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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Fed is Best!!!!!!

848 replies

HotDawg123 · 26/02/2017 20:58

If you choose to breast feed - good for you
If you choose to bottle feed - good for you
But if you choose to be a breast feeding warrior and look at those who choose to bottle feed as scum then I hope you slip in dog shit tomorrow.

The amount of horrible women I've come across who are like this is too many now. And as I am heavily pregnant and have hormone rage it is really pissing me off.

Thank you for listening.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PegaGryf · 28/02/2017 20:36

I've only ever received comments for not "getting them on the bottle" sooner.
Couldn't give a shit how other people feed their kids ffs.

captainproton · 28/02/2017 20:37

fgs nannyogg, you are quite insulting. You assume because I support BF mums I would naturally look down my nose and sneer at a mother who decides to abandon BF for FF, having already explained this on this thread that I have done this twice myself due ill health of my baby, and then through my own ill health.

You have yet to answer why a FF mum needs to see an infant feeding specialist once she knows how to make up formula. I am not being difficult I just want to understand why you are so passionate about that.

If a mother is struggling with depression, then they need to see a counsellor not a feeding specialist.

PegaGryf · 28/02/2017 20:40

Also, I've literally never heard someone say "breast is best" in real life. Or seen it in any literature.

Daisies123 · 28/02/2017 20:47

Our breastfeeding relationship was a time of intense closeness, reciprocity and nurture that I couldn't have replicated through bottle feeding

See, this is what I was expecting breastfeeding to be like. It wasn't. I hated it. That hate led to my PND. Those nurturing feelings came from bottle feeding for me. It's one of the many reasons BF was a huge disappointment. I have come to terms with it, but my 14mo only feeds once a day now so I'm less bothered about it.

In all this talk of support for feeding mothers, I think the problem is is that there is very very little support. In my area the postnatal group was stopped due to cuts, the children's centre has had cuts, I wasn't offered any MH support as the HVs have been contracted out and cut as well. I had questions about both BF and FF but where was I meant to go for help?
After two months I did go to a BF cafe, where the lacystion consultant was helpful, asked what I wanted to achieve and I explained that I'd increased my milk supply to 50/50 but I didn't want to do more BF than that. None of the other women at the cafe (all BF) would interact with me. I was rebuffed and ignored. When they saw me give a bottle to DD (after BF both sides and she was evidently still hungry!) they exchanged looks. I had been feeling quite pleased with myself for persevering despite hating BF and managing to increase my supply, but that was such a miserable experience I never went back.

NannyOggsKnickers · 28/02/2017 20:50

I'm specifically talking about that jump from BF to FF. It can be an emotionally loaded time and I think feeding specialists could handle it better. In this situation you have all the power to make it a more positive experience for women who are struggling so that they aren't left with the mark of failure. Your permission is a powerful thing. Your continued support until the worst is over, whatever the outcome might be is powerful too. There is no guilt as searing as finally admitting you need to stop BF and then realising that with that decision comes the loss of what support you have- reinforcing the idea that you were doing the wrong thing. Who was it who said FF mums shouldn't attend BF groups?
I just think a little change in language, attitude and protocol is necessary.

skerrywind · 28/02/2017 20:55

Who was it who said FF mums shouldn't attend BF groups?

That is an area that is very tricky.

Having "feeding " groups does not support the needs of breastfeeding women.

While all breastfeeding support groups welcome mothers who are mix feeling, it is not helpful to breastfeeding women to have exclusive formula feeders giving support.

It has been tried- many times.

minifingerz · 28/02/2017 20:55

"and I think feeding specialists could handle it better."

Which feeding specialists?

captainproton · 28/02/2017 20:55

i have already stated that we support women in weaning. Its important to be done correctly. But once a woman has weaned her baby and is FF then why do they need to continue to attend a BF support group?

and again why do you assume I am going to make a woman feel guilty about weaning. What makes you assume I wont support her decision?

