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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Health visitor requesting pre-birth meeting

111 replies

Bellamuerte · 22/12/2017 17:46

The health visitor has sent a letter requesting to visit when I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I won't even have a baby for her to see so don't know why she wants to come?

Is it essential to have a health visitor? Can I decline to see them at all? From what friends have said it sounds like they're just busybodies who ask nosy questions about whether you're coping and rudely inquire whether your OH is violent, and nose around your house to see if they think it's good enough for a baby, and basically look for an excuse to call social services.

One of my main concerns is that we started extending the kitchen before I got pregnant and it still isn't finished because we ran into structural problems. It's basically a shell with no cupboards, heating or even a ceiling, and the work is scheduled to take another six months to complete. I'm worried that the health visitor will report us.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Oysterbabe · 22/12/2017 17:56

Well your preconception of health visitors is completely wrong. Most of them are lovely, helpful and supportive. The meeting is just to meet you and talk about the kind of help they can offer.

Auspiciouspanda · 22/12/2017 17:56

A HV is there to give you support or advise if you need if. You aren't required to see a HV.

And it isn't rude for them to ask you about DV. A common trigger for abuse to start is pregnancy.

Chaosofcalm · 22/12/2017 18:00

My bathroom was building site when the HV came round. It does not matter. They just want to introduce themselves so you know who they are and so you feel comfortable talking to them when the baby arrives. They have to ask about DV because it durring pregnancy or with a new baby that the majority of DV starts.

You can decline a HV but they are there to help you. You should regularly get your baby weighed in the early weeks to check they are putting on weight so you will come across them.

In your first meeting she will talking about feeding and safe cosleeping and ask if you have any questions.

thingymaboob · 22/12/2017 18:00

With all due respect your friends sound like absolute idiots. No one is looking for an excuse to call social services! The health visitor is responsible for the health of your child for first 5 years of life.
I had an antenatal health visitor visit yesterday. She came in and sat in the kitchen (which is also not finished - most people are in DIY hell before baby comes). She didn't go in any room apart from the kitchen and she didn't ask to. She told us about the services they provide and gave us some leaflets. She asked about any medical conditions which run in the family and what family support we would have. She was lovely and very pragmatic.
I have mental health problems and have had a difficult pregnancy and I was quite tearful at the meeting. She was really supportive and gave details of services she could refer me to should I need them but wasn't pushy. I felt really supported and it was a nice meeting.
They really don't care about the state of your house!

Aeroflotgirl · 22/12/2017 18:01

That's quite unusual to have a HV visit before the baby's born. Did you ask why. Has your MW raised concerns to them.

Rockandrollwithit · 22/12/2017 18:03

In my area we don't have visits before the baby is born. However, my HV is a lovely woman who was really supported me through a difficult time (newborn DS needed surgery). Don't stress about it.

SparkleFizz · 22/12/2017 18:03

Offering pre-birth visits is normal practice where I live.

I missed mine because the HV service managed to schedule them for after baby was born, but my experience of HVs post-natally has been positive. Supportive, giving useful advice when asked, and not in the least bit interested in touring my home.

Hmmalittlefishy · 22/12/2017 18:03

The meeting pre baby is so you can meet each other without the distraction of a small baby and you can find out what they do.
It sounds like it would be worthwhile you having it
Health visitors have enough work to do without trying to refer every parent to social services and if you were experiencing dv a friendly health visitor at the right time could be just the person to help you out.
I suggest you take the meeting then make an informed decision

thingymaboob · 22/12/2017 18:05

@Aeroflotgirl it's becoming more common but they can't get to everyone as can't fit everyone in. Depends on the area.

HerrHerrHerr · 22/12/2017 18:05

Aero it’s a regional thing, in our NHS trust they don’t do routine pre birth visits but the neighbouring trust does.

Why not meet the health visitor before making judgement?

TheSameCoin · 22/12/2017 18:05

It’s really not Aeroflot. It simply depends on where you live. When I had DD1, prebirth HV visits were standard for everyone living in the area. I’d moved some distance away by the time I had DD2 and prebirth visits weren’t offered there at all.

