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Poll: How many of your antenatal appointments did your SO attend?

150 replies

BeanBabies · 06/03/2017 22:35

My partner and I were just discussing what other couples might experience when it comes to antenatal appointments.

How many of yours did your partner go to? All? More than half?

If they didn't attend them all, why?

This includes any pregnancy related appointments, even if it's not with your midwife.

OP posts:
LunaAzul · 07/03/2017 07:27

First baby - none as he was in a sandy place for 7 months
Second baby - just the scans. And the Med centre my appointments were at was next to his work. Never thought of taking him to midwife appointments.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2017 07:27

Just the scans and I think one midwife appointment late on, because it happened to fall on his day off. There's really no need for them to attend all the routine midwife appointments. My midwife said they don't really like it when men attend every single one, it can be a red flag.

Basicbrown · 07/03/2017 07:27

Ah he was at the MW appointment when she came to discuss HB.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 07/03/2017 07:28

All of them, but he was working nights at the time so was around during the day.

chelle85 · 07/03/2017 08:00

Just the scans and a trip to EPU after an early bleed.

He is coming along to antenatal classes aswell

Hollyhop17 · 07/03/2017 08:04

What sort of red flag is one of the parents attending appointments about the baby?!

pitterpatterrain · 07/03/2017 08:06

Just the scans, and with DD2 one of the home visit MW appts as he was working from home that day

BeanBabies · 07/03/2017 08:07

Holly thank god you asked, I didn't want to because I thought I might be the only one that didn't know it's a "red flag" but I'm curious as well

OP posts:
drinkyourmilk · 07/03/2017 08:10

I suspect the red flag has to do with domestic violence. My midwife was glad my husband was running late at the booking in appointment so she cold ask me in confidence if I felt safe at home.

Hollyhop17 · 07/03/2017 08:14

I personally don't believe it is! Most, if not all, booking appointments the women at some point is seen on her own so domestic abuse questions can be asked. After that I cannot possibly imagine midwives think the father attending appointments is cause for concern. I have had two sets of midwives (moved boroughs half way through) and neither have had an issuse with DH being there.

wishcarry · 07/03/2017 08:15

My oh only came to the scans for both of our dc.

Crumbs1 · 07/03/2017 08:16

Only one 16 week scan appointment for twin (5th) pregnancy after I'd had a stillbirth and was a bit irrational about seeing heartbeat. He was, in fairness with me every step of way through stillbirth processes. Never really saw any reason for him to take time off work for anything else.

buckyou · 07/03/2017 08:16

My booking in app with my first and scans, then just scans for my 2nd. Didn't really feel he needed to be there at my midwife apps.

SierraJensen · 07/03/2017 08:17

All, because a) I don't drive and b) I have an odd phobia of blood pressure cuffs! His work is super flexible though and he often works from home.

BeanBabies · 07/03/2017 08:18

Drinkyourmilk that makes sense. My hospital has a dedicated line to any questions I may have 24/7. It also acts as a helpline if I feel unsupported by my spouse or if I can't talk to him. They said its confidential, of course, and they can offer a range of support.

I think it might also be for women in controlling relationships to speak to their care facility about how they feel. It's 24/7 and super useful to have, even if I don't use it.

OP posts:
FrancesHaHa · 07/03/2017 08:23

Scans and ante natal classes here.

He did ask if he should come to the midwife apts, but they didn't really seem worth him taking time off work for really, especially the later ones which were pretty much a blood pressure check and urine sample.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 07/03/2017 08:32

With DD1, couldn't come to 1st scan :( because of working abroad, but came to 15w 20w and 32w... also came to midwife appt at 40w when I had a sweep because we stupidly thought they'd keep me in to have the baby even though I wasn't even remotely in labour?! haha

DD2 currently has come to 12w and 20w scans. Will probs come to 32w scan if he can and thats it.

Wouldn't really want him at midwife appt, its not v interesting and over in 10mins! Defo not worth taking time off work for! Like a PP said, if there were any concerns we would both want him there x

willconcern · 07/03/2017 08:34

Just scans. Not midwife appointments. All antenna natal classes

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 07/03/2017 08:36

Oh and re: domestic violence, when I went for my 12w scan, There was a roll of stickers in the toilet stalls. It said to take one and stick it on my notes if I wanted to be seen alone with health professional because of abusive partner/DV etc. thought that was a fab idea.

IrregularCommentary · 07/03/2017 08:38

Both scans and ante natal classes. My midwife appointments were usually only 5mins long - would have been a waste of time us both going.

Elledouble · 07/03/2017 08:48

Just the scans. I used to record the heartbeat for him on my phone when I had the first few midwife appointments though. He also came to meet me when I was taken to hospital in an ambulance after my first sweep Blush

Verbena87 · 07/03/2017 08:51

Most appointments so far as he's self employed and it's been a long and slightly bumpy road for us to even get this far - nice to have him with me.

Wait4nothing · 07/03/2017 08:52

Booking in appointment (he said never again!), all scans, a few reduced movement appointments and everything from due date onwards (failed sweep, checking if my waters had broken, labour)
Everything I felt I needed support in - routine appointments were just that (pretty boring and often mid morning on a Thursday)

seven201 · 07/03/2017 08:55

BeanBabies, do you particularly want your dh there? Just curious.

Mine came to three scans, one consultant appointment and stayed with me in hospital through various scares, but there's no way I'd have wanted him there at routine midwife appointments. He'd have been in the way and it's not like they're really fun and he'd be missing out.

laurzj82 · 07/03/2017 08:57

My OH came to some of ours. Came to 12 week and 20 week scans and the few antenatal appointments we were able to schedule for weekends.

Had to have lots of extra appointments and scans due to a health issue I had but he had to miss those as we were having money problems at the time and he is self employed.

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