Posifrickinspring thread for PG after MC!

[BertieBotts]

If we can't be positive about the weather what can we be?

Welcome posters new and old.

Thank you ek and everyone else. I felt better just for getting it off my chest (I was much more productive at work once I’d stopped beating myself up!) and it helps more than I can tell you to know it’s “normal”. It’s been so difficult to square my desperation for a bfp with my subsequent flatness. The relief of not being alone in it makes me want to bawl. Maybe I really am pregnant and a bit hormonal after all

On Tuesday 20 February I was on the phone to my RMC saying I’d used up all my fertility and made a phone appointment with the GP to arrange some tests as it had been just over a year. Two days later I peed on a stick because AF was due the day after and had to call RMC woman back to arrange HCG tests and drugs and everything changed. It’s all a bit of a head fuck to be honest. But today has been so helpful.

Ages ago, I remember DH looking at me funny and when I asked what it was he said he could imagine me pregnant and drinking tea in the kitchen. We weren’t living together yet but knew it was for keeps and he said he was having a moment knowing suddenly that he wanted to be with me forever, to marry me and make babies with me.

Here we are years later, married, bought a house, 3 mcs under our belts and with another chance at me being barefoot and pregnant and the two of us making a baby, having our own family. Just feels like a lot.

Thanks @aetw and @FoxtrotSkarloey, I think I might see if I can see the same GP who booked me into the EPU when I was MC on Friday and see what she reckons. I have found a local private company so can always consider that.

And now I’m having a little bawl. Feels like me again

Anne it's bound to be massively overwhelming, one step at a time!

Thanks mogget.

So sorry you’re struggling foxtrot, I remember when your FIL passed away, you went through so much. I’m so sorry you lost your lovely dad as well. I’m sure he’d be so happy for you. Sending you a big hug.

notparticularly you sound so strong getting through everything, depression is the worst.

Glad you’ve got so much support bertie, sounds like a wonderful community of friends. Take all of the stuff!

Interesting musings lisa, I totally know what you mean.

Good work on scan booking unicorns, sorry it’s the same place but sure they’ll look after you.

I think the flatness is totally normal Anne. I feel like I've spent so long trying to get and stay pregnant that the bit that comes after i.e. actually having a baby is inconceivable. I find it hard to imagine even being at the point where I need to buy maternity clothes, although have managed to get myself to look at them online. Even some my friends who have had completely straightforward pregnancies said they didn't really believe they were having a baby until it was born.

I've been for my private scan this evening and am pleased to report that everything is still looking as it should which was a relief. (Scan number 5 for me - 3 reassurance ones, dating scan and then tonight's.)

It’s a totally unique fear, it really is. Got my scan booked at EPU next week, six weeks. Might be a little early but that’s when I lost my last one so want to be checked over.

I'm also in the 'if we have a baby/if the baby is born' group. I've said this a lot recently and feel bad as soon as I notice it coming out of my mouth, but I really don't see why this would be any different. I already want to just cry and grieve which is so crappy, but I guess that's the joy of miscarriage, it makes you cynical and takes every bit of innocence along with it

I'm also in the 'if' group @UnicornsandRainbows1. I haven't felt her move as much since yesterday, so of course I'm worrying. I'll always be in the 'if' group. MC is a joy thief.

Yes I'm afraid even at 36 weeks I am still tentative about the idea of an actual baby at the end of this. However since I bought a little frock a couple of weeks ago I have started preparing with more enthusiasm and have quite a few bits and pieces now. I even put a basic hospital bag together over the weekend, having thrown some newborn nappies into the shopping trolley with my eyes closed!

Personally I know I won't lose the anxiety and "if" factor until she arrives (only to be replaced by a new set of worries) but there is more hope as time goes on as well which I hope you all find too.

33 weeks here, and currently freaking out about too much kicking! My tummy feels like a bag of cats... The internet 's advice ranges from don't worry about it to call your midwife if the movement is sudden and frenetic - which it is at times in between being slow and not frenetic. Does anyone have experience of this?
On the subject of buying stuff, I am weirdly happy with sorting out some stuff eg fixing the buggy, but can't bring myself to buy some other things in case planning too much jinxes everything.. weird

@Stealthtoast I would say 33 weeks was a really peak time for the crazy movements, still enough space to throw some serious shapes in there. Now I still get the same frequency of movement but a change in the type of movement. Saying that I think she spent the weekend trying to turn so that was quite dramatic too. I'm not sure if she succeeded but my bump has doubled in size

I think it's a change in movements which needs to be reported. If your baby's movements are normal for them then maybe just ask about it at your next appointment?

