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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner has left me at 33 weeks pregnant

112 replies

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 20:10

So yesterday I had an argument with my boyfriend, which stemmed from me saying he hadn't asked all day if I was okay and I really needed a hug... in which he said 'I should of got out whilst I could!" I left to go to my mums returning home this morning expecting him to be there but all his stuff has gone and I've not heard a thing from him. I'm 33 weeks pregnant with our first baby and I'm absolutely terrified. Also been told this week my grandad has terminal cancer and may only have weeks left to live and I'm now sat here alone in tears on new years eve!. I don't know what to do, feel like I'm going out of my mind. Has anybody else had their partner leave whilst pregnant?

OP posts:

Soon2BeMumTo3 · 31/12/2017 20:12

No I haven’t had personal experience of this but wanted to say I’m here for you and that someone will be along soon with some decent advice xxx

marmitecrumpets · 31/12/2017 20:12

Hand hold.
Do you have any other children?
Have you got any real life support that could come over to you tonight?

ClareB83 · 31/12/2017 20:13

I'm sorry I'm sure someone who has been through this will be along soon. But can I suggest you maybe go back to your Mum's if it's nearby? Or give her a FaceTime? Sorry OP.

Appleandcinnamon · 31/12/2017 20:15

Nay I’m so so sorry. He is a total cf. I face he is the biggest cf in the entire world right now. Have you got any family or friend that can come over or you could go and see? Your focus needs to be on you and the baby now. He can basically go fuck himself. This is really low! Have you been together a long time?

mustbemad17 · 31/12/2017 20:16

Not as far gone as you but yes, my partner walked out on me. Got a text & then came home to find his stuff gone - very little contact, practically NC since.

Can't give you any worthwhile advice i'm afraid other than keep your chin up. It's been 5 weeks since he left & i still flit between wanting to beg him home & wanting to murder the bastard.

Big hugs xx

Original poster

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 20:18

This will be my first baby. Don't feel I have anybody I can turn to tonight being new years eve. Also feel pretty ashamed telling people he's left me at 33 weeks pregnant. It's just making me think he's been waiting for an excuse to go because I've not done anything wrong, just said I was down and needed a hug

OP posts:

mustbemad17 · 31/12/2017 20:20

Don't feel ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of...he has a lot to be ashamed for tho!!

ClareB83 · 31/12/2017 20:23

There's nothing to be ashamed about. A good friend of mine had her OH walk out and she went into labour that day! She's done an incredible job raising her DD who is amazing.

Even if you feel a bit bad reaching out the people who love you will want you to. Plus NYE is rubbish after about 21!

Lucked · 31/12/2017 20:23

I had a friend it happened to bit earlier, later she found out there was an other women even though they weren’t long married.

It was incredibly hard on her but she is happy now. Do you have any family you can go to?

Beansprout30 · 31/12/2017 20:27

What an arse. How long have you been together? I hope he is just freaking out about the arrival of baby, however this does not excuse what he's done.

Original poster

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 20:29

Thankyou so much everyone.
He's a total CF , made me laugh that and you are right he is! We've been together 18 months, so not that long really. I can't believe how wrong I feel I've got him!

Mustbemad- how far gone are you? I've felt like ringing him all day to either fume or beg him back but thought I'd leave see if he comes back, especially being new year but it's looking more unlikely with each hour

OP posts:

Original poster

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 20:35

There's nobody I can go to that's not busy tonight 😏 tbh I don't really fancy crying all over anybody apart from my dog. I know it's mad but I feel ashamed... maybe I'm feeling that for him cos I'm hoping we're just gonna be back together in a few days and don't want everybody to know.
I just can't believe he's done this to me

OP posts:

mustbemad17 · 31/12/2017 20:36

I'm 18 weeks, he left just before i was 13 weeks. His watsapp message basically said he was leaving, not coming back, didn't want any contact. He would be in touch when he was ready. He's flitted between telling me he wants nothing to do with us, to telling me he still wants to be a dad. I feel almost like i have whiplash!!

billybagpuss · 31/12/2017 20:37

Do you know what, 2018 will be a good year for you. BF got scared, better to find that out now before you and the baby get too invested in him. In 2 months time you will be the mum of the most beautiful little person that you will love with all of your heart. in 6 months time they will be sitting up and smiling at you and this time next year they will be driving you insane crawling around and causing chaos. Yes sure you know it will be tough and you certainly have a difficult couple of months ahead, but you can do this and you will be ok.

