Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Partner has left me at 33 weeks pregnant

112 replies

Nayynayy · 31/12/2017 20:10

So yesterday I had an argument with my boyfriend, which stemmed from me saying he hadn't asked all day if I was okay and I really needed a hug... in which he said 'I should of got out whilst I could!" I left to go to my mums returning home this morning expecting him to be there but all his stuff has gone and I've not heard a thing from him. I'm 33 weeks pregnant with our first baby and I'm absolutely terrified. Also been told this week my grandad has terminal cancer and may only have weeks left to live and I'm now sat here alone in tears on new years eve!. I don't know what to do, feel like I'm going out of my mind. Has anybody else had their partner leave whilst pregnant?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayynayy · 01/01/2018 23:52

Yeah I replied. Spent the last few hours txn, him thinking he was right trying to turn it around, bringing irrelevant things up.
He apologised in the end but I'm not sure I can forgive or forget what he done. He's said he wants to meet to chat but I've not replied to that, not sure in want to chat to him

OP posts:
juneisthemonth · 02/01/2018 00:30

If I was you, I would give yourself some time, allow him to explain but not until your ready. I still think he's a complete wanker however, if I was in your situation there would still be that deep feeling of wanting to try to work it out. Just remember he is the one who walked out, not you. So now the balls in your court let him sweat, I would so ignore him for 24 hours. Men are so fucking irrational and act on impulse. He should be bloody kissing your arse, you are carrying his baby! Girl you the queen! Good luck!! You do what you feel is right for you xxxxx

Peachyking000 · 02/01/2018 09:22

I know how hard it must be right now, as I’ve been there, but in hindsight I wished I’d handled things differently. Like you, I too spent ages texting with my ex, allowing him to dither and try to excuse his appalling actions, while I was kept dangling. Really, I should have insisted on a bit of space, with no contact for a couple of weeks. Perhaps set a date to meet to chat, in a few weeks time. Give him time to stew, and hopefully realise the magnitude of the consequences of his actions.

And after your baby is born, if he is still being a dick, strongly consider whether you want his name on the birth certificate. Yes he will automatically have parental responsibility anyway, but it’ll be harder and more expensive for him to pull any stunts. My ex basically ruined my maternity leave by constantly threatening to go for 50:50 custody. And when he found out my family would be providing childcare on my return to work, he taunted me that he would go to my mums house and take DS, and I couldn’t do anything as he was on the birth cert.

mustbemad17 · 02/01/2018 09:27

Peachy that's awful! I made that mistake last time with my DD's dad. He caused me a lot of grief. This time I won't be making the same mistake. Your ex sounds like a c**t

Original poster
Nayynayy · 02/01/2018 10:16

Yes I'm definitely going to give it time before I see him. He just made me angry last night instead of apologising straight away making out I was partly wrong too (for not wanting to go pram shopping the other day because I had nothing clean to wear that fitted me) don't see how that explains what he said or did tbh.
Even though it hadn't been long I felt like I'd got in my head that was it and even though I was upset was reading all your msgs thinking yes I can do this.
Right now I don't feel I want to see him. How can I forgive and forget what he's done the past few days, leaving me in bits and sitting sobbing on nye. Feel like he's left me with loads of sad memories I don't deserve. Took the tree down last night and going to have a good new year clean today and try sort my head out

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 02/01/2018 10:24

Do everything at your pace now. Don't let him rush you or bully you into anything.
I have a five hour drive home today...think i'd rather be cleaning. And i hate cleaning 😂

C0untDucku1a · 02/01/2018 10:24

Have you started mat leave op? Or are you back at work after christmas soon? Wonderig whether you can busy yourself for a while.

Is your ex now back at work?

His current behavioir is pretty typical of a controller tbh. He treeats you like crap, walks out and ends the rel, makes you take some blame, comes home and is really nice, then does the same again. Regularly dumping you, or theeatening it, is a way for him to change your behaviour. You are better off without him.

Original poster
Nayynayy · 02/01/2018 10:36

@mustbemad17 ah feel for you with the five hours drive 😒 I normally hate cleaning but when I feel like this I love nothing more... I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair mentality 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
Nayynayy · 02/01/2018 10:41

@C0untDucku1a I've finished work now and he goes back Friday. Gonna keep myself busy doing stuff in the house and got my dad coming round today.

I have thought that before about control even though we don't argue much I feel if and when we do its always seems to go this way. Whatever he feels he can drag up its him in the wrong here and I've told him that, nothing he can say excuses him up and leaving. He packed everything too, not a few tips like every single thing, even down to creams he for Xmas. He was saying to me last night so you're ending it?... I was like 'you left me' to which he said 'you really think I'd leave you' I was like are you actually mad, you have. He did nothing but make me angry but in a weird way it made me feel stronger

OP posts:
imablackstarnotapopstar · 02/01/2018 16:41

A man who can do this while you're pregnant and then pretend he hasn't/blame you will do this again repeatedly.

