Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

I am assuming you're having your first child? Assuming this from your 'I can't understand why women would choose anything else I can't wait to BF' stance. Bear in mind that you might not be able to! I hope you can, but it's not always that simple. I couldn't wait to breastfeed either - didn't work out that way. Cue me expressing for five bloody months like a dairy cow. Given my time again (or next time) if BF doesn't work out no way am I putting myself through that again.

I chose to do a bit of both. Ds was born ravenously hungry at 10lbs and with "quite a tongue tie" and I have flat nips. It hurt, it was a faff, we barely got out of the house at all for 5 weeks, he was struggling, I was struggling so I decided to supplement with formula. He began to thrive again, I started to feel like a human again. He still got some breast milk either from me or expressed, everyone was a winner.

Cherries your posts have really resonated with me, thank you. You talk about the guilt factor and for me that has been the worst thing.

I wanted to breastfeed, I wanted it to work and I felt like I'd let DS1 down when I gave up after only two weeks. 6 years on I still feel guilty even though I suppose doesn't matter now. I had no support at all, and often wonder if things would have been different if I had had some support.

I feel terribly guilty that I didn't try hard enough to breastfeed DS2, not even the colostrum, because I was so scared that I'd end up with sepsis again. I also knew that I wouldn't have any support again. He's 9 months now so it's too late to do anything about it and I can't get the opportunity to try to bf him back, but I don't know if I should have sacrificed my health and mental stability to try to bf him or whether I've been right to ff him and be (mostly) happy and healthy.

I've had PND after both boys and I really believe that with both it stems from my failure to bf and the resulting guilt that I feel. That guilt stems from the information I was given throughout my pregnancy with DS1, which relentlessly pushed the message that breast is best, anyone and everyone can do it, breastfed babies do better, get ill less etc. I can't be the only one who feels guilty for giving up and I do think that pushing the breast is best agenda with no real management of new mums' expectations, and in many cases without any ongoing support, is not at all helpful.

"And convincing yourself that it's just a lack of education and you can keep throwing your "But there are benefits to BF, don't you know?!" and it'll suddenly stick, is incredibly simplistic."

Oh ok, so if I mention some research suggesting developmental differences between bf and ff babies in response to someone linking to a study which suggests few benefits to breastfeeding - this constitutes me 'throwing information' at people over and over again, and being simplistic?

If you read my posts properly rather than engaged in character assassination, you would have noticed that earlier on I said it's NOT about formal knowledge - as evidenced by the very high rates of initiation/continued breastfeeding in some of the most deprived communities in the U.K

I grew up in developing countries where almost everyone breastfeeds and where ordinary women usually have no formal knowledge of the scientific evidence base for breastfeeding.

It's still true that there is widespread ignorance in the U.K. about the benefits of breastfeeding and how breastfeeding works.

The point being - I'm not suggesting there are any simple of clear answers to the current sad dogs dinner that our infant feeding culture is in the UK.

'Breastfeeding would have delayed me going back on my preferred form of contraception'.

Interesting, breastfeeding was/is my preferred form of contraception! I can't conceive whilst breastfeeding even a tiny amount (when DS1 was 30 months and just having a bedtime feed). I had to stop completely to conceive DS2.

I tried both times

But Dd was tongue tied and caused me agony. The hospital had no one to snip it and after 36 hours I had to switch to bottles as the idea of even picking her up killed me.

With Ds, he was just too small to stay latched on. Later diagnosed with cmpa so would have needed special formula anyway

Oh bless you Millie, I'm so sorry you went through all that, it sounds like such an ordeal :(

You are absolutely right to feel disappointed in the system we have in place regarding breastfeeding, and I really hope that the guilt is over for you now.

This is what makes me so angry, and this is what some people cannot seem to grasp despite it being relatively common (which does not make it any less devasting).

You do not deserve for one second to feel that guilt, and as you've rightly said the consequences to a new mum's mental health can be devastating. It is so important that first time mothers are not made to feel this way.

Mumsnet recently started a "Better postnatal care" campaign and I'm sure they mentioned on there in response to a posters comment that they would at least look into having a breast feeding support tone as part of this. Let's hope it happens and maybe womens voices can genuinely be heard.

Again, so sorry about your PND, it's just not fair

The point being - I'm not suggesting there are any simple of clear answers to the current sad dogs dinner that our infant feeding culture is in the UK

That's great, Minifingerz. Agreed.

It's just that you don't put that message across when you call people liars for suggesting that they were surrounded by very pro-BF culture. Or when you say that 'there is a genuine lack of knowledge about the benefits of breastfeeding' and 'people from a traditionally formula feeding culture and not receptive to information about breastfeeding'.

