Scared to tell husband

[Stacey186]

Please help. I feel so lost right now. A few hours ago i found out i am pregnant. I'm shocked. I have taken my pill religiously. I haven't been ill at all so there's no way it could have come out of my system. I just feel totally dumbfounded. It's not sinking in at all. I'm 31, with 2 children from my previous marriage who are 11 and 8 and married now to a man who has his own 2 children from a previous relationship. Neither of us wanted anymore kids with the 4 between us. We don't live together. He moved out in January but we are still together. He has some very serious amger issues and i have refused to let him move back in until he has them under control. Which in all fairness to him, he is now seeing a Doctor and waiting to be referred. But, i have tons of debt, £28,000 actually and cannot afford another baby. I have reduced that debt massively from what it was but i still don't have enough spare cash for a fish and chip dinner once a week, let alone a new baby. Not to mention the fact, i literally do not have the room in my tiny home for a cot or anything else baby related. We are incredibly cramped.but my main issue is my husband. He doesn't know yet, he lives at his Moms so i only see him a few times a week and i want to tell him face to face once i've plucked up the courage but to be truthful i am terrified. I had a scare a few years ago and he asked me what i would do if it turned out i was pregnant and i tols him i'd keep it. he went mental at all. Screaming/shouting, storming about the house. He then packed his things and left (this happens everytime we have a row hence why he's living at his Mom's as i've refused him to move back in until he sorts himself out) he was adament he wanted me to have an abortion. I have no family near by to help me out. I moved away from everyone to be with my now hubby. I don't get on with his family. He early gets his temper and behaviour patterns from them. I feel so lost and have no one to talk to. I'm not sure what to do. Please advise if anyone has been through similar.
Thanks
Stacey

Ok well you may not want to hear this but I think he has done the right thing. He's recognising that his behaviour isn't good enough and you don't deserve it. Kind of sounds like the common sense fairy kicked him up the butt a little. And of course you don't feel like its the right thing by you that is an entirely normal response.

You can absolutely tell people you work with that you and he have split up you don't owe anyone an explanation at all. Simply tell them that you have split up and you don't really want to talk about it. And telling them may be the best thing to do - they'll stop asking about him and support you through this.

Just take it 1 day at a time. I'm hoping you've spoken to your DM and BF but if not call them. You know they will rally around you and help - if nothing else they will give you a shoulder to cry on. Are you considering moving closer to your family at this point or are you happy to stay where you are?

We're with you all the way with this hun 💐

No i can't move. My children are happy in School and i like my job. I am thinking about taking some sort of driving course though so atleast i can go and see my Mom more often.
I'm a smoker, a heavy one at that and i almost caved yesterday and bought some, i felt so low. Somehow managed not to buy any but just came home and sobbed like a baby. Feel that crap in my emotions that i nearly called in sick this morning for work too. And to top that off, i've got a terrible stomach this morning. Not morning sickness thankfully but got a lovely dose of the shits to start the day with. I had an hours sleep, tops, last night. How i'm supposed to function at work today, i don't know.
The more i think about DH, i actually think he's a giant asshole! Dump his pregnant wife, for what i think is bullshit reasons. Not even man enough to tell me the real ones. I can't explain why, i just don't believe he's doing "the right thing by me" sounds like a cop out to me. If he wanted to do the right tjing, he'd prove he will never act like that again and show it to me. Instead, he breaks up with me. Wanker. Feel like my bitch switch has been flipped completely today. The rational and calm me has gone and instead i'm a blubbering, angry mess. Xx

You're absolutely allowed to be angry that he has been a useless husband and even more useless now you're pregnant. It's totally natural.

I agree that ultimately it is probably for the best as he was angry and scary, you were living apart before the baby and you'll be better off without him long term.

But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel hurt and angry right now.

Sorry you're feeling under the weather too. Pregnancy is such a delight!

@Stacey186 massive hugs!!! What an absolute (struggling to find a suitable word......) its alot more stress than you really need atm and prob a good reason why your under the weather as well deffo get driving it will give you so much more freedom and as you say you can see your mum alot more and get the support from her i understand not wanting to move again and uproot the dc from school and you from work

It really has been an up and down time for you so far, so I think that it's totally understandable that you feel so rubbish. I would be the same, probably worse!

The relationship between you are your partner was not a great one with him not living at home, etc. He's probably looking for a cop out of what he thinks are his duties, as a father-to-be. But, I'm glad that you've already started to get yourself in the mindset of doing it alone. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but maybe you can just gain some closure from the relationship now and focus on your baby and not him.