Daisies123 · 28/02/2017 20:55

It would be fantastic if there was decent information out there about combination feeding - I had no idea before the birth this was A Thing, just that introducing a bottle would stop my milk supply. Combination feeding worked for us for over a year now, yet it's really really hard to find info about it.

If you go on a BF forum and mention you are using formula (even formula given thru a tube in hospital) you get slated.

Topseyt · 28/02/2017 20:55

Bottle was best in this house,and I had zero intention of offering anything else.

Who really gives a shit how anyone else feeds their baby.

Do what is right for you. Sod anyone else.

Daisies123 · 28/02/2017 20:56

And honestly, BF groups do. It support women who are mix feeding!

Daisies123 · 28/02/2017 20:56

*do not!

captainproton · 28/02/2017 21:00

for daisies

www.nct.org.uk/parenting/mixed-feeding-combining-breast-and-bottle-feeding

captainproton · 28/02/2017 21:01

thats rubbish Daisies, we do support combination feeders. But they usually come to discuss the BF aspects of feeding their babies.

NannyOggsKnickers · 28/02/2017 21:01

Maybe they want to attend because they've made friends and like going? Or because they are trying to combi feed and need advice? Or because they feel safe and helped by the group leader and want to continue to get support from someone they trust? Or maybe they don't have anywhere else to go.
This is why I suggested feeding groups. Maybe there could be BF and FF specialists. FF mothers have feeding issues that they want to discuss too. Perhaps open groups like this would open up BF to women who might not otherwise have tried it.

captainproton · 28/02/2017 21:03

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/combining-breast-and-bottle.aspx

TinselTwins · 28/02/2017 21:06

Or maybe they don't have anywhere else to go. so why don't you campaign against closure of sure starts and libraries, so that they DO have somewhere else to go with their new mum friends or to meet new mum peers?

Instead of de-railing breasfeeding support by turning it into a feeding neutral baby group (which, again, already exist! and if they don't in your area, then start one! if you actually give a shit about the lonely people you claim to give a shit about here)

captainproton · 28/02/2017 21:09

I'm sorry but there are other groups to attend as a FF mother who wants to socialise.

Our priority is supporting BF mothers, and yes combination feeders are shock horror! breastfeeding mothers!

Are you assuming that you're only allowed in if you exclusively breast feed?

You guys really are trying very very hard to discredit what we do.

WE support combination feeders, I have already provided two examples of information I would give to a combination feeding mother.

I have already explained we support mothers who want to wean, way before you decided to accuse me of not supporting mothers who want to wean.

I was gutted when my baby got too old for baby bounce and rhyme, but cest le vie, I had to accept I needed to find a new group that suited our needs.

TinselTwins · 28/02/2017 21:13

The whole reason why BFing groups were created was that often in some areas (particularly those with lower than national average rates), all baby groups are FF dominated and sometimes BFers need a space where everyone's "getting them out" to build up their confidence to go back to regular groups and feed with confidence, amongst many many other things.

minifingerz · 28/02/2017 21:14

"Your permission is a powerful thing"

What do you mean by that?

Mums need to know they have an absolute right to feed their baby as they wish. They want and need support in their choices and should get that.

TinselTwins · 28/02/2017 21:18

Where are extended breastfeeders going to find their peers if breastfeeding group becomes the same demographic as all other baby groups? I.e. the vast majority not BFing by 18 months. Sod that. It's important to have a space where breastfeeding is the norm, as it's still not in the rest of our society.

minifingerz · 28/02/2017 21:20

"and FF specialists. FF mothers have feeding issues that they want to discuss too"

That's what health visitors are for.

musicalmama · 28/02/2017 21:24

Sigh.

So bored of this chat.

skerrywind · 28/02/2017 21:26

FF specialists

I'm sure many formula companies would be happy to provide such a service.

minifingerz · 28/02/2017 21:30

Tinsel - there is a powerful anti breastfeeding lobby who want to undermine the view that breastfeeding has any real, hard benefits, who want to discredit the women who support and promote it by constantly portraying them as cruel and stupid.

It's driven by jealousy, guilt and bitterness and it's really depressing.

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