Scared to tell husband

[Stacey186]

Please help. I feel so lost right now. A few hours ago i found out i am pregnant. I'm shocked. I have taken my pill religiously. I haven't been ill at all so there's no way it could have come out of my system. I just feel totally dumbfounded. It's not sinking in at all. I'm 31, with 2 children from my previous marriage who are 11 and 8 and married now to a man who has his own 2 children from a previous relationship. Neither of us wanted anymore kids with the 4 between us. We don't live together. He moved out in January but we are still together. He has some very serious amger issues and i have refused to let him move back in until he has them under control. Which in all fairness to him, he is now seeing a Doctor and waiting to be referred. But, i have tons of debt, £28,000 actually and cannot afford another baby. I have reduced that debt massively from what it was but i still don't have enough spare cash for a fish and chip dinner once a week, let alone a new baby. Not to mention the fact, i literally do not have the room in my tiny home for a cot or anything else baby related. We are incredibly cramped.but my main issue is my husband. He doesn't know yet, he lives at his Moms so i only see him a few times a week and i want to tell him face to face once i've plucked up the courage but to be truthful i am terrified. I had a scare a few years ago and he asked me what i would do if it turned out i was pregnant and i tols him i'd keep it. he went mental at all. Screaming/shouting, storming about the house. He then packed his things and left (this happens everytime we have a row hence why he's living at his Mom's as i've refused him to move back in until he sorts himself out) he was adament he wanted me to have an abortion. I have no family near by to help me out. I moved away from everyone to be with my now hubby. I don't get on with his family. He early gets his temper and behaviour patterns from them. I feel so lost and have no one to talk to. I'm not sure what to do. Please advise if anyone has been through similar.
Thanks
Stacey

Trying to learn how to tag people but have no bloody idea! Lol. Becki3, i am thinking that. I think it was you who said about stress inducing people? I am somebody who stress affects physically aswel as emotionally so it this doesn't calm down shortly then unfortunately, i'm going to tell him not to come back and that we are done but that i'll keep him up to date and he can be at the birth if he chooses to. I don't want to go down that route, i do love him but i need to do the right thing by me and baby so, we'll see how this goes. He's coming to drop my youngest step son off to me later as he's asking to see me and my girls so i have no choice but to see him at some point today. Sounds bad to think i'm dreading seeing my own Husband doesn't it? I feel abit messed up today if i'm honest but i'm also busy planning ahead and trying to take care of myself for once. I'm such a 'rusher' of a person. I'm always working, or doing something with the kids or cleaning the house. I never take time to just chill out but i'm adament i bloody well am tonight! Vampire diaries and junk food are waiting for me tonight. Lol.

Girls, i just want to say how fantastic you all are. I joined this group Wednesday night in absolute fits of tears, feeling so alone and scared. Although i am abit upset over my Husbands reaction, i feel that you lot have helped keep me sane the last few days. Even if i was just coming on here ranting away, you've helped massively. I don't really have alot of people i feel i can talk to. All my female friends gossip...alot. i don't confide in them about anything because of this. I have a male Best Friend who is awesome! But...he's male and doesn't have a clue what i'm going through and i have my Mom who after the initial shock from her has been fantastic too and she will seriously kick my Husband in the ass if he keeps up with his knobbery 😂

😂😂 your description of your mum. Sounds like mine. I'm glad MN has helped give you a place to have a bit of a vent and have a chat 🙂 you've done amazing so far and no doesn't sound bad to be dreading seeing your husband given the circumstances. Enjoy your junk food and vampire diaries!