My ex first threatened to leave me 3 weeks after we married (I was 8 weeks pregnant at our wedding which was planned before I conceived). He had asked me to marry him and also was the one who suggested we have a baby.

He did that repeatedly for the rest of my pregnancy and for the next 7 years repeatedly left/came back and had affairs with other women inc his cousin which was all my fault because I "bullied him", "tricked him into marriage", "trapped him by getting pregnant" etc etc etc. He treated one of the women he had an affair with (he told her he'd been divorced for years and was domestically abused by me) exactly the same and she has subsequently become a good friend.

I finally got my bloody self worth back and divorced the bastard. He has now moved to another country, changed his name to Jennifer and decided he's transgender. He campaigns against "CIS" women, ie all of us, because he can't attempt to control me any other way anymore.

Don't waste years of your life with a weakling who gets off on controlling, gaslighting and hurting you. Make a lovely peaceful life for you and your baby.

BigBaboonBum · 02/01/2018 16:52

He’s playing games. Don’t buy into it! He did leave you, at a very fragile time (and New Years). He doesn’t get to walk away when he feels like it and then come back with his tail between his legs denying he ever intended it. Absolutely not!
Men need to realise we aren’t living in the 40s and we can happily and successfully live without them, so they need to do some serious growing up and be useful and dedicated partners and fathers as we are partners and mothers.

Frigging manchild thinking he can bugger off and ask to meet up. I’d block his number

Original poster
Nayynayy · 02/01/2018 17:51

I've told him it's over. Think maybe if he'd actually made me believe he was sorry I'd of forgiven him. Instead he's just going on about me not having clothes that fit and I should sort it out and how his family are so great to us and mine are so crap. Just making me feel rubbish.
Told him we're done. Don't think he actually realises the enormity of what he has done the past few days and think he actually believes I'm partly to blame.
Can't be doing told him to just leave me alone now.

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 02/01/2018 17:52

Well done @Nayynayy you've done the right thing. He's a total arsehole and your life will be so much better without having him as deadweight.

mustbemad17 · 02/01/2018 18:02

Yay well done!!

BigBaboonBum · 02/01/2018 19:45

Well done Flowers now it will just be you and your beautiful little human. You get to grow together and live in peace and happiness without the turmoil of somebody like your ex around

BigBaboonBum · 02/01/2018 19:50

And lol about the clothes! We grow so much during pregnancy and usually the absolute last things on our minds is buying clothes. It’s boring and we are tired

Beansprout30 · 02/01/2018 20:04

Good on your girl, stick to your guns and focus on you and baby, you don't need a loser in your life

juneisthemonth · 02/01/2018 20:26

I mean, he sounds like a massive fanny anyways! What man goes on about a woman's wardrobe lol! Well done @Nayynayy even if things do work out in the end at least you have shown him your not to be messed with!!! Can't believe he's called your family crap too, it sounds like he thinks he's bloody perfect. So perfect to pack his bags and walk out on his pregnant partner! What a pig! Your one strong lady 💗💗

Branleuse · 02/01/2018 20:32

what an absolute cunt he is. You however are a strong woman, and you have got this. We are all with you x

Original poster
Nayynayy · 02/01/2018 21:19

Thankyou so much everyone 💖
I've blocked his number for now, texts were stressing me out

OP posts:
GottaBeStrong · 02/01/2018 21:40

Good plan. Stay strong! You are doing so well.

letsdolunch321 · 02/01/2018 22:02

Hi there,

This happened to my daughter at 5mths pregnant, her partner was cheating on her. You need to tell your mum you could do with some help now and let your dad know too.
Let them know how you are feeling,

Speak to your GP/midwife let them know what has happened all these people will have dealt with cases like yours before. You have done the right thing blocking his number - keep him at arms length till you are ready to deal with his pathetic reasons of why he left you at a time like this.

Get a new birthing partner in place. Think about your options of giving birth as well - in your case you can probably get a c section in place if preferred. Daughter had one due to anxiety problems of what her ex had put her through

My daughter got lots of support & still continues to now. Am sure you will be fine.

You can Pm me if I can be of further assistance.

Good luck

shatteredandfedup · 02/01/2018 22:34

letsdolunch321 I don't understand, why would you suggest a C-section? It's likely got a much longer recovery time and you're more dependent on other people. I wouldn't think it would be the first choice if you're going it alone - would it?

BigBaboonBum · 02/01/2018 23:46

Birth is way easier than a c section! Although whatever you prefer

mustbemad17 · 03/01/2018 07:24

OMG a c-section would terrify the life out of me! Natural birth usually has a speedier recovery, which is ideal when alone/with minimal support.

You got this Nay no worries! Have you decided what pram you're having yet?