My consultant really really wants me to have a section - I don't want to

[NoCapes]

I have a history of bad labours
My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad
So I'm high risk this time
My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'

So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it
Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing

I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time
I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me
I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet
It'll all just feel so detached

I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two
I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated
I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed

Sorry new posts come in since I was writing mine. OP at the end of the day you have choices but do weigh risks carefully.

Wow, I can understand the anxiety of not giving birth how you expected to or have done previously but I think your perceptions of c-sections are all wrong. Like many of the posters here I had an EMCS. At no point did I feel like I had cheated, or not given birth.

The aim is to get the baby out of your body in the most risk free way for both you and baby, follow your consultants guidance but express your concern about bonding due to your history with your DD (a c section alone does not impact bonding) and see what they can suggest to help.

Yes I think I do need a bit more detailed info tbh codswallop
The discussion has just been the consultant saying he wants me to have a section as if I have a vaginal delivery xy&z might happen and there's less risk with a section, but no discussion as to the whys and where's of the actual procedure at all really
I clearly need to ask more questions going forward

Thankyou Cathster I hope I am completely wrong

Capes - love, you're not supposed to have to put up with endless shit and pain just because you're a mum. Even if you had simply chose CS because you wanted it, it wouldn't be selfish to do so. You don't have to suffer you know, it'll make no difference to your baby. Baby really doesn't care how it comes out. You're not 'copping out" of anything.

My last baby was a section. It’s major surgery while conscious and then they hand you a newborn to look after while you’re still immobile from the waist down. I think that’s pretty hardcore actually, and not at all a ‘cop out’.

For what it’s worth I loved my section, it got my baby out safely, and I’m forever grateful for it.

Ah thankyou for being so lovely sourpatch that made me cry a little bit (we'll call it hormones)
And seeing it written down the logical part of my brain completely agrees with you

And I really didn't mean to offend anyone and hoped people would actually acknowledge that my feelings are just about my own experiences, but I suppose on a site where people get offended by toilet brushes and Christmas Eve boxes that was never going to happen on an actual emotive subject was it

Psycho yes I suppose when you put it like that it does sound pretty hardcore doesn't it

I don't get offended by toilet brushes or Xmas eve boxes. That's so obnoxious. I am offended you have insinuated I didn't give birth, that I copped out and that I had my child removed. Do not put toilet brushes in the same category as how we give birth to our children.

Reported.

ok Bluntness that's exactly what I said

Jaysus. I don't have a bun in this fight but surely it's pretty clear that op is talking about her own feelings and trying to come to terms with them? Try to take out your personal affront and see the vulnerable, pregnant woman here.

Op I have exactly zero qualification to advise as am pregnant with first child. It sounds to me like your last birth was traumatic, you ended up with an emergency caesarean and have hooked on that as the reason for the trauma. perhaps it might be you need to do a bit more unpicking of that last birth? And also you sound a bit guilty. Putting yourself at risk of harm because of guilt is not doing the best for your child! Are there any of the healthcare team you can talk this through with? Not sure how it works with consultant led care but it's something I would flag with my community midwife. Having a caesarean is not going to affect bonding, there's some good tips up thread on things you can do. Talk through your fears and concerns and be specific, get an understanding of what and how it will happen. It seems a lot more complex to me than you judging caesareans and I'm really sorry people have given you such a needless hard time. That's about their own experience so try not to take personally cx

^ this

It's nice to see NoCapes that you really don't care at all about how offensive your post was. And as for comparing calling c sections a cop out to Christmas boxes, well. What can I say. Well done.

I think you need to just have a strong word with yourself - if you're at risk it may mean you die and you won't be looming after your own babies - sections aren't an easy option either, it's major surgery and you have a huge scar which often gets infected - it's hard trying to walk and lift things too - but having a baby in any method you need to count your lucky stars you have a baby as son many others either don't or have babies with disabilities post birth- your consultant is warning you that this could happen so just suck it up and make sure you and your children survive to live another day

A risk to you is a risk to the baby as the baby needs its mother, and a planned cs is safer for any baby to begin with, so it would actually be safer for both of you. If you would rather have the " birth experience " then ignore the consultant's advice.

