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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I’m pregnant again and my baby is 8 months old....

142 replies

TwinkleStars15 · 24/02/2018 19:20

I don’t know what to do Sad It wasn’t planned. She’s still a baby. I love her so much and don’t want her to miss out because of another baby. We would like another but not until she’s 2/3/4. I’d only be back at work 3/4 months. We’d have no money. I’m in shock and can’t think straight. I don’t know if I could go through with a termination but I also can’t imagine having another baby so soon. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I found out about 30 minutes ago and just needed to vent. Sorry!

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 25/02/2018 12:17

@TwinkleStars15 actually I believe the figures are averaged, so they look at your total pay during the period of dates and as long as it averages above £113/week then you're entitled. There's a calculator online that you can use to work it out www.gov.uk/maternity-paternity-calculator.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Fwiw I've been going through the same thing, unexpected third pregnancy with a 2 year age gap between youngest two. Stuff like this is hard to get your head around and only you will be the one to figure it out.

I had a termination nearly 10 years ago and it would have been my children's full sibling. As hard as it was, it was absolutely the right decision for us at the time. I think any decision is pretty rubbish in these circumstances but I tried at the time to work out what the least worst decision was.

MessyBun247 · 25/02/2018 12:25

If you don’t want another baby yet, then you have options and you shouldn’t feel guilty. Small gaps are ok for some people but not for others.

Maverick66 · 25/02/2018 12:43

Deep breaths, lots of hard work ahead.BUT it will all work out.

There is no right or wrong age gap.
You will cope.
You will survive.
Best of luck!
Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy.

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 13:31

I’m always confused why people are shocked to be pregnant after they have sex which can lead to pregnancy.
Just have an abortion if you don’t want the child, but remember that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy for the next time...

bridgetbishop · 25/02/2018 14:09

I'm always confused as to why people lacking kindness or compassion feel they need to turn up on threads where people are in emotional termoil and post snide comments.

Are they so insecure it makes them feel big and clever?

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 14:13

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Megs4x3 · 25/02/2018 14:25

@FranticallyPeaceful does it make you feel superior to state the obvious, express yourself in such an unkind and frankly, rude, way? The OP is calling herself stupid as it is; it doesn't need you to make her feel worse. Life doesn't always go according to plan. Lucky you if yours has been perfect up to now.

Purplerain101 · 25/02/2018 14:28

@frantically also every form of contraception other than serialisation is not 100% fool proof. I highly doubt that every single pregnancy that has ever happened in history has been down to unprotected sex

Original poster
TwinkleStars15 · 25/02/2018 14:42

@frantically for what it’s worth I fell pregnant with my little girl whilst on the pill, and also took the morning after pill. This time I was on the mini pill. But thanks for the advice, not.

OP posts:
FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 15:01

Lol okay then.

I must be feeling superior and nasty and have a total lack of compassion for saying use protection

RandomMess · 25/02/2018 15:01

@TwinkleStars15 Sadsadly for some people hormone based contraception really doesn't work for them, for some reason the HCP don't seem to make a point of telling who fall pregnant on the pill or taking MAP this!

Unihorn · 25/02/2018 15:12

I was in the same position as you and posted a similar thread after finding out. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant and have no recollection of the past 7 months as I've been so focused on my daughter who is now 15 months, so that's been one good aspect!

I still feel guilty and not 100% sure some days. People keep reassuring me that it will be fine and I still feel a bit odd about the whole thing as it was unexpected - yes, surprisingly for some posters, we can still be shocked by pregnancies Hmm

I'm one of four and my parents keep assuring me that you love them all the same. But I am finding the idea of having two under 2 to devote time to difficult still. I'm not sure that this has helped sorry, just wanted you to know it's normal to feel this way!

Megs4x3 · 25/02/2018 16:38

@FranticallyPeaceful do you think people don't know that? Are you unaware that contraception can fail? Surely not!

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 16:44

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Megs4x3 · 25/02/2018 17:04

@FranticallyPeaceful I haven't reported anyone's posts if that's what your getting at and the OP has explained what contraception she used, not that she should have had to. She used different methods and all contraception can fail. Concern and worry when it fails is understandable. Perhaps you think celibacy is the only route to follow. However I'm not opening up another topic here. The OP is distressed enough without her thread being highjacked more than it has beem. Sorry @TwinkleStars15.

Purplerain101 · 25/02/2018 17:05

@frantically oh get over yourself. It really doesn’t help the situation in anyway having you banging on about how she shouldn’t be shocked that she’s now pregnant. It’s happened and she is looking for advice on what to do now. Your posts are unhelpful and rude! Life isn’t always 100% in our control at every waking moment of each day

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 17:06

Condoms.

Have fun.

Purplerain101 · 25/02/2018 17:08

@frantically are you seriously saying condoms work 100% of the time and never fail? Erm ok then.

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 17:21

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bridgetbishop · 25/02/2018 17:30

I reported your thread. It was downright nasty. This is goady fuckery / a total empathy bypass.

Purplerain101 · 25/02/2018 17:38

Haha what a bitch!

Original poster
TwinkleStars15 · 25/02/2018 18:47

Don’t worry everyone, I’m not giving him/her another thought. Some people are just horrible by nature.

Had all the family round today which was planned a few weeks ago. It was good to take my mind of things for a couple of hours. Been speaking to DP, initially he was saying not to go ahead because it’s too soon and he’s worried about messing around with our lovely little life we have at the moment, enjoying every minute with our daughter. But then when we were talking about what a termination would involve her started crying and said he didn’t want to hear it. But he has to, especially if he thinks it’s the right thing to do. He has to make an informed decision just as much as me. We’ve talked a bit about the pros and cons and are just as confused. I just wish this was a year in the future. But all the best made plans don’t work out do they?! I’ve spoken to BPAS and arranged an appointment for a discussion, they couldn’t see us til 5th March so got to wait a week. At this point I just want to talk it through with someone. They said I’d have a dating scan and the idea of that and then deciding not to go ahead actually fills me with dread. I guess it’s standard procedure to have a dating scan? It just seems so cruel.

Reading your experiences has been helpful, so many of you have small age gaps, some planned and some unplanned but you’ve all survived unscathed. What would be the practical things I need to consider if we had a 15/16 month old and a baby? Double buggy? How would I even breastfeed them both? What if baby needed feeding and toddler was up to mischief/wanted attention etc? What if one was napping and the other cried and woke them up? I just can’t work out in my head how it would work....sounds exhausting.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/02/2018 18:59

Yes to a double buggy and to another cot. 2 of mine gave up milk by 12 months, other 2 were milk monsters!!

Plenty of bf support out there if you want to tandem feed.

Basically the newborn takes a bit of a back seat (use a sling?) but with a 16 month old you'll hopefully get a 2 hour lunch time nap to give newborn time/have quiet time or do housework!

I think it can be an easier gap than a 2 year one as toddlers are notorious in being comply egocentric and often object to a newborn turning up.

bridgetbishop · 25/02/2018 19:03

YY to a sling.

Princesspinkgirl · 25/02/2018 19:04

July 10th 2017 i found out i was pregnant again my daughter was only 7 months old im due in 18 days time it was a massive shock to the system took a while to settle in only thing I'm going to say is im so much more exhausted now due to my daughter being young and being pregnant and it has been alot harder on my body

There's no right or wrong answer for your decision sit down and talk it through with your husband best of luck sweet

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