Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

know a few people who didn't want to breastfeed because they thought it was "gross". I find that odd tbh. Makes me wonder what they said about me when I BFed for over 2 years!

There's actually a condition called DMER where the milk letdown causes a very strong dysphoric feeling. As in, severe low feeling - not much reasearch into it but it's real and seems to be some sort of dopamine crash (I think, off the top of my head.) so they probably didn't find you bf ing distressing but their own milk ejection reflex causes them genuine distress

I come from Scandinavia and failed for many reasons, lack of "support" not being one.

OP, this would have been a really interesting thread if people had actually read your question and tried to answer it, instead many people have told you why they struggled with BF and then switched to FF.
I think it's really unfair that people are accusing you as a HCP of guilt tripping women etc etc when you have been seeking to understand how women make this decision.
'I don't want to' is an answer that IRL and as a professional you would of course accept, but in this context, I don't see why it's not OK to say, 'yes, but why don't you want to?'
There have been a few illuminating answers but my feeling is that it's primarily cultural which explains why the UK has the worst BF rates in the world. I'm sure we don't have the worst breasts.
I think that feeling uncomfortable about feeding in public/in front of male relatives, rapid return to work, over sexualisation of breasts are all factors. But underneath all that I suspect women are somehow disconnected from their bodies and this makes them doubt that BF can really work.
I BF 4 dc, the first was real struggle but fortunately I had the support I needed - and the belief that a physiological process had to work or the species was doomed- so I got through it. The other 3 were easy. I had problems but got through them.
It's a real shame that we can't have an honest conversation about this without people getting shrill.

Then, minifingerz, something else is different in those countries. Not just culture.

It has been my experience before, during and after pregnancy, that culture is very geared towards BF.

All of the mothers I was surrounded by were BF - many to 2 years and beyond - and many of these were the pushy types that posted on FB about how FF is a terrible thing to do and how people that resort to FF are lazy, selfish, uneducated...

And yet, by Day 4 I was routinely using a bottle of Cow & Gate.

Simply, it is not that people are just doing what those around them are doing. If it were a culture thing, with people influenced by those around them, I'd bet that BF rates would be higher.

Its something like 98% at birth here in Finland too.

^^ referring to minifingerz post

By the way, my own personal experience was that I didn't get a lot of support with breastfeeding. In the hospital they wouldn't let me go to the SCBU to feed DD in the night because they said someone had to push me in the wheelchair (I could walk, they wouldn't let me) and the moment I struggled they quickly offered bottles (donor milk though, not formula, I did like that aspect) and apart from one midwife having a quick look I didn't get any help with latching, but there was just a cultural expectation that all mums breastfeed at the beginning at least and that happened. Lots mixed fed or switched to formula after the first couple of months though (in my personal experience) but the vast majority started off breastfeeding anyway.

There is a big difference between true support and PUSHING THE ISSUE and that may explain why the UK has such low BF (up to and beyond 12 months) rates in comparison to W Europe on the whole.

Personally though, here's where I'm at:
After last time I don't want to.
But I'll try it.
But I don't want to do it long term (for the reasons stated in my PP).

Clalpolly- I said "If you are pregnant and want to breastfeed, ignore Mumsnet. Chances are that with a bit of effort you'll be able to."

Which is rather different to "saying those who want to bf should just try harder, it'll be fine"

You also omitted that I said that for those don't want to or can't it's fantastic that there's formula.

"Therefore I imagine in a country where 98% people breastfeed there must be support. It's support women need ."

I suspect that in many countries with high breastfeeding rates the support isn't formalised - it's support from other women.

I'd be inclined to agree with @minifingerz last statement. All my support was from other mums. None was from hcp.

"many of these were the pushy types that posted on FB about how FF is a terrible thing to do and how people that resort to FF are lazy, selfish, uneducated"

Bet people said stuff a lot

You do know that 99% of U.K. mums use formula by the time their babies are one?

If you're isolated, for whatever reason (family and friends far away, not enough money for transport, struggling with BF, lack of sleep and MH problems than can be brought on or perpetuated with parenthood, including struggling with BF, are good ones) - you have no energy to drag yourself to groups and try bond with new people. Isolation is common in this country for many reasons and causes a multitude of problems. However, peer support would not help BF in all cases,such as mine.

