Depressed

[BalticUnicorn]

Hello i think I have prenatal depression. I'm irritated and hate everyone. My friends have disappeared. I'm up all night on the loo so I'm exhausted in the day. I just can't be bothered with all the baby talk and people keep saying my bump is small so I think there's something wrong. Needing a piss constantly means I can't get comfortable and I feel weak probably From losing so much water

I don't think so. Not by default anyway. Nothing has changed for me so far re level of care/frequency of obs or anything. Are you worried about a birth plan? That's why I didn't admit to feeling like this with my last pregnancy, and I wish I hadn't been so ashamed now as it has only got worse and I could have done with help ages ago. And I needn't have been worried about the birth plan anyway, as DS was induced at 42 weeks so no chance of my totally chill water birth after all!

It being flagged and you given the help you may or may not need straight away is better than feeling totally ignored when you are desperate and suicidal, anyway.

Im high risk jessie but it doesnt mean social services get involved or anything. My friends wife had post partum psychosis and she was never scrutinised.
Feeeling ok today. Up all night peeing again so tired today and worried about work

How is everyone?

I'm ok today. I think having DH home for three days and a reassurance scan on Thursday has made a difference. I need to call the perinatal team again though as they are terrible at getting back to me.

How are you today?

Glad things are brighter. The perinatal team haven't got in touch yet. I'm low today were meant to be getting work done on the house and it's overwhelming I've got no one to look after the dog so that's stressful. I'm not keen on our house either so feel crap over that. Due back work on Wednesday so I better go in and face the music

Im due to see mw tomorrow i dont want to be upset again so i have to act normal. Im regretting all the decisions ive made in my life now from friends to work i just feel like ive fcuked my life up

Ive got to go back to work next week i can't risk not being able to get a reference (happened before) and messing my career up more

Is anyone there?

Hello, I've come to join you ladies, you all seem like a supportive group.

I've got terrible anxiety, I'm not depressed but I've started to feel overwhelmed and I keep crying. I'm 28 weeks this week.

I was attending a healthy minds group but that was focused on people who suffer with depression and weren't pregnant so I've left the group as it wasn't benefiting me.

I have a mental health midwife who is lovely. I'm finding everything hard due to lack of sleep etc.

@BalticUnicorn I'm sorry to see you are worried about work. If they do treat you badly, and I really hope they don't, you can phone ACAS who will offer you advice. I had to phone them in my old job and they were wonderful to me.

Hey Baltic, I've been feeling the same as you the last couple of days (still on holiday!) My DH gently reminded me how depressed I was during the last pregnancy and that a few days after the birth, despite being in agony due to emergency section I told him I suddenly felt the fog lift. I don't remember saying that and although I remember vaguely being a bit miserable during the pregnancy I don't remember feeling anywhere near what I do now.

Alone, friendless, pissed off with everyone, almost as if they are ganging up against me or mocking me... It's horrible! And like you weRe saying Baltic, regretting life decisions, regretting everything ane feeling hopeless and useless - I've been a mother to young children for a decade now and I feel worn down and trapped! And atm trapped in my own body too. I want fags and booze and actually I want the Anti depressants too really but know that the guilt will consume me. I'm already riddled with guilt anyway. I'm not a great mum... I worry about fucking up my kids, I worry every night and then I struggle again the next day.

Also having issues at work Baltic, worst time possible Re income and security and feelings of self worth.

Don't act 'normal' tomorrow BalticUnicorn, own how you feel, hopefully you'll get some help that way.

Re ealier comments about social services.... I was chatting with DH about this and I said I wish there wasn't such a stigma attached and the service wasn't so stretched because actually I wouldn't turn down the help with parenting. It's not easy and there is no manual and despite both our sets of our parents being a really great support to us (I.e. the kids' grandparents) sometimes you do feel very alone in it all... especially if your child has additional needs. And if your brain is a bit scrambled, like mine is at the moment!

Hi little its crap isnt it? Im ruining my pregnancy with the only child im likely to have (fertility issues) surely this is affecting my childs development? I cant have anymore time off work

Pregnancy is just part of the journey though... I think it's tough that it's portrayed as a magical time when for a lot of women it is hard work, with the added pressure of having to smile and say the right thing when people congratulate you. Don't feel like you're messing up your pregnancy, you can't force yourself to feel a certain way! And it is only 9 months... the rest is forever. But maybe we can get there with some help...? I really swing between continuing with the ADs or not. I'm lucky despite feeling lonely and abandoned (which is funny because it's not as if I had a big gang of friends to be abandoned by in the first place..) that DH puts up with my melancholy. I am overall able to get on with life too, I can get out of bed in the morning, I can answer whatsapps and pretend to be happy and not angry and bitter, I can cook my family delicious meals, I can win a board game, I still enjoy sex (uncomfortable though it is!), I can appreciate dusk over a mountain (my view right now!)... maybe I just have to count the little things or I will just keep sinking. Some days are easier than others too.

And I don't think being depressed would have an impact on child development in a noticeable way. If there are any issues you'd always look to yourself but you could have the most clean living, happiest pregnancy and still have a child with needs. It's not really something within our control and you are doing your best baltic That's all anyone can ask of you.

Im the same little but we havent had sex since conception ive just got no energy. Ill be a crap mum im lazy and selfish and childish

Little have you thought about taking the ADs again? Im not taking them some days im fine others im awful.

Everything can and probably will change once you have the baby though... Would you be willing to go back on ADs once you've had the baby? Although antenatal depression is not always a precursor for postnatal depression, it often is, but you won't be as physically prohibited by then, so even if you don't want to take the ADs now maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is there? Like DH says it was for me? How far on are you?

Tell me some positive things... are you feeling lots of movement? Despite how disconnected I feel to the pregnancy right now the movement still fascinates me. Have you thought of a name? I know exactly what I'm going to call her and I think it's such an awesome name, I will fight DH tooth and nail to agree!
Have you thought about 1st Xmas with baby? And 2nd and 3rd and 4th? It's so magical when they are little and believe in Santa, it brings back your own happy christmas memories
What about finally not being pregnant and being able to work on your friendships and have a boozy meal together - where you realise you are your own woman and your friends still enjoy your company?

I think about taking the ADs every day but the side effects weRe so strong, like taking MDMA! I thought if I'm not even drinking or smoking (well maybe a little now and then) ADs arent much better... But maybe they are. You would always worry. Just got to get through every day to get a little closer. If I start feeling or thinking about suicide or anything... I guess I'll seek help very quickly. For the moment I am just trying to muddle through.

Im 28 weeks i feel movement on and off. We dont know the sex so names are difficult. I cant wait to take Prozac again and actually dont believe ill ever come off it again. I hope my friends do come back to me alot have disappeared along the way inc one i thought was close

Got an appt for mental health but have cancelled as back in work and dont want to risk pissing anyone else off

Another bad day i cant do this

Hi Baltic, I replied earlier but it vanished, sorry.

I think you need to make another appointment and go. I know it's easier said than done but your MH is more important than work at the moment. You won't be much use there if you end up having a break down! They are actually legally bound to give you time off for antenatal appointments too. Have you got a superior at work you can confide in? That can act as an advocate for you, perhaps? Especially if you feel they start treating you unfairly.

Ive cancelled all the appts now anyway

Call and make them again. You sound like you are really struggling