Scared to tell husband

[Stacey186]

Please help. I feel so lost right now. A few hours ago i found out i am pregnant. I'm shocked. I have taken my pill religiously. I haven't been ill at all so there's no way it could have come out of my system. I just feel totally dumbfounded. It's not sinking in at all. I'm 31, with 2 children from my previous marriage who are 11 and 8 and married now to a man who has his own 2 children from a previous relationship. Neither of us wanted anymore kids with the 4 between us. We don't live together. He moved out in January but we are still together. He has some very serious amger issues and i have refused to let him move back in until he has them under control. Which in all fairness to him, he is now seeing a Doctor and waiting to be referred. But, i have tons of debt, £28,000 actually and cannot afford another baby. I have reduced that debt massively from what it was but i still don't have enough spare cash for a fish and chip dinner once a week, let alone a new baby. Not to mention the fact, i literally do not have the room in my tiny home for a cot or anything else baby related. We are incredibly cramped.but my main issue is my husband. He doesn't know yet, he lives at his Moms so i only see him a few times a week and i want to tell him face to face once i've plucked up the courage but to be truthful i am terrified. I had a scare a few years ago and he asked me what i would do if it turned out i was pregnant and i tols him i'd keep it. he went mental at all. Screaming/shouting, storming about the house. He then packed his things and left (this happens everytime we have a row hence why he's living at his Mom's as i've refused him to move back in until he sorts himself out) he was adament he wanted me to have an abortion. I have no family near by to help me out. I moved away from everyone to be with my now hubby. I don't get on with his family. He early gets his temper and behaviour patterns from them. I feel so lost and have no one to talk to. I'm not sure what to do. Please advise if anyone has been through similar.
Thanks
Stacey

If i caused you any offence im sorry none of what i said was meant to come across in a bad manner @Stacey186

Sorry LMX0. Not you. It was aimed at chills something or other. I should have been specific with my reply. Youve been lovely to me through out. Just felt one reply in particular wasn't called for. Sorry again xx

@Stacey186

I've just read this entire post and think you are an absolute wonderful human being! Ignore @chills32045 that was completely uncalled for and unnecessary.

OP ignore @chills32045 they clearly haven't read the whole thread as they would have seen you'd worked out the maths etc of doing this alone.

I think people do get cramps early on sometimes so try not to worry. And I agree with @LMX0 I wouldn't rush to get back with your husband, just try to get yourself on an even keel and see how things go eg if he keeps being supportive. You, your girls and the baby are what's most important right now.

Oh thats ok @Stacey186 when i read what @chills32045 had said i did think that was a bit harsh

Wow! Totally uncalled for @chills32045 I presume you're familiar with the saying "if you've nothing nice to say, best to say nothing at all" ?!?? I hope that you can rise above the comments OP

I'm sorry to hear about your cramps, I think they can be common due to stretching etc. If you're concerned, you could contact your mw for advice xo

Hi everyone. Sorry for delay in replying to you all. I'm not being ignorant. Do 12 hour shifts on Monday and Tuesdays so difficult to reply.
Liitleace, sorry i still don't know how to tag thank you for your reply. Been abit crap but thankfully have recieved mostly nice and supportive messages. Means alot what you said. Xx
Sorry again, LMX0. I really should have been more specific. Didn't mean to cause any offence if i did. Xx
Don't worry girls. Although i am hurting, i'm in no rush with him. Just difficult trying to look after my emotional well being with everything that is going on. Just because i'm pregnant though, i wont be holding the door open with open arms. Words mean alot yes but only actions prove anything so we shall see what happens.
I haven't got a Midwife yet, Sushirolls. Maybe i'm just being a worrier as sometimes they ease then others they seem to be lasting most the day. I think i'm just very much out of the loop with this stuff. Lol.
Clareb83, don't forget my fur baby. Lol. Her names Narla (from the Lion King, i know, i never did grow up😂) and she's following me everywhere. Think she senses something...
That woman's reply did upset me. Alot of you have been truthful with me (which i do think is a good thing btw) but not judgemental of me and more thoughtful with your replies which is definately needed with someone who is clearly so delicate at the moment. Think some people really lack compassion. It must be very nice to have such a good life that you can sit back and be rather judgemental and as i thought quite cruel to someone who is obviously in need. But i'd rather be who i am and know i'd help anyone, no matter what their circumstances and would never intentionally bring someone further down!
I love this site for how lovely you've been.
Thank you again xxx

