Health visitor requesting pre-birth meeting

[Bellamuerte]

The health visitor has sent a letter requesting to visit when I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I won't even have a baby for her to see so don't know why she wants to come?

Is it essential to have a health visitor? Can I decline to see them at all? From what friends have said it sounds like they're just busybodies who ask nosy questions about whether you're coping and rudely inquire whether your OH is violent, and nose around your house to see if they think it's good enough for a baby, and basically look for an excuse to call social services.

One of my main concerns is that we started extending the kitchen before I got pregnant and it still isn't finished because we ran into structural problems. It's basically a shell with no cupboards, heating or even a ceiling, and the work is scheduled to take another six months to complete. I'm worried that the health visitor will report us.

I'm a victim and nobody asked me, I wish they had done.!!

I expect the HV wants to.come round because she heard what a shallow smug fucker you are op.

I'm a student HV. We are experienced nurses that do an extra qualification, we are not busybodies waiting to snatch children. The role of the HV is to support families with young children and the antenatal visit is routine. It's an opportunity for you to talk about any worries you may have before your life is taken over by a new baby and also to build a relationship with your HV. It is the role of all HCPs, especially those dealing with predominantly women, to ask about DV. It takes an average of 27 contacts with professionals before a woman will disclose DV. Victims are not idiots, they are often frightened, controlled and so ground down by the perpetrator that they are unable to leave without support. Incidences of DV can increase, and sometimes happen for the first time, during pregnancy and after birth. Sometimes the HV may be the only other adult a DV victim sees. You don't have to have a HV, they will not care about your building work but don't be ignorant about DV.

If you could collectively collate all the conflicting information well-meaning relatives will give you during pregnancy and early child-hood, you will find the definition of a health visitor.
In my mind, they are just lay people with opinions.
Typical examples:
Breastfeeding. Baby not gaining weight. E.g. 1 - Switch to formula. E.g. 2 - You need to feed on demand.
Soothers
Sleep
Room temperature
You're tired, exhausted, emotional. Report to SS
You're single, tired, exhausted, emotional. Report to SS.
You haven't the energy to go to mother/baby group. You have PND.

They are a useless waste of money in my mind.

It’s warming my heart to read the lovely comments here about HVs as I am one and do everything I can to support families and only just finished work after a long day being there for people who needed ‘something’ - parenthood can be a very tricky place.

OP - everyone in England is covered by the Healthy Child Programme. All families should be offered this - google it. Those NOT being offered this visit are being failed due to lack of staff, funding etc. Research has shown its huge benefits. Those that don’t need us don’t see what we do for those that do!

The Healthy Child Prpgramme means you have a Midwife then Health Visitor then school nurse out there somewhere for you from birth to 18. Or it should do.....

Health Visitors have core contacts they must OFFER (its just an offer!) and this includes a pre birth visit to get to know you, what you do or don’t want, support you etc before the baby is born.

Some people say no thanks and that’s fine.

But in my experience it really helps. Some people are totally fine. Others talk in depth about issues, vulnerabilities etc that it’s really important we understand. The midwife is gone soon after birth ....and then you have us.

I’m a qualified midwife who then undertook postgrad training to offer a specialist service ie Health Visitor.

I do not care about your building work!! Honestly

Of course there are shit HVs out there just like there’s shit GPs, teachers, lawyers, estate agents, mechanics and every other job. But just like all other jobs there’s loads of brilliant ones. My own first HV was AWFUL. I called the surgery and demanded a different one and honestly she pretty much saved my life!!! Amazing woman.

If you don’t need us that’s great - you’re doing fine! But lots of people do and that’s why we are there. We don’t know if you need us unless we ask. And that’s why we ask.......

Good luck with your birth and becoming a Mum - and please don’t worry about this! X

They do prebirth visits as routine here. Just to meet me, explain stuff, give me red book and discuss things like safe sleep, feeding options. Perhaps some overlap with midwives but I was glad to meet them beforehand.

I don't know why some people are so paranoid. Honestly SS are on their knees they won't care about a kitchen. My previous team is currently sending out 60 cases out to other teams a week despite everyone in the team currently holding double the caseload they should. Do people really think SS have nothing better to do.

I'm 38 weeks and had mine 2 weeks ago, she was lovely, introduced herself, asked about my other children, gave me my baby's red book, talked about feeding, immunisations. just asked if I felt safe. That was it, nothing awful.