Surely you can see how people are reading that as:

"If people knew the benefits and weren't constantly being told to formula feed, they'd be breastfeeding".

It really did/does sound like you're simplifying the issue to 'people aren't breastfeeding because they don't realise they should be'.

And sorry to keep addressing you directly but I think you misunderstood my earlier post. I wasn't saying you were pushing for more breastfeeding advocation, I was referring to the NHS.

And conversely to this "fitting in with my rhetoric" I do feel that actually it would be beneficial for you to step back a bit and realise the perception of how they go about promoting breastfeeding that women have, and how many women areally affected by this.

And the formula companies profit is irrelevant in this context, because we are not talking about money, we are talking about women's choices. The women who buy the formula are not the businesses that produce the formula.

If formula was not advertised at all, or prescribed and free, there would still be women who felt it was in their best intress to formula feed. And that is a choice we have to respect.

Want to add, that I'm in complete agreement with this statement from UNICEF about 'changing the conversation about breastfeeding'.

But you know, if you're on a. discussion thread about breastfeeding, you should be allowed to respond to a comment suggesting that there are no significant benefits to breastfeeding with a link to a study suggesting that there are, or challenge the view that 'everyone knows about the benefits of breastfeeding' without being told that you think 'throwing statistics' at people and shoving information at people is the way to resolve our feeding problems in the UK. I'm just an individual responding to other individuals in a discussion

Statement by UNICEF

"We the undersigned call on the UK and all devolved Governments to remove the barriers to breastfeeding and create a supportive, enabling environment for women who want to breastfeed.

The UK has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. Breastfeeding is viewed by many as difficult to achieve and largely unnecessary because formula milk is seen as a close second best.

The subject is highly emotive because so many families have not breastfed, or have experienced the trauma of trying very hard to breastfeed and not succeeding. The pain felt by so many parents at any implication that they have not done the best for their child can close down conversation, as well as leading to accusations that health workers put too much pressure on women to breastfeed. Whilst no parent should have to feel such pain, and well-meaning efforts to promote breastfeeding have at times been insensitive, the UK context has become so fraught that mothers, midwives and doctors who advocate for breastfeeding risk being vilified by the public and in the media.

Yet extensive evidence demonstrates that breastfeeding saves lives, improves life chances and cuts costs in every country of the world.

There needs to be a fundamental shift in policy thinking and public discourse around breastfeeding. It is time to stop laying the blame for a major public health issue in the laps of individual women and acknowledge the collective responsibility of us all. In response to low breastfeeding rates and substantial evidence, now is the time for change.

Together, we urge the removal of practical, emotional and cultural barriers to breastfeeding, and the creation of an enabling environment for all women who want to breastfeed. This World Breastfeeding Week, we support Unicef UK’s Call to Action, calling on the UK and all devolved Governments to promote, protect and support breastfeeding"

APPG on Infant Feeding & Health Inequalities
Association for Breastfeeding Mothers (ABM)
Association for Improvement in the Maternity Services (AIMS)
Baby Milk Action
Baby Feeding Law Group (BFLG)
Birth Companions
Birthlight
The Breastfeeding Network
Community Practitioners and Health Visitors Association & Unite the Union (CPHVA)
First Steps Nutrition Trust
GP Infant Feeding Network (GPIFN)
Greater Glasgow and Clyde Donor Milk Bank
Growing Families
Herts Milk Bank (HMB)
Hospital Breastfeeding campaign
International Collaboration for Community Health Nursing Research (ICCHNR)
Institute of Health Visiting (iHV)
Lactation Consultants of Great Britain (LCGB)
La Leche League GB (LLL GB)
Midwives Information and Resource Service (MIDIRS)
National Childbirth Trust (NCT)
Oxford Baby Cafes Group
Oxfordshire Baby Friendly Alliance
Positive Birth Movement
The Queen’s Nursing Institute
Royal College of Midwives (RCM)
Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists (RCOG)
Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH)
Suffolk County Council
Swansea University
UK Association of Milk Banking (UKAMB)
University of Brighton
University of Central Lancashire (UCLAN)
University of Dundee
University of Salford
University of York
World Breastfeeding Trends Initiative (WBTi)

Well what a lovely idea.

But what are these barriers specifically and how can they be addressed? It's very vague.

Where is the scientific basis for saying that when all adequate safety measures are used, modern formula is not a safe healthy option for babies and that the long term health and cognitive ability outcomes are not on par with breastfed babies?

