and then when I get pregnant my anxiety comes out of nowhere and goes crazy. My dr said some women have an extreme reaction to pregnancy hormones. Feel free to message me if you want to talk, it’s a very lonely place inside our heads sometimes x

[FourFlapjacksPlease]

Great that you liked both the therapists. You're right and it is indeed early days. All the active therapy and support is still to come so hopefully once that kicks in you'll start to see an improvement. Keep on keeping on.

[cheerfullysleepless]

I’ve been given the meds and gp and psychiatrist etc involved. @wolfywinnie I’m so so sorry you’ve been through this too - it’s hideous isn’t it? You made the best choice for you and your family and and I really hope you’re feeling better now.

[wolfywynnie]

I'm glad you're getting the help you need OP. I unfortunately can truly relate. I terminated a wanted pregnancy this year, I have no idea what happens to me but pregnancy causes me to have serious depression/anxiety and very alarming suicidal thoughts. Everything was ok until I hit 9 weeks, it was truly awful and I feel I was close to being sectioned. When not pregnant I do not have any major mental health problems.
I am now getting sterilised because although I would like a baby, I cannot put my family through that again.

[anametouse]

Been thinking of you too oP. One day at a time

[DuchyDuke]

Don’t go to a midwife about this. Go straight to your GP. They are the best person to prescribe medication to a pregnant woman.

[cheerfullysleepless]

I have yes - both fantastic just need to work out which one can see regularly with work etc. Tbh just done initial assessments so we will see where we get with the cbt proper when that starts. Early days :) thank you for being so so kind xxxx

[FourFlapjacksPlease]

I'm so sorry to hear things are still feeling so difficult for you. Did you meet with the 2 CBT therapists? Have you started taking the Sertraline?

It's really clear you are doing your absolute best to deal with this situation. I know you don't feel it, but I think you are very inspiring. You have shown such determination to try and find the right support at a time when I'm sure you feel the least able to do exactly that. As painful as it is, you are dealing with this. Forward is forward and you will get there.

[cheerfullysleepless]

Thank you for asking, it means a lot. In truth, I’m afraid things are not great. Don’t have any specific fears any more relating to anything even approaching the rational, just an all consuming and frankly utterly terrifying sense of total dread. I’m working with services and doing my best. They’re pretty sure it’s a very unfortunate response to pregnancy hormones. Just feeling very irresponsible for going for a second child and putting everyone through this and praying (not joking, met with my vicar today!) that I can get through this.

[beachescocktailsandmemories]

How are you getting on OP? hope you’re feeling better.

[Gazelda]

I'm so pleased that you're focussed on getting support. You need it, you deserve it. I hope you find a counsellor who you connect with and who can give you techniques for your anxiety.

[cheerfullysleepless]

Thank you :) doctor agreed only untreated anxiety that’s bad for baby and even then evidence mixed (repeating for own sanity really as one anxiety is the impact of th anxiety!!!) agree re sertraline though xxx

[Ohnonotanotherusername]

Great news @cheerfullysleepless

Sounds like things are starting to click into place for you supportwise. I really hope that it helps and if you have any wobbles you know where we are!

[FellOutOfBed2wice]

You need sertraline. I was mad with anxiety with DD1 and breaking point came at 25weeks where I was awake for 5 days straight in a state of mania. As soon as GP saw me that put me on it and I felt better-
Much better- within days. Once I knew I was pregnant with DD2 I immediately started taking it. It won’t harm the baby, what’s happening to you now is what’s harmful for you and the baby.

[cheerfullysleepless]

Seeing two diff cbt people tomorrow and Monday to see who has best available time and “click” for weekly sessions, weekly counselling through nhs team booked and contacted reiki and Accupuncture people too. House sale fallen through so decided to pause that and use savings for this as more important. Thank you mumsnet - you’re fantastic x

[MrsDilligaf]

Sleepless

So pleased your appointment went well yesterday and hope today was as positive.

Thinking of you

[miki123]

Haven't commented before however have been following this thread and wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you. We are ALL with you OP. Big love & hugs x

[Grandmaswagsbag]

Sounds like positive steps forward. Well done.