Health visitor requesting pre-birth meeting

[Bellamuerte]

The health visitor has sent a letter requesting to visit when I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I won't even have a baby for her to see so don't know why she wants to come?

Is it essential to have a health visitor? Can I decline to see them at all? From what friends have said it sounds like they're just busybodies who ask nosy questions about whether you're coping and rudely inquire whether your OH is violent, and nose around your house to see if they think it's good enough for a baby, and basically look for an excuse to call social services.

One of my main concerns is that we started extending the kitchen before I got pregnant and it still isn't finished because we ran into structural problems. It's basically a shell with no cupboards, heating or even a ceiling, and the work is scheduled to take another six months to complete. I'm worried that the health visitor will report us.

Decline it if you want, but don't be such a cock.

I've found my HV useful so far. I don't remember her asking me anything about DV, but wouldn't have been affronted by the question.

Your idea of health visitors is completely wrong. They are there for health advice and also do routine health checks such as the two year check. Would you want your child to miss out on these? If you have any concerns over your child's development that's what the health visitor is for. They can get you referred quicker for help and support. If you refuse the health visitor that's just going to make it look as though you have something to hide.

Oh, and she's never been in any room of my house other than the living room.

Can I ask whether a HV has ever actually helped a new mum and if so how?

One of the (many) things they frequently help with is DV issues, sully, which frequently appear for the first time perinatally.

Most people can see the value in that.

Ditto literally ANY health, social or developmental issue that might arise for mother or baby.

You don't have to agree to see your health visitor. But when you are struggling with your emotional health coz the baby wont stop crying and you can't get 5 minutes, or the baby won't feed, or you're struggling with weaning or not sure about toilet training or applying for schools or whether your baby is growing correctly you'll soon wish you had support from a health visitor. Lets hope you're never in an abusive relationship, health professionals asking that question to every woman has saved hundreds of women's and children's lives. And FYI, every health professional wants to AVOID calling social services, they only do it when someone is at risk if significant harm.

How can you have so little insight OP, or compassion for victims of DV? I'm thankful to have never experienced DV myself and could say so when my HV asked me questions in that area. It didn't cross my mind to be offended, or take it as some sort of insult directed at my DP. I fully understand the need for HV to tactfully ask questions about DV in the hopes that they can offer help and support to those mothers who may be DV victims. I think most normal people feel the same way. Sounds like you have some kind of bizarre persecution complex, tbh. HV aren't 'out to get you'; they're there for support and advice.

Wow

I don't get why you'd be so oppositional, it's just part and parcel of the whole baby thing, making sure mum and baby are doing OK. It's standard in some areas to visit pre birth that's all. It can be quite helpful if you end up with PND or something for you to already know them so you aren't having to meet a complete stranger for the first time when problems have already set in. I sought out breastfeeding support while pregnant for this reason with DS.

I have met my HV three times with my third baby. She came antenatally (too early because of an admin error but never mind), at thirteen days old, and this week (nearly 2 months). Chatted, checked my mood, weighed baby, gave advice about feeding issues. Didn't care that the house was a tip. We have basically been discharged in the sense that she won't be visiting again unless I ask and will just write when it's time for the development check at 1yr. That's it. Literally 90mins out of my life. Hardly worth getting annoyed about.

As for the DV comment. I can't even

Is op coming back I wonder

Am I an idiot then OP? Cause my ex hit me.

How about educating yourself a little on DV before making such wide brush statements.

You say the HV insults you by checking you don't suffer DV, but you obviously couldn't give a fuck about insulting those of us who've suffered DV.

I think you can decline the visit but I don't know why you would. We had the antenatal visit. She just sat in my living room even though I had cleaned the whole house ready for her to see where the baby would sleep etc but she just asked and took my word for it. Then just gave me some info on weighing clinics etc and took my details so that she didn't have to do it after the baby was born. Then she came around at I think 12 days. Weighed and measured him. Reminded me of clinics and said 'see you at 9-12months.' Each visit was less than 10mins. I see more of the hv at the weighing clinic than I do of my actual assigned hv and just ask there if I have any concerns. It's fine. They aren't looking to report you.

That's quite unusual to have a HV visit before the baby's born.