Where is the acknowledgement that as much as is so a la mode to believe, breastfeeding is not always attainable, and even when it is is not always adequate?

"Accusations that health workers put too much pressure on women to breastfeed" - these are completely unfounded then and women are just wrong to feel this way?

Am absolutely for supporting breastfeeding, absolutely agree that at a national level breastfeeding support should be drastically improved.

But not when there is even a hint of it being more important that a woman breastfeeds than if she is happy and comfortable with the decision.

The Brown research post dates my feeding decision, and I don't think I'll have more kids so it isn't really a live issue for me anyway. But given the outcomes of various sibling studies, the closest we get to being able to control for social factors and thus more reliable, the answer is that I don't feel much at all about it.

Forgive me but I don't have a lot of faith in taking things at face value just because it's a large organisation broadcasting it.

Those points are all valid but it is highly emotively written and does not address many logical relevant points. It's also important to look at the providence and realise that of course UNICEF need to be very pro breastfeeding, due to their out reaching influence on developing countries where the difference between health risks for breast fed and formula fed infants is much more stark and concerning.

I just really think that the bottom line should be that a woman's bodily autonomy should always prevail.

Thanks Cherries, on the whole the guilt isn't there day to day any more but every now and then I have a wobble.

I must say that during my pregnancy with DS2, there was a lot less pressure to bf than there had been 6 years earlier with DS1. For me, the "damage" (for want of a better word) had been done and I was already stressing about bf. I did wonder at the time whether any link had been made between pressure to bf and new mums' mental health issues/PND diagnosis, because PND was mentioned a lot this time, whereas it wasn't mentioned at all during my first pregnancy.

Mini the statement by UNICEF is interesting. I would pick up on one point though:
Breastfeeding is viewed by many as difficult to achieve and largely unnecessary because formula milk is seen as a close second best.
I think part of the issue in my experience is that the expectations of new mums just aren't realistic because they are told bf'g is easy if you do it right. This can and does lead to a sense of failure if you find it difficult, as well as women thinking they can't do it because they're finding it hard and they shouldn't be. In general, bf'g support is woeful and this is something that needs to be addressed. However, there is a very fine line between proper support and help for women wanting to bf and putting pressure on women to continue bf'g when they're really struggling and are looking for someone in "authority" to tell them it's ok to stop bf'g if they want to.

Can I also just say that this is probably the most interesting bf'g thread I've read on here, largely because it hasn't descended into chaos (yet!) and it has read much more like a reasoned debate.

Oh and just to add about the Browns study, they published this study a year later:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24836012/?i=2&from=/23721722/related

The result being they believed that it was not formula feeding that caused the difference in brain development, but moving onto cow's milk in the first year.

Sorry, after the first year!

And in case you don't want to click, this is again what I meant about many studies not taking into account confounding factors, which make all these studies and resulting assertions very misleading indeed:

"The original analyses did not control for important covariates; when comparing both white matter and test scores, mothers were not controlled for age and socio-economic status (SES) and their children were not controlled for gender. Raw test scores, instead of age-adjusted test scores, were used even though the children were of different ages. Mothers were not controlled for reason(s) not to breastfeed, even though many prenatal factors are known to predict this such as stress, parity, obesity, and smoking habits. The observed cognitive ability and white matter benefits identified primarily within the long-term breastfed children are at least partially attributable to other factors such as age, gender, and SES. We suggest methodological approaches to removing such ambiguity, and ways to dissociate cause from effect. The formula and breastfeeding groups didn't show differences until the "formula fed" children likely had been fed cow's milk for longer than they had been fed formula, at 2.2 years."

I think lots of us have been very judgemental and perfect parents before having a child. Hopefully the OP will look back at her thoughts and be embarrassed by them once reality has kicked in. In the meantime, I do hope you aren't my HCP.

Sorry if this has been said. I have read a bit but not tft.

Bf can really, really hurt. Mastitis, blocked ducts and thrush reaaally hurt. I got through them and fed my DT for 3 years because I found support at my hospital and in family friends. I also had help with housework from family. Without this help (along with determination), I would not have managed to bf for more than a couple of weeks.
The NHS talk about bf but the support and correct advice is simply not there.

Most people also don't realise (myself included, pre-DC) how many hours per day you feed for, plus how much of the night. Then babies who refuse bottles later on (all of mine...) can't be left with a babysitter or their dad, so you can't go out for long for a good 9-12 months or so. All reasons that some people don't want to (or cannot) bf.

