I’m pregnant again and my baby is 8 months old....

[TwinkleStars15]

I don’t know what to do It wasn’t planned. She’s still a baby. I love her so much and don’t want her to miss out because of another baby. We would like another but not until she’s 2/3/4. I’d only be back at work 3/4 months. We’d have no money. I’m in shock and can’t think straight. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination but I also can’t imagine having another baby so soon. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I found out about 30 minutes ago and just needed to vent. Sorry!

Definitely yes to a sling, I used one with my daughter when she was young, still do for walks as she’ll happily nap whilst we’re out - if she won’t nap at home it’s our saviour!

I’d need to go back to work earlier than planned to qualify for SMP, can work object to this or do they have to agree? I was planning to go back end of June but it’d be more like mid May. I’d be 17 weeks by then - I doubt they’d be over the moon but I’m not going to let that make my decision in any way.

I just can’t shake the feeling that it isn’t right and worry that I’d spend the next 7/8 months dreading it Shit this is awful!

You only have to have 6 weeks off work you just need to check the rules for notifying that you wish to return.

You're still in shock, start writing down the positives of 2 close together so you can try and look forward to it?

There's something else to consider.
Say you didn't go through with this pregnancy and then you then decided to start trying again at a time you are more comfortable with.
I pray it's not the case but What if you couldn't get pregnant? Or something went wrong.
You would beat yourself up so much about it, the regret would be unbearable.
Yes the timing isn't great.
Yes there's a lot to think about but things happen for a reason and you can get through this.
I'll be honest I have an 11 week old and my worst fear right now would be to get pregnant again so soon.
It might seem a lot now but it will work out
Good luck. Xxx

I found out I was pregnant with my second when my eldest was 9 months.

I felt all the things you're feeling- it's too soon, so I want this, this will be so unfair on DD1, I'm NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN.

Fast forward 2 years 9 months and my 2&3.5 year old girls are thick as thieves. They play and fight together and are totally utterly exhausting. And I wouldn't change that.

It's incredibly hard. We were so skint for a while paying for 2x childcare without the 3 year 30 hour funding that for a while we had to literally scour the house for pennies.

It's so so tiring. But the light is at the end of the tunnel in terms of going out on dates, we've started sleeping through (as a family lol) and this summer I will hopefully change my LAST NAPPY!

At a time when all my friends are thinking or are already parenting/pregnant with their second child, me and my husband are getting our lives back.

All in all I equate it to ripping off a plaster rather than pulling it off slowly.

Whatever you decide best of luck

It completely depends on how much you earn for when you need to go back for SMP. I'm only going to be working 4 weeks out of the 8 qualifying weeks for SMP this time round but my earnings are high enough that it still averages out at more than the £113 per week you need to earn on average over the 8 weeks to qualify.

Like you I'm going back 'full time' but have enough annual leave to only work 3 days a week before I go back on maternity leave. Work have been surprisingly ok, because I'm only going back for a few weeks they are keeping my current maternity cover on. My manager actually said that the small gap actually works better for them as it's less hassle all round.

When DC2 is born DC1 will be around 16 months. I'm initially planning to use a sling for the newborn and current pushchair for DC1 until it becomes clear one way or another if we need a double pushchair. DD was an early walker though at 8 months and now at 13 months prefers to walk rather than go in the pushchair so I suspect we might get away with our single pushchair and a buggy board once DC2 gets too big for a sling.

I've found this pregnancy has flown by because I'm so busy with DC1. I almost forget I'm pregnant most of the time, it's only when I sit down in the evening and the kicking starts that I remember. I was also really grateful to get the shitty knackerdness of the first trimester out of the way whilst on maternity leave rather than trying to cope with the commute and work like I did with DC1.

I stopped breastfeeding at 5 months with DC1 so cant offer any advice on that but a few friends have successfully tandem fed DCs with similar age gaps.

You need to give your employer at least 8 weeks notice of your intention to return to work, do it in writing/ email so that there's a record.

15 moths between me and my sister as well. We get on great and having a small age gap
Meant we could do the same things. We were always getting mistaken for twins, as my sister although younger is taller. (Something she doesn't let me forget)

I didn't breastfeed so can't advise there but my friend had a baby when hers was almost 2 and she was breastfeeding both. There's a lot of support for dual feeding, if you decide to go ahead, your midwife will point you in the right direction.

I had a tandem buggy which I found much better than a double. Much more room and easier to manoeuvre. I never got on with a sling but I know there's loads of different ones and even libraries where you can go and swap and change them.

DP said today he’s pretty sure it’s not the right time and doesn’t like the idea of another baby now. I just don’t know how to feel. I just wish we’d never gotten ourselves into this situation.

only you can decide the way forward. It's not an easy decision

Hi OP. I was in your position last august. I had an 8 month old and pregnant again.