@Stacey186 dont you worry you didnt cause me any amd i love your cats name narla 💖 yes id imagine she senses baby my dog did before i knew!! To tag people simply use the @ symbol and the users on the thread should pop up n just tag which one you want (on iphone using the app)

@LMX0 did that work? 😂

Yip 😊

Whoohoo. You're in bold writing! Haha

Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks then ay?! Lol. Thank you again. I'm off to bed now, ready for another glorious shift early in the morning. God i hate mornings 😓 speak soon everyone xx

Woohoo!!! Old? Your 31, deffo not old!! I dunno how you manage 12 hour shifts!! One 11 hour per week kills me!! @Stacey186

@chills32045 - if you've only got something like that to say may I suggest heading over to AIBU. Those threads are full of bs posts like yours 😄

@Stacey186 - some women do get quite intense cramping at the beginning of their pregnancy, I did with my second. Wasn't anything to worry about to try not to let it stress you. And on the crying side of it, between whats been happening over the last couple weeks plus the hormonal changes crying seems like a normal reaction. Don't know how you're holding it together I'd be a big bag of wet tissues myself.

And 12 hour shifts? How? Even typing those words makes me want to lie down and take a big nap 😪

@Kitchenbound. I hate my 12 hour shifts! My job is so boring too so those days seems so much longer.
My eldest has tonsilitus so i'm off for a couple days now. Hate my girls being ill but love the extra time together❤

I think...i'm getting my head together a little more now...i think! Starting to think of baby names too. Is it weird that i want another girl? Even though i already have 2 and no boys? I have no clue how i'd clean a boys bum if he'd done a stinker!
Also thinking i'd like to try breast feeding if i can. I didn't have the chance to last time as my other two both had a few complications. If all is ok with this one, i'd like to give it ago. So starting to think of things other than just my crazy emotions. Gotta be a good thing?

Hope you are all okxx

@Stacey186 awww bless hope shes ok and gets over it pretty quickly but at least youve a few days off to look after her & of course its not weird but i dont think u need to worry about a newborn baby boy its when they discover their willies and wont leave them alone (even with the shittiest nappy) lol what names have u liked?

@LMX0 i've come up tons of names but Hubby doesn't like any and i don't like any of his. The only one we can agree on is Cole for a boy. He actually had the nerve to suggest calling it after his Mother if it's a girl...over my dead body!

Oh no. I hope it's a girl even more now 😂
I have 11 Neices and Nephews and i remember changing one of my Nephews nappys a few years ago and thankfully, he'd only done a wee but it was the first time i had done a boy so changed him and put him to bed. My Brother came home from work and went to check on him. Told me i'd left his willy standing up. I didn't understand what he meant. He was laughing so much because his Son was covered in pee. It then dawned on me that perhaps i should have moved it so it was pointing down! I've got alot to learn if this id a boy hahaha xx

It does cheer me up, coming on this thread and seeing that you're doing better! Positivity now all of the way!

Do you have an appointment with the midwife coming up soon?

In regards to the nasty comments, some users on here can just be trolls and are here to cause only trouble! Don't let them upset you, as I would hardly call them human beings...

@Stacey186 thats always the way but you have loads of time will you find out what your having or keep it a surprise? That made me laugh!!
@northside your so right!!

