Staying posifrickentive- Thread 17 for ladies pg after mc

[SayItIsntSo1]

I couldn't see a new thread.

Hope you all find this one ok!

Dancing I feel the same sometimes. But DH & I decided that despite our heartbreak over my mc, that it happened for a reason, something wasn't quite right & it wasn't meant to be. That makes me feel better about feeling happy now.
Also, having spoken to friends & family who've experienced mc saying 'if it wasn't for my mc, I wouldn't have had X' etc.
I think it's all very mind bending, but that's how I've chosen to get through it

Well I'm back from my EPU appointment. So pleased to say there's an actual baby in there measuring 9+1 with an actual heartbeat and everything! I cannot even tell you how relieved we both are!

Pattern so pleased for you!!!! Yayyyy!

@Pattern ah that is wonderful news! So glad it was ok :)

@Dancing I feel like that too. Me and OH were talking about this the other day (after watching the Butterfly Effect) how different things could be through tiny little changes. If he had been born 6 months later for example, we would have been in a different school year, so we probably wouldn't have been friends and ended up dating, and now getting married and having a baby! And by the same rule, if the baby we lost last July had arrived in February when it should have, it would be in a different school year to the baby we are now due to have in November...It's a complete head-bake!

I completely understand the guilt and I still wonder who that person would have been. I also think about the baby we lost in October that should have been born in May, but like @yellow says, it all happens for a reason, be it that the baby was unwell and had they been born they would have been in pain, or may have not lived very long...It feels so cruel and when my mum said to me "it wasn't meant to be" at the time I felt angry because I thought, well what if I'm not meant to be a mum?? But with time I see what she was saying. It just always hurts, I think of it as like when I've lost family members, the grief doesn't go away it just becomes a part of you. x

Pattern brilliant news!!

Yellow and haz thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. It will definitely be a lifelong grief and wonder, that will simply be a part of who I am. It's just a very strange feeling at the moment!

Great news Pattern.

I still feel bad about all my lost babies, Dancing. I also feel really guilty that Rowan was far enough on to have a name and a cremation and a place in the family crypt in Italy. Whereas the others were so early they don;t have a visible presence in our lives. So I worry that they get 'ignored and their existence is somehow lessened whereas to me they were all loved and mourned and are equal in my eyes. My lovely brother and SIL were away in Berlin in February for a weekend and when they got back they told me they had lit a candle for Rowan in the Dom and I smiled and thanked them but a little bit of me was so sad that Holly and Ash (the other two) weren't worth a mention. And I know that they were being really nice and to the rest of the family they only heard about the pregnancies once they were gone and they were so early, that it is natural they don't really see them in the same way. But I still feel sad for my other two.

Thanks ladies :) I can't tell you how much I cried when we were shown that tiny flickering of the heartbeat.

Dancing I know exactly what you mean about the guilt. I feel horrible that I'm trying so hard to enjoy this pregnancy (failing!) like the one we lost last year doesn't count. I also know only too well that horrible feeling when you realise everyone else has forgotten and it feels like somehow you're milking it by remembering what you lost. But I also fully agree with fate and what will be will be I think. Or at least I do now. I doubt we'd have ended up getting married if the baby last year hadn't ended in miscarriage. It's also crackers to think of all the things that could be different if things had just moved by a month or two- or if I'd never agreed to meet my OH for a drink. Mind bending but I suppose it's better than driving yourself round the bend worrying!!

Pattern I'm so delighted for you. Hooray.

... that sounded accidentally sarcastic because I did a relieved 'hooray.' instead of an excited 'hooray!' - I am very excited!

I think sometimes it's how mc is dealt with here.
I left the hospital without so much as a leaflet.
I mc into the pjs I was wearing at the time & they got put into a hospital bin. I put my precious baby into a clinical waste bin & I felt feel like a monster. But we planted a lovely tree in the garden, as well as other little things for remembrance. I feel like this pg is my second chance & just hope everyday it works out.

Oh yellow that's awful. Mind you it's all bloody awful when you write it down. I flushed our baby down the toilet in a panic over what to do. I still haven't worn the jeans I was wearing at the time again. Plus I think I've comfort eaten my way out of them!!

I agree with second chance- this time we are pregnant and this time we will do this properly. Not that we didn't do it properly last time, but you know what I mean. Probably.

I had a little giggle at your sarcastic "hooray" peach. I imagined you looking just like that unimpressed cat from the memes and waving a sarcastic flag haha!

Great news pattern.

I'm sitting and having a little cry to myself at all your responses. Thank you.

