Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

And not to speak for FancyThat but I believe she has already told you why she didnt BF - because she didn't want to. That's her reason

Well my original question was WHY people don't want to. "because I don't want to" isn't an answer to that 😕

OP I'm glad you are excited about breastfeeding and I really hope it works out for you as you plan. You need to keep your options and expectations open though. Things don't always go to plan. I speak from experience and wasted too much time on unnecessary guilt on this topic. Formula is not evil.

I had a whole world of difficulties with breastfeeding - flat (barely existent) nipples. premature (very sleepy) baby, etc. One midwife came in all confident until she saw my nipples, and then looked shocked and left me to it. I ended up exclusively expressing for 6 months, which was also hard work. Not sure if it was the right thing to do, but really wanted him to get the breastmilk even if it was not directly breastfeeding. He was very healthy and I didn't regret it.
When DC2 was born full term and showed a promising start, I was hopeful, but she struggled and I had no support in the ward despite asking. I was pressured to give her formula, but instead ended up getting my old pump brought back in and expressing every 2 hours for the next 48 hours to get my supply back up, then kept on trying with the direct breastfeeding. Every time I stopped supplementing with expressed, the baby would have dry, green poos. It was hard to express when she wouldn't sleep. I had a toddler who also did not sleep and was toilet training. Eventually, I expressed and fed more often than not (breastfed for comfort). It was a lot harder with a full term baby and a toddler, but I just about managed for 6 months (with ready mixed formula for emergencies if the toddler and baby were both crying at once and there was no expressed in the fridge!).
Looking back, people were telling me to bottlefeed as soon as I had problems. Should I have? I am not sure. I might have enjoyed my baby more, but the guilt at not giving her the same 6 months of breastmilk as her brother might have got to me. I don't know...

Its a sensitive subject OP, throw in having it shoved down your throat at every MW/HV appointment, an OP NEEDING to understand what people choose to do with their breasts and questioning peoples reasons when they have already supplied them is bound to get peoples hackles up somewhat.

They forget to mention the constant feeding, the fact that you will be doing all the work, sore/cracked nipples and lots more. Expressing is still a job in itself.

It's great that you want to BF OP but if you genuinely cannot understand why anyone wouldn't want to it suggests you don't know as much as you think.

I know women who gave up because it hurt too much, you get told if it hurts you're doing it wrong which is bollocks. It hurts.

In hindsight the support I received was crap which probably led me to giving up at 6 weeks.

Expressing is a pain in the arse, you sit there for hours feeling like a cow being milked, for barely anything to come out, and as soon as you're done and thinking you'll get a break, baby then decides it's time to feed again.

sharing feeding can be done by expressing and letting dad or OH or anyone else share it

IME this is not necessarily an easy option. When I was breastfeeding, there was very little milk produced when expressing - so multiple sessions of expressing to even get one bottle.
I fed DC1 mostly on expressed breastmilk after breastfeeding didn't work out, but even then, I was having to express more times a day than he needed a feed to have a chance of keeping up with demand.

Expressing can work, but it's certainly not a simple easy thing to do for everyone. Especially not if one of your breastfed babies turns out to be a bottle refuser after you've spent hours and hours pumping to get the bottle of milk they've turned their nose up at

"Well my original question was WHY people don't want to. "because I don't want to" isn't an answer to that 😕"

Umm.........actually, it is.

"Do you want a cup of tea?"
"No thanks"
"Why?"
"I just don't want one."

Apply the above to BFing.

HTH.

I really wanted to breastfeed my first baby and knew all the health benefits and thought breast was best. I did start off by breastfeeding him but he had a tongue tie, didn't gain any weight for 3 weeks and then started to lose it. It was so hard but I kept being told he was latching on ok when he obviously wasn't and I was in a lot of pain. I ended up switching to formula after about 4/5 weeks when he had the tongue tie snipped and it was the best thing I did.

My second baby I decided to try and breastfeed but again he had a tongue tie and wasn't latching on well even though I kept being told he was. I gave up after 3 weeks. I did also have a 13 month old and it was hard breastfeeding and looking after him which led to my decision.

In my experience there isn't enough support for women who do choose to breastfeed and especially when you have a baby with a tongue tie.

Subtle and insidious marketing by the formula milk industry.