Right now, look after you, have a bath, and early night and don't be afraid to cry a bit. Remember you have done nothing wrong, he got spooked, he's not worthy of you or your time and he is the one who should be ashamed not you.

If you can I'd also suggest going back to your mum for a bit and spending as much time with your grandad as is practical.

Good luck xx

Beansprout30 · 31/12/2017 20:37

Has he pulled any stunts like this before? Just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but if he has, this would be it for me. Glad you've got your dog, will you be able to see anyone tomorrow?

mustbemad17 · 31/12/2017 20:38

Nay i didn't tell anyone mine had left for about four days. I spent a few days feeling utterly heartbroken & wanting to wallow in self pity. When i eventually told my close friends they were totally gobsmacked

Appleandcinnamon · 31/12/2017 20:42

Nay. Do not feel ashamed you have nothing to be ashamed about. You are doing an amazing job of making his child and he is a total bloody wanker and I hope he gets norovirus and shits himself tonight in front of people. Asshole.

If you were my friend even if I was busy I would be there. I’m sure your friends feel the same x

ParkheadParadise · 31/12/2017 20:43

I ended up on my own with Dd1 he didn't even stick around for 33weeks.
I was 15 and still at school .
It was hard but I did have family to support me.
As time went on I got used to being on my own and wouldn't have taken him back.
I had to grow up quickly and missed out in a lot BUT dd1 was the best thing that happened to me.
Good luck hope everything works out for you.

JaneEyre70 · 31/12/2017 20:47

Stay well away from your phone, and don't make contact. This needs to come from him, not you and he needs to do a lot of growing up. It does sound a simple argument, you both could have been letting off some steam but the fact he's taken all his stuff would say he's gone permanently. You and your baby deserve better, just don't lower yourself to his level no matter how hard and any shame here is his, not yours .

AnonEvent · 31/12/2017 20:48

This happened to a dear friend of mine, at approx. 30 weeks. Bloody awful at the time, but the best thing that could’ve happened.

She had her daughter, they have an amazing bond, and she’s an amazing child, three years later my friend met the love of her life.

Only after he’d gone did she realise what a boring, rubbish, man-child her ex was. She is so much better off without him.

Original poster

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 21:02

He did say a few months ago he was leaving after an argument but when it calmed down he told me he just said that and would never leave me so even though it's bad I thought it was just him saying it again, called his bluff and told him if he wanted to go then go... Didn't actually expect him to! He also posted his key so looks like he has no plan on coming back. All your msgs are great, Thankyou so much. Just scary and obviously not how anybody wants their pregnancy to go. Even without the heartache I'm not sure how I'll deal without him financially.
I'll be going to see my grandad tomorrow which will take my mind of this situation for a while. At my mums now, although nobody is here, feels better than sitting in our home alone

OP posts:

Mulch · 31/12/2017 21:05

Has he done this before? Have an argument walk out ect. Still a shitty thing to do when your pregnant

mustbemad17 · 31/12/2017 21:05

Don't forget that just because he has walked out doesn't mean he gets to wash his hands of his responsibility. Financially he has to provide.

One day at a time.

Appleandcinnamon · 31/12/2017 21:07

You may find you will be better without him. You will be so in love and so busy in a few weeks you will forget he existed. Get a new birthing partner in place and look forward to your new bundle. Sod the manchild!

Peachyking000 · 31/12/2017 21:12

Yes, except I was 6 weeks pregnant. It was horrendous at the time, and I spent weeks being absolutely devastated. He came running back when my DS was born, but by that stage I didn’t want him back and enjoyed having DS all to myself. I hope you are ok

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