@LMX0, i knew with both my girls but so far i don't want to this time. Most likely change my mind come the time though. Lol. It still seems so surreal, i can't tell you how unplanned this pregnancy was and have very few, minor symptoms so far aswel so it really still doesn't feel real. I have booked an early scan for 26th April. I'll be almost 10 weeks by then but i don't think this is going to sink in until i see it for myself! Lol. Are you pregnant or with little ones?

@northside. I'm ok now. That user did upset me but to be honest, i couldn't give a toss. I have made mistakes in my life, there's no denying that but my girls always have the absolute best they possibly could get from me so i know i'm a good Mom and every other person i've spoke to on here has been fab.
No not heard from Midwife yet. Think my Doctor said they'll be in touch anytime between 8-10 weeks. I'm 6 weeks today if my dates are correct so may be a while yet. I'm so excited though. Dug out my old pregnancy books and been having a read of them. I don't know why but i'm amazed everytime i read them. I clearly just forget everything as it's like the first time all over again, even though it's my third. Lol. Xx

Sorry, changed my name - northside - for a previous post and forgot to change it back! Very confusing...

Everyone makes mistakes in their life and nobody is perfect, but it makes me so upset when people tear others down.

Aw, the midwife took all of my pregnancy notes away and I never made a scrapbook, though I wish that I had. It was all over so quickly, no wonder it feels like the first time for you!

@Stacey186 i dont think it hits anyone until they see baby on the screen even now it still amazes me yes im pregnant im 23 weeks with a little girl!! It will be nice either way if you find out or not hopefully you don't get much sickness or tiredness ohh its so exciting hope the time flies for you 😊

@LMX0. I had such bad morning sickness with my youngest, i was hospitalised 8 times, Passed out in the middle of a supermarket, Had every urine/kidney infection going, heartburn so bad it would wake me in the night, headaches like i'd never had in my life, my hands and feet looked like something from a horror film. Was truly horrendous. It really did put me off having another. Fingers crossed, i feel OK. A couple of minor things for now. Little bit of heartburn so far, touch of nausea, admitadly tiredness has been abit hard so far but i'm not sure if that's in combination with stress to be honest what with everything with DH and the shock. I'd like to carry on this way but we'll see lol don't think my luck is quite that good.
Oh i just wanna get to 12 weeks and then i'll relax alittle more. I'm bursting to tell my girls. Really am. I've also nearly dropped it out a couple times to other people too. Doesn't come natural for me to lie, really doesn't.
Aww lovely. Picked a name yet? Do you have a boy already aswel from what you said about them finding their willies? 😂

@becki3 oh she did upset me. But unfortunately there's lots of people like that. I'm sure i have got much more negative stuff to come yet when i bump into DH's family. But i truly couldn't give a crap anymore. I'm not going to get any of the excitement that most people get when announcing a pregnancy. I know that as my family know he's left again and we're still living apart. They'll act concerned but it will only be an act. None of them bother with me apart from my Mom so they can keep their opinions to themselves. They wont be paying or raising baby, i will. It did bother me innitially that i'll have no one really excited for me but it doesn't anymore. I have my girls and they will be over the moon. My Mom is now so excited too. That is all i need.
Yeah they took mine both times too. It's a shame they don't let you keep them isn't it. Be wonderful to keep them for memories. I'm going to "misplace" them when i go into labour with this i think 😂 xx

Id love to be able to keep my notes too!!! I wonder why they dont let you keep them?
@Stacey186 no this is my first baby ive 2 really younger brothers & my friends little boy will be 1 soon so thats how i know lol omg what a rough time you had poor you i really hope you get it alot easier this time around!! Yes id imagine the stress & shock wouldn't have helped at all your mum & girls are all that really matter let everyone else run along and i wouldn't give them any satisfaction in seeing that whatever they say annoys you are such a strong lady & don't forget it!!

@Stacey186 we like Amelia but just going to wait until she is here his mother keeps banging on about it not being unique enough and being very common some people eh she can ramble on not her baby lol