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Poll: How many of your antenatal appointments did your SO attend?

150 replies

BeanBabies · 06/03/2017 22:35

My partner and I were just discussing what other couples might experience when it comes to antenatal appointments.

How many of yours did your partner go to? All? More than half?

If they didn't attend them all, why?

This includes any pregnancy related appointments, even if it's not with your midwife.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/03/2017 12:25

It all depends on personal circumstances. My husband works flexi and is desperately building up as much as possible so he can work less hours when he goes back after paternity. I have had loads of midwife and GP appointments this time round and a few hours every week would probably have eaten up his flexi.

I remember from having my daughter how long days are with a newborn so would rather him be home early then come and watch me have my urine dipped.

He is excited about having a child though, I don't think attendance at appointments would make a difference to that.

Notso · 07/03/2017 12:31

I don't feel as though my husband was any less involved, excited or bonded with our babies for not being present at routine check ups.
He was always on the phone seeing how we got on.

I would have liked him there when I had the scans after the bleeds. He was too far away both times to get back in time. I felt very lonely waiting to go in seeing all the couples coming out excitedly clutching scan photographs.

In two of my pregnancies I was spending three sometimes four morning or afternoons a week at the hospital for monitoring from 30 weeks until birth. No way could he have had that much time off work and if he could I'd have ratcheted he was with the other DC.

Notso · 07/03/2017 12:34

Also I was reading a couple of books a week at my various appointments. I wouldn't be nearly as well read if DH had been there!

littlepooch · 07/03/2017 12:38

With DD just my scans (I had 5 spread out across the pregnancy). He also came with me to day assessment when I wasn't well towards the end and they wanted to check me. I didn't see the need for him to come to the midwife appointments.

This time around he will also just come to scans. I'm consultant led and having an ELCS but I'm assuming there'll be no great need for him to come to any of the consultant appointments or discussions about the ELCS.

MetalLaLa · 07/03/2017 12:38

My DH came to every single appointment and scan, but because he wanted to, it's our only child we will ever have and I had severe HG and other complications so couldn't have done any of it without him.

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 07/03/2017 13:56

None, didn't have scans in my day.

minipie · 07/03/2017 14:17

12 and 20 week scans, nothing else

Not the EPU scans when I had bleeds early on
Not the CVS after I had high risk results with DD1 (he couldn't take leave last minute, my mum came)
Not when I had a PPROM scare at 28 weeks with DD2 (this was out of the blue so I took myself straight to the hospital, it would have taken him ages to get there anyway)

I didn't mind in the slightest. There was no need for him to be at any of those appointments, and it's difficult for him to get leave especially at short notice. I preferred him to save up any goodwill and flexibility he had with his employer for after the birth when I would need him home as early as possible and he would be knackered from the nights.

As regards bonding, we bought a doppler and used it at home so he got to listen to the HB much more than if he'd come to the MW appointments.

DuggeeHugs · 07/03/2017 15:06

All scans and appointments, including unscheduled monitoring sessions

AgentCooper · 07/03/2017 15:12

I had an early scan a fortnight ago and DH drove me but had to drop me in front of the Maternity unit as the car park was full. ALL of the car parks were full. I'm hoping he can come in for my next early scan on Thurs (all these scans are due to bleeding) but not too optimistic if it's anything like last time Sad

Tbh the last one was internal so I wasn't too fussed about him being there while I had a space age stick thing rammed up my fanny but I've been very nervous and would like him there this time. It's a shame the parking is so shite because the EPU nurses are absolutely brilliant.

arbrighton · 07/03/2017 15:35

DH has been to 12 and 20 week scans and will drive me to/ from anti-D

He's officially allowed 2 antenatal appts from work but 12 week scan was over xmas break when he was off anyway.

I'd prefer if he were able to come to my growth scans too - will see if the first one goes ok.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/03/2017 16:17

Df has been to every scan and consultant app and been lots to red flagged as high risk

Worked out on another post been 13

5w private to check sac. Ivf Clinic insisted
7w private to see heart
10w NHS reassurance
12 NHS
16 private 3D
20w NHS
21w NHS repeat as bubs wasn't showing her organs for measuring as hiding
23w NHS same as above. Finally Turned to get remaining meals and to find out a girl
27w as had scare and couldn't feel baby kick. So monitored
28 NHS 3w scans now as high risk
37.4 is next Monday

My 1st child and df 4th tho all 3 in their 20's so totally diff experiences

Cwtchythings · 07/03/2017 16:22

Mine came to the 12 and 20 week scans, I've gone on my own for everything else. Tbh if I could send him in my place I would!! The waiting time at my consultant clinic is awful. I once had to stand for 20 minutes in the waiting room as all the chairs were taken up by partners/friends/grandmothers, which really thrilled me.

