My consultant really really wants me to have a section - I don't want to

[NoCapes]

I have a history of bad labours
My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad
So I'm high risk this time
My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'

So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it
Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing

I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time
I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me
I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet
It'll all just feel so detached

I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two
I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated
I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed

Yeah pretty unfortunate language OP... borderline goady, how unusual

I must admit I've skipped page 2 so apologies if this has been said already. But from a pnd / bonding pov, surely not being totally knackered before you start can only be a good thing?! I don't think I fully recovered sleep-wise from dd1's labour until I was pregnant with dd2

Hey OP,
I have read the thread and take no offence - hope that you can speak to mw/obstetrician to come to terms with how you feel.
Earlier in the thread you mentioned (in different words) that you felt you were doing your baby a disservice by not having a vb - statistically, a section is actually safer for baby but riskier for you. The consultant must feel that a vb is however even more riskier for you but of course you still have a choice - do you have all the full facts/stats/risks to make a fully informed choice?
Regarding feeling detached during the section - 2 (out of 4) of my births have been planned sections. The first I had the screen up and felt quite detached - still a positive experience. The second, I didn't have any screens, as soon as he was born the surgeon passed him straight to me, we had skin to skin and delayed cord clamping - I felt more involved in the whole experience. Google 'gentle section' for some videos/birth plan ideas.

Your OP and subsequent posts are startling in that they focus almost solely on yourself. Giving birth is not all about you.

Your post did enrage me at first OP but I guess you are looking for reassurance- so here goes...

After three days of labour I had a crash csection with my son (I was put under a general aesthetic very quickly to get him out quickly to save his life). His heart almost stopped beating/ I think it did for a bit. After he was born the consultant told me that we were very very lucky and that if it had taken 5 mins longer then my son would have died....

....BUT some smug bastards who had given birth 'naturally' (and who knew what had happened) still gave me the head tilt and asked me if I was DISAPPOINTED that I hadn't given birth naturally! Fuckers....10 years later and it still makes me cry to think about it. I would have loved to have pushed him out but thank god that I was the lucky one and I had the option of a life saving intervention...

despite the section and not seeing or holding my son until he was three hours old I still bonded with him - I had mild Pnd due to the trauma of his birth - but no bonding issues - I was just so relived that he lived...that's all I cared about and that is all that matters.

Listen to your consultant. Get him or her to explain exactly why they are recommending it. Good luck.

I never understand why people on here say that the key thing is a healthy baby and mum - whilst completely ignoring the mum's mental health.

OP has already said she had PND and after years it still affects her relationship with her daughter. She is trying not to have the same happen again ffs. She IS thinking about her baby.

Sounds like the consultant is not being particularly constructive, trying to get someone else to "talk you into it" rather than dealing with the actual, clinical MH issues which are getting in the way.

Can you ask to be referred to the perinatal MH team as they might help you go forward with a physically safe birth that doesn't leave you feeling traumatised or numb?

Hi OP,

The doctor's prognosis that you shouldn't have another vaginal birth sounds very upsetting and very final, so my sympathies are with you.

I have had a EMCS followed by two vaginal births so I feel qualified to say - you have nothing to fear. The relief and joy when you see your new baby's face and get to have that first skin to skin contact is unequivocally the same regardless of the birth method.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with twins and maybe I'll have an elective c-section or vaginal births or possibly both . I know enough to know I probably don't have a great deal of say in how they get here, but that they get here safely is all I can and do care about.

Wishing you well xxx

Where do you draw the line though op.

If you had another natural birth and got in difficulty and needed vacuum suction or forceps, would you feel that was a cop out because your baby was removed from you rather than pushing it out?

I cant understand why when you had such a horrendous time last time and by your own admission your womb is in a state, you chose to have a 4th and then wont take medical advice seriously. You say you live alone so what would happen to 4 children? It's ridiculous.

Gosh Nocapes it's so strange how long, popular and successful your threads can be.
Its almost like you're perfected the drama....

Amen @peakyblinders - almost unbelievable just how much drama one person can have and just how they accidentally offend so many people

peakyblinders

Very disingenuous NoCapes. You've been on MN long enough to know that your post would cause a lot of upset to people. Why would you choose to do that, I wonder?

