I’m pregnant again and my baby is 8 months old....

[TwinkleStars15]

I don’t know what to do It wasn’t planned. She’s still a baby. I love her so much and don’t want her to miss out because of another baby. We would like another but not until she’s 2/3/4. I’d only be back at work 3/4 months. We’d have no money. I’m in shock and can’t think straight. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination but I also can’t imagine having another baby so soon. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I found out about 30 minutes ago and just needed to vent. Sorry!

There are 15 months between 2 of my children, as well as between my sister and I and we all love it. My kids are very close and it's amazing watching them together, seeing them cuddle, play, have their own little conversations. There's a big go between the you get two and my eldest, and it broke my heart watching him kick a football to no one, and he really isn't great at playing by himself. He's actually quite resentful of his friends and our neighbours who have siblings close in age. Undoubtedly it's hard work, but your daughter will be 8 months older at that stage and more independent than she is now. The other posters are right when they say a 2nd baby is less expensive because you already have most of the stuff you need.

My sister and I had lots of the same fends growing up, played with barbies together, went to the same summer camps, shared clothes....we have a brother and a sister who are much younger than us, and I love them to bits, but it's definitely a different relationship.

OP, there's no shame if you decide you can't go through with this pregnancy. It really sounds like you're not feeling positive about it. My friend made the tough decision to terminate before Christmas. It was the right decision for her.

That said, I fell pregnant when ds1 was 4 months. Then dh lost his business. I spent the rest of the pregnancy regretting it. DS2 is here now, there's a year and ten days between them. It's far easier than I thought it would be in some ways - very busy but co sleeping helps. I now have no regrets and am glad I'm doing it this way

13 months between me and my sister and we are really close.ds is due in 5 weeks and DD will be 14 months old.

I think it's a great thing to have a small age gap. DD won't remember life without ds as she is so small, no jealousy issues, and it will all become normal to her very quickly.

I was quite overwhelmed in the first few months of pregnancy, I think the hormones made me feel quite depressed and very stressed, however now I'm 35 weeks I just can't wait to crack on with it.

Will be so beautiful to see them together both as babies, and to grow up together so close in age 😍

No, NO! You are NOT stupid, as this kind of thing can happen for all sorts of reasons. There are enough people commenting on yhe thread to show that its not uncommon. It's modern thinking tonassume that reproduction can be controlled in fine detail. It can't. Again you and your DP are NOt stupid, you havechoices and when the shock wears off you can make plans. I had an 11 month gap between two of mine. Take deep breaths and make plans together. Whatever you choose to do will be ok. We make plans and then life un-plans. Enjoy the ride. :-)

My baby was a similar age when I fell pregnant again unexpectedly. I was so scared at first and had all the same worries and concerns as you l. But as we told people, we realised so many people we know have similar age differences and have fantastic relationships with their close in age siblings. And I've spoken to so many mums who have children close in age - it's been a mix of incredibly positive and slightly less so. I'd say no more negative than the mix when you talk to people about the newborn stage (some go on about how hard it is and some just see the positive).

Now my baby is due in a couple of months and my 1st is no longer a tiny baby and is now a toddler!
I think it's gong to be great and I'm really excited now. Although I may well eat my words when baby 2 arrives!
Totally support your right to chose though obviously.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I just can’t shake this feeling of guilt towards our little girl. I feel like she would have to grow up faster than she should have to. I’ve heard of them stopping breastfeeding because of the change in your milk and that would make me feel awful, I had hoped to feed her until she was 2 or when she decided to stop. We co-sleep and I can’t imagine doing that with her and a baby, surely they’d wake each other up.

I feel like this baby would already be on a back foot due to our feelings around the pregnancy already. And I know I would spend the next 7/8 months worrying and feeling anxious and that’s not fair is it. What if we went ahead and felt resentment towards the baby for “ruining” our little life? Is that a stupid thing to say?! Think I need to chill out and try to sleep on it. At the moment I’m just not feeling happy about it at all and that seems such a shame.

Reading that I just jumped back in time to when I found out I was pregnant with DD2. DD1 was 9 months old and I felt EXACTLY the same.

I'm not going to lie, it is tough with two so close together BUT mine are now 4 and almost 3 and they are inseparable. Oh they have their squabbles but they are the best of friends and absolutely dote on each other. Don't feel guilty that your LO will miss out because it really is so beneficial for them having a sibling so close in age. It's wonderful to see. I'm pregnant with #3 now and it'll be strange having to explain it to them, as far as DD1 is concerned DD2 has always been there. She can't remember the time she wasn't.

Just over 12 months between my eldest two who are now in their twenties. It was tough for a year or so but brilliant after that. Great company for each other and no conflict of interests on activities. No. 3 followed two years later which was another win. Still excellent company for each other and all school done and dusted soon as (believe me you will grow to appreciate this).

It's daunting now but look to the long game.

@MaMisled that's the best thing I've ever read! 😂

@TwinkleStars15 please don't refer to yourself as stupid. You aren't at all.

My girls are 15 months apart.....I found that the more I engaged with my eldest daughter when my second came home from the hospital, asked her to bring me small items for the baby etc...all was well....you can do this if you really want to....take a deep breath and relax....my eldest is 27 in May and her sister 26 in August.....if I could do it anyone can...you will make the right decision for you.....take care and good luck..x

Try not to worry about your first born getting less attention due to your second son or daughter being so close in age. If anything I got to spend more time with my DD because I was off again on maternity leave after my DS was born.

