My consultant really really wants me to have a section - I don't want to

[NoCapes]

I have a history of bad labours
My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad
So I'm high risk this time
My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'

So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it
Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing

I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time
I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me
I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet
It'll all just feel so detached

I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two
I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated
I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed

I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed

And this is one of the most obnoxious offensive things I've had the misfortune to read on here. To suggest women who have a c section just have their child removed is nothing short of nasty.

I wouldn't have liked a section either. But if the Consultant strongly recommended it then I would.

Do what the consultant tells you ffs.

Agree with you Bluntness. It is one of the most offensive and judgmental, as well as completely ignorant thing I have read on Mumsnet.

It's good to read that OP is taking everyone's views into account, not just the ones that agree with her.

Ignore sallys post

Its fuck all to do with anyone

But your opening post could have been worded better

To add we do what we can for the best outcome for the baby and ourselves surely. What we want is not as important as that. I wouldn't have liked a section because I didn't like the thought of the procedure and the pain afterwards. (so quite selfish really) But if it was strongly recommended then of course I would have. Just to clarify.

No, you didn't say you don't care how others give birth. You made a clear distinction, several times, between a cs and giving birth.

DS was an emcs. Yes I would have preferred a vb. But the euphoria, flood of emotion and bonding I felt when he was placed on my chest was incredible. Many birth experiences (of all types) do not end this way, so I feel very lucky.

Talk to your consultant about and assisted csection. They can drop the drapes and you can be involved in lifting the baby out, You also could look at vaginal seeding and skin to skin immediately once baby is born. All of which can't really happen as easily in an emergency situation.

OP your sole priority should be the safe birth of your child. Seems that you want to "give birth" at any cost

sally not sure how who the father is is relevant to how the baby is born, and I live alone with my children but again who is on the electoral role at my address really wouldn't change my feelings

And yes Juniper I do feel there is a clear distinction between giving birth and having a section, when I have this section I won't be describing the experience as me giving birth - others feel differently and that is fine and everybody's birth experiences are different and that's not really the discussion I'm looking to have here

Newman wow I never knew that was an option at all, that is very interesting thankyou

If you can so openly judge women who give birth by c section and call it " a cop out" and "removed" then you should have the gumption to hear about judgements thrown at your life choices.

I'm afraid I think all your concerns are overridden by the main concern - to get you and your baby through this safely.

The smiling your consultant is pushing for this concerns me. There must be a valid reason.

What if something happened to you? Think of the impact on your children and family.

What if something happened to your baby? Could you live with that?

All you concerns pale into insignificance should something happen to you or your baby.

I would 100% trust the medical professional and have the c section.

Smiling?? Stupid autocorrect. The fact your consultant....

That was my point Capes. Your thoughts are just anxiety, not logical, not true.

You post in a way that suggests you want to fight and battle physical issues - maybe put your fight into the emotional issues.

These are just anxious thoughts, they aren't helpful and they aren't true.

Ps. You probably do need to re-read your posts. I'm trying to stay helpful and calm but many of your comments are really hurtful to those of us who has C section. It's not us mis-reading it, it's the way you've written it. Try to be kinder with us.

fucksake I'd rather not go into the full history (it'd be lonnnnng) but it's risks to me not to the baby, which is why I feel like I'd be cheating a little bit, because I know I can get the babies out myself and have done several times, it's me that suffers so I kind of feel a bit selfish having a section when the baby isn't at a massive risk, I feel like as the mother I should suck it up kind of thing
But then obviously worst case scenario happens and I leave 4 children without a mother...but then having a baby then that's a risk no matter what isn't it?

Oh I see sourpatch I'm on the defensive so obviously didn't get the tone, but yes I do know you're right

Sally it blatantly says in my opening post that I don't judge others for how their babies are born and I really don't care how others do it

And to everyone else getting offended, I have said countless times I don't think these things about anyone else having a c-section, I don't judge, I don't even care, in fact I don't think I've ever even asked anyone how they've given birth unless they've willingly told me the birth story
I'm saying I feel uncomfortable with my own situation
Mine
Me having a section
Not you

Friggen hell. What are you doing? You've posted some of the most offensive shit you can on a parenting website and you're just carrying on regardless asking for more help, like it's irrelevant to you.

I was booked in for a CS with my last DC due to breech but luckily she turned at the last minute and I didn't need one. I really really didn't want one either, not because it was a 'cop out' but because it is major surgery. But I followed the recommendations of the doctors because the most important thing was mine and my baby's health, and my kids having a living, healthy mother. I can't imagine ever putting an 'experience' over the safety of myself and my unborn child. If the consultant feels so strongly I would assume they have a very good reason and follow their advice.

Keeping alive and healthy by following medical advice wouldn't be selfish. Selfish would be risking leaving 4 kids alone so that you can feel you have given birth properly.

Reported the op for vile comments

Umm to me it sounds like you just haven't had an opportunity to have discussions about options or what a section would be like. You know your medical history, we don't. When you decide what to do you need to weigh up risks to you / the baby

For those who say the consultant wouldn't be advising this unless absolutely necessary - not so sure, probably following guidelines / minimum risk option. They have to err on the side of caution always

My consultant pushed for me to have induced labour at 40wks - I negotiated with him an alternative care plan. This was with support of my wonderful community midwife who was less than pleased about how the risks had been presented to me and how distressed I had got given my history. But this was my situation and I was well informed / knew the risks / had alternative plans in place

Yes I do realise that stitched I am going to go ahead with having a c section as I do realise it sounds a bit silly written down
I just feel a bit defeated before I've even begun iyswim, but I do see that's my own silliness and all in my head really