My consultant really really wants me to have a section - I don't want to

[NoCapes]

I have a history of bad labours
My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad
So I'm high risk this time
My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'

So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it
Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing

I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time
I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me
I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet
It'll all just feel so detached

I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two
I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated
I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed

You saying you didn't want the section to the consultant would have meant he or she didn't go into the ins and outs of what choices you have. There are still many ways of turning an elcs into the birth you want. I've had four c/s. First emcs due to foetal distress ( back to back and thirty hoursfrom three to nine cm, then cervix became thickened due to baby's head irritating the last bit of cervix, back to 7cm dilated) so an emcs was the only option.

Then next baby was breech. Had planned cs. Thank god as she was nearly 10lbs two weeks early. Then third had to be a elcs due to hospital policy. Fourth no brainer.

I can see why you, for just you think it's a cop out, bad choice of wording but I do see your point. After all your other births being vaginal, to need s c/s must be upsetting. However, all that matters is healthy baby, healthy mum. You need to be alive and functional for not just this baby but your current children too. You just need to get your head around it. The only thing that will be different this time is the way the baby comes out. Nothing else. Really.

Good Lord OP. Sounds like the consultant is trying to save your life and that of your baby.

I had a c section with ds2 he hadn't moved down the birthing canal and was too high despite me going into labour naturally he'd gone back to back and we found out after he had a true knot in his cord which probably explained the erratic heartbeat whilst monitored. It was brilliant and the recovery was miles better than after dc1's long birth with episiotomy tearing and other unpleasantness. C sections save lives listen to your consultant!!

Ok, risk to you. Do you not feel your children deserve a fit and healthy mum?

If you had cancer, would you juice rather than opting for chemo? If your broke your leg, would you take arnica rather than having it x-rayed and set?

Why on earth would you go against medical advice? Years of training, research and experience from a professional tells you that it would be safer to have a section, a major operation, than to rely on your body, which has faltered in the past in the same scenario.

Wtaf????

OP just to reassure you a little bit about the aftermath - my first birth was a traumatic VB, second was an ELCS. As soon as the baby was out after the CS he was placed on me, and even latched on and started feeding on the operating table while they stitched me up. So instant skin-to-skin, feeding and bonding, which was exactly the same as with my VB except this time the stitches were happening on my stomach instead of tears/episiotomy/etc.

The thing that really concerns me is where you say I just feel a bit defeated before I've even begun because I think if you go in with that perspective it might be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy iyswim. I think it's a good idea to talk all the details through with your medical team and be as involved in the process as possible, and remember that your health and safety are every bit as important as your baby's. And be kind to yourself.

Hello everyone, thanks for your reports about this thread. We're just nipping in to say we think it's clear the OP is dealing with a very stressful situation and she has said up thread it wasn't her intention to offend anyone. We appreciate how emotive this issue is, and we totally see why some of you have been upset by some of the comments here, but can we ask you all to be mindful of your posts, and stick to our Talk Guidelines? Thanks.

I had a natural birth with DC1, no significant problems but need to have a CS this time, no choice (placenta blocking the exit).

I can see where you are coming from but I know you certainly wouldn't be recommended a CS if it wasn't in your best interests.

Recovery time is much quicker now, I've been told they recommend you're up & about within 6 hours and are not in hospital very long if there are no complications so you'll be back with your other DCs before you know it.

Hope all goes well x

All you people giving OP are hard time shame on you. You are projecting your own emotions into her post

I don't see anything particularly bad about what she has written, but I do see the the words "I had PND after my last birth". "I'm not judging anyone, this is my feelings" and "I just feel so deflated"

Come on people. If you don't like it scroll on. This is a previously traumatised woman, as you possibly are too. Build up. Instead of tear down.

I think you have to try and work out your own logic, it just doesn't add up.

You are worried about the instant connection but your previous experiences have included a 3hr delay and a case of poor bonding/PND - there is nothing magical there. There is no chance of this birth going better if you have a patched up womb from last time, so more post birth surgery/blood loss/ trauma. Do you really think this is going to be better than a controlled environment with an instant cuddle?

