I’m pregnant again and my baby is 8 months old....

[TwinkleStars15]

I don’t know what to do It wasn’t planned. She’s still a baby. I love her so much and don’t want her to miss out because of another baby. We would like another but not until she’s 2/3/4. I’d only be back at work 3/4 months. We’d have no money. I’m in shock and can’t think straight. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination but I also can’t imagine having another baby so soon. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I found out about 30 minutes ago and just needed to vent. Sorry!

@pasta thank you! No need to go away, you’ve been great

I had 17 months between my first two and then 11 months later number 3 came along (a surprise! I was on mini pill, still fully breastfeeding and had sex once) So 3 under 21/2. It was hard for a while but my boys are best friends they all have similar interests and watching them grow together is amazing. It was definitely worth it and as they get older gets easier (in some respects) I still sometimes wish I had more 1:1 time with all of them but I imagine most parents feel like that. What to do is only a decision you and your other half can make but from my experience you will never regret it. Good luck.

@TwinkleStars15 how are you feeling now?

I don't know if you're still thinking about the buggy thing, but we did buy a double buggy for our younger 2 who are 15 months apart and ended up selling it early on when we realised it was unnecessary. My youngest was in a sling for the first months, so much easier as I was breastfeeding, and then we got a buggy board for his older sister when he was out of the sling.

We didn't get a new cot. My youngest was in his moses basket and bedshared when he was very young, and then he moved into the cot and his sister moved into her new bed when he was about 5 or 6 months old. She needed to be moved into a bed at that stage anyway because she was climbing out of it, and a low bed was safer for her.

If you're still worried about bigger purchases like a toddler bed, maybe you could ask someone or a few people to chip in and get it for your child's birthday or christmas present? Our toddler bed was my daughters birthday present from her nanny. People are also really generous with hand me downs etc.

Sorry for the long post! I hope you aren't bored stiffless at this stage

Sorry, in thought I'd mention, now we have kids aged 9, nearly 3 and 21 months (and one on the way) and we make a special effort to have alone time with each of them when possible. For example we take it in turns to take the 9 year old out to the cinema, or bowling, or take a younger one for an icecream. There's a 6 year age gap in there and we still make the effort to enjoy the kids as individuals as well as a bigger family.

Thanks for asking @KLHL777 I’m all sorts of confused still One minute I think there’s no way we could do it and then I change my mind and think it’s all part of the plan for our life...

DP loves DD with all his heart and is so worried about things changing, bless him. He just wants her to have the best life.

I’m already feeling guilty after reading that my breast milk will have already changed to a more sour/salty flavour and wonder if that’s why she’s been a bit fussier, and that my milk supply with reduce around 4-5 months gone and that she might self wean because of it. I had wanted to feed her til she was 2 (if she wanted to)

I’m also worried about feeling like crap during the pregnancy and it affecting how much I can do with her.

DP would really love a son, and I’m worried that if we decide to go ahead and it’s a girl he’ll be disappointed (that could be the case in years to come I know, but he’d need a bit of persuading to go ahead with this one).

We’ve got our appointment on Monday to discuss our options and have a dating scan so hopefully we’ll feel clearer after that.....

OP I experienced secondary infertility after the birth of my first son and whereas I thought we’d conceive immediately as I fell with him on our first try, the reality ended up being years of recurrent miscarriage and finally DS2 being born three years later.

Don’t underestimate the devastation of infertility. You would be inconsolable if you terminated this pregnancy to find you couldn’t fall pregnant at a later date. You’d think it was punishment and beat yourself up terribly.

In your position I would go ahead and be very grateful that you’re going to have two who will be st similar stages of development growing up so IMO they are more likely to have s close bond.

@SleepFreeZone I spent two years of my life thinking that I was never going to be a Mum, it was the worst time of my life and affected me every day. I went to a dark place. So I know what it feels like. I will feel eternally grateful that I was blessed with a child, and such a beautiful, happy and contented one. It doesn’t make this decision any easier.

