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Original poster

Termination for Anencephalic baby - am I doing the right thing?

204 replies

KatyH · 20/02/2007 21:34

We just found out today that our unborn baby (16 weeks) is anencephalic i.e. the brain and skull have not developed, it's a form of neural tube defect. We've been told that if we carry the baby to full term and if it is not stillborn then it will probably only live for a few hours. I am booked in for a medical termination but feel absolutely appalled at the idea of doing something to bring about the death of a much wanted baby. I know logically that it would be hastening the inevitable but I can't get the images of the scan out of my head, which showed an otherwise perfectly normal baby kicking its arms and legs. I think I would have coped much better if I had had a miscarriage.
Does anyone else have any experience of this, or at the very least, medical terminations (which also terrifies me)?

OP posts:
FoghornLeghorn · 21/02/2007 08:04

Katy Gosh this is so sad. I have always said that this would be the only instance where I could have an abortion. Naively, I didn't realise it was as common as it appears to be

Sarahlou's story sounds lovely and would be great memories for you to keep, even if they were in a box for a long long time until you felt able to look at them.

You sound like such an utterly brave woman. I seriously don't know how I would cope in such a situation.

x

DetentionGrrrl · 21/02/2007 08:08

You have my sincerest sympathies. I think in your place, i would go ahead and terminate, purely because i think it's would be less traumatic all round than carrying to term, then going through labour. I can't imagine how you feel, i'm so sorry

ggglimpopo · 21/02/2007 08:09

Message withdrawn

muminabigtumi · 21/02/2007 08:23

Katy

As others have already said I am so for you and your family. I wish you all the strength and courage possible. Whatever decision you come to you have obviously thought about it long and hard and I am sure no person in their right mind would be so insensitive as to question your reasoning at all.
As for work - you are a billion times more important and should take as much time as you need.

Take care of yourself sweetheart

x

3sEnough · 21/02/2007 08:26

Oh Katy - gosh - so, so difficult - my heart goes out to you. I am a christian and I'm sitting here wondering what I would do in the same situation - I honestly don't know. Take your time, get as much advice as you can before you take the decision. Don't feel that you will be judged by other people - I really think that everybody would realise how difficult and impossible such a decision is. Lots of love and prayers coming your way. gx

lazyemma · 21/02/2007 09:37

Katy, I don't have anything useful to add to all the wise contributions from everyone else, but I wanted to say how sorry I was to read your post. I hope you have lots of support around you right now.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 21/02/2007 09:39

Katy (((hugs)).. you are doing the right and only thing you can do but I feel so bad for you.

Thinking of you.

Piffle · 21/02/2007 09:47

Katy talk about a rock and hard place decision.
FWIW In your position with no chance of a baby surviving, I would also opt for a termination rather then go throuh a birth and death at term.

I really feel for you. I am sure you wil get excellent counselling, medication and support.

I'm not clear on exactly what procedure they use at that stage of a pregnancy though.

You are dealing with so much, I hope you get through this ok xxxxxxx

fryalot · 21/02/2007 09:52

I don't have any advice for you, katyh, but wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you.

tortoiseSHELL · 21/02/2007 09:57

KatyH - I'm so so sorry to read your post - wishing you strength! xxx

magnolia1 · 21/02/2007 10:08

Oh hun I am so very sorry

I Don't have and constructive advice but wanted to say I am thinking Of you xxxxx

cori · 21/02/2007 10:17

Katyh , I am very sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I dont know if my advice is useful but contrary to what saralou said I think it will be traumatic experience going through the labour, but still the prefer option. I had a miscarriage at 17 weeks two years ago. The baby stopped growing at 12 weeks. It was very small when delivered we were saw it and took photos, the baby did have some deformity, it wasnt pleaseant to see him. We wouldnt have been able to get hand and footprints.(Though we did name him and have a tree planted in his memory. ) But I dont regret it at all, I would have been left wondering if i hadnt faced up to it. {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Bugsy2 · 21/02/2007 10:21

Oh KatyH, what an awful situation to find yourself in.
A good friend of mine had a baby with anencephaly & she was induced at 19 weeks. She & her husband were devastated to lose their baby, but they said the care by the doctors & midwives couldn't have been better. They decided to hold their baby afterwards, & they were given lots of time & privacy by the staff. They named their baby & took hand & foot prints too.
They now have two other children, both perfectly healthy & happy & their firstborn is never forgotten.
Whatever, you decide I hope you get lots of support.

peegeeweegee · 21/02/2007 10:25

KatyH, just wanted to say how very very sorry I am.

