Termination for Anencephalic baby - am I doing the right thing?

[KatyH]

We just found out today that our unborn baby (16 weeks) is anencephalic i.e. the brain and skull have not developed, it's a form of neural tube defect. We've been told that if we carry the baby to full term and if it is not stillborn then it will probably only live for a few hours. I am booked in for a medical termination but feel absolutely appalled at the idea of doing something to bring about the death of a much wanted baby. I know logically that it would be hastening the inevitable but I can't get the images of the scan out of my head, which showed an otherwise perfectly normal baby kicking its arms and legs. I think I would have coped much better if I had had a miscarriage.
Does anyone else have any experience of this, or at the very least, medical terminations (which also terrifies me)?

this happened to my friend.she had a termination at 17 weeks for this reason.her baby was very poorly

one thing she did was get a big box which she decorated herself,and put in her scan pictures,a letter to her baby from her,cards from friends.she looks at it now,4 years later.

hope you are ok hun

I'm so sorry KatyH

I didn't know what anencepahlic meant until I read your post but I know what 'cephalic' refers to, which is why I clicked on your post.

I know that medical terminations are often reported to be horrific. How many weeks pregnant are you?

I'm so sorry that you've had this sad news.

Oh Katy, I am so, so sorry, what a terrible decision. It sounds like you don't really have a choice here though. I hope you have good support in RL and that others come along with more useful information.

Thinking of you.

Sorry, just read your post again and can see that you're 16 weeks. I thought medical terminations were only an option up to 12 weeks.

That sounds like a nice idea. We didn't get any scan pictures though, I think they thought it would be too upsetting for us. Understandable really given that I couldn't stop blubbing

Does your friend regret her decision at all?

Stiller
Her child does not have a full head. She would be offered a medical termination on these grounds because not having a fully formed head is incompatible with life.

I'm very sorry, KatyH

this is so sad, i think you have made the right decision. take care of yourself.

To be honest I would prefer a medical termination because a D&C would be quite traumatic for the baby and I couldn't bear the thought of it being ripped apart (sorry for being so graphic). I think bearing some pain is a small price to pay to give it some semblance of a dignified death.

Oh sweetheart . My cousin had this with her first pregnancy. Apparently her and her husband both carry a gene that makes it a 1 in 4 chance of this happening. She went ahead with a termination. I could email her and get some advice/help from her if you like?

she often feels very sad that her chance was taken away but also knows that she loved her baby and any baby that comes along later will be loved twice as much,just because it 'made it' (IYSWIM).

she didnt want to go through birth to actually watch her baby die-like you said,she just hurried up the inevitable.she knows now that she did the right thing (for her) but still feels sad-about what happened,not her choice.

the hospital may have scan pictures on file-i think my friend didnt get hers until a few weeks later when she asked.she found the first days after the termination hard,but she is much better now,and looking forward.

hope that helps?

I am so sorry for you

on a quick google search this provides a number of links that may be of interest when you have the strength / desire to look .. one of the sites is about carrying to term (if you decide to do that)

Message withdrawn

'Medical abortions are supposed to be horrific????'

thats really helpful.

KatyH, I feel for you i do, things go wrong, and your baby is loved and will always be loved by you.

I hope you can find the strength, i n fact i know you will to go thru this.

take care

Thanks COV, I suppose my biggest worry is that I will regret this decision. I can't think of any other circumstances in which I would have an abortion. If there was any chance it would survive I would say no, even if profoundly disabled. Did your cousin regret her decision? And has she had subsequent healthy pregnancies

I'm so so sorry. HOw awful and upsetting for you. You could talk to ww.arc-uk.org which is the charity dealing iwth the choices around antenatal testing for advice. Personally, I think the termination is the kindest choice for you all. You could ask for another scan so you could keep pictures of your baby, and arrange a funeral or memorial for him or her. I wish you well.

KatyH-so,so sorry you have to go through this.I have no advice,I am sorry but just wanted to wish you strength and courage to get through this.Am thinking of you.

I am so sorry KaytyH.

Justa thought re the scan? Bearing in mind what you are going through, do you think you could go through another scan? The scanning unit may be willing to do a quick extra scan with photo for you because of your circumstances.

Another more positive note is she has gone on to have 3 healthy and happy children.

KatyH, I am so, so sorry for you and your dh, you are in my thoughts

Oh hon, am so sorry to hear this. Have no knowledge of this at all but am thinking of you. xx

sorry no advice or experience just loads of sympathy

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You could keep your memories even without your baby. I hope the hospital would let you have another scan if you explained you wanted one last look at your baby and a picture.

I wasn't being offensive ex-pat. I'm genuinely sorry that you're going through this Katy. I (perhaps insensitively) wanted to respond to the part where you asked for experience of medical terminations. I don't have personal experience but as I understand it surgical termination is less traumatic.

Once again, I'm very sorry that you're having to make this decision.

My thoughts are with you xx

Very sorry for you