Are you really thinking you have the option of a perfect, peaceful birth experience? What would it take for you to look realistically at your options? You are not being realistic, not a bit.

I had ELCS, but had known since surgery in my teens I would need them. In my case it was two options - sections or death. Your options sound similar. I'm not upset by your post though, I'm completely happy with my decisions and the outcomes. Don't really fancy death much, you see.

I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed
What an insensitive and horrible thing to say. I had my twins 'removed' from me at 33 weeks...may I suggest that your fixation on the method you use to bring your baby into the world may be indicative of deeper issues. Once your baby is out, how you treat him or her is so much more important than the way they got here.

Sorry to the moderators, but I'm not going to pretend that the wording of the OP wasn't hurtful and insensitive

I felt a bit of a prickle at the op too, because i had a traumatic EMCS but quickly realised it's not about any of us. She feels the way she feels. Shes not saying you were a cop out. Shes saying she feels like she would be copping out as she's had previous natural births. Its not about you, it's about her and if you're so affected by what she's written then perhaps you need to seek some help to come to terms with your own CS.

Op, you and your baby need to come through the birth in as good a shape as possible. I was looking at a natural birth vs c-section when I was pregnant and for me the upsides were that the risks of a C-section are much more certain. With a vaginal birth pretty much anything could go wrong, especially with a complicated labour. C-sections aren't what they used to be, so I'm told, and you can have the baby placed on you if that's what you want to do. I didn't see mine until hours after they were born (NICU) and I didn't hold one of my twins for 6 days but we are as closely bonded as we possibly could be.

Depending how far along you are your consultant may not discuss the specific details with you yet but it's worth speaking to the consultant in more detail about what exactly your proposed c-section would involve. In your case if natural birth was going to be worse than last time and it was really really really bad before then I would not take the risk for the sake of this baby and your previous ones who need their mum. With a Cesarean you know you're going to be off your feet for a couple of days and you're going to struggle for a few weeks but that's manageable with some help. What is a natural delivery goes very very wrong and the worst happens?

In my experience consultants do not like to agree to caesareans unless a last Resort so I would really think hard about what they're saying to you and get some more details about what your natural birth and what your cesarean may involve. Good luck.

I most definitely don't have any issues with my own CS, I was thrilled with the whole process and found it exciting and amazing! That doesn't mean that the demeaning wording of the OP didn't really annoy me. I just can't understand all this hysteria over the method of getting babies into the world! Surely it's not important in the scheme of things.

NoCapes I just want to say that I kind of understand what you're saying about your thoughts re: csection. I had an emcs with my son, it was needed due to pre eclampsia (my consultant is apparently very anti cs unless it's badly needed and rarely suggests them). My son was not given straight to me, he was whisked away to scbu while I was in recovery.

I don't consider myself to have given birth. I've never thought of him just being removed before but tbh that actually sums up how I feel. I never say I gave birth, occasionally I'll say he was born but my brain likes to "jokingly" generally override to "we got him there" if discussing the hospital he was born in or similar. I know my cs was medically necessary, and I would NEVER think another woman took the easy way out if they had a cs, but my feelings are my feelings and I feel that way about my own situation, however irrational it may be. I've had friends say in disbelief that of course I gave birth but in my head I didn't.

At the same time I think you'd be mad to disregard the professional advice and put your own health and safety at risk. You've been lucky enough to have 3 natural births, if a cs is necessary this time then so be it.

So if you loved your CS and don't understand the fuss about method of birth, why are you so worked up? How are you helping the OP? I mean, you COULD have told her that Cs can be a positive experience etc etc. But you decided to pick on her wording instead.

You should get some counselling, because your judgements and fears are all in your head, and you are being very illogical. Many
People on this thread ( and many other threads all the time I'm sure) say they bond with their beautiful baby just perfectly with a section. That they can hold them immediately so you might get your baby quicker than after a difficult birth. The uk is very pro low intervention births, your consultant thinks it's serious. If you choose not to have a section and your baby dies or is disabled from it, I don't think you will be one iota happy that at least you didn't cop out. If you die, what happens to your children? Oh mummy died avoiding medical intervention so we are very proud? I doubt it. This may sound harsh but your consultant is telling you the likelihood of these happening is high. Talk to someone about your feelings. Have a lovely smooth planned section. Cuddle your baby from seconds after she is born. Go home and be with all of your children after. That sounds like a perfect outcome to me.