Forgot to mention physical problems. If you're in pain. You can easily become isolated.

The poster who mentioned UK campaign methods/attitudes not reaching a lare proportion of the communities that need it is absolutely spot on.

It's not the only issue, but it is a genuine phenomenon. Across many cultures, formula use is associated with lower socioeconomic status and breastfeeding is regarded as something that women with better socioeconomic statuses tend to achieve more, statistically.

I believe this is probably what also fuels people with a "Brestapo" mentality - because it's another thing to be superior about to some - a "status symbol" .

So really we need to be addressing the deeper societal issues behind why these women aren't as able to breastfeed successfully for a prolonged period, but these are complex issues.

And again it is still important to stress that women should be left to feel autonomous over this decision and to not create a nationwide campaign or ideology that, directly or indirectly, perpetuates a culture of maternal guilt around infant feeding. It clearly doesn't help anyone, or else out breastfeeding rates as a country would be better.

I chose to breastfeed however I had to start combination feeding when DS was 3 months old as he started teething early and found feeding really painful. We tried a bottle of express and it really seemed to help. He was in constant pain and very demanding so I seldom got a chance to express, hence the formula. At nearly 9 months DS is still combination fed.

Please don't say "Breastapo". It's so offensive- and suggests complete ignorance about the actual Gestapo.

Also minifingers

I don't think that the statistic that 99% of women formula feed by 12 months is an indication that our cultural attitude and perception of formula feeding is at a rate of 99% of mothers being happy with formula feeding or 99% of mothers not feeling guilty about it.

I am one of the 99% of women who formula fed and it was by no means a walk in park for my emotional wellbeing, and you only need to look to mainstream media and popular parenting sites like this to see what a contentious issue it is - and it shouldn't be!

We need a positive and compassionate attitude to infant feeding frI'm our government and health service that is realistic and supportive of mothers, full stop. If the huge pressures to advocate breastfeeding coupled with the glaring lack of realistic expectations and obviously not working, then pumping more and more breast is best material is not going to improve this, and certainly neither is being critical of women using formula.

Bertrand I was not using it in the context of mothers who support breast feeding, of any one on this thread. It is a recognised term that adequately conveys the point I was trying to make. It's a term understood in modern culture and doesn't signify ignorance about anything. We are all adults here we shouldn't be afraid to use words if we are not using them to personally attack someone else.

My baby refused to latch. I was kept in for 5 days, checked for tongue tie, expressed colostrum and fed him from a syringe. HCP just kept grabbing my breasts and trying to get him to latch, then would walk away. He would scream and scream. It got to the point he needed formula or else he would become jaundiced. My milk had come in so I expressed and was luckily able to produce a lot.

After 3 days of being in hospital, he still hadn't latched. I only got discharged as I demanded to, never got support. I was told at one point he just needed to be sick?! Then he would latch! Never happened. After 5 days I started to express. I tried, I went to breast feeding cafe, I spoke with HV, noone seemed bothered or able to help. I solely expressed for 4 months and then I gave up, I had a bereavement and health complications and needed to stop for my sanity.

I do think more support is needed. But if baby won't latch, what really can be done?

We need a positive and compassionate attitude to infant feeding frI'm our government and health service that is realistic and supportive of mothers, full stop. If the huge pressures to advocate breastfeeding coupled with the glaring lack of realistic expectations and obviously not working, then pumping more and more breast is best material is not going to improve this, and certainly neither is being critical of women using formula.

A-friggin-men!

Yep. Just listing the benefits does fuck all. Most of us know them already from media and HCPs. Some don't care to hear about them. It will be like this until there are bigger changes enabling and supporting people from different backgrounds and with sets of problems to at least try BF IF they want to. Treating low BF rates in isolation, with a lacking same-fits-all approach, void of compassion and care for individuals' situations, will never work.

Communities have fallen/are falling apart, social and health care is woefully underfunded, education too. There is wide disenfranchisement in populations in the UK due to a multitude of structural, political and social problems. I would say this approach to BF promotion is not working, because there are other problems that need resolving in the first instance.

Yesyesyes

Exactly! !

In spades, Yesyes.