In my area it is normal

It's just to introduce herself before baby arrives so you know who she is. Less daunting after it arrives.

Some hvs are twats - my first one after I had dd was vile. Told me my 4 week old baby needed to go on a diet because she couldn't bloody read. My second one (moved house) has been bloody amazing. She helped with advice in dds eczema and food allergies, supported me that I was doing everything right even though dd wouldn't eat, supported me with issues regarding my dscs and neglect from their dm. I miss her now dd is at school, she was brill

First baby - HV was a twat, declined her after two visits
Second baby - HV was fine, bit ‘ticklist-y’ and pushed formula
Third baby - I ADORED the HV, I was so sad when regular visits stopped! She helped with so much including questions about my older children. Really sensible and intelligent, told me reasons behind advice that really helped me remember / understand things. I have fairly complex mental health problems which make my understanding a little off sometimes. Thankfully I did my research alone with my older two and they mostly came out unscathed but the HV for my third really helped and developed my parenting of all three of them.

None of them ever implied anything about reporting to social services. Even though as mentioned above I have fairly severe (but well controlled) mental health problems

Just meet with her and see what you think.

I personally think they are a bit of a waste of time, however I have not found them to be nosey or judgemental, and the questions they ask about domestic abuse are vital, as sometimes this may be the only time that some women feel safe speaking about it if it's happening to them.

Everyone gets an unannounced pre-birth visit in my area. I was sitting in my pjs at lunchtime watching tv when the hv called and she was fine.

You only have to see the number of pre-school children who go under the radar of child protective services, to understand what they're up against- particularly if people see them as interfering busy bodies. Personally I find mine to be very friendly and not at all judgemental.

I had a health visitor visit when i was 37 weeks with dc1 but I haven't recieved a letter for one this time - I'm currently 36 weeks with dc2!

I think they are helpful and nice and i had a positive experience with mine - before and after the baby was born.

The chat whilst I was pregnant mainly consisted of the support she could provide for me once baby was here and if I had any issues I wanted support with.

Yes, they will ask you if your having issues with your OH - because there are people who genuinely are having really bad times and can be too scared to speak up. If you're not having issues, you just tell her you're not. She won't keep asking you. I'v been asked this question in every appointment i'v had with a midwife so far.

So relax it'll be fine 😊, although tbh I did think the same when I recieved the letter!

And about your kitchen - seriously, it's not the end of the world. It'll be fine, I'm sure health visitors find themselves in these situations too.

Everyone gets an unannounced pre-birth visit in my area.

Eh? That is really not acceptable. Health visitors should not be making unannounced visits unless it is part of an agreed child protection plan

The DV comment was an incredibly unfair, insensitive and ignorant thing to say...although I'm sure you're aware of that now, OP.

With regards to the HV pre-birth visit- you've got totally the wrong end of the stick and you're worrying unnecessarily. With my dd I didn't see the HV until after she was born. Since then they have introduced pre-birth HV visits and I found it very useful. I had forgotten a lot since having my dd 4.5 years ago and it was nice to be prompted about certain safety/practical practices. We had just moved house a few days before she came round and were living in an absolute mess of boxes. She wasn't remotely interested in snooping around and we laughed at the poor timing of the house move. She certainly didn't run screaming to social services because my house was a mess. We chatted for about 45 minutes and then she left. It was an entirely pleasant experience.

I think these pre-birth meetings are fantastic as a way to help identity those women who might need extra support. They're not designed to trip you up and they're certainly not looking at finding ways to take your children from you. The HVs just want to give support and advice where it's needed- whether that be breastfeeding support, advice on how to keep your baby safe or talking about post-natal depression (amongst other issues). Don't be so defensive about it.

Wow. I'm genuinely shocked by your OP and actually find it pretty rude and insulting, and I'm not a health visitor.

Your friends sound like morons.

Not surprising given, well, you.

My health visitor was lovely, helpful and not intrusive.

Omg I loved my HV. Got discharged after she only came around twice. I would have seen her weekly for a cuppa if I could!
This is to help you! Get a box of biccies and have a good chat. Tell her your concerns about kitchen she will probably be able to offer advice and if not at least a friendly ear! Think positive!

I’m feeling quite sorry for your future hv if that’s your attitude.