I only work 5 hours on a Wednesday but today felt longer than my 12 hours on Mondays and Tuesdays. Struggled so much to get through today. The stomach cramps i've had have been horrendous. Thankfully, we're all friends on my department so felt no embarrassment telling them why i kept rushing off to the toilet lol. I've been rather lazy since finishing work, cooked a quick meal for the girls and treated myself to a quick nap, much needed after the attempt at sleep last night.
I still feel very angry about my DH. But i actually prefer feeling like this because it stops the tears coming. I know they'll kick in again but me feeling anger helps me not feeling like i'm going to crack so much. Just beginning to think i'm very good at choosing losers for partners. I've only ever been with 3 men. First one i married and had the girls with. Second one i was with 3 years and now this one who i married too. I think i'm a good Wife. I work hard at work and in the house. I look after my kids aswel as his. I have no problem with him going out with friends and having his own space but i feel like whatever i do, it's clearly not good enough. I admit i hate my inlaws with a passion which must be hard on him. But i've never had a partners family behave this way with me. The girls Grandmother from my ex-hubby messages me regularly just to see how i am and meets up with me whenever i go to my home town and we go for lunch. I can't be that bad! But the lying, stealing, swearing and talking filth infront of my kids, trashing my house whilst i put a roof over their head, rent free may i add from Husbands family. It's all nuts and something i'd expect to see on old episodes of Shameless! There's so much that family have done that i can't even look at them without thinking they're utter scumbags.
My friends have invited me out this weekend and i'm struggling to think of an excuse as to why i can't go. Any ideas girls?

On a happier note, i was working baby aisle today which usually i take no notice of new stock that comes in. Just do my job but i'm looking at everything now and there's so many new things out there now that wasn't when i was having the girls. I just want to buy loads! Also, i'm a massive marvel geek. I know, big kid. Lol. But there's a long sleeve vest for newborn that says "my Mommy is a super hero" in a wonder woman design. I so want another girl now. Lol x

You can put boys in Wonder Woman too!

Yeah this is red and blue with pink frills around where the legs go. I'm not putting a boy in that. 😂

Just caught up, big hugs OP
Use the anger for strength. You sound like a fantastic wife and mum, don't let him or his family drag you down xo

Ok I'm pretty pro giving either gender pink/blue etc but I think pink frills is too far even for me!

@clareb83. It's not even the fact the frills are pink, it's the frills in general! Lol.

Thanks sushirolls. Bit hard at the moment but i suppose they can only get better right...fingers crossed anyway. I'm not feeling quite as bad tonight. It's my girls. They just know how to make me feel better. My eldest ran me a bath because she knows my tummy's been hurting and offered to make me a sandwich, bless her. I hurt my back the other day so she helped me into the bath too whilst my youngest was brushing my hair. They're so caring if they can see i'm alittle on the delicate side. Xx

Your girls sound so lovely! Your new little one is going to be very well looked after!! 😊 You may not even get a look in between the girls 😂

Re pink/blue... My daughter doesn't know what she's having yet, but has picked out the sky blue chicco next to me crib anyway 😉 x

I did think that. I'm gonna have my elder 2 trying to take over i think 😂 i can't wait to tell them. I'd love to take them to the scan, but i'm worried incase somethings wrong. May pay for a private one at a later date so they can enjoy this too.
Our cat is currently pregnant. They're fussing over her terribly. Think the poor thing feels suffocated. 😂 i have to keep telling them to give her some space and that if she wants cuddles, she'll come for them. I'm so proud of them though. 11 and 8 years old and are the most compassionate people i have ever met. Xx

Oh and about the crib...i've tried not to look at stuff like that yet. I'm actually a beauty consultant but help out on other departments when it's quiet because i get bored easily so baby was where i keep choosing to go first. Lol. We don't tell the big things at our place so that's good as i'd be bankrupt before i even hit 12 weeks! Xx

Ooh lots of babies! Are you keeping any of them? X

I've been looking at this as a gift for my daughter... Not sure where you're based though 🤔

www.groupon.co.uk/deals/window-to-the-womb-head-office

I hear ya on the money front.. Went to H&M to get my daughter from maternity jeans and we ended up spending nearly £80 on baby stuff too 🙈😂 x

How are things @Stacey186?

I was wondering the same... Hope you're well OP xo

Same, I hope that you're well!

Thank you everyone. I'm not doing well if i'm honest but suppose only time will help with that.
Good thing is that Hubby has really come round to having a baby. Things are OK with us. We are talking mostly about baby and not really anything else although he says he regrets breaking up with me now.
I just feel a massive mess emotionally. I don't whether it's hormones kicking in or stuff that's happened with me but feel like crap.
I'm also having some pretty horrendous cramps down low. I don't remember having anything other than twinges and the odd sharp pain with my others but hospital is saying they can't scan me yet so paying for a private one at 8 weeks to see if everything is ok.
Feel like i could just hibernate for a year! Xx

Good Luck op with your baby.

You’re not going to get back with him are you?

You’re not letting him stay over either I hope.

If I were you I’d make it very clear by starting the divorce proceedings.

Oh and he wouldn’t be coming to my medical appointments or dictating who I told when

@Stacey186 all the stress is prob taking alot out of you and taking its toll on your body then add pregnancy and young children to look after im glad he has came round to the baby it will make things alot easier on you but for now i wouldnt rush into getting getting back with him or even thinking about it take care of yourself your baby and your girls and of course the cat!! And keep us updated

Think it's safe to say you haven't got a bloody clue how to offer support to someone who has made it abundantly clear, that i already have pretty much none. Do you think sitting there behind your screen that i have no idea what a mess i have made of my life? Or that i don't know i've made bad choices? Are you perfect? Have you never screwed up?! There is a way to thoughtfully say what you think but cleary you were never taught how to!
I also took every precaution i possibly could to avoid this happening. It wasn't through being irresponsible and not taking contraception properly. I have had alot of people offer support on here and also say similar similar to you but in a very different manner. Thank you for making me feel more shit when i thought i couldn't feel any lower.