Anyway, with DD1 all she wanted to do was give me my red book and have a general chat about local baby groups, weighing clinics and the support they could offer. It was nice to have that info before I had the baby.

Catlady100 · 22/12/2017 18:06

I had the same experience as others. She was really nice and supportive. We had a cup of tea and a chat. She told me about local groups and where I could get the baby weighed once born. She left her details and I was grateful because once I was home I had a few questions and I was able to call and get answers.

She didn't look round the house or seem remotely interested in it tbh. X

StylishDuck · 22/12/2017 18:07

Your friends are completely wrong about HVs and their intentions. I would suggest they would maybe like to remove their tin-foil hats God forbid they don't ask about domestic violence and possibly save some poor woman's life for fear of offending someone! Presumably your midwife asked about DV at your booking in appointment? Were you offended by that? Or did you just do what most people would do and say there were no problems and be grateful she asked.

When the HV did her first visit with me post birth we were in the process of having new wardrobe doors fitted. The whole flat was in an absolute state and DH and I were camped out in the living room with the baby. She didn't bat an eyelid.

Bellamuerte · 22/12/2017 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

chocolateorangeowls · 22/12/2017 18:07

It's normal for the health visitor to come before the babies arrives here too. Mine is lovely, never judgmental or nosy. Really supportive and made me feel confident as a Mum. We moved house two weeks before I gave birth and she came to see me in chaos and boxes. I explained what had happened and she was fine with it. They aren't there to judge you, they are there to help. And your midwife should have already asked you about domestic violence to be honest. It's a very important question for some ladies!

SparklyUnicornTractors · 22/12/2017 18:08

You don't have to accept the visit, you may or may not like the HV, you can choose. If you don't find it helpful, decline future visits. With the DV issue, if you were being controlled at home and unable to get to or talk to anyone about being afraid or unsafe or scared about the baby being safe then a visit at home might be a lifeline. It's fantastic you don't need it, but not everyone is that lucky.

HerrHerrHerr · 22/12/2017 18:08

It implies that I'm an idiot who'd allow someone to hit me

What the fuck? Are you saying that victims of domestic violence are idiots? You sound lovely OP

StylishDuck · 22/12/2017 18:09

So anyone who is a victim of DV is an idiot? Nice

MinorRSole · 22/12/2017 18:09

My health visitor was/is lovely. I mainly just cried in front of her (demanding twins and pnd). She was amazing, very helpful and just a really nice person - she also makes a cracking cup of tea!
Try not to worry so much

chocolateorangeowls · 22/12/2017 18:10

"And I do find it very offensive for them to insinuate that there may be any domestic violence. It implies that I'm an idiot who'd allow someone to hit me"

Well aren't you delightful!

GlitterRollerSkate · 22/12/2017 18:10

My HV came to visit before the baby was born. She was nice enough gave me some leaflets. My crazy puppy tried to eat her shoes. She didn't look around the house or anything she was there to give information. There really isn't anything to worry about.

lostfrequencies · 22/12/2017 18:10

Oh get over yourself OP.

Hmmalittlefishy · 22/12/2017 18:11

Depending on your area it is totally routine to have a pre birth visit.
I think you need to just look at some of the threads on the relationship boards to just see how one small comment and a bit of support can help someone in a terrible dv situation. I can't believe you are offended at being asked and your attitude about those who are the victim of dv is not nice at all

user1498549192 · 22/12/2017 18:11

Health visitors are there to help and support you at a time when you're vulnerable, tired and trying to cope with a new baby. They are not busybodies and I imagine are far too busy with real safeguarding cases to be looking for excuses to create more. You don't have to have one, but I would recommend giving them a chance to at least meet you and explain their role. Mine is lovely, knowledgeable and has been an incredible source of support and advice. Oh, and it's not rude for them to ask about domestic violence; pregnancy and birth is a common time for abuse to start/escalate, and they have the welfare of you and your baby in mind.

MinorRSole · 22/12/2017 18:11

It implies that I'm an idiot who'd allow someone to hit me

Hadn't read this when I initially replied.
As someone who escaped an abusive relationship all I can say is fuck right off with that shit

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