Yes it's any change that's a problem. Do you notice the movement increase after eating anything in particular or any activity or position? I think they are also responding more to sound and even light now too.

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t been on here for absolutely ages. I was getting a bit too worked up about what might go wrong and it helped to step away for a while.

I’ve just been catching up on all the lovely news. So many bfp’s from people that I recognise from the ttc thread, it’s absolutley lovely to see you all here. I’ve thought about lots of you over the months and wondered how you were getting on.

After the mmc, I didn’t even consider this pregnancy real at all until I’d had my 12 week scan, until then it was very much a theoretical pregnancy. It took many more weeks after that for it to sink in and I didn’t stop worrying until I could feel the baby move regularly. I’m 30 weeks now and it’s actually dawning on me that there may be a baby here soon 🤞🏻

20 week scan booked! 11th April :)

I have a lovely friend trying so hard to get me a midwife. We've decided I don't really need one for antenatal, but I have decided to switch my doctor to the one I'm more comfortable with, so that my antenatal care will be as supportive as possible. Then I'm still looking for a midwife for postnatal care which sounds much more intensive and supportive than in the UK and apparently you can call them even months later for advice and support with any issues, breastfeeding, etc.

Can I have a handhold?

Just been to antenatal clinic because my sister had pre-eclampsia with her first. I was hoping it was just a formality but because my uterine dopplers done at my dating scan showed some slight narrowing in the uterine arteries. Therefore have just been told about risk of poor placental growth, IUGR, pre-eclampsia and preterm delivery. Or that everything could be fine. I'm desperately trying not to but keep thinking of my friend's sister who had pre-eclampsia last year. They had to deliver her little girl at 27 weeks and she died a few weeks later.

As a minimum I'll have extra growth scans every 4 weeks from 28 weeks. I'm tryingto be reassured by the fact that the growth was spot on when I had my private scan on Monday.

I so wanted to just have a 'normal' rest of pregnancy after everything. Sorry for the moan.

Oh no, how worrying. Especially with your friend's sister's history hanging over you.

I'm sure, though, that outcome is rare. They are cautious about preeclampsia because of course eclampsia itself is dangerous, but first, you don't even have preeclampsia yet. If you do, you'll be extremely closely monitored. They normally give medication which helps to control it, and they can give you steroids which will help if your baby does need to be born early. It sounds like they aren't worried about this until at least 28 weeks and every extra day a baby gets in the womb at that stage is really beneficial. They would only induce if the risk of staying put was greater than the risk of the baby being born early.

And on the positive but shallow side - you get to have lots of lovely scans! :) Which is always nice for reassurance and saves you paying out for private ones.

Lots of hand-holding for you keepon - I'm so sorry you're having this extra worry, it's the last thing you need. As Bertie said the worst case scenarios are all very unlikely - but I know that doesn't stop you thinking about and worrying about them. I guess the one thing to reassure yourself about is that while in some ways it's crap to know that you're higher-risk, at the same time it does mean that they'll be watching and monitoring you closely - and that does make you safer than someone with the same risk factors who is (perhaps blissfully) unaware.

Thanks bertie and lisa for being the voice of reason.

You're right, everything could be absolutely fine and if I hadn't had the extra scan for the trial I would be blissfully unaware.

I don't think it is helping that I had a miscarriage dream last night. Although the baby came out in a sort of white plastic package and when I looked closely it had tiny sunglasses on so it wasn't entirely realistic!

I must stop catastrophising. One day at a time.

Hi again all- catching up on how you are getting on.

I’m definitely in the ‘if we have a baby’ camp too. I’m still very worried about my symptoms- no bleeding as such but another tiny bit of brown this morning, and CM is more cream looking (had been very white). I called the EPAC for advice on Monday morning, and they said to get a referral from the GP and they would see me. GP was lovely on the phone, referred me and then insisted I come in to see her colleague for a quick examination to definitely rule out ectopic (as I’d had a persistent mild ache on one side). Second GP was very positive and said it could be implantation of the placenta (often weeks 6-8 apparently).

I’m still having aches on and off - more continuous than my twinges have been so far. So I’m not overly positive- but will find out at EPAC tomorrow lunchtime. Currently trying to figure out how much to say at work- just said I have a hospital appointment for now. But will have to tell all if it is a loss and need time off. Then if it is, don’t know whether to wait and let it happen (not keen), or go for ERPC again, but that led to perforation last time. And I’m supposed to be having a lovely weekend in London but I might not be able to now, and worrying about cancelling the hotel and losing our money .

Last bit of the above sounds awful- of course I am more worried about the pregnancy than the weekend, but I just meant that having travel plans adds another thing to deal with.