Hippychick. You've basically spent an entire paragraph telling us that HVs are looking out for evidence of domestic violence.
I thought you had other functions (on paper at least).

We had a visit a while back, to they said it was because it's our first. DH and I had a mad hour cleaning the house and she never went anywhere apart from the living room!

She asked about breast feeding and sleeping so we told her what we had learnt from NCT which she seemed happy with. She then gave us a leaflet about feeding and one about attachment I think (so about bonding etc) had a fuss of the cat and that was it!

Goady!

Sullaby are you one of the OP's idiotic friends?

@Sullabylullaby

I'm guessing that's because OP seems to be so ignorant about DV

Can I ask whether a HV has ever actually helped a new mum and if so how?

@Sullabylullaby of course we have other functions but the op clearly doesn't understand the role of the HV in supporting victims of DV.

there have been posts on the thread already sully detailing how HV's helped

There is no obligation to see a health vistor - that should be made clear to parents to allow them to make an informed choice about whether to use the service or not but it often isn't

I would say the quality of advice given by health visitors (particularly about infant feeding issues) can be very variable, often not evidence based and out of date.

Sully

Here are just a few things my HV did.

Told me how to register baby at local doctors. (Useful as I was new to the area and had moved two weeks before giving birth.)

Told me where to take my baby for regular weight checks.

Told where local groups were for me and new baby.

Told me how to get breastfeeding support.

Reassured me I was feeding LO correctly and helped me about weaning questions.

Reassured me about problems with LOs eyesight and pointed me in the right direction for help.

Gave my cat a cuddle cos he was feeling left out with the baby getting all the attention

My HV sat and listened. I was young, clueless, scared of somehow hurting my baby or doing things wrong, felt like certain people were constantly criticising the way I was dealing with the baby, couldn’t talk to DP because he was too close to the issue.
She wasn’t. She sat, listened, reassured me, gave me advice and pointed me in the direction of services I needed.
That’s how they can and do help new mothers.

This wasn't a thing when I had my first but this time I had the letter. Had to ring as address had changed to a different area.

HV said visit can be declined if you don't want it. They just want to check you are ok, not try to catch you out!

Hi pre birth visits depend on where you live. This happened to me too and I was frantic as we had brought a property as a renovation job (picture no bathroom/kitchen/electrics) to take our mind off our 7 year infertility stretch in February found out I was pregnant in March! By the time Baby was due house would have been finished but he arrived early the hv scheduled visit would have been when we still had no kitchen or bathroom albeit a toilet hastily plumbed in . I called the hv to rearrange as like you I was worried they would judge she simply said she would send me some leaflets and book to see me post Baby. Since then (Baby is now 7 weeks) we have had 3 hv visits (more than normal due to Baby being premie) and they have all been lovely and have not batted an eyelid at the state of the house (building work has overrun ). I've actually been very impressed with them and would reassure you they really are only there for Baby - good luck with your pregnancy

My HV with my DD has really tried to fight my corner with regards to hear hearing. It has not been easy but without the HV kicking a stink every month it would have taken longer than the time it did.

My HV also made me realise that DD's dad was a waste of space & it was him that was dragging my confidence down when it came to my parenting. I didn't think i could do it alone - turns out i could do it better.

A decent HV is invaluable

sully

My HV came every other day for a month when they thought my dc1 had hydrocephalus so his head was measured by the same professional each time. Including over Christmas

She watched and waiting and supported me with feeding when dc2 put on weight but fell through the cebtiles

She remembered this 2 years later when the same thing happened with dc3 and it meant there was no panic.

She arranged hearing tests for my youngest 2 after my eldest was diagnosed with some hearing loss.

She stopped me in the supermarket on my day off to make sure I was ok

She never patronised me and, consequently, I felt like I could call her when I had a concern about dc2 that i couldn’t see who else to ring at the time.

She’s been excellent, always.

Well, I used to have a low opinion of health visitors. The ones I encountered just seemed incredibly out of touch with the realities of having a baby and rhymed off advice according to the book rather than any real difficulties I was having.

Then I had DS2 who began to show some worrying things to do with his development and my HV was a star. She was really on the ball and got him set up with everything he needed quickly.

So yes, a lot of the time they are just an annoyance and you'll find yourself nodding and smiling at their advice but go on to do things your own way - But there may come a time where their help and connections are invaluable.

• her day off, that should be