I have no practical advise to offer, but I just wanted to wish you well.

SpawnChorus · 21/02/2007 10:28

What a terribly difficult and sad situation for you . As so many people have already said, this is one of very few conditions for which I too would sadly opt for a termination.

A friend of mine had a medically induced labour for her twins who had died in utero at about 16 weeks. She was treated with the greatest care and sensitivity at the hospital. From what I have gathered the procedure was not nearly as physically painful as she expected.

Please don't judge yourself for having to make this decision.

bundle · 21/02/2007 10:29

KatyH, whatever you decide to do you will get support from people here.

This is a very sad time for you & your family and I'm thinking about you today.

There are some brilliant tips on here, do write them down and use the ones which suit you so you can talk to all of the medical staff involved about what you want from them, x

TeeCee · 21/02/2007 10:35

Hi KatyH, I'm so, so sorry to hear your sad news. I was only reading about anencephalic last night. FWIW if it was me I'd have a medical termination. I thought about it last night and thought that that would be the best thing to do for me personally. No-one would ever, ever judge you for doing what you felt was the best thiong for you, your unborn child and your family. I wish you strength to get through the next few months and hope you find peace soon after. My thoughts are very much with you. I wish it didn't have to be this way for you all, TC x

Beetrootccio · 21/02/2007 10:39

My sil had this, she went through a labour etc. Themidwives were amazing. She was given every kind of pain relief. She was able to hold her (21 week) baby and say goodbye and name him.

FiachraFrog · 21/02/2007 10:44

KatyH - just wishing you strength to get through this....

weepootleflump · 21/02/2007 10:50

KatyH

I'm so so sorry about your baby.

I delivered my baby with anencephaly in Sept last year at 32 weeks (I found out at 18 weeks) my immediate reaction was to terminate but after finding some fantastic websites and reading lots about it, I decided to carry on.

For me this was definitely the best decision, I got to meet my little boy and spend time with him. He was completely perfect except for what was like a swelling on the top of his head (covered by a hat).

Please don't jump into doing anything because it's what everyone expects. Everyone was shocked at my decision which I found really hurtful. However, if I'd terminated I feel it would have affected me much worse psychologically, whereas now I have proper memories and hundreds of photos/keepsakes etc to cherish.

Please take a look at this website

I wouldn't judge anyone for making the decision to terminate. However, I'll never regret the decision I made to carry to term whereas I don't know how many people who terminated can say they don't regret their decision.

The way I thought about it was that the baby was going to die anyway, so why interfere with that?

I'm only trying to show the other side as I don't think anyone has been supportive so far of you carrying on which is so sad.

I'd love to talk more with you, if you would like to chat in private just let me know. I'll be thinking of you.

weepootleflump · 21/02/2007 10:57

Please don't take notice of everyone saying 'I'd terminate if I were in your situation'.

That's what I would have said as well - until I was in that situation.

Fact is that no-one knows what they would do unless they've been there.

I'm so upset about the reaction here. I have a 2 year old as well and the feelings I had at both births were identical - the instant love and bonding. Everything is worth it for that alone.

TeeCee · 21/02/2007 10:58

What a great post weepootleflump. Made me rethink my thinking last night I have to say. Thank you for sharing your story with Katy and everyone else as well.

onlyjoking9329 · 21/02/2007 10:59

sending you the strength to help you throu this , nobody will be judging you.

weepootleflump · 21/02/2007 11:00

Thanks TeeCee, I've never felt able to talk about it on here before but needed to share with Katy.

TeeCee · 21/02/2007 11:01

Weepootleflump is right, the reaction of I would terminate isn't one popeple can really say until thy are in that situation. People are trying to be as supportive to you as they know how. If you decide to terminate not one single person would judge you, but if you decided to go ahead with the pregnancy I could see why you would take that path. Only you know what feels right for you and your family. TC xxx

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