I am now 33 weeks. My 8 month old is now toddling around and almost feeding himself. The pregnancy has been tough as he is so little and needs so much attention. But the benefit of having a small baby to look after when pregnant is that my DS1 was still napping. So I could get a tiny break every now and then. Which I think is more than you get with an older toddler.

Sorry I didn't see your last update.
At the moment your priority is your DC1. If you don't feel it's the right time (which you sound like) then you should try not to feel guilty and do what works for your family right now. If that means terminating this pregnancy for the benefit of your family then that's ok.

Just to give a slightly different perspective, I will have a nearly 4 yr age gap when DC2 is born in a couple of months time (currently 29wks pregnant) and I am somewhat envious of friends who now have 2 toddlers as they have got all the baby/non-sleeping phases out of the way and are starting to get their own lives back. I don’t think there’s ever an ideal time or ideal age gap, and it must be hard trying to work out your best options but if you’re still in shock about it all then definitely take time to get advice and make sure you’re not rushed into a decision that has significant long term consequences either way

@pastabest - you seem to know quite a bit about SMP and I was wondering if you’d be so kind as to help me understand? I’m having a dating scan on Monday but-

• If my due date is 25th October
• My qualifying week would be 12th July
• So I’d need to earn at least £113 a week for the 2 months before this?
• So I earn £45,000 which equates to £2500 a week after deductions, about £3,500 before.
• So I could just be back at work a month, right? So 12th June (ish).

If you have any answers I’d be really grateful!

Presumably you go back to work and take annual leave accrued which will hopefully give you a month of salary without having to work and then a month of working?

Have you checked the gov website?

@randomMess thanks for your reply. Yes I have enough annual leave to take a whole month and I could work a month also. I have looked on the website but don’t know why I’m struggling to understand it!

Hello Twinkle, I have a few children, and a couple of small gaps, you can do this, should you choose to. It's quite lovely bringing them up close together, and somewhat easier. However, I am pro choice, and you must do what is right for you.
I just wanted you to know, that for me, it was a pretty joyous time.
Thinking of you. 🌺

@sugarpie thank you for your kind words I’m terrified but in all reality people like you manage it!

Cos it's not easy to understand and they use terminology that is strange!!! Perhaps maternity alliance has a helpline you can ask to confirm?

I only know anything about it because I was asking exactly the same question about it myself about a month ago!!

Yes if you are earning that much per month then one months wage will pretty much cover you to take your average up to at least £113 a week over the 8 qualifying weeks (17 - 25).

I earn similar but a bit less than you. My 1st maternity leave finished on my 19th week, then I've taken (full time) annual leave until my 26th week so whilst i'm only being paid for 6 of the 8 qualifying weeks its more than enough. I'm then working full time for 5 weeks (but actually 2 - 3 days a week and using the rest of 2017/18 annual leave to essentially work part time but be paid full time) before then using all of 2018/19 annual leave to finish work again, starting 2nd maternity leave pretty much somewhere near my due date.

that sounds like I get massive amounts of leave but I had some carried over from 2016/17, get 31 days a year anyway plus 8 bank holidays and 2 extra 'stat' days offered by my employer. So in total about 45 days to use to extend my maternity leave/work part time .

oh and its worked out on your wage before tax/ pension contributions etc if thats what is confusing matters.

So (roughly) £45000 pa divided by 52 weeks = £865.38 a week

£865.38 divided by £113 = 7.65 weeks

Therefore 1 months wage at any point during your 8 qualifying weeks almost gets you to a £113 a week average across the 8 weeks. So you probably need to work 1 month and 2 days to hit the average using those figures.

Obviously you need to work it out properly using the correct figures but thats the gist.

ive confused myself now.

1 weeks wages!?

1 week two days!?

who knows

either way you are fine.

multiple posts i'm so very sorry.

You earn £173 a day before tax, so as long as you work at least 7 -8 days in your qualifying period you are fine

i'll go away now

OP, I was in a very similar situation once. Although my first child was an IVF baby and my second was a complete surprise. To say I panicked was an understatement!!!!
It’s early days and you’re in shock - don’t make any rash decisions just yet.

I now have 2 gorgeous boys with a 17m age gap and while it was hard in the early days I actually found it easier to adapt to having 2 than I did adjusting to having the first one. Now they are 7 & 6 and best friends (mostly). I honestly wouldn’t change anything and think that the bigger gap that I would have had given the choice would have made things much harder work.
My eldest child may have missed out on undivided mummy attention but my second child was never going to have that privilege anyway! And both children have gained more than they’ve compromised on by having each other.