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Poll: How many of your antenatal appointments did your SO attend?

150 replies

BeanBabies · 06/03/2017 22:35

My partner and I were just discussing what other couples might experience when it comes to antenatal appointments.

How many of yours did your partner go to? All? More than half?

If they didn't attend them all, why?

This includes any pregnancy related appointments, even if it's not with your midwife.

OP posts:
WaitrosePigeon · 07/03/2017 08:57

My husband came to all the scans. Not appointments though. He was at work.

laurzj82 · 07/03/2017 09:04

Re the domestic violence thing, at our hospital they had stickers in the toilets and you put one on the little cup thing you pee in if you wanted help. I remember being very hormonal and sobbing about that Sad

LePetitPont · 07/03/2017 09:08

First pregnancy, DH came to pretty much everything (most community midwife appointments, a load of scans, screening coordinator meeting).

This time round: none of the community midwife ones, has missed one scan (but there have been A LOT!), came to the emergency screening coordinator meeting.

BeanBabies · 07/03/2017 09:18

Seven I do, it's my first pregnancy and I'm a young-ish mum and get a little defensive if people question my capabilities. It's also a big deal to him as he has wanted a family for decades and now gets one! He keeps a print out of each scan in his wallet and pictures of his phone + a recording of the heartbeat every time we hear it (it never sounds different so I have no idea) but I love our appointments - we get excited for each one.

He is so interested, he started timing when I got nausea in the evenings and could identify when it was going to happen before I knew. He keeps a little log.

Also I want him to be up to date about each payment and what is going on, which is easier when he is there with me.

I think for our second child we would be a lot more laid back.

OP posts:
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 07/03/2017 09:32

Dc1 most. Dc2 a couple. Dc3 a couple. Dc4 1. So far with dc5 none, but I've only had an epau scan, my 12 week scan & been booked. I'd rather him save his time off in case baby comes prematurely (a possibility). Also it's not like an awful lot happens at them. He'll try & come to the one later on where my induction will be booked (I'm high risk & the consultant doesn't want me going over 40 weeks for various reason). Even so I don't feel it's essential for him to be there if it doesn't fall on his day off.

SockQueen · 07/03/2017 09:32

He came to the routine scans (not the extra growth ones I had later on), a couple of my consultant appointments and the last midwife appointment I had when I was 41 weeks and didn't want to drive myself. Tbh for the most part I didn't see the point in him wasting time off to wait for hours, especially at the hospital, and have a relatively brief appointment.

Snowflakes1122 · 07/03/2017 09:36

Scans/growth scans and he came to all the consultant appointments when there have been issues with the pregnancies (expecting 4th DC)

aliceinwanderland · 07/03/2017 09:45

2 Scans for first and 1 scan amniocentesis briefing for second. He also came to 2 out of 3 not sessions. He kept making inappropriate comments so I asked him not to come to the last session!

goldenrachita · 07/03/2017 09:48

My DH has come with me to all the scans, but none of the midwife/consultant appointments. He wouldn't have missed out on seeing the baby and was very excited, but the other stuff is just routine and I can't see any point in him being there.

thepatchworkcat · 07/03/2017 09:49

Scans and took me to consultant appointments that I had at hospital but that was more because I couldn't drive at the time, he stayed in the waiting room. Don't think they need to go to midwife appointments although I can see they might want to hear the heartbeat. And yes I think the man attending every appointment could be a lovely thing but also a sign of a controlling relationship which they do look out for. I was frequently handed info about domestic abuse.

BaggyCheeks · 07/03/2017 09:50

He came to the booking appointment/12 week scan, 20 week scan and if I had to go in to hospital. Routine MW appointments he didn't come to with either of my pregnancies. Not sure why he would go to those ones, to see me have my BP taken, bump measured and pee dipped.

jld128 · 07/03/2017 10:05

just scans for us as he has to take annual leave for anytime off and only just started new job in Oct so doesn't qualify for paternity so trying to save holiday's for when baby is born

Imaginarymenagerie · 07/03/2017 10:12

Mine came to booking in as it was his day off, and to both 12 and 20 week scans. Otherwise I've just gone on my own. His work will only allow paid time off for 2 appointments. That said if there was an emergency or something that wasn't routine then they would let him have the time. I was a bit Hmmat my last midwife appointment that she questioned why he wasn't there and made a note of it. But from what everyone has said here it makes a little more sense.