Again - I didn't call c sections a cop out

Thankyou reetgood I'm glad someone can see that this is about my own fears and feelings about myself and my own experiences, I appreciate you defending me
I will mention things the next time I see my midwife or consultant definitely and hopefully put some things in place like wanting the baby put on me straight away etc to be a bit more in control
And yes I suppose I do feel a bit guilty, like I did something for the other 3 which I won't be doing for this one - which is just silly really I know but that's how I feel

You had a terrible time when you had your last child.

The consultant is concerned about your baby's safety (and yours presumably) and is urging you in the strongest possible terms to have a c section

You are worried that a c section is not "giving birth" so you are considering flying in the face of the consultant's advice and going for a vaginal birth.

Lots of people have told you that you bond with a c section baby (I did, the second I saw him) but still that's not enough

It's not actually about your feelings about c sections and "giving birth". It's about the safety and well being of your child.

I really don't see the issue.

Thankyou for the advice, I am going to go ahead with the section

iMatter no I've already said I'm going to have the section, I just don't feel great about it that's all

You did c section a cop put its in your op. You have vile opinions

Would it help if you felt you had a bit more control over how things happen? Apologies if anyone has already mentioned this but I recommend you Google "gentle sections".

There are lots of choices you can make - some surgeons will let the baby "crawl out" of the incision site; you can have the drapes lowered as the baby is lifted out; it might be possible for your partner to help cut the cord; you can talk about options around skin-to-skin in theatre (for both you and partner), as well as planning for certain scenarios, eg if you and baby have to be separated, does partner go with you or baby?

If you have a look into what the options are, you can chat to your midwife/consultant about what policy usually is at that hospital, and the extent to which you can come up with a mutually acceptable birth plan.

I'm sorry your consultant's recommendation isn't what you wanted, but there might be ways of making it more palatable to you, maybe?

It is all in your head. Your feelings are valid to you but you're being offensive as fuck with your repeated assertions that there is a difference between "giving birth" and "having a section". By posting on a forum and referring to it in those terms you are actually challenging other people's choices. And then acting surprised when they challenge your bs in return.

Frankly you sound rather uninformed about what a section involves considering half the things pp have said have come as a surprise to you. I'd suggest googling, or talking to your midwife or consultant about what a section involves so you understand.

Presumably with your attitude you also think forceps and ventouse are not "giving birth" since they involve putting instruments into you a few cm away from where a surgeon puts instruments into you for a section.

Sort your head out OP. I wish you a peaceful birth and a happy healthy child, but I suggest you spend more time thinking about the rest of your children's lives rather than the 1 or 2 hours it takes to get them out of your uterus.

I think you have the wrong ideas about sections, we don't skip into the MW room and say, really don't want the bother of pushing baby out of my foof, so I'll be having a section

I had an elective due to breech presentation, I was offered the ECV but declined as wanted to listen to my body. DS born, can't remember that much as I was so ill, but it saved his life for which I'm a tad grateful. DD was a VBAC which didn't progress, oh the fatigue, plus the fact you've had a section so moving positions wasn't an option due to monitoring. I had DD by section in the end, no biggie.

I feel your comments should evoke an emotion in me, that I didn't quite hit the bar with the labours. Like I've missed out on this fairytale moment.

I'd hope you're quite young, ergo quite naive maybe. (Or NCT Mum) I'm sure you've been told a million times over that a section really is a last resort. It'll be calm, planned and to your specifications hopefully. Baby can be passed right to your chest, Dad cuts the cord. You pass baby back when you feel comfy.

They will want to do babies checks, weight, height etc. I'm sure that's no different to other births though.

You're still suffering, I'm really sorry about that, I think this could be a really positive experience. Do you have counselling, possibly you could talk to them about this. Please don't let people tell you sections are bad.

I think the consultant is thinking about your welfare.

Come on OP, if you were concerned about bonding etc after a CS you could have posted that and got lots of support. You worded it in a very offensive way that was bound to upset people. You aren't new to MN, you knew how this would go.

Wowee. Mumsnet continues to cover itself in glory.

Op have you considered you might have ptsd and the feelings you have could be linked to that?

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/index.php/help-support/what-is-birth-trauma

And look, birth is not something you get graded on. It's not an indicator or how good or bad a mum you are. You don't give details but sounds like you had a traumatic experience. That could still be at play on your feelings - which may or may not be acceptable to some people but you're going to have to deal with them so thats what you're doing.

She's not saying anyone else is bad mum, people. She's dealing with a view that she's internalised about herself.

Jeez.