Oh my goodness sorry hellomarshmallow that was not aimed at you at all! I'm either imagining things because I'm super tired from not being able to sleep with a bump in the heat or my phone spaced out, the post I read was completely different to your one! So sorry

Because I've had a double mastectomy.

Wow! That was a long read!

In answer to the OPs original question- I don't think it's that people who choose not to breastfeed don't understand the benefits. But understanding how a thing could be beneficial doesn't necessarily translate into wanting to do it. For example, I'm sure if I was teetotal and ate flax and vegetables all day, never let refined sugar pass my lips and performed yoga every morning at 5am after a full 10 hours sleep, it would be beneficial to my health. But somehow, it doesn't appeal....

I think the OP has had a bit of a bashing here too. She asked a question from a point of naivety, not nastiness. How can anyone who hasn't experienced the circumstances/ issues that some posters have described be expected to understand how hurtful her casual question might seem to those women?

My experience was that all through my pregnancies bf was brought up continually by MWs and HCPs with cheery bright smiles and leaflet upon leaflet. It did get on my nerves. Sometimes I wanted to talk about other aspects of my pregnancy/ birth/ looking after my baby, but it seemed like a disproportionate amount of time was spent trying to go over and over the benefits and drum in the "Breast is Best" mantra. I had already decided I wanted to bf anyway. My decision. Really didn't need all their advice/ encouragement.

Cos how hard could it be, right? My mum bf me in the 70s when few others around her did. I'm a vet, and have watched countless newborn animals latch onto mum- all so sweet! And if dogs can feed 8 at a time, surely one should be a breeze. And, as they KEPT TELLING ME, it "only hurts if you're doing it wrong". It's natural and lovely.

HAH! It bloody hurts!! Really, like actual toe-curling and trying not to scream, in my case. So I must be doing it wrong! I'll get a MW to come and help me. But they're all too busy, and I don't want to make a fuss. I must be really crap at this. I'll keep trying. But it still hurts! So obviously I'm an idiot, and I can't do the most natural thing in the world. When I finally get a MW to spare me a minute, she just confirms that I must be doing it wrong, and tells me to "take her off and try to latch her on again". It's the latching on that is excruciating, but I can't let this baby (and myself) down....repeat to fade.

Only when I got home and called a friend who bf her 2, and who breezily told me "God, yes, it hurts. Like Hell! But give it 2 weeks, it gets better. YOU'RE NOT DOING IT WRONG, did I feel any confidence to continue. (She was right, and I bf all 3 for 7 mths, 6 mths and 1 yr, respectively, and I came to love it, mainly because it meant DH had to do everything else while I sat feeding )

BUT my point is, there was ZERO support to help me. I felt let down that no one had explained to me it may well hurt, just made me feel even more of a failure. I don't understand why they do that- why can't they be honest about it and then just help you?? That's the real reason so few people continue- because the lovely idyll you have just been sold at your course, OP, is pedalled out to all, and it's bollocks! Yes, lots of us came to enjoy bf eventually, and I am glad I did it, as I loved the feeling of my babies there, but it is NOT easy, it doesn't start off feeling "natural" and there is such anxiety involved if you feel you might "fail". Maybe if they could just be more realistic and provide support over promotion, it would be better. But even then I would defend people's right to choose what they feel suits them and their body. It's such a personal thing. I just "don't like" or even "don't want to try" some things that might be good for me!

Lol true about parenting choices before having kids. Reckon we all had some lines we drew in the sand that quickly got abandoned!

I never felt that way about feeding, as thanks to my research i was quite laissez faire, but like a judgy mare I decided I was going to have all the drugs when giving birth because it was stupid not to, and women who didn't have epidurals were being martyrs. Imagine my surprise when I found that, although I hated being in pain, I hated the thought of anyone messing around with my back even more! Ooh I knew oh so much about giving birth before I actually had to do it!

I did not get a choice - both mine were prem and tube fed.
Health issues of my own meant that producing anything more than a spit was causing me serious problems.
By the time the tube feeding stopped, they were so used to lying there and having something delivered into their stomach without effort, sucking was too much like hard work.

Do I regret it, yes a little - but I now have 2 healthy kids after 7 pregnancies.

Am I made to feel guilty by other mothers - the look, the raised eyebrow, the comments about do you not worry about etc.... oh yes.

I loathe the sanctimonious bf brigade who try to undermine you, the midwives who never tell you the truth and push something that is not going to happen for some of us.

I thank god for one lovely chinese midwife who walked up, after 30 mins of wailing starving child and handed me a bottle of formula and said - baby hungry, you feed whatever way makes them happy - you are just not going to be a milch cow and gave me a hug.