My OH is totally excited and involved with this pregnancy, but I'm not sure him coming along to look at my urine sample and discuss my ongoing thrush issues is really going to change that. I totally get why it is important for partners to be there when critical decisions/results are taking place though.

OhTheRoses · 07/03/2017 16:24

Woo hoo Blondes. I often think of you. Thrilled you are at term Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/03/2017 18:13

@ohtheroses. Thank you. Been a long haul but yes almost there

Reliesed it's 14 scans as we paid for a private 3D at 30w

Where we saw bubs. Wonder if she will look like that when arrives

Every time we have a scan we see big cheese consultant so Obv df wants to be there

It's his baby as well

He doesn't come to mw only as I said no point as literally take my Bp and wee. Doesn't miss anything. And again I see her every 2w

Reading thro all posts quite sad imo how so many dads aren't there for scans :(

NerrSnerr · 07/03/2017 18:32

Blondes I wouldn't feel sad for others who choose to do things differently. My husband did come to 2 of my scans but not the third and if I need any more I doubt he will unless there are significant concerns. It doesn't mean that he cares less, he would just need to take annual leave or flexi and we would rather save that up for when the baby is here or for if I need to be seen on a day our eldest isn't at nursery so he can care for her while I am seen.

People have different priorities, time constraints and flexibility in their work- it doesn't make them any less dedicated parents.

EdenX · 07/03/2017 18:38

3 pregnancies - he's come to most of the scans and some blood tests (as I am a bit needle-phobic).

It hasn't really occurred to me before that partners would go to midwife appointments. It does seem a bit weird.

Littlecaf · 07/03/2017 18:39

DS - booking mw appointment then 12 & 20 wk scans
Currently 11 weeks - 9 wk early scan (was bleeding, fine now) he's coming to 12wk scan next week. He'll be at the 20 wk scan too.

We decided to prioritise the scans as he has to take leave. I'd rather he used his leave after the baby is born for more than the standard two weeks off rather than come to see me wee in a cup & have my blood pressure checked.

user1471433387 · 07/03/2017 18:39

I'm under the care of an OBGYN and currently have appointments every 2 weeks and my husband comes to every single one! I didn't even think it was weird until now. I like having him there. He can ask any questions he wants, we find out results together, he gets to see/hear the baby and it is reassuring. I am certainly not in an abusive relationship.

Caterina99 · 07/03/2017 18:44

With my first pregnancy DH came to the 12 and 20 weeks scans and he came to the 40week appointment as it was a Saturday and I was sent to be induced straight afterwards. He never came to any of the midwife appointments. This time round we plan to do the same, and of course if it's not on a nursery day then ideally he would look after DS so I can have my appointment in peace

Whileweareonthesubject · 07/03/2017 18:44

Many years ago now, but DH came to the 12 week scan for both. I actually had numerous appointments and scans throughout my pregnancies, but it was just not possible for him to attend any more than that. This was before fathers had any entitlement time off to attend appointments and we'll before paternity leave was an entitlement. He had to take leave from his allowance in order to attend and, to be honest, we both preferred that he save the time for when the babies were born. I spent a lot of time as an inpatient as well, so it made even more sense not to waste a days leave for the sake of attending a 20 minute scan only for me to be wheeled straight back to the ward and for him to go home and wait for visiting hours.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/03/2017 19:01

Guess so neer think it's more I'm sorry that dads don't get rights to see their child's scan /time off etc

Should be allowed it unpaid

smilingsarahb · 07/03/2017 19:04

Booking appointment, scans and birth

TheGhostsOfPresidentsYetToCome · 07/03/2017 19:05

ExP came to big ones - 2 normal scans, first diabetes growth scan and last growth scan where they gave me my induction date.

I didn't mind. Early midwife appts took 2 mins so not worth it and diabetes clinic took anything from 1.5-3h every 2 weeks so he'd have missed silly amounts of work.

My mum got to come and see one growth scan and my sister another. That was nice!

OhTheRoses · 07/03/2017 22:41

I think mindsets have changed since I had mine. DS is 22. DH didn't tell anyone at work I was had been pg until the baby was eight days old. DD was almost two weeks late (after turning at 38 weeks leading to a cancelled c section). DS's boss actually said "anyone would think your wife was gestating an elephant"

nursebickypegs · 07/03/2017 22:46

DH came to first midwife appointment and the 16 week one as we got to hear baby's heartbeat. He came to all the scans and consultant appointments. I did all the midwife appointments alone as there was no need for him to be there at all.

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