First time mums 2017/ early 2018

[lydiangel83]

An ode to the first time pregnancy thread! x

I was on the old pregnancy thread with a different name. 8 days in with my DD and love her to bits but am struggling so badly with baby blues. Feeding has been hard and it's generally not been the best week but hoping for brighter days soon.

Goawaybabyblues I can completely sympathise. My baby is coming up for 2 weeks old and I am not coping at all, spend all night in tears and all day stressing about the night. I'm hating it if I'm honest. Sorry no advice but a hand hold.

@NC1990 Sorry to hear that , but good to know we're not alone. Can't wait for this bit to pass! X

I'm finding it tough too. I'm totally wiped out and so is my other half. I am crying a lot.
I have no advice but found talking as openly as possible helps. It's good to know you're not alone (hugs)

Joining the finding it hard train! DH away tonight so first night home alone. Brief pause in incessant crying - fingers crossed. Mother in law came over earlier and coughed all over baby after telling me she’s been ill, not happy at all I seriously can not afford to get ill! Will be having proper words if I am ill tomorrow!

What a happy bunch we are! I find the days are fine, she sleeps like an angel but during the evening I'm always on edge. The cluster feeding has been absolutely brutal. But it IS a phase and I know (hope!) things will get better in the next few weeks.

What's funny is I bet when they're mobile we'll wish they were this little again 🙈

Agree about talking openly! It's helping a lot.

Hope everyone has a better day tomorrow and things improve.

How often do people’s in laws see DC? My MIL is making snide comments and moaning that she hasn’t seen her granddaughter for 6 days. She has seen her probably 10 times in her 3.5 wk life, averaging 2-3 times per week but only once in the last week (6 days ago). The in laws live 40 mins away but always turn up later than agreed time and overstay their welcome. Have to placate them to some extent as they will be our main babysitters (my parents are 2.5 hrs away). I’m also angry that MIL came round ill and coughed all over baby and me last week now I have bad cough. They insisted on coming round last night and I told her I now have her cough and instead of apologising she said no it can’t have been her as her cough wasn’t contagious and was just catarrh by the time we saw her. Don’t believe this as no one else I’ve been in contact with has been ill. I think this is why I am particularly annoyed about her being so high maintenance. DH just says tell them not to come but I am the one who gets nasty comments mumbled at me.

Hi @lydia, my MIL and SIL have seen DS about the same as your MIL, about 10 times in 3 weeks, whereas my own DM and DSis have seen him twice each - they both said from the outset l would want my own space and I'm inclined to agree, however they obviously know me and what I'm like much more than my in-laws do!

I agree, you need your own space. You're bonding as new family. It's unfair and selfish of your MIL to be like that with you.

5 days in and I've given up with breastfeeding I had no help in the hospital and he wouldn't latch properly. Caused me some damage, I got nipple Shields which helped a bit but my breasts are so engorged, it kills! I can't sleep at all, nights are awful, spending most of my time in tears because of my episiotomy being so sore as well my poor oh is getting upset because he can't help! We don't half sound like a moaning bunch, at least were not alone and it will get easier!

@Jessiecat27 I gave up after 6 days. It was too much, feeding every half an hour all day and all night. I didn't eat proper coz I didn't have the time. I had about 5 hours sleep in them 6 days and nearly fainted in the kitchen! And same about OH getting upset for not being able to help, he said he felt like he wasn't bonding.

I know people say breast it best but baby needs a happy mummy too, I feel so much better since putting her on formula and she's gone from 6lb 10 to 7lb 14 so not doing her any harm. Don't beat yourself up you need to look after yourself x

Ew1990 I feel so guilty but aslong as he's getting fed I suppose it doesn't matter! The breastfeeding brigade I know are so judgemental which really doesn't help, I've stopped replying to people I know because I know I'm going to get all of the 'how's breastfeeding going?' And wanting every little update!

@Jessiecat27 I was dreading the midwife coming and asking me how feeding was going. When I told her I'd put her on formula her response was "I'm not bothered how she's fed as long as she's fed"

I felt incredibly guilty but what use are we if we are passing out from exhaustion? My oh had to sit on the floor next to the settee and hold her on my boob while I had a bit of sleep. I didn't enjoy the first week at all.

I told my midwife yesterday I was planning to combination feed and she said the same thing, seeing her again tomorrow but she's lovely which really helps! Just means my oh can help out too whilst I get some sleep!

The first night she was on bottles my oh sent me to bed while he had her downstairs and I got a full 9 hours sleep I felt like I could take on the world that day! 😂 it's so much easier like this morning my MIL came and she gave her her bottle while I got ready and it was so much less stressful. We've started getting a routine a bit now at 3 week old so the day goes easier

That's what I'm doing tonight! He's not overly confident yet but I've said he can shout me if he needs anything, we tried the other night but I only got four hours and couldn't get back to sleep! Trying the cabbage trick because I don't want to end up with mastitis from stopping suddenly. Has anyone got any tips for helping with episiotomy stitches? I'm too scared to try witch hazel in case it stings haha

@Jessiecat27 I gave up too and haven't looked back although I feel horribly guilty for a few days. I have mastitus now from my attempts. Similar situation in that hospital were awful.

My health visitor came for the first time today and I was so scared to tell her as the midwives had been pushy. She didn't care and was quite disappointed in how things had been handled by the hospital etc. Made me feel so much better to have a HCP feel like they were on my side.

goawaybabyblues the hospital told me I could put a complaint in because they felt awful, really understaffed and they had no breastfeeding support team from the Thursday I was in until today so a lot of ladies on the ward were in the same situation. I didn't have a clue what I was doing as I don't have friends with children and there's no young children really in the family so even simple things like changing a nappy I had to work out for myself, sounds daft but at 3 in the morning with no help I was just crying to myself because I was so stressed. The only thing I'll miss from hospital is the shower room because it's so convenient!

Sorry to hear you ladies didn't have support in hospital. I would put in a complaint at the lack of support.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear but they were great at my hospital, even the hca taking baby for half an hour as I was sobbing with exhaustion. When I woke up she'd put baby back in her cot asleep and had covered me up.

ew1990 there was one lady who took him for a feed bless her, most of them wanted to help but we're too busy which I put in my complaint letter

I do understand I'm an hca in a hospital and staff are stretched so far but for you to get no support re breastfeeding and changing nappies is pretty bad in my opinion

I work in an understaffed pharmacy so I completely get it, hopefully they manage to get more staff in for all future ladies going in because I'd hate for anyone to feel the same as I did!

@Jessiecat27 @ew1990 don’t be hard on yourselves you didn’t have the support which is rubbish but also you have to do what is best for you and your baby. Happy Mum = happy baby! Xx

I’ve been mix feeding from the start, but will slowly increase the formula feeds now until baby third is solely on formula. My nipples are really sore (bleeding) and l wince every time I have to breast feed.....it’s making me quite miserable , as my nipples are pulled/twisted every time baby unlatches!

I don’t feel defeated as at least I tried.

Sorry to hear that you didn’t get much support jessica and I would make a complaint.