When I was 18 I had an unplanned pregnancy. I was in education with no real qualifications behind me, my bf was flaking in and out of my life, and most of my friends and family thought I should not allow the pregnancy to continue. My Nanny though, told me that all babies are a great blessing, and that things have a way of working themselves out. I kept him, and although there's been some really rough times, I've never regretted my decision for a second. I thank God that I didn't go through with it. Once you've done it you can't undo it. Maybe think about how your daughter would feel as a teenager or a grown women if she knew she was the reason a life wasn't brought into the world. I don't want to seem pushy, I just often wonder about the longterm impact of terminations on a person's mental health.

Just sharing my experience, as others have shared theirs. X

OP, I understand somewhat how you are feeling, I haven't been in exactly this position but we did get pregnant with DC2 at (literally) first try when I was expecting it to take at least a few months so our gap (2 yrs) was less than I'd mentally prepared for. It was fine of course, but I do remember (and I think most parents of 2 feel the same) that I couldn't imagine loving the next child as much or enough. I loved DC1 with all my heart so thought there wasn't enough left. I wanted more time just with DD and didn't feel ready

What I've learned is that the love is infinite - your heart just expands. It's not a cake that you have to give measured slices of, you give DC1 a whole cake and then when DC2 is born, there's a whole other cake just there!

Some of my fondest memories of Ds's first months were when I had them both in a room together, DS in his bouncy chair gazing at us, and DD and I playing with toys at his feet. It just comes together and you naturally find a way to give attention to them both.

If it's not the right time you'll make the right decision, but know that if you go ahead you will make it work and your DC will be happy as this will be the family they know.

This ^^

There is 11 months to day with two elder. My furst was born on the 29th May 2012 and my second was born 29th april 2013. Its not as bad as you would think, even tho my second wouldnt sleep for months unless he was sitting up in his pram with a blanket partially covering his face, with a bottle of milk while being rocked back and forth.
But this is a serious decision and i wish you all the best with whatever you choose. 💐

13 months between my 2 girls. DD2 was not planned - on the mini pill & still breast feeding. They were out with friends celebrating DD1's 21st last night and they are the best of friends. The first 2 years were difficult but we never regretted it - although DH did get the snip to prevent any more contraception failures.
Having them so close together has been great as they have done a lot of things together. They look out for each other and talk online constantly now they are away at different universities.

We had our appointment today. I’m 6 weeks exactly. And we still don’t know what to do, it’s been a really difficult week. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their comments and advice, it’s been really appreciated

You’ve just got to do what is right for you. You have to live with the decision, whatever you decide. There is no right or wrong here. I’ve ended an unplanned pg, I continued with one, and I considered ending another because of the closeness as I said up thread. I cannot say anything else because I did what was right for me. But for what it’s worth, I understand a little.

My heart goes out to you.

@TwinkleStars15 it's tough and only you can decide what is right for you and your family. It's no one else's business.

Have you spoken to any organizations that can help with your options?

I'm just sending a big hug xxx

Hope things are ok with you today @TwinkleStars15 and you've had some time to digest, think and talk.

I found out I was pregnant again when my DD was not even 5 months. Although we knew we'd always wanted 2 kids, I felt it was far too soon and had all the same feelings as you. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't love the second baby as much as the first. I'll be honest, the pregnancy flew in and I didn't really enjoy it, I didn't even feel mentally prepared by the time I went into labour. The first few months of DS's life have gone by in a bit of a blur as we have found our way with all those practical things (how to keep a 13 month old safe while feeding a newborn, finding a sort of routine that works etc). Now DS is 4 months and DD is 17 months and I couldn't be happier with our little family.

I had to go back to work earlier than planned and was back at work for 3 months before my second mat leave started. Yes I cried that first day, like most people probably, but it was fine. Now I'm off on mat leave again and I'm spending much more time with DD than I would have done if I was working, and saving a lot on childcare. Having 2 so young means we can have lazy days in the house if we want, no getting older kids out of bed and fed and doing the school run. As they get older hopefully days out will be easier as they'll be into similar sorts of activities. And the pregnancy/childbirth/newborn stages are now all out of the way, so we can focus now on raising our 2 kids. The older one was too young to get jealous or really understand so she's just taken it all in her stride, and she gets so excited when she sees him which would make your heart melt.