He's calmed down loads now. Said he'll be at all scans and appointments etc. Asked that we tell people together once we hit 12 weeks. Seems to be accepting it abit better so fingers crossed.
Oh my Mom is awesome! She has such a way with words, she cracks me up and it's completely true. 😂

Just came back to check up on you. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling in a much better place and he's being less of an arse!! Xo

Oh he's still an arse! But i am doing this and i think he realises for once that he can't stamp his feet and get his own way over this. At the moment, he's all doom and gloom about it but saying he'll stand by me. Hopefully he'll at some point be at a happy place about it too but time will tell with that.
I'm bursting to tell my girls. They'll be so excited when i do finally announce it x

@Stacey186 glad things are looking a bit brighter for you now!! It will just take time for him to be in a happier place with it i hope everything works out for yous both 💖

Have read this whole thread and just wanted to say...you are fucking amazing! Wishing you the very best of luck with the pregnancy and beyond.

Oh how exciting to be able to share with your girls 🎉 I forget how many weeks you are? Do you have long to wait? X

I think i'm about 4 and a half weeks...ish. so a while yet until i hit 12 weeks. My girls are 11 and 8 and every time someone in the family or friends have babies, or they see it on TV etc, they always ask me for a baby Brother or Sister and they always get the same answer; a big fat NO! Lol. They're gonna have such a shock.
I've got all my pregnancy vitamins which are ginormous! I forgot how massive they are so nearly coughed up a lung trying to get one down today 😂
I can't believe how much i've forgotten though. The list of foods i can't eat, no more skin melting baths. How i will miss those 😓 i don't usually have a drop of cold water, go in a picture of Casper and come out pulling off my best lobster impression. So i'm already moaning it seems...this should be fun hahaha

😂 my daughter is currently pregnant and just couldn't cope with the"horse pills", so she's now having the pregnecare liquid instead 👌

I can't wait to read about your girls' response when you tell them! It will be lovely! I hope the time goes quickly for you xo

I took Pregnacare liquid too, it was so much easier. I'm not good with tablets.

Aw, I'm so glad that you're feeling better about this. Everything seems heightened when you're in the moment, I think that other people's outside perspectives and time to process can work wonders. You're amazing! Good luck!

Hi OP, congratulations! I understand this just have been a shock though!

I just wanted to say please please be careful. I know from everything you've said that you're a very strong woman. I'm just worried about your relationship.

Tbh, your husband sounds like a complete waste of space. You said he's a good husband but I don't see how he can be when he treats you so badly.

You've said he's got anger issues and that he's waiting on a referral. Is there no way he can seek alternative help more quickly? It sounds like he needs it.

You said he's not yet been physically violent towards you. I'm concerned that because you said your ex husband was physically violent, that you somehow see emotional abuse (which this sounds like) as acceptable.

I'm also concerned that you've got a husband who already has anger management problems, to put it kindly. Add into the mix a pregnancy he doesn't want, and the possibility of him losing his job, and I'm really worried that his abusive behaviour will escalate.

Please look after yourself, OP. Don't put yourself and your kids at risk.

There's a liquid?! I told the woman at the pharmacy how much i struggle swallowing large tablets and she never even mentioned there's a liquid i could take instead. Will have to ask about that.

Yeah, i'm just trying to keep my mouth shut but i'm beaming now so this is a secret that i'm gonna struggle to keep. Lol.

Glitterandunicorns- i understand what you're saying, i'm starting to see it more and more myself if i'm honest. I'm fully aware he's an arse when he feels like it. I've never been oblivious to it but i can't say his bad points without the good ones. That wouldn't be fair as he's not all bad. Having said that, i do think this will break us. I do think it will get worse before it gets better too. He's made it plainly clear he wants to move back in and i'm point blank refusing. For starters, him and his Sons are bone idle. They expect me to pick up and do everything for them. Whereas my girls do small chores for me and tidy rooms, bring clothes down etc. There is no way i'm going back to picking up after 3 super lazy people and the tiredness that comes with pregnancy and a new born. Also, if i dared mention that he should help too, especially as i work longer hours than him, he'd kick off. My kids aren't witnessing all that again. The last 2 months he was here, i was utterly miserable. Once he left, i felt i could breathe as he'd still have his moods and temper tamtrums but they wouldn't be around us. Not to mention the fact, i am in as much debt as i am because he is a spender, that's why i work longer hours than him to pay it off. He can't get overtime, i can so it's me who suffers and i can't afford to look after me and my girls and him and the boys if they move back in. I don't want them to.
So, if he does lose his job, as selfish as i may sound that is his problem and he's under his Moms roof so hers too. I wont be keeping all 3 of them. It's not happening. I've suffered enough. The first sign of things escalating and i will have the police straight away and then get a restraining order. I'm full of guilt even saying that as i would hope it's never needed but from past behaviour, i also have little to no faith. Only time will tell how this will pan out with him. But i'm fully prepared to have him arrested if needed. I do appreciate your concern and although i obviously attract fruitcakes, i'm not a doormat. It's actually because i'm no doormat that he's temper gets as bad as it does. He can't control me and he hates it!