OP I am veering between annoyance at your use of language about c sections and huge sympathy because a year ago I thought like you.

I had an EMCS and it was bloody awful. I took 5 months to recover, suffered emotional trauma and spent a lot of time at my local GP practise dealing with the aftermath.

A C section is most definitely not a cop out. I still gave birth to my child.

You need to put your feelings about c sections out the window and focus on the best option for both you and baby. A planned C section is a million times less stressful than a rush down to theatre with no choice and no time for your wishes to be listened to. Had I planned I would have had skin to skin straight away and my husband could have supported. In reality we didn't have a clue what to expect, no one mentioned a C section in antenatal so we just went along with whatever happened.

You seem to have a lot of drama in your life OP.

I gave birth. My babies were not 'removed'. They are still very much here, growing up in my love and care. I am thankful every day csections exist now without killing the mother. I wish you peace however you proceed. Mothers are all women, all brave. Luck plays a massive part.

I had an ELCS and I can assure you that it was a 'birth' not a 'removal'. I had delayed clamping, skin to skin etc. It was a calm beautiful experience. And just as valid as a vaginal delivery.

I'm going to try and not take offence at the language you used because you've clearly had a rough time. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. As such here is my advice, listen to your consultant. If he thinks it's best, it probably is. Look into the options around c section births and ask about the PICO dressing. It makes a world of difference to your recovery in my experience.

Where is the OP I wonder?

@NoCapes I’ve had two csections, the first was emcs after I went into labour 2 days before my elective date and the second was elcs. I’m due to to go for my 3rd cs in 2 weeks time.
My babies have all been breech including this one so I really have no choice.
The consultant with my first did give me the option to turn my first but there was no guarantee it would work, after the first csection they won’t offer it again as there is a risk of scar rupture.
Anyway I would take the consultants advice as they wouldn’t offer csection unless it was absolutely necessary. I’ve read a few of your replies which I see you are going to do that anyway.
I’ve not read the other comments as I can see your original post has caused some offence.
I really don’t want to have csections, they’re painful after (not too much though don’t want to scare you) and recovery is slower but it definitely isn’t a cop out. I bonded with my daughters just the same as I would have done if I’d delivered naturally. I asked the midwives in the theatre not to clean them, they were place on me still while I was being put back together. DH weighed both and dressed them in recovery while I ate toast and had a cuppa. I got to breastfeed straight the way. It’s different but not awful.
I’d love to have a natural birth but my body simply won’t allow it.
Good luck 😊

@AVirtuousLife

I wouldn't come back whether after some of the cunty replies she's had either.

Maybe don't start a goady " cunty" thread then alittlepotofrosie

She's entitled to feel how she feels about having a c sec. She didn't pass judgement on anyone elses birth. If people are struggling with their own birth experience then go away and get help for that. Don't take it out on someone who is clearly strugglng. Why are your feelings more valid than hers? Its her thread. Scroll on if you don't like it. Don't pile in on her like a bunch of bitches.

alittle

She is entitled to say what she thinks

It was however, a very badly worded post

And she doesn't unfortunately have ownership of the thread

I do think a lot of people were sympathetic even if they did say they didn't like the wording

Alittlepotofrosie not sure why you are getting your knickers in a twist when the OP doesn't care herself as she's used to playing her dramatic life on MN for all to comment

And some people were dicks for the sake of it.

If you haven't got the comprehension skills to realise she wasnt personally insulting you, should you even be on the internet?

I've read a few of the comments but given up for now
I know you've said you're going to go ahead with the section but just to ease your mind. I had a section with my DD and it was easy and I felt very in control and I'm very squeamish ! I also imagine that the consultant is telling you to go for this for a reason, id assume there's a risk of you having to have and ECS which is (apparently) much worse and the recovery is a lot harder ! This is the best thing for you and is actually very calm experience, my DD was cleaned and weighed and then given straight to me, my partner then took her to another room while i was stitched up and then we all sat together and had some much needed toast in recovery for two hours. It was honestly fine