I felt exactly like you did when I found out. You'll make the right decision for your family, which may or may not be the same decision as us, but I guess I just wanted to say that you don't need to suddenly feel really happy about this pregnancy for it all to work out ok. I felt quite emotionally detached during my second pregnancy, although I didn't really admit that to anyone, but now I couldn't imagine our family any other way.

Hello OP,

I don't usually comment but I have read every single comment on this thread and it sounds like you are really unsure. All I will say is you have to go with your heart (I know...not much help).

In terms of feeling guilt for your dc, I have no idea what it's like to only have 1, I was lucky enough to have twins and then being the total button I am decided it would be awesome to have another one when my twins were 10 months. I have exactly a 19 month age gap between my twins and youngest and flip me...id be lying if I said it wasn't hard work at times but they are 9 and 7 now and the majority of the time they get on. They always have someone to play with or chat to and all is ok (well....most of the time)

As I said OP, go with your heart, only you know the best decision for your family right now.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck in the future and hope everything works out for you xxx

Thank you for your replies @randomquestions thanks so much, your reply is lovely. Can you tell me a bit more about the practicalities of having two so young? Did you breast or bottle feed? How do you manage naps? Did you get a double buggy or use a sling? I’m sooo confused as to how it would work!

@sunshine Wow twins! And then another baby 10 months later! Congratulations on your little family. Thank you for you kind reply.

For the first couple of months I just had to roll with it and we sort of muddled through. I didn't breastfeed, I decided not to make things harder for myself as I'd had a hard time breastfeeding my first. I know people do breastfeed with a small age gap though, it might be worth joining a local breastfeeding group/Facebook page etc if you haven't already and if that's what you'd like to do. The new baby got into a good routine around 3 months and that's definitely when things got easier. So I now feed DS around 7am, then he goes back for a nap for a couple of hours and I get DD up and have breakfast etc. They both usually go for a nap in the early afternoon if I'm lucky!

I have a double buggy which I use lots. And another essential for me is a playpen downstairs which I can put DD in while I pop upstairs to get DS etc.

If you have family support close by it really helps. I can often drop one of them in with a family member for a few hours if I need to take the other to an appointment etc, which I am so grateful for. And I do have some limited regular childcare set up so I can take them separately to a class/swimming as there are things that you just can't manage without another pair of hands.

There are good days and bad days, but the good days definitely outweigh the bad

Hi there,

Also panicking I found out I’m 12 weeks pregnant and my little one has only just turned 14 weeks

Shocked
Scared
Embarrassed
Excited
All at once!

Me and OH have decided to face up and keep it x

Hi there,

I can completely sympathise, I have a 3 year old and a 14 week old and found out on Friday I was 12 weeks pregnant as I had a scan because I haven’t had any periods since my little one was born. Complete shock and I literally fell apart when I found it due to not knowing how my other half would react. We had a long weekend talking things through and have come to the decision to keep it. It’s not the right timing but looking at the other two we have we couldn’t bring ourselves to do the opposite. And someone said to me you might regret terminating but you would never regret that little person when they arrive.

Twinkle stars - sound advice on here (particularly the play pen - essential bit of kit). I breast fed mine 14 months apart but advice then was to wean at four months. In some ways it’s easier because you have two babies so in the same routine. Sling and buggy and a double buggy. Two high chairs. I borrowed a baby swing - that was a really useful bit of equipment too.

It’s good you are thinking things through. You have all the options still. Don’t panic. You will be ok.

Bundlesofjoy congratulations

Wow @Bundlesofjoy congratulations! I'm sure your head's spinning right now, but it's exciting too!

Thank you! Lol yeah I’m mainly panicking about how the hell im going to cope but I suppose that natural of any pregnancy lol x