It's on offer at the moment, in Boots x

@Stacey186 - So, if he does lose his job, as selfish as i may sound that is his problem and he's under his Moms roof so hers too.

Can't see the selfishness myself. You are putting yourself and your 2 (and a half 😛) children first over 3 people that don't appreciate or respect you. To me that says damn good parenting, NOT selfishness 🙂

I agree with @Kitchenbound

Bless ya. You've all been so fab. I had a little cry earlier. All abit overwhelming i suppose but i'm not a cryer usually. Lol. This last few days/half a week,i've balled my eyes out.
He seems to be really coming around now and dare i say it, a touch excited

My Nephews Girlfriend had a baby back in December and is getting rid of lots of baby things. I wish i could say something so she'd keep a few bits and peices for us but i'm scared i'll jinx it. Too paranoid for my own good

Well hello pregnancy hormones nice to see you again 😂. Its been a huge emotional week you deserve a good cry. Good for the soul etc.

Could you speak to your nephew's girlfriend and say someone you know is expecting? Just until you are ready to tell them?

Well done for keeping the baby against all odds! I still have my baby stuff, happy to give them to you if it helps? PM me if you are interested...

@Stacey186 there are plenty of sites on fb that give baby stuff away or sell for really low prices maybe worth having a look? Or as @Kitchenbound says let on its for someone you know and yes those prego hormones really are something else

Hi girls, well i texted my Nephew's Girlfriend and said someone i know is pregnant but she wants them gone ASAP as she has no room and i don't want them here as like i said, i'm paranoid. Starting from scratch is frightening!

I think my Husband is on the verge of a nervous breakdown if i'm honest. He's being very distant with me. I feel abit confused by it because on Saturday, he was joking around about baby names etc.but he's hardly texting, not ringing. Seems very off. Feel abit lost again x

@Stacey186 is there anyone that could keep them for you your mum or bf? It could all be hitting him in waves and could just take time for it all to sink in properly a bit of distance might do you both some good?

Hi sweety - if your bf or dm can't store things for you until you're ready for then definitely check out fb theres always people 'paying it forward' with baby furniture.

As pp said it may be hitting him in waves - he might have come to terms with the pregnancy then something else about it occurred to him. Don't let him stress you out. How are you feeling though apart from him?

Abit emotional tbh. Actually no, feel like i'm gonna break down. Hubby ended it with me today. That he will be there for me for all appointments, scans and birth etc but said he needs to finally do the right thing by me and end things. That he knows now that his temper has scared me in the past and that's not right. Certainly doesn't feel like he's doing the right thing by me at all. I know it sounds daft but i had fully prepared myself for going it alone if he couldn't handle the baby news but this has knocked me. I could be wrong but i feel altho he'll stand by baby, he's maybe resenting me for keeping it. I don't know but feel heart broken. Work has been so difficult to get through this shift. Only my boss knows i'm pregnant. Everyone always asks about how my DH is and if we've done anything recently, the usual. And i'm just there lying through my teeth! Can't say he's split up with me cause then there's questions of why which leads to baby and i'm paranoid about losing it so just keeping everything to myself. Finding everything so damn hard