Yes, this is very much another chance. It's not a replacement of the baby I lost, whom I will always love.

Thinking of the others who are waiting for news.

Hi ladies
Just checking into new thread, have been away on holidays (still am) but finally have some decent wifi.
Jeepers you have all had a stressful week. Poor you. Glad that so far all scans reports are good, was getting stressed out myself reading back.
I am 14+3 today and it's my birthday. Trying not to get too emotional as my second mc baby would have been due in around 10 days time, but like you have all said I have to accept that it just wasn't to be. Hoping like hell that this is our time.
Two really close friends have announced now too and are very close to our dates. I have not reacted well to that, I somehow feel like it is putting more pressure on this one to definitely work (not sure if that even makes sense).
Anyway new symptom of the week - nosebleed and exzema. Yippee

Just to update, I had my scan this afternoon and all was well :) We saw the heart, the kidneys, the liver, and at one point we saw the baby's face front on and saw the most perfect little nose and beautiful pout. The sonographer said the baby was pouting because she had to keep prodding them! We also couldn't have found out whether it's a boy or girl even if we wanted to, baby was being very stubborn, although at one point, the lady scanning said "she just needs to move over here" then after we came out my OH said "did you hear her say 'this is his arm!'" So we really are none the wiser as to a gender lol. I couldn't care less! So, so relieved all is well, and it's the first scan I've ever had where I haven't cried. Thanks for all your support ladies, this forum is a godsend xx

@Miami happy birthday! I totally know what you mean about the added pressure of shared due dates etc. The baby I lost had the same due date as my friend who now has a healthy little 4 month old. It was so hard, I actually think it was just as hard for her to bear it. She cried so much when I told her I was pregnant this time round, and she is not someone that cries easily! I think the best way to cope with that is just not tell many people.
Could the nosebleed/eczema be related to hayfever? I'm sure there are some tablets that are safe to take in pregnancy? I only say that because my OH suffers with hayfever and has nosebleeds all the time from it. Hope you have a lovely, stress-free rest of your day :) x

Happy birthday Miami!

Ok so I'm so utterly relieved on behalf of pattern brenna bean but am so cross at your stories of getting fobbed off re EPU.

mogul I rang up to confirm my 12 week scan date at the hospital and when they heard my story they bunged me in for a scan at 9w. I will forever think my (now ex) local hospital was the best in the NHS.

AmyB yep; I remember that challenge from my first pregnancy. This time round we just don't really do it! And it's much more common than you think

In other news I'm 24 weeks today. I feel inordinately happy to have got to this stage so far so good. I still think I feel movement a little less than I'd like but to be fair I'm still feeling movement. And it's only from this point on that you're meant to keep an eye on it apparently so I'm staying positive.

Plus it's no longer a crippling heatwave: YAY!

Ps: don't take up cycling when pregnant. My fanny looks like a melted whoopee cushion.

Just had a quick scan through - argh ladies what a stressful week!! So glad you have all had positive outcomes! Xx

Had my 12 week scan today - all absolutely brilliant all normal and both measuring exactly the same - 12+5 for both, one measuring 62.6mm and one measuring 62.8mm. In other news my sickness and tiredness seems to have peaked again and even typing on my phone makes me feel sick as if I was doing it in a car while travelling 🤢

Still feel so early on and although lots of people know I'm not sure if I feel ready to "announce" any time soon - when did you all decide to tell everyone?

Just also a little soppy p.s. - so so grateful for this thread and all you amazing, brave and supportive ladies. I so appreciate having this little network of people who understand the anxiety of pg after mc. All of your stories/advice/support has helped me so much and boosted me on through difficult times, so thank you!

@NoParticularPattern what kinda bleed it is? I had bleeding one day be4 by 12w scan i was so stressed thought its over but bleeding stoped after few hours. Brown bleeding is still coming even tho its more then 10days now. Make an app with your Gp but i google the num to my hospital's gyno department & tslk to that miswife. @mammabear4 hi nice to see ppl from thread 16 ladies i recognise. Hey mama i thought you was more then 12w anyway best of luck with your scan. I hope you & twins are doing goos. Im 13w 5dsys now hb still strong but getting brown bleed so worried a bit. Best of luck everyone

Sorry other comment was old news i think lol. @Miami81 hi miami CONGRATS & Happy birthday bebes

Thats great news @Hazandduck x

Happy Birthday @Miami81 !

Great news @Hazandduck so pleased all was well x

And congrats @mammabear4 !

I too am so grateful for the support on here.