Ruleryellow · 07/03/2017 10:32

All of them. Some weeks I had two or three!

LucyAutumn · 07/03/2017 10:37

My DH has attended all with me; it's our first and I have a learning difficulty so struggle with retaining information/ can sometimes misconstrue what's been said.

SaltedCaramelEverything · 07/03/2017 10:40

My DH has come to everything! GP, midwife, scans (I've had 4 so far), extra couple of hospital appointments.

It's OUR baby. I don't see why I should go on my own. Yes healthy pregnancy so far (extra scans were to check dates and baby in awkward position) but if anything was flagged up I would want him there to know it first hand - not over the phone. And why shouldn't he get to enjoy hearing baby's heartbeat when I get to - he loves it and helps him feel bonded to our baby seeing as it's me getting to enjoy kicks all day.

He doesn't ask his boss. He tells him! Luckily they are understanding - because I know the law only permits 2 appointments unpaid - which I think is wrong.

At the start when given all the paperwork it said the midwife would want to speak to me alone for 10 mins. I would be very happy for him to be asked to pop out the room, we both have jobs where we know the importance of safeguarding, but it hasn't happened yet. I hope it does for the women out there who do need that time to flag up issues.

First baby btw (if you couldn't already tell!)

NameChange30 · 07/03/2017 10:43

Legally, fathers and partners are only entitled to time off work for 2 antenatal appointments.

DH came to the scans and the 16 week midwife appointment as we were hoping to listen to the heartbeat (although the stupid midwife refused because she said it was against the guidelines Angry). He also came to my 36 week appointment as it was at the birth centre and they showed us around. Lastly he just came to my 41 week appointment because we had lots of questions about our options for what happens next.

But I didn't see any point whatsoever in him attending routine midwife appointments, they're all rather boring and there was no point him being there to see the midwife test my urine and take my blood pressure!

theothercatpurred · 07/03/2017 10:46

DC1, he came to all the scans (and there were lots as there were some concerns for the baby's growth - unfounded in the end, thankfully)!
None of the MW appointments.
Antenatal classes

DC2 - He came to the first scan but not the second - it was hard for him to get time off work then. My good friend and DC1 came instead - it was lovely :) He also came to a private 4D scan a friend got us a present.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 07/03/2017 10:46

1st pregnancy - both scans and midwife booking appointment.
2nd pregnancy - was high risk so had extra scans and consultant appointments. DH came to all scans and consultant appointments, they just happened to fit in with his shifts. Of the midwife appointments he only came to the booking one.

ArtOfKnit · 07/03/2017 10:54

My DH has only been to the 12 & 20 week scans with me - he's not been to any midwife or consultant appointments, and he won't be able to make all of the growth scans I have to have. It's our first baby (have had a miscarriage before) and he is very excited but there's no point him using up his annual leave now to watch me have my BP done - we've agreed we'd rather he saved it and used it once baby is here. As other posters have mentioned, my midwife said in my booking in appointment that it was a relief that my DH wasn't there as it's a red flag if a man comes to every appointment.

BadToTheBone · 07/03/2017 11:36

Just the scans, didn't occur to me that he would go to any others.

Hamsolo · 07/03/2017 11:53

First time booking in appointment and scans, second time just 2/3 scans.

JellyWitch · 07/03/2017 11:54

Just the 20 week scan

BeanBabies · 07/03/2017 12:02

SaltedCaramel sounds like we are in the same boat! A lot of these comments make me appreciate having a SO that can come to each appointment, no matter how basic. I totally agree, it's our baby and him being there every step is important to me. Congrats to us - first time mums!

OP posts:
Notso · 07/03/2017 12:12

4 pregnancies all high risk so many, many consultant appointments, growth scans, monitoring etc.
He didn't come to any midwife appointments I can remember, he did give me a lift to a few but waited in the car.
He came to all but one 12 week scan and all 20 week scans.
No early scans after bleeds and no growth scans.
One consultant appointment in 2nd pregnancy although he wasn't there at the start I rang him to come as nobody could find the baby's heartbeat and I had to have an emergency scan.
One consultant appointment in 3rd pregnancy, he just happened to be off work.
A couple of monitoring sessions, again he just happened to be off.
All the births.

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