Read some but not tft.

OP I wasn't remotely offended by your post and I've had 2 csections. I have no other point of comparison, but both times felt utter euphoria the moment I saw the babies and heard them cry. You get to be right next to your baby as they stitch up, etc, and I fed mine as I lay in the recovery room. Beautiful memories. A planned csection is strangely calm and can really help to start the bonding in a more controlled situation, I guess. I had wanted a 'natural' birth but the result would have been pretty horrific had I give ahead with that (various complications each time).

I found it took me a sort while to process the prospect of an elcs each time. Maybe give yourself some time to think.

I'm sorry you've had such rough labours previously and I hope your birth is a lot easier this time.

NoCapes
I have been on MN for quite a while under various names, and I have a lot of respect for you, and your opinions.

But surely you can see why your opening post was quite offensive??

I'm not diminishing your feelings, you can't help how you feel, and you need help to work through that, but on a forum of mainly parents, where a large proportion of us have had to have CS for one reason or another, and might already have (needless but valid) negative feelings about how DC were born, surely you can see that some of your choice of phrasing was going to upset people?

I had to have an EMCS, when I'd planned a water birth.
It was under GA, we would have both died otherwise.
I didn't meet DS until he was 6 hours old, he was in SCBU, and I had had a GA.
It didnt affect our bond, or, in fact, breastfeeding, after a dodgy start I fed for years.

It took me ages, and a lot of guilt, to get over how DS was born, I felt less of a mother because I hadn't been able to birth naturally.

So I get how you feel, I really do.
But at the end of the day, I am so incredibly grateful that DS is alive and healthy, and that I am alive to enjoy and parent this wonderful little boy, that there wheres and hows of how he wa born have ceased to be a concern.

Oh and your health is just as important as the babies.

It's all very well and good saying that a vaginal birth won't harm the baby, but just carries risks for you, but seriously??
You know (and I know you do- you are a sensible woman!) that losing their mother in child birth, is a much, much worse fate than being born via the sunroof, right?

V un MN (((((hugs))))) cos I get it, but you can also see why people mught be alittle offended.

Best wishes @NoCapes.....no birth is an easy one, and no matter what hapens, I know you'll love and cherish this DC, just as much as you do the others.

reetgood

Loads of people have been nice to the OP

Mumsnet isnt a bloody hive mind

The major risk is haemorrhage isn't it? Very glad you're taking the section. You can still bleed with a section but the consultant obviously feels they can better control the situation. Your comments were v offensive btw.

Why don't you watch some c sections on TV/ you tube

I had an elective "cop out" it was fab. I requested it too. Yep, I am not a real mother. I didn't want to push and avoided all the pain. None of that self righteous pushing and panting and chopping my nose off declining wimpy pain relief.

I gave up work to be a SAHM, home educated two DC spending all my time with them, I gave up the party lifestyle, went without food and new clothes on occasion so they had everything they wanted. I couldn't bare to leave them and in 16 years I've spent one night away from them. In short there was never ever any issue with bonding.

There seems to be a trend for making women guilty if they can't or don't want to push, and there seems to be certain smug mindset that coerces women to believe they are not really virtuous mother's if they if they have pain relief, or a section.

I had a natural delivery with ds, no complications and was overall a very positive experience. Currently 37 weeks with dc2 and he's breech so unless he turns I'm heading for a c section. I am devastated for many of reasons you said in your original post. I want to deliver my son naturally and whilst I am going to go with the advice of my consultant it is very much reluctantly so.

Its also not really the operation that worries me but also the recovery and not being able to drive for weeks.

I wish you lots of luck OP.

mrscharlie

It depends on the woman and insurance when it comes to not driving after a cs...so it does vary