My DS is 9, DD is nearly 3 and DS2 is 21 months. My DD doesn't remember the time before DS2 was born, so there's no resentment that he took away her mummy or anything. However DS1 was all too aware that the two new additions meant less attention for him, and it's taken him a while to come around to it. Closer is much better in my opinion.
I think everyone who goes on to have a 2nd child worries that they won't find enough love for it, because the love they have for their first is just so incredibly huge and intense that it doesn't seem possible to have more, but you don't love a second (or 3rd or 4th or 5th....) any less. It's amazing! You've got this

From a purely financial point of view if you're taking annual leave when you return in June until December and working 3 days a week then you will be paid as normal, ie for your usual number of working days.

In terms of calculating maternity pay, it's calculated based on your earnings over a period of 8 weeks up to and including the last payday before the end of your qualifying week (15th week before baby is due). So in your shoes, unless you are earning at least £113/week (gross) between roughly weeks 17 - 25 I'd want to be back at work ideally by week 17 of pregnancy to be earning enough to be entitled to smp. Don't forget that if you did go off on mat leave again you would continue to accrue annual leave which you would be paid if you decided not to return to work.

Obviously there is more to think through than just the finances but I hope this is helpful and gives you one less thing to think about.

Hi OP, my DS was almost 7 months when I found out DD was coming! I’m nearly 36 weeks and DS is still bf at 14 months, there was definitely a dip in supply but it didn’t last too long. I just kept an eye on his wet nappies and made sure to have lots of other fluids available. Breastfeeding was my main source of guilt when I found out as well, i thought I was depriving him of something too but turned out well in the end.

He has changed so much in the last 7 months and This pregnancy is going so quickly, a major perk Like others have said, I think doubling up on the baby stage is a good thing. May as well never leave it than having to go back to it when your DD is much older! Good luck, I don’t feel any guilt now as I see how many people have done this.

Lots of people co-sleep with two successfully. I haven’t figured that out yet but will report back

I’ve woken up this morning feeling very numb still. I just don’t feel happy about it and that’s making me feel guilty.

@mavericksnoopy thanks for the advice about finances. So basically I’d need to return to work early to qualify for SMP. Another reason to feel guilty for my little girl! But I guess in the grand scheme of things 4 weeks isn’t going to make a drastic difference to her.

So many of you have had small gaps in between your babies and it all seems to have worked out okay. I’m just not feeling ready to be pregnant again

This was me.. our first was 2, our second was 9 months and our third has just turned one now.

It's hard, but it's awesome. Good luck op with whatever you decide

There are lots of options available to you OP, but you've got time to let it sink in.

There's a 15.5 month gap between my two. DS was a walking toddler when I had DD and I don't think he missed out on anything. I dragged baby DD along to his classes (baby gym) and she mostly slept at the side.

They are now just 5 and 3 and a half and I couldn't imaging having a bigger gap. They are the best of friends and share interests, games, everything really! They will be one school year apart and DD can't wait to join DS at school. We didn't plan for such a small gap - we were aiming for 18-20 months but I conceived on my first cycle after having DS. The tiny days were hard, but now it is so worth it

You have choices. You don't have to have a baby if you can't afford to. You have time to process and think about it.

For what it's worth: my sister and I are 12 months apart, my children are 15 months apart. It was easy in the early days as I didn't have to get the older one to school so we could all sit in our pjs in bed. The costs were small as all of the older child's clothes were still new. Still had all the Lamaze/baby toys. Moved older child into a bed when baby needed the cot... I think a small age gap is wonderful. I watch my children developing this tight bond and my heart melts. I worried about the level of love & attention I could give to two but I enjoy then so much and they enjoy each other. Watching them giggle their heads off as they do inane toddler shit is the most wonderful sight.

But... childcare is a killer. (almost) My entire salary goes to nursery.

I had a termination last month and it wasn’t pleasant at all but I survived and don’t regret it as it was incredibly bad timing for me to be having a baby. That being said, i’d never have another one again no matter what the circumstances were as I wouldn’t want to go through it again. The only advise i’d give you regarding a termination is if you are going to have one then don’t get a medical one (where you take the pills to miscarry) after 6 weeks pregnant as it will be very painful. Go for a surgical one where they can sedate you and you won’t really know what’s going on.
If you had an implantation bleed last week then i’d guess you’re around 2 weeks since conception (or 4 weeks pregnant)

Op -I asked for my post to be deleted as I was worried that it might make you feel worse. Basically it said I was in your position and completely understand your guilt. I had my baby and it was all fine with a small gap. Babyhood is a small part of it.

I had the same decision to make as you do. I carried on. It worked for me. That’s all I really wanted to say to reassure you that’s its ok.

I had gaps of 5 years, 14 months, 24 months - mine are much older now teens upwards.

Honestly the 14 month gap is my favourite, minimal jealously, similar stages etc. In some ways it's cheaper and easier to get the baby stage over and down with in one go.

I just took a Clearblue test and is says 3+ does that mean I’m more like 5 or 6 weeks?

@twinkle yes I think you must be 5 weeks minimum