Baffled has hit the nail on the head. Breastfeeding is hard, especially at first. And there is precious little support for it in some hospitals. I can see why it would be so so tempting (especially if you have had issues with it before, and/or don't know any people who breastfed), to make an active choice to not even start or attempt it.

Personally I think more women should be given support for bottle feeding, I know many women (myself included) who had to give up breast feeding, and were made to feel like crap, feeling guilty and that they had somehow failed their child or wouldn't bond with them. (My midwife and health visitor were brilliant, but I know plenty who weren't. )

For all of those people having a go at me and giving their reasons as being that they weren't producing the milk/weren't physically able to/the pain etc. I said in my OP I'm not talking about the physical reasons why you can't. But some people just don't and I was simply wondering why. If this isn't you, don't worry, you don't have to comment.

I think many women will choose FF over breastfeeding in a capitalist, Westernised society because it fits in with the way we operate. It's quantifiable (you can tell 'how much' the baby is getting), it fits around modern working practices, and it's been the 'norm' for generations in many families.

I was lucky to find BF relatively easy with both DSes (I say relatively, I still had to battle with mastitis and DS1's jaundice). I think that access to correct information and support throughout the breastfeeding 'journey' is the biggest barrier to breastfeeding success.

There's no point trying to 'force' it on unwilling participants: the effect of the practices of formula companies in the 20th century will take many generations to undo.

Well Op, I think every pp has actually already experienced what you are hoping to experience. Until you have actually breastfed yourself you cannot really comment. You might hate it. It's not for everyone and as a HCP you should understand and accept other people's choices. It's none of your business.

From a mother who breastfed all her children.

Thanks GahBuggerit 🙂

I don't believe people don't know the benefits. as it's shoved down our throats from the minute we are pregnant but I think breast feeding is demanding. It's very much the mother's responsibility and being able to share the feeding with partners and family is a big thing. Plus the horror stories about cluster feeding and being exhausted from constantly trying to bf in the early days and weeks is a big factor.

I struggled through 3 months of it. By the time my DH bought formula, I was ready to cut my nipples off. It might be wonderful for some people (and I have friends still feeding 2/3/4 year olds) but I found it repulsive. Every time he latched, I felt physically sick and had to fight the urge to push him away. Pumping caused the same reaction so that wasn't a solution either. I had an oversupply and despite a fairly horrendous birth, my milk came in quickly and everyone (midwives/health visitors) were quick to tell me how lucky I was that I had so much.

If we have another, I'm not sure that the support exists which would get me to try again.

Just for the record - I would never ever make anyone feel guilty for whichever decision they make. I think some of you are confusing me with MW or HV that made you feel bad. Sorry that you were treated badly or made to feel guilty, but that's not my intention.

Actually, "I don't want to" is an entirely valid reason. I wish more people used it, rather than adding to the accumulation of "it's incredibly difficult/painful/ most people can't do it" anecdotage.

Gah - erm. Ok.
I wouldn't compare it to a cup of tea personally. And even then there would be a reason - not thirsty/don't like tea, etc.

I didn't want to breastfeed. I don't particularly like being touched and the thought of constantly being attached to another human, as much as I adore my child, made my skin crawl. I also had to return to work after 3 months so it was practical for DS to start with a bottle. Plus he was in SCBU and my mum had to give him his first feed as I was still vomiting and not in a fit state to feed him.

And yes, metalmum15 expressing is a total and utter pain in the arse, especially when your baby won't breastfeed at all, so you are there in mothercare with lactating boobs and a baby, but because you forgot the bottle teats you are hugging your crying baby while you sterilise some new ones for 20 minutes in a Milton bag and he cries . All while people are looking at you like you are bizarre.

Yep, I was so excited to BF DS1, I bought all the gubbins, pads, bras etc

Never had any idea it would result in me causing a serious burn, nearly electrocuting myself and fainting in the toilet narrowly missing cracking my head on it when I was on my own with the baby (luckily he was in his cot).

Because adult women are allowed to make decisions about their own bodies?

^^ this. In spades.

Why the heck do we use how we feed our babies as a stick to beat each other with?!

My youngest starts reception this year, and do you know what --
no one will be able to tell how any of them were fed!

Why can't we just be supportive of a women's right to choose how she feeds her baby?